A gallon of gas was only a dollar fifty, and the light indicating that my car needed some has been lit for a couple of days and I had avoided driving it. Tuesday was the day I promised to drive my girlfriend at the time to the airport.
I planned to use the four dollars I had to my name to buy enough gas to and from the airport. I decided to pick her up first and then go to the gas station on the way to the airport when the car just stopped in the middle of the street.
I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry but she was furious.
I will never trust you to do anything ever again!”
Good news at last; I called a friend who happened to be nearby and asked him he could lend me his car to take her to the airport. Since she was very anal we were two and a half hour early and she made it in time.
For a long time it became a laughing matter, and indeed she never really trusted me to do anything important ever again.
When I was at a crossroads in my life; when I was about to transform myself from a poor college graduate to a working stiff that would never ran out of gas, I sensed she never really had faith in me.
Eventually it was over, and recently in a phone conversation I had with her she told me that she is so proud of me. For what? I assume because I am at a place where I would never ran out of gas for monetary reasons. I might still ran out of gas for other reasons.
I am currently dating someone or something to the extent a confused state. She is nice except she never drives.
Apparently, it’s the guy’s job to make plans, and not only pick her up but also drop her off. After a couple of weeks I noticed this was the routine and thus I asked her to meet me at a certain location; my thought was that I would avoid getting in the conversation of “you pick me up this time.”
On my way to the meet-up location she called and told that she was just getting off the train. I had hoped this time around I didn’t have to drop her off. It’s all gravy if she didn’t have a car, but I didn’t volunteer to be a chauffeur.
What I am saying is, woo me! and drive me once.
It’s hypocritical to ask for a fifty-fifty relationship and expect the man to make all the plans, do the romancing, as well as driving. Isn’t it?
Published by February 7th, 2008 in Advice, Dating and Personal.
yes it is.
Nolawi, not all women expect the man to do the planning, romancing, or the driving. I tell you, I picked up and dropped off my ex for a long time cause he didn’t own a car at the time. But not once that I thought being his chauffeur. We do what we do for the sake of love. In my opinion, this is part of the relationship nothing more.
So if you think of the driving as a job, you may as well ask her for gas money…
My 2 cents!
[quote comment="125137"]Nolawi, not all women expect the man to do the planning, romancing, or the driving. I tell you, I picked up and dropped off my ex for a long time cause he didn’t own a car at the time. But not once that I thought being his chauffeur. We do what we do for the sake of love. In my opinion, this is part of the relationship nothing more.
So if you think of the driving as a job, you may as well ask her for gas money…
My 2 cents![/quote]
r u in the DC area? i am thinking about selling my car
Long time reader and first time poster here
Nolawi, it seems like you are looking for a reason to breakup with this girl. If she had told you that you must pick her up in order for you two to meet, it would have been understandable. But you said she called you to tell you she just got off of the Metro. It seems like she is perfectly fine being picked up or taking the metro. I really don’t get the woo me part in this.
Nolawi,
If this girl that you are dating is ethiofused, then why aren’t running like the wind?
Nolawi,
Am actually surprised there are women waiting to be picked up and dropped off, wait for ther men to open the car door and stuff; I thought that era ended in the 50′s. I thought today’s women are independent, drive their own car, pick the settings, pick the bill and do the romancing as well OR may be am watching too much of ‘Sex and the City.” But seriously is it real??
Am a woman but I completely understand your annoyance if u have to pick and drop your girlfriend everytime u have a date. Women should also need to come half way and take responsibilty in the dating process.
Finally, “It’s hypocritical to ask for a fifty-fifty relationship and expect the man to make all the plans, do the romancing, as well as driving. Isn’t it?”
I don’t think it’s being a hypocrite to ask for a fifty-fifty r/p. Actually, I highly encourage women to take the lead. However, I don’t think our men are ready…
Ta ta
Nolawi if you dont want to feel like a chauffer just say No, if you want to be driven sometimes instead of always being the one that does the picking up and the dropping off just ask, she might agree to it.
[quote comment="125157"]Nolawi,
If this girl that you are dating is ethiofused, then why aren’t running like the wind?[/quote]
she is not so ethiofused… just the relationship is.. meaning its what are we doing stage i think… from my side atleast
Tesedey- ON POINT
Hidaya, i did indeed mention it… esti we will see
and welcome all the first time commentors
It sounds like you’re settling.
