I very well know there is no formula to dating, but we all have some expectation out of what we want, anyways I do, I don’t know about y’ all. I live in an area where Ethio’s are ‘berKeye ensesa,’ even though they might be bountiful within a couple of hours of driving.
However long I have been out of Addis, I still feel like something is missing in my relationships whenever I am dating outside of my community. However the sex might be bangin, I still ache for the forbidden words in AmariGNa. However the kiss might be toe curlin’, I still crave for the littl’ whispers of ‘yene Konjo’ and ‘Yene Emebet’. I know, I know…Could easily be replaced by ‘hon’ and ‘babe’…Ene Yemaweraw sele Amerkinetu Newe. Anchi Degmo Kekalte Newe Ende Fiker Yeyazeshe Endatelugne,…Kemola Godelun Malete Newe…..
On top of that I have a schedule that leaves little room for mingling. So what to do? What to do? When I had a brilliant Idea…online dating!!!! After all my friend/ classmate has been married for several years, and she met her husband online. The problem is they r not habeshas….maybe, maybe, maybe….
GOOGLE…”Ethiopian Dating” … TARAAAAA ….Was I amazed to find out that there are actually several Ethiopian dating sites…I shopped around and Ethiopian Personal looked like it was the one that was the most professionally designed, and It offered some cool features…….I could not wait to create my profile…..OH MY Oh my, after that menu Ketu teyezo…
The first day I logged in…..Waaaawww what an experience….Chatting Windows were popping up left and right….I was like…what the heck…My profile must be the S***!!! People from 19 YO all the way up to 47 YO was trying to talk to me. I felt like I was the million dollar baby…..little did I know that the little yellow sign reading “new” gave out about the fact that I was a newcomer, and people were out there “Ende Kercha Sega LiKerametuGN” or that is the feeling I got….
GEEEEEE…Where to start? Where to start? It is exactly like what it sounds….Online dating = Shopping but this time it is for a human being that u have created in your mind, and a human being that fits your criteria. Everything is out there for grab. Starting from people that are actively looking for a wife…to people that are actively looking for some booty call, and everything in between…..from people that can hardly put two decent words together to people that can make u fell like “shoot….where was I when Mr Gotam (my English teacher back in high school)… taught that word…..
Then I learnt the trick within a couple of days…just appear offline…so none can see u, and look at profiles u find interesting and send a flirt….then the person will contact u. Since I did not pay I could not contact people…but people that have paid could contact me. Was I shocked though to find out the level of rudeness that can exist behind the screen? Well I tried to be very cordial at first, but it turned out to be hard at times when people ask you ‘ beKa kaletesmaman Lemene Ande tegenaGNten FUN anfeTerem” Kare FUN yefeterebetena….Sasebewe hulu yabesaChegnal…J
People can sometime appear to be “paper perfect” but somehow whenever U start chatting…WeshemeT KureT Yaderegalu for one reason or the other…
Let me tell u about the only experience I had meeting a person face to face…we had a great chat …he had a great education…His communication level was excellent….We talked ….It seems like we were connecting….We exchanged pictures…He seemed decent….we talked over the phone… …He lives 100 mile away from me…he offered to come meet me …..I accepted … I could not wait…..we agreed to meet at the local Starbucks….U can not imagine my shock when this Melata seweye approached me Smiling…I was like what the F***…He looked like nothing on the picture…and then he was profusely sweating….I understand It was summer but still still…..
I had to ask..
ME: yelakelegnene photo meche Newe yetenesahew…”
HIM: a couple of years back…
Couldn’t u make the effort to put that on yahoo too….
And How did u manage to grow the beer belly overnight when U were working out on “ a regular bases” (quote).But I drank my coffee talking about everything and nothing…No further discussion was necessary….There was a silent understanding that today will be the last time we were meeting….and I went back home…
What amazed me the most was his question though….His question…Why are u trying to date online…Ahune anchi Mane Yemute Sewe ateshe Newe …Setamarechi Newe Engi…
I wanted to say ” Mebete newe Mamarete…after all it is my life” but I had to swallow that response and explain that for me it has been meting that special person….around my area….trying to connect with my people…from the area….
