Protocol 59 Comments

I have a friend who always buys present to girls in his life; expensive ones, considerate ones, cheap ones and significant ones.

A friend, a female one once asked me why I agonize about time; time I spend with potential mates while they are still potential… “as long as you are sharing the costs. I’m just saying.” This way when I was 24 years old and well my time was a gift. It’s funny to think about it now. But it makes reiterates a good lesson in my life.

What is your protocol?

That is what he asked when they were about to pay for whatever it is they were going to do? She asked what he meant, and he recapped; how do you want to deal with our finances?

Meaning, do you want to split the bill, or he pays this time and then she pays the next time. He wanted to make it clear.

Now she is still seeing him casually but I refer to him as ‘protocol.’  The choices in his wording are pretty funny but he is African American; and am somewhat stereo typing but I like ‘lets get something straight’ while you are potential aspect of it in that culture.

For me the little dinners or theater tickets have never been an issue, at the time when I was 25 I was more worried about my time. As long as she offers to share the bill I don’t mind paying for it. And this applies for most guys. I think! As long as she doesn’t take it for granted. I have heard guys say ‘nothing is more a turn off that those who attempt to get too many freebies.’

I have noticed that some females insisting on paying for their fair share; At least from my experience.

So what is your protocol?

59 Responses to “Protocol”


  1. 1 Mitti

    Its such a turn off when a guy asks to split bills on a date. If the woman wants to share the costs, then it should come from her…

  2. 2 ep

    during the first few dates, she was offering but it is not right to make a student pay and even accept the offer …

    Then, she spent almost half of her First salary investing on me for dinner and gift because, i was leaving the country (nearly after two years of waiting the first salary :) ) ..

    Now, for the sake of protocol, i often pay but it is shared account and credit card … it doesn’t really matter, i guess !!

  3. 3 Mer

    Well, I would let the guy pay on the first date or even the second. Then, I would offer to pay because for me, if I go out on a third date, it means I’m interested in the guy and might even like him a little so I would want to treat him. Most importantly, I want him to know that I enjoy being taken care of but can also do things on my own. If it progresses into a full blown relationship, then, it depends. If I am a student and he has a full time job, I will let him take care of the chunk of our bills and will try to help out every now and then. If I make more money than he does, I will gladly assume the role of the “provider”. I think it’s always important to communicate openly about these things, to do your best and to not ever try to take advantage of each other. Whatever the case, a penny pincher, be it a man or a woman is a MAJOR TURN OFF. There is a difference between financial management and frugality.

  4. 4 nolawi

    lol penny pinchers are major turn offs! ha hah ah

  5. 5 just a friend

    I think it who ever is the one doing the inviting should pay. Where ever you can afford is fine. Penny pinching the server means we are over.

  6. 6 Haim

    @Mer,
    How many guys have you dated so far to come up with such a logic on who should pick up the tab?

    @Nol
    Why do you often blog articles in relation to sex and relationship? i am just curious.

  7. 7 ep

    @Haim,
    Looking at the categories of this blog, i would say this is well balanced blog and that could be the only reason i come to this habesha site “only”.. however, i think, most people are more interested in talking about Dating and that could also be the driving force since “the more the number of comments , the more active the website is” …and then blog (web diary) can be inspired by our day to day activities (and probably the writer was inspired by taking the above picture )…

  8. 8 nolawi

    I have written about 400 articles in four years I would say only 15% is about dating…

  9. 9 nolawi

    for example there is more posts about music here than … there is probably more posts about current issues… more posts about africa… more post about me personal than dating…

    people comment more on the dating ones however.. also since my views when it comes to social relations.. dating or friendship… are interesting people read them… comment more..

  10. 10 beshou

    no protocol. no rulebook. everything out of the window. how about that for a try?

  11. 11 @beshou

    ditto. because this is about relationships… right?

  12. 12 tsedey

    i have a pbm in this area.. i like to pay or atleast split the cost of what ever, or if someone pays for one thing, i’ll make sure to pay the next one. I feel so indebted to let other pple pay. i don’t know what that’d make me. But i feel good at the end of the day.

  13. 13 beshou

    to “@beshou” indeed. no need for pretense.

  14. 14 Yared

    @ Tsedey : You are a reasonable person. Good for you.

  15. 15 mister_mister

    i’m with beshou – throw the rulebook out. but i’ll be damned if I let the woman pay for anything on a first date. call it foolish pride. but it’s just not happening.

  16. 16 helen

    mister_mister – I used to date this guy who never let me pay, ever. I dont know if it was pride or ego. It was important for him so I let it go but I made sure I paid in other ways like I always had his favorite beer and drinks on hand when he came over cooked for him a lot, etc. It sort of balanced out. So I say no rules either what ever works.

  17. 17 wurgatu

    sewoch endemekfel min yemiyasdesit neger ale…keber mels megabez newu enji :) …i swear!!!!

  18. 18 justme

    #15 Mister_Mister! Thank you.

  19. 19 Yared

    @mister mister – You are a sucker for love… bad or good depending on how you see it… Im a sucker for fairness and reasonablity… bad or good.

  20. 20 mister_mister

    ende… like Tina Turner said – what does love have to do with it ? @yared

    i’m not a victim brova. i’m a willing participant who’s enjoying someone’s company and for that. i’ll pay. i’ll order desert too. she can have whatever she likes. have the creme brule girl. go inn.

    i have no expectations other than a polite quiet acknowledgement. even a head nod or a dap would be cool.

    splitting the bill is just wack. incredibly tacky in my opinion. you know when you’re with the ferengies and they pull out the calculator on their iphone or they have the tip application. I just sit back and just be looking at these people. like man. really ??? is it that deep.

    fairnes and reasonability sounds like a boring novel. good luck with that. broheim.

    @helen – you get it. let’s get married

  21. 21 helen

    @mister_mister,
    Anytime, big spender :D

  22. 22 mister_mister

    @helen – “I paid in other ways like I always had his favorite beer and drinks on hand when he came over cooked for him a lot, etc” – this sounds too good to be true – what happened with you and this guy ? he wasn’t holding it down ? irreconcilable differences. there’s a story here.

  23. 23 helen

    @mister, you tryna figure out what you are getting yourself into? Chicken lol.

    He was holding it down alright, but just not only with me, and I dont like to share..

  24. 24 mister_mister

    @helen – i’m saying. these impulsive proposals have got me in trouble in the past. i don’t like to share either good for you that’s whats up.

    stay black
    your friend
    mister_mister

  25. 25 chuni

    I have a hard time letting someone I don’t know very well pay for my meal or whatever we went out for. I always offer to pay (the whole bill…i think splitting the bill on a date is tacky) if he wants to pay for it this time i try to plan and pay for the next date. Once we get serious, it really doesn’t matter.

  26. 26 helen

    mister – we are both impulsive I think this marriage will work :)

  27. 27 wudnesh

    First Date, I wouldn’t even touch my purse! R u kidding?!!! But after that, fairness should rule, no other rules. mister_mister & Helen, Can I be ur mize?

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