Ok. She doesnt drive . Does she read bernos , atleast ?
[quote comment="125181"][quote comment="125157"]Nolawi,
If this girl that you are dating is ethiofused, then why aren’t running like the wind?[/quote]
she is not so ethiofused… just the relationship is.. meaning its what are we doing stage i think… from my side atleast[/quote]
Every relationship is hard at the beginning. There are so many ambiguities. You don’t know the other person well (assuming it’s someone new that you met) and where the relationship is going. Communication is the key to solve this problem. You have to talk to her about the driving issue. You have to work hard to get the relationship to stand on its feet only if she is worth it. Good luck!
Why does the lady not drive? May be she has a good reason: fear of driving, suspended license or like your former self, she can’t offered to fill the tank. Abesha in general are terrible drivers by the way, my neighbor is continuesly complaining about the guest that come to my house. I am like… when did we replace you know who as the worst drivers?
Phew, $1.50 per gallon! Talking about good old days!
Who said r/ship is 50/50? As long as you both share honesty within i don’t see the # division crap. I’m not saying you sould, must pick her up, however you could’ve tell her your reason honestly, whatever the case may be.
Nolawi, you’re so mean
[quote comment="125230"]Phew, $1.50 per gallon! Talking about good old days!
Who said r/ship is 50/50? As long as you both share honesty within i don’t see the # division crap. I’m not saying you sould, must pick her up, however you could’ve tell her your reason honestly, whatever the case may be.[/quote]
Nolawi, you’re so mean
I like you Grand Ma!
He likes what she gives him, he just doesn’t want to drive to get it! This is the bottom line.
oh please… yes she reads bernos…. she knows how to ddrive and she has a car and she can afford gas…. she is i think just spoiled i think
btw tsegure i hope you are not implying what I think you are implying!
Nolawi, Quite agree with u that if we r demanding 50/50 in a r/ship how come you always have to drive, but If the love is there I don’t think it’s a big deal for you to drive all the time….It shouldn’t have been considered “ende Sera”.
she could repay you in so may other ways that has nothing to do with driving(depending on why is it that she can’t drive)
Just saw ur answer…so she does have a car and afford Gas…hmm then maybe u need to mention that it would be nice if she came to pick u up sometimes…oh but wait you don’t even need to do that, she will get the hint form reading Bernos
I can’t believe ladies, you are allowing a man to turn the table on you and play victim. I am a man, I could defend you, but I know you can do it better.
Specially Nolawi who said a woman did her cheating husband (was he a pedophile, btw?) wrong when she abandoned him. It says its ok for a man to abuse his woman, but the other way is a criminal. I know a guy would drop you in a heart beat if his woman cheats, but seeks understanding if he cheats. 
Nolawi, I say get out of the relationship
Not because she likes you to pick her up but because If you start counting things like that it means your feelings for her are under question.
Cause had you have the right feelings for her ,you wouldn’t have felt this ‘used’ feeling.
tsegur,
You just hit the truth button. It depends on where the train trip ends. hehehe…
Girls,
Please, don’t take a train or a cab a guy’s crib. Especially, for a new r/ship, keep the suspense alive. I knew an Ethio girl who date Ethiopian dude and her complains was that they don’t take her out enough b/s the meeting take place always a guy’s place. She was telling me the same story a guy after guy and it seems like a norm dating at their crib. Girls, “think smart”!
Last straw, woo me…I notice a trend here. What’s the next clue/blog? Get out of my life? LOL…Seriously though, I understand where u’re coming from about feeling like a chauffeur. I’ve had co-workers in the past who tried to make me the chaufeur. I drove EVERYTIME we went out to lunch as a group. And I said something about it and it got better…Anyway, the point is I understand, it’s not about the gas more of the principle. And it’s just plain annoying.
Having the “right” feeling does not necessitate always being the captain of the ship. Sometimes it’s nice to take a back seat and let someone else do the work…it makes you feel special and taken care of…the important thing is that both can alternate between ‘giver’ and ‘taker’ without either one feeling consumed by always being in command.
I don’t think this has anything to do with Nolawi not caring enough, but more to do with him wanting to be surprised every so often and it’s okay to want that!
[quote comment="125238"]oh please… yes she reads bernos…. she knows how to ddrive and she has a car and she can afford gas…. she is i think just spoiled i think
So she can drive!