No insult to any of my Melata Borchame people out there…I am just not attracted to it….And where is the Honesty…If u can easily lye about something I will be finding out…what else have u lied about?….SHOOOOOTTTT….. when I struggle to get up each morning to hit the gym…KemoKe alegaye seweta, instead of enjoy an hour more of sleep…I at least am expecting a person that shares my passion of working out …
It has been a few months since I have created my profile, and the excitement has gone out of it. I approach everything with a grain of salt. Sideberegne, when I can’t take studying anymore…Before I found out about Bernos…J…I still browse from time to time…. Few weeks ago this guy sent me a flirt…amazingly enough he had his picture posted on his profile….He was fiiiiiiiiinnnnnnneeeeee……We chatted …we started talking over the phone….He seemed like the type of person that I have been looking for…funny… witty… a person that embraces his culture, a level of ophistication…cool…laid back…I sent him my picture …we talked exactly twice after that…I have been checking my phone on a regular bases…I check my e-mail every two minutes…but it looks like he has been scratched from the surfaced of the earth…It was his turn to call….I even went to the extent of sending him an e-mail, trying to make it sound like everything is cool….. Daiiiimmm…It ain’t cool at all…I guess KARMA is a Biaaaatch….and a very humbling experience at the same time….a reality check….I always thought I was a gift to the universe…J
Published by March 17th, 2008 in Dating and Personal.
Nice post Totit.
I once met a guy through someone who I met through work. He asked me If I was Ethiopian and he said he works with a an Ethiopian guy. The next thing I know he gave my number to the guy. This Abesha kept calling me and asked me to get together. After a couple of weekes I said OK and met him at a coffee shop. This was my first ever blind date I guess. When I saw him, I wanted to run. He looks like he is in his 50s etc. I was so scared and I did not know what to say.
The conversation was good but I kept trying to see if he has a wedding ring but he kept covering his finger. AThen I saw he was not wearing one but it looked like he took it off that day. I got more scared….. Then when I left he gave me his cell number and work number (not his home number) a clue
Regardless of all this I had no interest in him
He kept calling me. One day I said “I have to ask you something?” he was so quiet and then he said
” I am married, have 2 kids, but not happy,I sleep in a seperate room from my wife, I am getting a divorce soon, bla bla bla …… Then he said “I am really interested in you etc ” The funny thing is he thinks he was all that and I will be lucky to be with him……
I was so shocked I did not know what to say but then I said I am not interested at all ………..
he kept saying I should think about it more etc. I hung up the the phone . Thanks to caller ID I did not answer his call. He left me nasty messages from time to time. It scared the hell out of me. I never heard the words he used to insult me except from dureyes in Addis.
This was a big lesson for me and I said never again……no blind dates, never internet dating fro what I heard from otheres. It’s not for me
entertaining post totit..
Lol..a nice read. It’s hard to find and date someone from our community especially if you live far from our community. Same is the case for me that I live in an area where there aren’t many abeshas live. So there is no luck of meeting my people here. Funny though I’d still rather date an abesha and that’s just always been my preference..
…oh I miss Mr. Gotam. I wish I had paid more attention in his class instead of flirting with every girl that sat around me. Great memories.
Totit, interesting post. I’m sure many of us can relate to it. I personally have given-up after some interesting experiences. I would rather be with the right Peruvian, Japanese, Mexican, Texan…(any ethnicity) than be with the wrong abesha sister. And you know there are some really really ‘wrong’ persons out there. Specially since there are no ethiopians in a 2000 mile radius from where I live, chances I meet the right abesha is quite slim. So how about removing the ‘r’ from Karma, add the Sutra to it, give up the ‘abesha’ hunt and search for the right person? Just play an amharic CD when you’re in bed with your non-abesha lover, you’ll forget that they can’t speak your words. It’s working for me
Totit,
Interesting post.
Ye-Inatu
wow, there is such a place?
I agree with you though. You should be with whomever does it for you.
Totit,
very interesting post…I relate to your story…Never tried on line dating and probably never will. There aren’t many habeshas where I live either…and I’m against dating a non-habesha too…so Tinish Cheger Yelem aybalim…
Ye-inatu-lij:
Ye-Inatu Lig,
LOL.
Such a brilliant idea! Why didn’t I think of it??
Great post Totit! Though there are some(and I mean some really) success stories with online dating, I stay away from it to avoid similar fogariwoch you came across with. It’s hard to tell Fugera vs. reality even in person. Re:blind dates however, I have seen several success stories when they are arranged by someone who knows both parties very well.
It is not how you met; it is what happened after ward that matters. Like anything else there are positive and negative stories from any type of meeting. Do not discourage by one bad experience.
