The Last Straw 55 Comments

last straw

By no measure, I am no literary guru, but idioms resonate within me. As the Arab proverb indicates that the last straw that broke the camel’s back.

So everything has a breaking point; that instance where you realize that something is completely wrong; the point of no return; the boiling point.

Films and books use this to base an action thriller or a title of a story; it’s actually quaint that they would have the character breakdown by killing a family member or something to that extent and then he/she goes out and takes revenge; Charles Bronson’s Death Wish.

Nevertheless, there is that point in our daily lives where we finally say:

I have had enough; this is the last straw; I quit

It could be a job, a lover, a friend, a car or any obsession. One friend told me that one day she woke up and became a vegetarian for no apparent reason, and there is no turning back.

Like any addiction the first day is the hardest.

Today is the first day; I said I’ve had enough, as over the last few months I have been obsessing as well as having fun a sort of I shouldn’t have; denoting that I have overlooked a few things that were in the task list of life.

Two days ago I was asked for my ID when I was in the liquor store shopping for wine, it’s been a while since I was asked for it, I realized I still look younger than I actually am but I am an old man. I keep forgetting that I am approaching the big 30 faster than a speeding bullet.

I am happy most when I am passionately involved, be it with a woman, design or a project that I am involved in. My infatuation made me ignore those things that I was keenly occupied with for the last 2 years of my life.

I ignored some of my clients, friends and work and was out having fun with an obsessions that did not pay me back for my time and efforts.
Yesterday was the last straw and today is the first day of recovery.

55 Responses to “The Last Straw”


  1. 1 Dr. Ethiopia

    http://www.abesha.wordpress.com

    I understand your “uh-huh” moment, i know how it feels. Better wake up now than later. That was a very brief post. I would have preferred it to be longer ( so i could see how you plan on executing your plans in the future)

  2. 2 tsegure

    So what did you quit? Drinking?

    I used to say Enough everyday but no one listened so I learned to be the straw that breaks yesewen jerba! I’ve been verrrrry happy since :)

  3. 3 DawitK

    Nice to hear that you’re in control of your obsession Nol…but remember that it’s always easier to overcome your mania when you have support from family and friends:-)

  4. 4 Grand Ma

    Nolawi,
    Wait a minute! Today’s ago you were out to purchase wine and now you’re telling us a recovered addict? Sorry, i don’t know what i was expecting you to buy. I Wish you luck with your new journey!

  5. 5 Bilena

    Nolawi,… Remember that you cannot force yourself out of an emotional place (being that your obsession); however you can take action steps to help expedite the process. The fact that you’ve realized you had an obsession in the first place was a huge step. Then the day you decided that you’ve had enough was an even bigger accomplishment. Trust me, I understand how difficult it can be to let go of something you thought was considerably ARIF; yet nothing is that great if it’s weighing you down and doesn’t give anything back for the time and effort that you’ve put forth.
    Whenever you find yourself reminiscing, take a deep breath and be in the moment,…. notice your surroundings and appreciate the people and things that notice and appreciate you most. Look within yourself and try to understand how you got here in the first place. The task list of life that you mentioned will come to light and I’m sure you’ll be back on track before you know it.

    Oh… and the age thing. You need to relax… your only 28 and you’re a MAN. You have a lifetime ahead of you!

  6. 6 beshou

    yaaaay nolawi!
    make us proud :)

  7. 7 LoveJones

    Much love and happiness on your new journey, wherever it may be. Be aware that we’ll support you.

  8. 8 Confused

    Nolawi

    Happy second recovery day, I wish you a happy moving on journey…

  9. 9 kiki

    Noles,

    Congratulations on finding your proverbial straw. You are lucky you recognized that damned straw at such a young age. It takes many people a lifetime. Good luck on our “recovery.” And about turning 30 no biggie, don’t you know 30 is the new 18 (that is accounting for inflation) these days.

  10. 10 Nolawi

    muchos gracias but this is not alcohol or something to that extent.

  11. 11 Dinich

    Nol,

    What is this about, then? Let me guess….

