By definition, any relationship requires ‘connection, association, or involvement’ between two or more people. A link be it one in a family, at work, or one outside like social friendship and romantic ones require an affinity.
It’s human nature to coexist; when we are born we learn to share and be dependent; first with our parents, then with our siblings then with schoolmates etc.
My friends and I do many social things together, we go to dinner, go to shows and clubs. From time to time I have to go to a restaurant that is not my first choice; clubs I don’t like. When I hang out with people, even those I am not best of friends with, we decide together, we compromise and choose.
This is an accepted quality most reasonable people have. Most of our effortless quality to share comes through nurture and the other naturally. Our ability to coexistence is predicted and probably, we have to abide by laws of an apartment building, a social event, a workplace and even a city and a country. We even have to share the earth.
Those of us who live in the west, even though we compromise in almost every aspect of our lives are mislead into thinking that we can resist the natural urge to share.
We make our own money, we live by ourselves, we work where we want, we eat what we want, we buy what we want and most of all we choose the way we live our lives.
Wow, that is great genius, but you do all those things by yourself. It remains a fact you can’t forge a relationship if you have to make all the decisions.
I hear Ethiopian ladies complain that the Ethiopian men are not capable of handling an independent woman. The truth is, no one is capable of handling a any type of relationship non-cooperative person. Independence is a word used to describe someone who is not willing to compromise.
Ladies if you want to remain independent, you will remain as such; independently single!
Published by March 10th, 2007 in Dating and Social.
Nolawi – I may not hear someone saying ‘enen’ whenwherever I stumble, but I live my life in the west exactly how you described yours. I don’t think social life is regional. In my view, it is a personal choice.
hahahaha. “independently single”, interesting choice of words. i sense some frustration nolawi. it seems that you assume that ethiopian women are non-cooperative which you assume that in turn is synomous to independent?! hold your horses buddy. just because the ethiopian woman chose her career at an earlier stage in life and then wants to get married later on doesnt mean she isnt willing to compromise. she just chose to wait for a “ideal” time. same goes for ethiopian men. carreer first, then relationship/marriage. whats wrong with ethiopian women wanting the same?
I love it and so, so true! I’m a recovering Independentholic. The past few months have been a revelation for me…the light is starting to flicker and I’m starting to get it…this world is not about me, my wants, my needs and my ways. I guess “better late than never”!
Independent is truly a wonderful state to be in but as you said if we can’t compromise and bend the rules a little then we exist but only as a lone ranger. To be honest Ethio men do prefer an independent woman but they also still prefer to call the shots which is alright with me cause it doesn’t strip me of my independence but most Ethio women aint having it! These same Ethio women also don’t know what the hell they want!
[quote comment="23373"]hahahaha. “independently single”, interesting choice of words. i sense some frustration nolawi. it seems that you assume that ethiopian women are non-cooperative which you assume that in turn is synomous to independent?![/quote]
come on metad, frustration a word people use to dismiss statements which they know are true but are too damn thickheaded to admit it.
have you guys read Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged”? I really hope and wish that you did. Because it would certainly clear all your fears and the confusions you have about being completly independent.
as for me, I really wish to marry that independently single girl if she really exsit.
The trouble is, like Nolawi said it explicitly, the existing world is not the right and comfortable place for this kind of people to live in. It can never accomodate the beaautiful mind that these people have. The overwhelming majority feel threatened by the campany of these few people.Simply, The system doesn’t fit them. But it doesn’t mean that the whole world is right. That is why i usually say, if i get my membership fee back i would willingly resign from the existing human race.
I wish i could say further in this issue but i fear that nobody is going to hear me and all my efforts would be in vein.
[quote comment="23423"]
so does it mean, being single, is a terrible thing that should be avoided even at the risk of losing one’s independence..?..and why does it have to be about the ladies..?..and I also believe that independence and relationship are not necessarily mutually exclusive..
maebel…even though ayn rand makes a compelling case for the difficulty of the free spirited independent and industrious people in society..in fact sending them to some make believe “boot camp” of the like minded was the solution she provided in her book…..(awra amba in gonder comes to mind here..)….I believe the independent minds can and do exist within the society as we know it…infact its those ppl that are behind most of the leaps we take as a civilization…
…to get back to your arguement NolaWi…I think these two issues reside in two separate “planetary systems”..so to say…
Nolawi,
To be independent is to rely on one self and take responsability for one’s life and face the consequences of the choices one makes in life and to apportion blame to no one if the choices turn out to be crap.