I’m the only one to think this line was comedy gold….LOL
hahhaha….Lol,oof Totit besak gedelshign…..beTam entertaining. FYI our own (BP’s)Z-funk is thinking of starting HurryDating for abeshas..(Whatever happened to that Z-funk?)…but I guess u ain’t anywhere near DC. But If ppl in DC consider hurrydating,I can understand why others in less populated areas try online dating
I have cheated online .Never met that person in person .I was so in love that it almost shattered my relationship with my significant other .We just chatted everyday things and i found in him everything i had compromised .It ended suddenly.ende keld yetejemere chatting went way too far even if it was purely online.I never thought that i was cheating until one of my friends told me to get off my highhorse and admit that i was not as faithful as i claimed to be.
Interesting topic totit.
interesting.
they should make “Ophistication” a word. it sounds beautiful
I would quite like to be able to ophisticate, you know.
[quote comment="136327"]I have cheated online .Never met that person in person .I was so in love that it almost shattered my relationship with my significant other .We just chatted everyday things and i found in him everything i had compromised .It ended suddenly.ende keld yetejemere chatting went way too far even if it was purely online.I never thought that i was cheating until one of my friends told me to get off my highhorse and admit that i was not as faithful as i claimed to be.
Interesting topic totit.[/quote]
did you come out clean after your misgiving?
Well said Ye-Inatu-Lej!!!
[quote comment="136266"]… how about removing the ‘r’ from Karma, add the Sutra to it, give up the ‘abesha’ hunt and search for the right person? Just play an amharic CD when you’re in bed with your non-abesha lover, you’ll forget that they can’t speak your words. It’s working for me
[/quote]
Try to choose the right person for you, not the flavor (culture) they come form…you never know you might like the new flavor better..
Totit
Dont give up on line dating. I met my husband in a chat room. He is Habesha.
Bebe,
Which chat room?
“I always thought I was a gift to the universe…J”
we all are..
Totit,
as a veteran of Ethiopian Personal, I can relate to most of the things you wrote about. OOOOOfa, beteley the excitment i used to get everytime i got the “you have mail” notices ayeweram. And even better was getting a list of all those profiles that have viewed me and what about those little scripted flirts…ah! good times
I, like you, also met a really cool guy. Waiting for him to e-mail or get online was too painful (this was before we started the calling thing). So, you know what i did? I became a paying member. Let’s just say he was worth the $19.99/month my student ass could barely afford. Funny though how nothing came out of it. I think it was because he assumed there was something wrong with me for looking for a guy online. He kept saying that a beautiful girl like myself (his words not mine:)should not be looking for a man online. I guess in his mind that reflected negatively on my social skills. It did not matter that he too, a very, very handsome guy (my words, not his:) was looking for a mate online. He felt very uncomfortable (almost embarrased) telling people that we met online. As if meeting at a bar would have been a more acceptable venue. Maybe i imagined it, but i think he was uneasy every time i headed to my local coffeeshop with my laptop….i think he was thinking yelemedech tota…:)
anyWho, thanks for the post. it kind of took me down memory lane (the memory extending to about 6 months that is). you know what, i am actually gonna renew my membership. if nothing else, i will atleast have “5 new messages” every day!
cheers
Helen,
waaawww , There is this saying I heard once…”ethiopiawi ena Volkswagen yalegebabete ageR Yeleme” I guess they r wrong huhhhh, Big time.
Yeneatu-Lej,
I will make sure to incorporate some Kama Sutra there….and the AmariGna music is definitely on top of my to do list right now…
Doro Mata
Thank u so much for the proof reading, what would I do with out u, but mainly I hope u have a great time ophisticating
Biskut
Did u tell ur significant other…I can imagine some interesting conversation going on right there
Bemegerem…
Yes, at the beginning, I could not wait to see who sent me a message, and all that…but It got old real fast.
LOL…I like “ yelemedeche tota”
I also feel like there is some kinda stigma to online dating…and people wanna do it on the DL, I still dont understand that part, maybe one day Emeye Mariam be Cherenetwa Tegeletelgne Yehonal…
It is also nice to know there r real success stories…maybe I was not lucky…I should try gambling. U know what they say “lucky in cards, unlucky in love”.