    A. Double dating
    B. Triple dating
    C. Bernos.org
    D. A and C
    E. B and C
    F. All of the above

    I go for either B or E…

  12. 12 Tsedu

    what is it? is it being in love ?I am so eager to know….

  13. 13 c'est moi

    I think its partying, socializing and doing stuff ( projects , women ..) he is not ” feeling ” . I dont think its anything in particular – but just a life style . and he wants to do things that are meaningful to him .

    I am happy most when I am passionately involved, be it with a woman, design or a project that I am involved in

    that is what I gathered from the above statment …

  14. 14 Nolawi

    [quote comment="124358"]I think its partying, socializing and doing stuff ( projects , women ..) he is not ” feeling ” . I dont think its anything in particular – but just a life style . and he wants to do things that are meaningful to him .

    I am happy most when I am passionately involved, be it with a woman, design or a project that I am involved in

    that is what I gathered from the above statment …[/quote]

    you are very very close… good job!

  15. 15 Sky

    Congratulations Nol!
    Good luck with your new found journey.

  16. 16 Grand Ma

    Nolawi,
    Let me guess, Gambling?

  17. 17 KT

    Porn???

  18. 18 spacefog

    Wow KT ,that is brilliant!

  19. 19 Nolawi

    hey guys i am not going to tell you what exactly it is because then people will judge…

  20. 20 tsedu

    I got it you starting atkin diet ,you know the no CARB where you not allowed to eat injera or alcohol ,how am i doing? just messing with you nolawi ,what ever it is good luck take it a day at at time.peace

  21. 21 cece

    Nolawi, Curiously overwhelming me………U got to tell me…..

  22. 22 Bg

    check out the picture ppl…might be a clue…? barley…: beer….?….

  23. 23 cece

    Curiosity overwhelming me….

  24. 24 Grand Ma

    Smoking? I mean…
    I was surprised by your fear of public judgment.

  25. 25 sosina

    Nolawi. i just discovered your blog a few weeks ago. and i have been rather salty with my commentary thus far. ahun gin anjeten belahew. come here, big hug. ayzoh.

  26. 26 Nolawi

    [quote comment="125077"]Nolawi. i just discovered your blog a few weeks ago. and i have been rather salty with my commentary thus far. ahun gin anjeten belahew. come here, big hug. ayzoh.[/quote]
    you made me smile, its rare anyone does that anymore…

  27. 27 maebel

    I wish my last straw is near to stand up against the deeply rooted laziness and the overwhelming hibernation that I am through as nearly as my entire adult days. Yemir gin..Yehone Abiyot neger Amrognal

  28. 28 c'est moi

    Yemir gin..Yehone Abiyot neger Amrognal

    I like .

  29. 29 WereQet

    Yemir gin..Yehone Abiyot neger Amrognal

    This gives me a good idea for the title of my great opus – an Amharic self-help book

    1. WisTawi Abiyot…
    beHaya Qen: FiTSum TeAmraWi LewT!!!

    2. LewT yale NewT! 10 DeQiQa le-Bahriy ABIYOT!!!

    20 birr bicha!

  30. 30 Inat

    Hi Nolawi,

    I am new to this site. I have read most of what’s been written. I find it very interesting, funny, some of the comments are amazing.

    You said ” I am happy most when I am passionately involved, be it with a woman, design or a project that I am involved in. My infatuation made me ignore those things that I was keenly occupied with for the last 2 years of my life.

    It is a blessing you were able to recognize your situation and make changes.
    I wish my husband was passionately involved with me. Sadly he is not. Some times, I want to pack my bags, get on a plane and get away as far as I can. I ask my self why did I ever marry him? Some times he can be so mean and arrogant. He burries himself in his lap top and work round the clock? He was working this morning when I was getting ready to go to church.
    when ever he is not working we argue and fight 90% of the time. His beef is I am not ambitious at all. Well I am rasing our four children 8, 5, 3, and 7 months old. I have a busy day. I cook, clean, do a mountain of laundry. help my kids with home work. I also have a part time job at a restaurant. I can’t just leave my life and go away. My parents won’t understand they love him and beleive he can do no wrong. You see, After nine years of marriage everything is meshed together. Especially when you have children.
    My point is ladies and gents… Once you say I do it’s hard to undo.
    If you’re are going to have a last draw moment… Do it before you get married
    It won’t be easy but it will be less messy time, emotion, and money wise.