I dont think the independent is devoid of the ability to compromise and pragmatism. It all depends of the importance of what it is one is compromising about.
To be independent is not to be obtuse, to be obtuse isnt independence, the thoughtful and intelligent know “no man or woman is an island” and take others view about things into consideration and compromise on things.
The devil is in the detail and what one is asked to compromise about and its importance and relevance to one’s life and beliefs.
If something is really that important to me that I wouldnt compromise, and I decide not to, then I shall accept the outcome and consequences of that decision and the impact it has on my later life head on. That is what the independent do.
Nolawi: Good work bro! you come up with intriguing stuff.
and your choice of pictures always are relevant to your topics. cool.
metad bet: Hmmm “frustration”!? you said.:-) and you went on to justify. Hmm .. actually it is not. it is REAL & Fact! Besides, we (both sexes) failed to differentiate independence Vs. dependence; Power vs. Authority.
remember 7th grade math? between Union & intersection?
remember how these two rules play dependently & independently? They do their independent task independently & their dependent task in oneness as well and so they are intertwined. No one will Remove the rule how Union & Intersection were defined.They are etched as conventional.
IMHO, the same goes with us humans & our interaction & needing eachother. The big problem, the way, we interpret and exercise our individual Power & Authority, dependency & indpendence.
As long as there is no mutual trust is established, and love is a -Love/Marriage of convenience- then there is a platform in racing for Power & Authority. The end-result, BANG, Pendulum effect! and running on eachother’s orbit!
The other unrealistic concept that needs to remain in Check is:
Those of us (both sexes) who are against wasting our time runnig around and in the pursuit of PURPOSEFUL life, have for instance squandered our college life in ONLY pursuing onething a Degree!
Now, forget about us men who are constantly being told, we can ONLY do onething at a time! … yea you heard me right Metad bet, & Ethio Ladies.
our Ethio women have suddenly waken up & echoing what is being entertained between Western Fe/males across Atlantic & Eurpoe too. Women bombard us by claiming that they are multitasked Vs. us, men. ain’t buy that, sorry!
Ok, no problem. But, what if I, and many had a question:
If our African women were multitasked, as they claim they are, then they could have detected the right quality Guy, SIMULteanously while pursuing that degree in the decisive days of college years.
But, sisters out there, with your multitasking skill, you have failed BIG time and failed us too, because you failed to pull us out from that Uni-directional think-mode that we, are told, possess. makes sense?
So, let us acknowledge the issue that spin us like ENZiRT ..Shrrrrrrrr … instead of spinning with excuse to Justify our actions!
maebel: what makes you think no one listens. dont conclude.. bring it on bro.
adey: I am still waiting for that “I will expalin myself..” Promise.
..kidddddding.
Celebratelife: RIGHT ON the Money Girl!! you reminded me those my LegeHare’ sefer Handball girls’ team. I will write about them someother day!
of course, that is my 2 cents.
..
Good evening for you EastCoasters.
..Power Vs. Authority… 2B Cnt’D …
I like the apples
I just wanted to say that being independent is not a problem. Being independent shouldn’t result in someone being single, after all we have to be able to take care of ourselves before we attempt to take care of eachother. I think that the problem lies in that we have to understand that we can’t do everything ourselves. We all coexist and at the end of the day we all need companionship. I am a firm believer that the relationships we form with our families, friends or significant other defines who we are as people.
I would listen…please continue!
Can we at least get a tentative date/time? I’m getting hooked to reading your comments.
independent: thinking or acting for oneself.
compromise: settle by concession. a middle way between two extremes, common ground.
.
There is no reason a person thinking or acting for oneself would be inept in making concessions to live with people on common ground built from mutual interests!
an individual can independently make their minds up to be flexible and open to different opinions and methods, after all…a compromise builds a common ground with BOTH/all parties making concessions. The beauty of independence is that one party is not allowing the other to dominate the decisions but standing ground and expressing their own interests and contributing their own share of decisions.
The key to ‘compromise’ is understanding & knowing oneself enough to know what concessions are acceptable and which are not…and honestly, which concessions one does not give a rat’s ass about!
If both parties are not working from PRIDE and EGOS but mutual interest, respect and actually, love; compromise would be a positive and common task of building a mutually empowering and beneficial common ground. An independent individual who knows themselves deeply on the issues that matter most to him/her would make compromises and live with others without much qualm by getting his/her priorities lined up…as long as pride and ego don’t impose themselves too pro-actively.
celebry pointed out a possible problem:
Let me add a lil to this….