Does she at least offer to pay when/if you are out? Aside from chauffeuring I’m assuming you dine and wine this girl.
tsegure, sara, and spacefog GOOD POINTS!
I think what Nolawi is saying is that he feels taken for granted becuase he does everything all the time for this girl, ie I mean the driving and the romancing, the picking up and the dropping off…whether it is a man or woman taking someone for granted isnt a good feeling if you are at the recieving end of it. And it is nice to have reciprocacy in what one is doing for the person they are dating or their other half if not always then at least sometimes, ti means they are appreciating you…
[quote comment="125477"]I think what Nolawi is saying is that he feels taken for granted becuase he does everything all the time for this girl, ie I mean the driving and the romancing, the picking up and the dropping off…whether it is a man or woman taking someone for granted isnt a good feeling if you are at the recieving end of it. And it is nice to have reciprocacy in what one is doing for the person they are dating or their other half if not always then at least sometimes, ti means they are appreciating you…[/quote]
Brilliant! I don’t know why pple don’t get it. Reciprocity and compatibility are essential parts of a r/p besides the love thing!
Hey Guys,
Sorry to change the subject on you guys for a second but I would like to remind those of you in the DC area to please please vote on the 12th. Nolawi I know you are doing this already but please urge those who can vote, to vote. Obama is believing on OUR ability to bring obout change and so let’s do it!! Because We Can!!
Those in the Washington area, please go to the democratic caucus on Saturday, which is more important than the primary.
Again, I apologize for diverting your attention for a sec. Consider it a commercial break. Thanks!
Yes We Can!! Obama 08!
I feel you on the 50/50 thing but relationships don’t work if you have to keep score. If you are feeling like you are the giver and she can’t understand it enough to be other than the ‘recepient’ on everything; I suggest pulling the curtains on this one.
I know that’s a bit harsh. But why waste your time. If somebody doesn’t get you, they don’t. It doesn’t say anything bad about them, they’re just not the right person for you.
There. Judgement in 5 minutes. Thank you, thank you very much. I’ll be here all week.
I’d sworn I won’t post here, but I have to say : it is fucked up that you are writing this here. Let’s hope she does not read Bernos. You don’t like that she doesn’t drive? Then tell her, instead of playing ‘let’s meet here’ games, why are you telling the world?
If she reads this and does not dump you (coz you’re evidently fucked up, at least with regards to this confused state of a relationship), then you should dump her (coz if she doesn’t realize your fucked-up-ness then she’s fucked up).
What of reconciling differences, you say? So overrated … especially with the line of reasoning i just read above.
Since the girl reads this blog how about she responds, because Nolawi you always find things to cry about, if don’t like the girl step away if you like man up.
i see people (are you nuts..)above didnt get the point..
Nolawi is a writer guys..so he write what he observes and feels..so can you guys see his views and respond to it rather…go crazy on him….
wawee…i must have been out of this dating game far longer than i thought i was. what is all this complication about?
hmmm…she doesn’t drive and that annoys you? well, tell her so. She probably thinks you are one of those guys that feels like a man only when he is behind the wheel, planning the night and paying the bill. why would she make this kind of sexist assumptions about you? For the same reasons you have made your sexist assumptions about her. what is the solution? Communication. Man, that seems to be what is missing in relationships since i stopped dating. That and the relationship itself.
Also, for safety reasons, you may not want to have your girl take a cab or the metro late at night. I mean, seriously, even my friends that drive make sure I make it home safe and sound. It is called caring for another fellow human being….a matter of common decency. Feel me?
anyWho, may we all live in places where the train runs 24/7, where even the cool people take the bus and driving a car is an aberration….may we all have one less insignificant shit complicate out love life and most of all, may we all learn of our shortcomings straight from plp that like us than read about it on a public blog….
shit, amen to that!!!
Tsedey, thank you.
You reminded me of the other essential ingredient in a r/p, sometimes we forget all about the compatibility thing so blinded we are by the love thing, then honeymoon over it turns into a case of explain everything followed by an argument about everything explained, then apologies, then it starts up all over again. It stops being a r/p and becomes The Ordeal. It makes one realise love without compatability is bitter sweet…
Nol,
Going back to your last straw blog entry my question to you is: Is this the last straw in your relationship. There are 1,000 issues in a relationship. If she is good with the other 999, this should be a minor issue. But, I know little things like this may hold the power to tip of the balance if there are already other issues.
