Right out of high school, many moons ago, I joined a group of my friends on a trip to the wonderful city of Carmel, California with white sand beaches and beautiful homes for a relaxing time – so I thought. Who knew such a wonderfully planned trip could turn disastrous because of AN honesty ISSUE!
The hotel was booked, the car was packed and the five of us were prepared for anything on the 3-hour drive to Carmel. After the car overheated and delayed the trip, the driver came up with a brilliant idea of playing truth or dare. Hmmmm in the car, while driving, is not the best time to be dared for anything.
Let the games begin….everyone was sworn in to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help us God. We decided to go clockwise beginning with the driver and at first, I must admit, it was a lot of fun because almost everyone was going for the truth. The questions were about who they really liked and their first true love – no harm in that right? Then a brilliant mind decided to position the question so that it’s about another person in the car.
The sequel begins ta-dum, drum roll please! Well two ultimate best friends, since the first grade, were in the car lets call them "Mo" and "Jo" to conceal their identity. Friend Jo was asked what she didn’t like about friend Mo and her answer was "I hate that she always copies everything I do." Did you say hmmmm? My thought exactly and the rest of the trip was like a Hitchcock movie full of screams and fear of dying. You can only imagine the continuing dialog between Mo and Jo. Well, needless to say Mo and Jo are no longer friends partially because of the honesty brought out by that trip. Damn, whose idea was this anyway!
Q. Is it okay to always be honest without sparing the other person’s feelings?
A. I think so, the truth hurts for a moment but a lie hurts a lifetime. These two friends fought because of the years of deceit not honesty.
Q. If you saw your best friends husband or wife cheating would you tell them?
A. I sure would, I'll be like girl you getin played and then some.
Q. If a person looks hideous in the new $500 outfit they just bought, from a store, with a no-refund, no-exchange policy would you tell them they look hideous?
A. Hell, it aint my money and I'm not wearing it so why not.
Q. If you were a witness to a federal-crime, a family member committed, and you were questioned by the police would you tell the po-po?
A. Not before I ask to see a lawyer.
I have always wished for pure and unblemished honesty but have not always been granted. I was neither Mo nor Jo but I felt kinda bad for asking the question that tore up their friendship. I believe the truth is realty and deceit is the imagination.
Published by October 15th, 2006 in Dating.
ha ha ha aha wonderful a piece!!
I think you did them a favor … atleast the ruth came out!
Frankly, i prefer the truth as well… even if it hurts as hell… and i have been granted a few times…. but atleast i knew the same thing other people knew… to be blind on your own private life is horrible….
everyone knows she is cheating on you except you.. now that would really suck wouldnt it…. hypothitically speaking ofcource…..
btw i once had a road trip from colorado to wyoming in which we played truth or dare… and it was so much fun… since no one really knew anyone noone was hurt…
Dont worry celebratelife cos the relationship would have ultimately ended since they it was based on deceit! am i right or am i right!
You know a friend of mine had a dilema inreference to the above question!
she know her freind is dating someone who terribly wrong for her… but my friend decided not to say anything about it only because the girl is so serious about the guy and she wont listen to anyone… if she tells her she will accuse her of being jealous or something to that extent
i dont know if you ever heard the saying… wodajena Quanta yarale [???? ??? ???]….
meaning in some cases if you are brutally honest if might ruin your friendship…
my grandmother used to say that…
Q. If a person looks hideous in the new $500 outfit they just bought, from a store, with a no-refund, no-exchange policy would you tell them they look hideous?
A. Hell, it aint my money and I’m not wearing it so why not.
You go girl! It’s a whole lot better hearing it from a friend than being the laughingstock of the party.
Speaking of…,
… Did you guys get a chance to watch Phat Girlz?..Y’know the part where Moni’que says, ” Girl, I look fat in this, you look ugly in that?”…
This sorta reminds me of that.
hilarious. great one celebratelife. you know my friends and i took a road trip my sophomore year of college. we were five in total and now hardly speak to one another. one completely disappeared partially due to that trip. when we set out on our trip my uncle told me, “well, by the end of the trip you should find out who your true friends are…” sure enough we did. i dont know what it is but road trips (especially long ones) bring out peoples true colors.
What a great topic! It’s making my head heart though! Had to think a little about this one.
Well, I think it boils down to how you deliver the truth. You can either throw it on someone’s face and hurt their feelings or do a criticism/compliment combo!
I say give me truth or give me othing and I’d rather not know if its has been modified.
