I struggle with this; being complacent is one of those things that come with consistency in our lives. Stability, resilience & security are some of the things we strive for as we get older.
In reality though in our lives —although stable with basic necessities — we are dealing with problems that come and go; losing a job, relationship problems, and health issues among the many unforeseen variables. The mundane and trivial trails that god — if you believe in that — or pure existence puts us through. The other most stable part of almost everyone’s lives are the people that somehow share your livelihood; friends, family, random relationships & significant others.
I have seen this from different angles. I have disregarded — aka taken for granted people who happen to be involved in my life because I was dealing with a major headache of some sort that instance, that week, or even that month.
I have seen others overlooking friends just because they are in a new romantic soiree. I have seen new significant others ruining friendships and relationships within the family.
I have lost friends that were an integral part of my life and I of theirs because we being incompatible due to married. They now have married friends; his wife prefers him not hanging out or even talking with someone that marks single on their tax forms.
Long ago a friend asked me to join him on a night out in town; I declined to join him. He was adamant on a legitimate excuse for my hesitation to join him and then asserted that if the shoes were the other way around it wouldn’t be the case.
Most people, I have noticed would generally give a white lie in this situation. I have to do some errands; I have a headache or something to that extent. I usually do not lie about such trivial things and I get in trouble for it.
The thing is; he who asked to join him had in the past ignored me for months when he was hot & heavy in love with a new girl. So I mentioned it, and he said yes, if he was to do it all over again he would – he exhaled. Meaning it should be that way, apparently friends should step aside when its not convenient for them.
I have seen this happened not just to me but in society in general. Not to say I have never been guilt, I have been — I have said that I just can’t make it tonight I have to go see about a girl. Gin its never been so bad that I would avoid my friends at all costs including phone calls just because I happen to be in love this month.
You see what people tend to forget is that friends & family are there forever through thick and thin. They don’t leave you because you are broke or you gained weight or lost your hair or you go to jail. Significant others are not replacements and should not be treated as such.
Don’t take me for granted, I never have!
Published by May 18th, 2009 in Advice, Current Issues, Family and Social.
I think freinds should back off when I’m busy with a new guy. I’m looking to get married. Not interested in having ménage a troi
Nol,
Bible says: “sew abatunina enatun yitewal, kemistum gar and yhonal”
Wifey, hubby comes first…..everybody else follows.
If ur friend ignores you because he is in love, you should be happy for him. He must have it good…:)
i thienk do you like .espeach for word off bible . will .of cores if have feeling . fellow to hem .he
has volenter. take it out .to al your unnesesery .
behave . who give you .ful permetion . kike to door . make to confesetion . agree with your lord .realy he give to you .that your . hell you know this word . thank you .so much you
pple, it’s all about prioritizing and balancing…
You should always have time for your friends as you have for your significant other. It just depends on the amount of time u wanna give them..
I agree friends and family are the integral parts of one’s life besides the significant other and they should be given time- believe me it’s so much healthier than being hubby/wife clump in the name of marriage..
ladies, where do u go when u have guy problems?
Guys, where do u turn ur head to when ur wife “nags” u uncontrollably?
Correct me if I’m wrong but it’s either your friends or family… so why not involve them if your in happy days as well.
I can’t imagine my life with out my friends whether married or not.
However, the story will be differnt if the significant other’s friends are party animals or bad influences. Now that’s another topic.
They say “Tell me who your friends are and i’ll tell you who you are.”
I am parting ways with a couple of long time regular friends. Its a life style issue and a little sad
Good subject,
I think girls are no better in this. It happens all the time when they are in Love they all forget about you and when they break up with the guy they suffocate you with their problems etc.
And wWhen they get married they totally forget you and think they are better than you just because they have a man.
Nolawi,
It happens all the time.
I see your point, you should not be easily available to guys like this. Don’t be their medeberya!
Friends should be important at all time.
Dinich, you are totally wrong. Don’t get me wrong I am engaged to be married but I am not going to lose my “self” becuase I got marred, It seems to me those ladies who do had self image issues in the first place
If friends are there through thick and thin, and if you consider yourself a friend, it shouldn’t bother you as much. True friends are there when they are needed, and give you space when you need it.
It is like any other thing in life. For example when you have an exciting project going and all your spare time is dedicated to it, or like with students, during exam time, or the final days of writing that thesis… you’ll need space, and won’t be seeing your friends as much. But that doesn’t mean you think less of them, or that you don’t need them… you just don’t have the time. People should be able to do that with their true friends, because they know for a fact that those friends are not going anywhere.
I don’t think the issue is as much with the friend who took you “for granted” as it is with you. Don’t take it to the heart and let it affect you. Are you lonely hun?
I agree with Tesdeay. It is all about BALANCING.Like everyting else in life, we need to balance our need for romantic relationships with that of freindship.There will always be a problem if we are trying to do one at the expense of the other.We need them both in life.And thus neve take for granted either your freinds or lover!
Nol, if u have been guilty of same before, TRY to understand. The degree of error (that u didn’t completely ignore them like they r doing now) doesn’t matter. Having said that, I do understand what u mean. When one is married, his/her relationship with friends should change (priorities change)….but altogether abandoning friends?? That would make me question the state of our friendship in the first place!
If, however, it’s a matter of not keeping in touch (even avoiding friends and giving all our time to the ‘love’ of our life) for a short time, ain’t we all guilty at one time or another? The beauty of it is that friends understand
Oh a freind should understand when you only make him/her your freind based on convenience.
Betam arif, I am so glad some of you are not my friends. & I feel bad for your “based on convenience” friends.
“If friends are there through thick and thin, and if you consider yourself a friend, it shouldn’t bother you as much. True friends are there when they are needed, and give you space when you need it”
very well said doro
I am not going to give up my individuality just because i am married .Frends are important weather you are single or married .If a friend wants to hang out with you or call you only when he feels like it, he is looking for medeberya and not friendship.
being taken for grated is sometimes good because that means they have confidence in the friendship.
Isn’t all friendship based on convenience though? Actually all relationships are based on convenience. Once I got married and had a child, my single friends and their dating lives were no longer relatable to me. My life was “diapers” and “day care centers” and theirs was “one night stands” and the dating game…At some point, I just had to let the friendship end and love them from afar.
Everybody makes a good point, really. I guess the whole point is make some time for me and I will make some time for you… We all need to balance the time we spend with the friends, significant others and ourselves for some sanity sake.
I am sure in practice we all approach things more or less the same way. But when u have to talk about it on a blog in one pragraph in 30 seconds, it may sound like we have big differences….
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