My 2 cents
Y’all are hilarious! Noles has done this for …what is it, a year or so now? this is a support group, we’re all friends and we believe we all have some 2 cents to put forward …a pretty good version of the talk shows on TV…except this has an extra feature of “discussion time”. and I’m sure Noles knows that he risks having her read it….so moral of the story, let’s try to understand his issue in different angles…hence the discussion, judge him all you want but pls join the discussion in an attempt to understand this difference in expectations, perhaps.
As for my 2 cents…I think relationships are doomed if you start keeping scores because generally, it’s because of the affection and good will you have that you do stuff for eachother but that is also assuming that each one of them is considerate to the other. In Nol’s case, he doesn’t feel like she is being considerate. He didn’t quite say he hates driving her around, he just said he would like it if she drove from time to time…it’s like doing dishes, they both can do it but it’s much easier for everyone concerned if they shared the burden. So I agree on his stand.If women advocate equality as vocally as they do, then it is unreasonable to expect that they get services unidirectionally.
I guess Nolawi really can’t complain anymore about her not driving. I say this because I know she was the chauffeur while he was lazily riding along on the passenger side (Thinking FINALLY) just the other day. From what he told me, her car was clean and in a chivalrous manner, she showed up at his house on time. She escorted him to the car, opened the door and made sure he was comfortable before proceeding to drive. Once they got to the movies, she parked the car…rushed out so she can open his door, while he was lazily waiting in the car for her to open the door.
I guess the article helped…
oh sharrup!
ouuuuuuuuf thanks for DK, we get backstage passes too…so Noles, how did it feel to be wined and dined and VIP treatment? wrong thread to say this but anyway, Hey DK n’NOles, I LOVE MY D’Afrique Tee!
Munit
Why are you trying to break up their relationship?
Not everyone drives a car. Or wants to drive a car.
Be kind Munit.
Nolawi
It’s not that bad. First establish if you really like the girl and don’t mind spending a lot of your time with her. ( If this is a relationship that will head to a marriage)
If you answer yes. Then drive off, pick ups and in between rides should not be a problem.
my husband did all the driving when we first got married.
He bought me a car after few years.
But even now. I don’t drive to Dallas he always drives.
I am not comfortable driving in big cities.
in response to
” It’s hypocritical to ask for a fifty-fifty relationship and expect the man to make all the plans, do the romancing, as well as driving. Isn’t it?”
It would be a dream to have a 100% relationship where the man and the woman give 100%
But most of the time a man is expected to lead. and the woman to help him lead. Just like Adam and Eve.
The man usally picks like pick out the location, do the driving, pay for the date etc…
I don’t remember paying for most of my dates
Now I am married my husband pays for everything. I stay home and raise our kids.
This msg is to
Are you Nuts?
Can you please tone it down with the faul language?
do you read Amharic?
Betam newit new indzi aynt sidb….qunqa yene lig Ebakishin
Ende sew min yelenali atyim Besime Ab!!!
Newit= N’wir
[quote comment="125179"]Nolawi if you dont want to feel like a chauffer just say No, if you want to be driven sometimes instead of always being the one that does the picking up and the dropping off just ask, she might agree to it.[/quote]
men ,, u got it right. im on this kinda pro 4 the past 3 months. and i am thinking of
ending the relation ship coz she is still not willing 2 drive. i swear , itz a pain for me when i think picking her up and dropping her of in the her suburban neighborhood.
Why are you whining about it? It is so simple. If you like her to drive her own car, come on, tell her. Otherwise, why complain about it.Wey Gud!!
So this is the way it had to end… with her on top of another man. Well, let\’s see the instant replay!
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????1???????????????????????????
??? ??????? ???? https://www.kyoku66.com/goods-10358.html
?????????
??????????SALE–?????????
???????????????????????????
????????????????????!
????????????????????
??????????????????????
???????????????????????????????
????&???????!
???????????????
2023?????100 %?? ????????????????-????!-????.????! ?????? ??????????????! ??????????????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ?????????????????? ?????????????, ??????????! N?????????????????! ??????????????2023?????100 %?? https://www.tentenok.com/product-10151.html
????????????
?????A?????????????????
?????????????????
???????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????
?????????????????????
???? ??? ??? ??? https://www.taka78.com/products-6186.html