I see no reason why independence is in direct conflict with flexibility. if it were we’d be equating independence to pigheadedness and dependence with submissiveness. or is that implied in the rationale of the ‘independently single’? hmmm….
soj,
such a brilliantly intriguing comment…i’d luv for u to elaborate plz?
bg didn’t read the book so, noNcomprehend!
I agree Nolawi(not like you need my approval) but that’s what relationship is about…caring and sharing…….
Bgfelasfit, Soj and Hidya, you said it all, AGREE (again, not like approval is needed).
We have to come up w/ common understanding of independence- and Nol, since its your article, clarify for my sake (yeah hit me). I don’t think you meant it as (let the man pay the bills, take care of the house, make decisions blah blah)because that is such a narrow definition of independence-actually that’s asking for dependence…or are we talking about being cooperative…. in the quote- because if it is that, then it’s both ways. It’s not about the ladies being independent or wanting to be such and the pursuite of that causing single-ness, its about lack of conscious to care and to share regardless of gender. It’s for both not just women- people that don’t want to compromise, that don’t want to give in , we can’t generalize ET women as such.
mindwithgoodconscious-isn’t it morning in the bay area yet:)….
wow i just read my comment and so much run on sentence…I hope i made my point, I had a point
oh well….
bgFelasfit – very well said. I could not have put it together any better. Kudos!!
soj –
Beautiful and true statement in my opinion.
hidaya & hewe – ditto.
thanks lulu!
lol…also just realized what soj ment…”…duhh! of course!” thanks for some mental crutches lulu!
got lost in the word ‘BEHIND’
Well, I do know ppl who consider themselve as independent but I am not sure if they really have any clear meaning that……………………………..
But they say they are independent.
Hey Ppl,
If being independent is something that locks me in a narrowest compartment of confusion, I prefer to be dependent and see (atleast) how others are living life in the open world. Otherwise, i will stop complaining,
to be honesht, I hate ppl who always point finger but does not see their crazy….
Oooookay. be4 going I wanna make sure that every body here knew the I love the manner of discussion in this forum.
enjoy
…I am glad it made sense to you guys too…I was trying to explain my reasons why I do not accept the assertion made by ayn rand (in almost all of her books, including “atlas shrugged”)..that “people who are independent(…her definition usually gravitates toward those who are romantic about the things they do and whose sole purpose for doing what they do is defined through a “me” lens, they might could also be described as egotistical meniacs..) cannot survive in any average society….and she paints them as these romantic idealists…and of course they end up creating their own microcosm..in some fairyland as a solution….
…however its people like that…like newton, da vinci, michael angelo, plato, einestein, picasso, and a whole others that keep us moving forward…of course its for their own satisfaction that they do it…thats why they all share one thing in common, …a big ego..
Soj and bgFelasfit, you articulated what I was thinking nicely.
To me, being independent does not mean you are a sociopath/egotisitical maniac that wants everything done your way. The independent singles I know are well-adjusted folks that are capable of coexisting/making compromises. In any relationship, there is always delicate balance, and if only one of the individuals always makes the compromise, you give in,and you give in to the tipping point where the relationship goes downhill. If this should happen, the independent female will pick up the pieces, and is able to go on and enjoy life. In the past(I really think it’s a time issue, not westernization), women are forced to stay in an unhappy relationship just because they did not have the opportunity to stand on their own. Life is a game of trial and error , and the indpendent female is not an anti-relationship, she is able to carry on with life, and does not wait for life to start until Mr. Right rolls in.
[quote comment="23573"]I was trying to explain my reasons why I do not accept the assertion made by ayn rand (in almost all of her books, including “atlas shrugged”)..that “people who are independent(…her definition usually gravitates toward those who are romantic about the things they do and whose sole purpose for doing what they do is defined through a “me” lens, they might could also be described as egotistical meniacs..) cannot survive in any average society….and she paints them as these romantic idealists…and of course they end up creating their own microcosm..in some fairyland as a solution….
…however its people like that…like newton, da vinci, michael angelo, plato, einestein, picasso, and a whole others that keep us moving forward…of course its for their own satisfaction that they do it…thats why they all share one thing in common, …a big ego..[/quote]
that “people who are independent
Thank you Hewe I got your point,to cooperate deosnt make one less or more independent, just cooperative.