Nolawi, Isn’t it fun though playing, truth or dare, in a car well I guess not in my case. You’re right though not knowing the others, in the car, makes it more fun. Wyoming must have been beautiful. I’m glad your translated the saying and our Abesha elders are wise about everything.
Zero, You are totally right but the fight went on and on and they, of course, tried to recruit witnesses for both parties. I was under the witness protection program, to protect myself, so I stayed out of it.
Temelkach, It’s either tell them or you have to show up with them, at some party, and have other people make snicker and ugly remarks. I love Monique and I can just imagine her whole attitude, giiirl…
Yenehuletsantim, Mo and Jo still haven’t forgiven each other and their families are very close. Can you imagine the stress?
Timo, I understand what you’re saying but if the person you’re dealing with wants the truth then go for it. What’s the point of saying, you look hideous in that dress but…the person will hang on the the but for dear life.
celebratelife, nice article!
I do agree with you that honesty is definitely the best policy, but sometimes it is not pretty and when delivered bluntly can be too brutal. That’s why you gotta use some tact in these situations. It’s not rocket science, and does not require high class and sophistication. Just by choosing the right moment and rephrasing your words carefully (emphasising the positive and focusing on constructive criticism) you can deliver the true message whilst minimising hurt feelings.
Now, not everyone requires their messages sugar-coated, so you don’t always need to be tactful. It all depends on the severity of the message and the sensitivity of the recipient. Whatever happens, the key thing is that the truth needs to come out but you attempt to soften the blow.
Biulding on Yonas’ point…here is a dictionary…lol
different = weird
could be better = guuuuurl what were you thinking?
upset you = piss you right off
…..
Seriously a seinfield moment yonas… what if you girlfriend asks you if she looked fat in that dress…. even if she is fatter than a trenta quatro you better lie aydel???
HAHAHAHAHAHAH Nolawi…this topic should be documented well for “Introduction to verbal diplomacy!”
Seriously tho, Yonas, so you’re basically saying that we should sugar coat offensive yet nothing-but-the-truth feedbacks….That could work when you’re in your working environment or dealing with your spouse but when do you get a time-off, if not with your good friends.
Democratic right of speech was well n’ good till Diplomacy came along….There is some stuff lost-in-translation between the truth and diplomacy…what’s your take on that you guys!
You guys are hilarious!
Yonas, Your point is well taken and I do partially agree. It’s the technique but I think my bluntness is partially a selfish act, but then who isn’t selfish with their emotions right? I want it off my chest and don’t like gray areas of any friendship. Not to leave out I don’t like to hold a grudge. I don’t think it’s healthy to play tic tack toe with your emotions.
Diplomacy works in the business world where you don’t want to cross boundaries out of fear of losing to the competition or losing your job. The truth is better left on after the suit comes off. In other words the truth is the undergarment of diplomacy, stays dormant and appears only to fill in what diplomacy leaves out. But when truth is left to run my show, I can see clearly now the rain is gone. And the Oscar goes to “The Truth” for best reality show.
Nolawi, lol … that’s a tough one, but you should never ever ever answer with a direct “Yes”. If she’s looking for a real opinion then you use the tactful “You’d look even hotter in the black dress” approach, women are smart enough to pick up what you mean. If she’s looking for reassurance and compliments (she ain’t after the Tooth) then a “hell, no!” should suffice. Read her body language and tone of voice to figure out what she’s looking for. Tread with great care, if you pause too long before answering or answer incorrectly … it could prove hazardous to your sex life.
Temelkatch… you don’t always need to sugar-coat, only when you need to minimise *seriously* hurting someone’s feelings. In the case of family and close friends, you should be able to let loose and be as blunt as you like 99% of the time. I think excessive diplo-speak is bad for your health and makes it difficult to form real relationships.
celebratelife… point beautifully put and yes I partially agree. But I think when Truth comes out bluntly and brutally, sometimes HOW the Truth was delivered can distract the recipient from the actual Truth. So I guess we should choose our weapon (blunt or tact) wisely.
Yonas,
“If she’s looking for a real opinion then you use the tactful ‘You’d look even hotter in the black dress’”
Let’s dissect this one. You’re really good and it may work but if my boyfriend said this to me, this is how I, Celebrate life, would interpret it – if I look hot in this dress then I’m not really trying to look hotter so let’s go. Now if he told me he doesn’t like the dress on me, no problem we’re cool, then it would really work cause I’d want to change and look for his credit card to shop for a new one tomorrow, he’s gonna pay for his words ha/ha.
what matter. . . the truth or happiness???
Emu, I think everyone would have a different answer for that one. I personally find that truth = happiness. There is nothing worse then being in the dark about any situation at any time.
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