    Well back to my laundry and folding of clothes. I welcome all your comments or advised you might have for me…

    Inat
    Dallas, TX

  31. 31 Nolawi

    Oh my god I am so so so sorry you feel this way. but you guys have four kids and for their sake the best thing to do is just to try to push him to go see a marriage counselor with you.

    I think!

  32. 32 justme

    ohh dear…i am sorry….(think prayer should change things i believe…beside that ofcourse try to find counselor to help you guys…..you need help ASAP..

    I think your case should make it to blog..so that everyone should put their thought..

  33. 33 tsegure

    Enat, ayzosh every marriage has its moments. Do not be too quick to pack up and flee no matter how tempting it is. Life is not easy but marriage is a test of patience.

  34. 34 Hidaya

    His beef is I am not ambitious at all. Well I am rasing our four children 8, 5, 3, and 7 months old

    Inat I am sorry to hear about your story.

    I find this statement so sad. Nothing is more important or ambitious than bringing up children and prepare them with care for the world that awaits them. Parenthood is the hardest job in the world, one with no training available nor pay. Everyone with an important or useful job goes thru a long period of training to teach and to prepare them to be the best at it. There is no such training with parenthood, yet it is the most important job of all and it is done out of love, remind your husband of that.

    About your situation is it gone too far or is there something worth rescuing?,how do you view your marriage, is it generally a good marriage going thru a bad patch or is it completetly hopeless and a marriage on the rocks? if you havent completetly fallen out of love and if you are willing to listen to each orther or mend your marrigae I think a marriage counsellor might be a good idea. Good luck.

    .

  35. 35 Anon

    “I wish my husband was passionately involved with me.”

    You have plenty of love for this guy Inat. And its good. Relatively after nine years and 4 kids you have a good marriage. You have strong love to the point you desire passion from the same guy. If I am not reading to much into this, your complaint is dominated by lack of time, lack of enough love/passion and not complaint of abuse, control. You say ‘sometimes mean and arrogant’, although a little troubling the operative words here for me is ‘sometimes’. To be honest, I am less sad for you and more sad for him.

    “Some times, I want to pack my bags, get on a plane and get away as far as I can.”

    Its good to hear that you can do it. Knowing the option is there and feasible gives you some control over your life. I don’t hear that you feel a prisoner in your marriage.

    “He buries himself in his lap top and work round the clock?”

    I wonder why too? Is work that much or is he trying to avoid you. I think the later because you say: “when ever he is not working we argue and fight 90% of the time.” If I were your husband, I would do the same; avoid you. Btw, does he play with his kids, does he do things with them—you didn’t mention that. What I am trying to say is that the guy sounds a good guy besides the reason behind the avoidance.

    “His beef is I am not ambitious at all.”

    On this I am in complete agreement with Hidaya. I don’t fully discount the guy could be an ass despite a mask he may be wearing in front of your parents. Definitely seek counseling. But I know that is a dirty word for habeshas, if you can’t convince him, go by yourself. Btw, take full advantage of counseling and therapy benefits he may have through his employer. Wish you the best. You sound a good mom.

  36. 36 Tsedey

    Okay, I have a differnt perspective on this one and it’s tested… and worked out 100%!

    Take time off … yes, plan a weekend for the two of you at some resort with a nice spa(away from Texas), get your family members to take care of your children,get massages-together, make use of the time to relax and re-connect, be away from technology.. no e-mails, no laptops, no phone calls except for emergency calls from family concerning your kids. Just use that time to think and do things u used to do when u started dating or were newly weds. Put the “enat” role away for that weekend and play a role of the young beautiful girl that won her man’s heart before 9 years ago, pack up all your sexy clothes.. (buy some if u don’t have one). Bring out your beauty, have some glass of wine, have a candle light dinner in a nice restaurant(non habesha place plse), relax, don’t talk about your problems yet… just enjoy eachothers’ company: enjoy the night.Talk about the reasons why you love this person(am assuming you do) and vice versa…this would definitely bring some positive and relaxing thougts into both of you… then have passionate sex… then talk about your problems in a solution oriented way-not an argument.