Soj….
I didnt read ayn rand book but if I could ask; is the author saying that people who have very big talent like Da Vinci, Michelangelo et al are real free spirits? are free spirits and cant compromise. Is the underlying context that their talent and genious like, is so big that it makes them exempt from needing to compromise at all?…isnt that arrogance?.
Thank you on the press, and sorry for not replying I didnt see the last comment until days later.
Happy day all
Can we at least get a tentative date/time? I’m getting hooked to reading your comments.[/quote]
I am flattered that someone with high standard of writing is my captive.
.. so now you see you put a lot of pressure on me to make sure what i am writing doesnt waste someone’s valuable time and has a standard that is, at least, ordinary if not HIGH.
P.S.
and Hiking is sweet in the early & late hours of the day, if that was what u referring to. if not ..forgive 
hewe ..yes it was morning in the bayarea
until next time.
enjoy your day!
..Oooops I forgot to hit my main message. Celebratelife: Yes I will keep my promise. but, “Date/time” ..emmm ..sorry to disappoint but that is tough to come up with on a weekday.
somebody help!!!!!!! how can i post my own blogs on this site?
email us with you questions…
mindwithoutconscious
if you don’t mind… can you shorten your nick… purely from an aesthetic point of view…. thanks… takes up too much room and knocks down the text on the comments links… thanks..
[quote comment="23672"]mindwithoutconscious
if you don’t mind… can you shorten your nick… purely from an aesthetic point of view…. thanks… takes up too much room and knocks down the text on the comments links… thanks..[/quote]
YES SIR! If that is causing any unpleasant scene to your bare eyes in your playing field… what choice do i’ve, but obey!?
after all, it is your field and you set the rules. I aint like breaking rules. I am a soldier with principle. 
But I have a problem! what will the probability be that another subscriber coming in with longer name than mine!? So, are you going to make changes in limiting the name field or chunk if it exceeds your character quota?
If you were not planning to do that then, i take it as excuse to ‘kick the hell outta me
.. now tell the truth bro. either you let me stay with it or tell me you’ll make that change.
I also second “Help” question. your answer was “email us with your questions..” what question!? I mean if one wants to contribute an article, what does one do?
BTW, I wish your Site/blog make sure not to be infected by nastiness that all the others Ethio sites are.
Since, you are also reaching out to grow, You would want to have a very civic, unique and sophisticated (no politics, religion)in order to take it to the next level. my 2 cents.
Also, if you have not reached out in distributing your business infos to Ethio restaurants here in the BayArea and if you dont know anyone in this area, I would be happy to deliver that to a couple of them in Oakalnad/Berkeley/San Jose. I dont know if/how they charge to keep your advertising info available in their store.
thanks
for contribution details.. email us… if emailing us and asking the question is too much.. then we probably do not want that person to contribute anyways…
ultimatum huh very nice of you… we generally ask nicely.. and people oblige…
we don’t moderate comments or nicks.. or nothing… we just ask… most people have no reason not to oblige…unless they are provoked…
I am just asking…. but do as you wish?
sorry pal, i guess you didnt get my humor. I was just huomrizing it. you sound to be irritated. no intention to offend you or anyone. In fact, I still feel bad on my response to ‘adey’ & i was gonna email u privately to forward my apology to her as well. I guess .. we all have s.th. that ticks us off even virtual writings. Take it easy, bro. didnt mean to. I just expressed myself w/ no intention to offend anyone.
Nice day!
no I am not irritated… but thank you for changing it…
also you might want to think about joining the Press…. to see what goes on behind the scenes here in bernos…
i like singularly independent women, without any pluralism or duplicity to their characters.
*ahem*
yeah.
SOJ,
That was a wonderful observation. In the objectivism of Ayn Rand altruism is Dead and extinct. Undue emphasis is given to egoistic nature of man, however experience in human existence shows that altruistic acts are also used to boost the ego. Ayn Rand’s solution stopped at the “microcosm”. If she had delved into the conflicts, among the giant minds, that will surely arise in the microcosm, then she would see it becoming a smaller replica of the world they left behind. As you said, the great minds definitely find their niche within the society they live in, and of course compromise along the way. After all these great minds get their brilliant ideas from the surrounding they live in, which includes other people of all sorts. Whether hell is other people (as Sartre’s existentialism) or not, it is in our nature to be with others the trick is perhaps finding the balance. Maybe we should all resound Teddy Afros verse “sew belekE”.
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