I wish more people shared their experience…Am sure there are more of us out here, right…The site says they have millions of customers…or is it just a marketing scheme…
No i never told him .Intime , the feelings i had for my online friend kind of dissolved itself .There was no way i could have still maintained my relationship with my ” sig other” after telling him how emotionally involved and sucked in i was.so i zipped it up and moved on .
Totit,
Good stuff. U sound too good to be single…..
I never had to try them but my sense is the abesha dating sites are probably too underdeveloped mostly filled with desperate people at this stage for someone with your sophistication.
Nol, I think this article should give all the motivation u need to work harder on the meet-up website….I really think there are a million Totits out there……
[quote comment="136726"]
Nol, I think this article should give all the motivation u need to work harder on the meet-up website….I really think there are a million Totits out there……[/quote]
Ethiomeetup mostly benefits ppl in the DC area and the vicinity. And it’s hard for those who live far to benefit from its social activity.
Hhm….
I’ve done a couple of blind dates but never tried online dating. I met someone, online, funny enough just as a casual friendship. We exchanged numbers and called each other often. We clicked right away. I thought he’s way too good to be true. I wasn’t even thinking of a relationship but just as a friend how could I meet someone who is just so perfect online????? He became like a friend I’ve know for a long time. We met and sparks have been flying ever since and it’s been almost 2 years. Our families met and they clicked. Our friends met and they clicked.
He is very well educated, very stable, very good looking and I ask myself why he’s never been married or someone hasn’t scooped him up until now? The pessimist in me asks, “so what’s wrong with this guy or me, is this really happening?”
Do I recommend online dating? I’d say no because you never know who’s really behind the keyboard. I just happen to get lucky because I was never looking to meet anyone let alone online. Dating sites seem like online brothels, I’ve only heard about sexual endeavors.
Oh my! i know the dating site you talking about. Me and my sister created a fake personal. one question asked why we were interested in this site? We honestly answered to just play around and have fun. A long time went by and we forgot that we created such a thing. On day my sister is like what the hell what is this all junk mail on her e-mail. Turned out it was due to the personal we created. So many Ethio guys were sending messages. They all described themselves to be mr. perfect. Some were sending angry messages saying this is why abesha women never find romance due to the answer we gave by saying just playing around. Finally we were fed up and deleted the fake personal.
Ladies my personal advice does the perfect package man exist? I don’t think so?
They don’t come with the whole package. We may love their personality but demn they are either too short, bot belly, bold, unbelivably skinny. I met a childhood classmate online. We talked on the phone and then somehow he asked if i am now married? I told him no and then he asked what about boyfrined. i said yes then somehow he was asking how things are between us. then i said we are going through rough things as any couple would but we love eachother. We then all of a sudden turned the script around and started lecturing me about relationships. He said ” aynishin kifechina hiwotishin sitayew sewyew minim indemayhonish tawkiwalesh” I thought he was joking. Then all of a sudden one day i recieved a phone call and turned out it was him. He was like i am here. it was about the time i got out of work. He had the nerve to show up at my job. While we talked i told him where i worked thinking nothing of it when he asked. I never thought he would show up.
I saw him and i almost wanted to laugh. i expected to see a grown looking man. I mean we are 24 now. Last time i saw him was in school at age 13. i saw a skinny, short, baby face guy. He had no facial hair. I almost laughed out so hard in front of him.
Then he was like let’s go to starbucks then we did. While there it was the most awkward moment. He kept saying ” sewyew endayglegn” when refering to my boyfriend and was flerting. At one point i got so mad and shouted in the starbucks to say why are you bringing him up. Are you here to catch up with me or what? He then extended his hand and wanted to hold my hand. I gave his hand a slap. I was so mad i left the starbucks angry.
I learned a big lession i will never meet any guy i talked to online even if i think i knew them back home. My god they may have changed through the years. What a lesson learned.
This guy i never met before was talking to me. He lived in the midwest and i on Eastcost. Someone i know gave him my number when he asked them advice on moving to where i live. The person was not trying to hook us up. It was a guy i worked with.
He even called me to ask can you talk to to a guy i know about where you live? so that’s how he got my number. i was so strange from day one we somehow connected over the phone. He asked me to describe myself i did exactly as i did. He said he was tall. So i expected a lean tall look guy. Well after two months of talking we decided we love eachother and should meet. I saw a guy totally not my type approach me. I was like who r u. Then i turned my head around just to hear his voice without looking at him. Turned out it was really him as i listened. He was just competely not my type. He was average height. he had no hair. i was shocked by that. But i was already in love so i gave it a shot. we went to coffee then we talked there for hours. Then he invited me to his house. I stayed there the whole night laughed and cooked, watched tv, got drunk. I finally felt at home. WE now have been together for 3 yrs. It is so strange but true. I am glad i didn’t let his looks turn me off when i first so him.