    I believe this will be a good starting point towards the process of PBM solving in marriage. Try this and let me know if that doesn’t work out! I have another one.

  37. 37 Inat

    Anon

    Thanks for your feed back. Things are looking up husband was kind today. He came home from work and took care of the kids. I was able to take a nap.
    I thanked him for being a good provider. So I remain hopefull.

  38. 38 Inat

    Tsedey

    Thanks for your reply. oh you’ve no idea how much I long to have the trip you described above. In my mind I’ve taken all kinds of trips with him. Now, I have to plan and actually go away. we don’t have family where we live we’ve never left the kids with anyone.
    This is definetly worth planning might as well be a second honeymoon!
    I will keep you posted.

  39. 39 datdude

    [quote comment="126647"]I wish my last straw is near to stand up against the deeply rooted laziness and the overwhelming hibernation that I am through as nearly as my entire adult days. Yemir gin..Yehone Abiyot neger Amrognal[/quote]

    me two lets go to tibet?

    [quote comment="128931"]

    Yemir gin..Yehone Abiyot neger Amrognal

    This gives me a good idea for the title of my great opus – an Amharic self-help book

    1. WisTawi Abiyot…
    beHaya Qen: FiTSum TeAmraWi LewT!!!

    2.

    LewT yale NewT! 10 DeQiQa le-Bahriy ABIYOT!!!

    20 birr bicha![/quote]

    never mind ………..

    to inat,

    I hope you are getting more intimate advice from someone who knows both you and your husband well. From my limited knowledge I would suggest you convince your husband to share more household duties involving the kids, laundry, cooking minamin…that will tune him into your frame of mind. Sometimes couples have friction because they are not able to understand how the days goes for the other. In any case, this will also give you more time to relax, and explore other passions outside of your immediate family. Church is good, use it as a springboard into whatever God has gifted you with. Remember your kids will grow and leave so develop other interests to invest yourself in.

  40. 40 Hidaya

    Hi Grandma

    I agree, therapy is sometimes trivialised in its use, but does lots of good for people who need it for serious pyschological or emotional issues I think, where I get confused is when what I regard non serious issues demand therapy….

    I know one therapist. I know him as a friend and not a therapist. He he tells me he has a policy of helping people with serious problems until such time he feels they are ready to cope with their problems without him and sends the rest home, the rest being what he describes as the ones who simply find coping with life a bit difficult with few survival tips as to how….I tell him he should add physical exercise in his advice:)I like the self discipline that one gets from any form of exercise, it makes the body strong and the mind alert, not sure if all that makes the soul happy but I think it helps in coping with life generally and it is cheaper than therapy which is a bonus:)…

    Of course it is different if one has serious problems that need a therapist I would like to make that distinction, and I would see one if I felt I needed one, I even ask my friend if I need one from time to time and he says not yet,:) since he knows better I have to bow to his judgement hoping it stays that way for good…

    I hope Bemegerem got what she wanted from therapy. If that moment of clarity came out of seeing the therapist, and Bemegerem feels she can now cope with her problems then h/she has done her job well…

    Bemegerem best wishes for the future.:)

  41. 41 Hidaya

    Oops posted in the wrong thread. Sorry.

  42. 42 Abiba


    Inat,
    Hang in there.
    I was in what I thought was a really bad marriage. Had 1 child.
    We ended up getting divorced. I have since remarried and have another child. Even though I am relatively content in this one I often ask myself if I could not have tried harder/done things differently. I still feel so bad when my child comes for visitation coz he is the one who has suffered most in all this. My parents did not have a good marriage by western standards but they are still together and we, their 5 children are so much better off for that.
    The western world makes marriage out to be a bed of roses or leave. NO NO No. Most marriages that have withstood the test of time have not been a bed of roses. 80%pain 20%pleasure is my take. And the pleasure can be just having you child come done the steps and say mum, dad i had a bad dream.

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