Wow Loved it. Very funny post.
call me old fashioned but its far better to meet someone in real life than in a PC. The whole meeting process kind of kills the relationship. You also wonder does he spend his time looking for girls on the interent and the guy will think that too abou the girl so its usually a recepy for disaster before anything really happens you see. Also when you meet up it can be so awkward what do you say oh hi I guess your taller than I imagined. Or dayme you looked better on the photo. The whole purpose of metting somone should be in real life you cross paths you lock eyes and you be like hmmm hes cute or if your a guy shes got eyes that kill (believe me Ive been told…) and then you exchange numbers period. Thats if your brave enough to do so most girls I know usually walk faster and escape the situation cant stand being under pressure from a stranger. Online people comment on photos ‘oh you look good in that pic wanna meet up hell no who are you? I dont know you back off! chances are hes some old man (no offence old folks) with a big belly. How can you really meet someone you don know when you only exachanged letters or fidells on the computer. It really is quite sad how modern life is becoming we live in a box due to the way modern life is. Anyway thats my thought.
lol workit! i am with you 100% on this one. online dating is not for me either. i dont think i would waste my time on it to hook up with a girl i have yet to meet in person.
I think online dating is good for Ethios in diaspora. Most of us are workaholics, juggling 2 or 3 jobs at a time and no time to meet someone in the traditional way of dating. Ethios are spread out throughout the world and thanks to the World-Wide-Web there is chance for us to connect again.
genetgirl is that for real?? ….different strock for different ppl. no no. online for me.
“call me old fashioned but its far better to meet someone in real life than in a PC. The whole meeting process kind of kills the relationship. You also wonder does he spend his time looking for girls on the interent and the guy will think that too abou the girl so its usually a recepy for disaster before anything really happens you see. Also when you meet up it can be so awkward what do you say oh hi I guess your taller than I imagined. Or dayme you looked better on the photo. The whole purpose of metting somone should be in real life you cross paths you lock eyes and you be like hmmm hes cute or if your a guy shes got eyes that kill (believe me Ive been told…) and then you exchange numbers period. Thats if your brave enough to do so most girls I know usually walk faster and escape the situation cant stand being under pressure from a stranger. Online people comment on photos ‘oh you look good in that pic wanna meet up hell no who are you? I dont know you back off! chances are hes some old man (no offence old folks) with a big belly. How can you really meet someone you don know when you only exachanged letters or fidells on the computer. It really is quite sad how modern life is becoming we live in a box due to the way modern life is. Anyway thats my thought.”
I couldn’t agree more!
I am more like Thomas who said, “Unless I see in His hands the print of the nails, and place my finger in the mark of the nails, and place my hand in His side, I will not believe.”
I have to SEE and KNOW her in person in order to form a more perfect union with her. I do not believe in online dating.
It’s always interesting to know people experiences about the dating game.
Online dating works but it doesn’t mean it works for everyone. It’s obvious. Each of us has different ideas from dating and we need to figure out first weather or not to get involved with the game. I agree with some of you here and I’m also for meeting the person in ‘real life’ than online.
However, before judging others with own and others experiences (as some have did and tried here) one need to find out why people dating online. I’m not here to give you guys a lecture and it’s also not my intention to do that. It’s written a lot about it and easy to find on the World Wide Web (www).
The point I want to underline here is that online dating has its own purpose. It has advantages (for example if it just isn’t clicking then it’s easier to stop before going further than facing face to face) and disadvantages (for example you get to know the person but not the physical aspect). Here the choice is yours to make and no one else.
PS: My first post/comment on bernos.
it happens. but keep lookin’ . u will get somebody who can match u up exactly as u wanted. so keep tryin’
^ so what you have bad experience…
people meeting people through friends also have bad experience…
ayii
“good” or “bad”, experience is what life is, isn’t it..
[quote comment="137520"]
However, before judging others with own and others experiences (as some have did and tried here) one need to find out why people dating online. [/quote]
i second that..if I were to summarize in one sentence the most important thing I’ve learned as a person living in the Diaspora would be not to judge, learn to understand and hence to be understood.
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