Yes, I do all my Ethiopian friends with zero exceptions. You are self-seeking, inconsiderate and Woretegna for lack of a better English word to describe you.
I am incredibly independent. I have never needed encouragement or advise to accomplish menial tasks. If I do need information, I look it up. I have never needed a supporting cast outside of my family. I am emotionally independent. I do not need hoy hoy buddies.
Thus, I am an easy friend. I am your advisor, your encourager, your supporter, your entertainer and your friend. But, you on the other hand are none of those for me. I give and you take!
Yes, I am talking about you my Ethiopian friend!
I am tired getting phone calls from you only when you need something. I am tired of only talking about you. I am tired of doing simple requests for you when you do not provide vice versa.
I am not perfect, I do have my flaws but at least I try. On the contrary you ignore my basic requests.
As a rule I despise asking for tasks that are only beneficial to me. I rather pay for a professional service than ask one of my so called friends to do it. I rarely ask people to do large tasks. I am talking about the small things. Can you get me this info? Can you email me that? Can you send me your thoughts on this? From an average of 10 phone calls I receive in one day; 9 will be about what I can do for you?
Either say ‘NO,’ or do it at 100 75 percent. Neger Atakbede/ji, it’s not complex, do it or don’t, no half-ways, no reminders.
Let’s not deny the fact that you are not my friend! you are …. I don't know what you are!
Published by October 24th, 2006 in Social.
I guess yeHoneseew betam abesachetohal meslegn wondime. I have been mulling similar emotions lately. I hate asking for things. I try do it myself and if that is not possible then i am ok with not having it. I hate when I ask for small things pple act like i asked for their kidney or something. I will be honest when i give i do want a simpe thank you don’t need extra hoopla. But what i have learned is we have no right to expect. “Expectation is the mother of all disappointments” aydel yeMilut ferenjochu. I learning to agree with that…the hard way. I constantly get in fights, get angry at close friends and family b.c I feel I have a right to expect small things from those I love and those that claim to love me, damn it.
But at the end of the day it is not worth it. I regrett saying something that will forever severe my relatioship with my loved ones. Just let things be. Let go of expectations…giving is more rewarding.
Let me tell you from my experiance. For some reason friendships made here in he US are a little hard to keep or sustain. It’s like you have to work on it just like U do on a man/woman relationship. I beleive the fact that we all came from different backgrounds and upbringings and thus diff VALUES contribute a great deal to these differences we have amongst eachother…It’s easier for me to relate with somebody I know from childhood or back home…than somebody I meet here…I don’t know if that applies to your case, but I think that’s normally the case….
Well…let’s see…like FlorNueva said give and don’t expect ‘caue you will be disappointed…But I also suggest that U talk to these ppl and tell them how you feel about them. But I have a feeling these folks are not aware of thier behaviours and when you talk to them about it they will realize what a jack ass they have been without them even realizing it…..If the situation persistes, I suggest you bounce….
I say Amen to that. Over this past weekend my sister and I were talking about these, Ethiopian pretend-friend, parasites that have the “me, me, me it’s all about me and who gives a damn about you” syndrome. Oh my goodness, I love the gusto you put in your article, you made my day. Everything I feel and more and your article is very therapeutic. I did a lot purging of these parasites within the past few years and I’m much happier.
Yes, I want to take you for granted (Part 1). Yes, another installment to the series!!!!
I think the source of yours slumbersome-ness (is there even such a word?) is lack of inspiration and interest for having friends. I think you might just turn into some jaded stoner if you keep going this road. And well, I don’t think you want that?
But, it’s not like there’s nothing to do with your friends but take requests. On the contrary there is a load to do/think/upkeep on your part. Maybe you just sick of it??
Take a look at your self in the mirrior WONDEM>EHIT? Whoever the FUK you’re! LOL
I don’t think any task aforementioned actually appeals to anyone, let alone someone who has been sticking with your friendship for all these years already.
And to add to that, I think you miss having genuine fun amongst your friends, Now the pressure is taking toll… You need to live LIFE my brother/sister!! Do you understand my freaking worlds?? Well I can’t blame you or anyone for it, because thanks to your stress levels, I think everyone around you has endured a loss of, well, fun in their harder and much stronger time. Well, okay, maybe not everyone around you, but your family ONLY can understand.
It’s the end of the year syndrome, or should I put it your mid-life crisis, ironically, I’m very uninspired, seeking an out and very worried that complacency might just slap you in the face if you don’t reinspire yourself as soon as you can.
Remember, remember, the Habesha Love!
There’s also that other aspect which one has, could and God forbid, would even make basic conversation with you?? I try not to let your stress get to me, But that’s just me.
I don’t know about you.
Marena Wotete
FROM MY EXPERIENCE -
-Friendship here in the US amongst Ethiopians are hard to keep and sustain for we all come from different back grounds and upbringing thus have diff values that contribute a great deal to our differences.
It’s easier for me to relate to someone I know from back home or from childhood than new ppl I meet at this age. Either way it seems like we have to work on the relationship just like u do on man/woman relationship.
-For some reason friendships in big cities like DC seem superficial…It’s all about what you do, what you wear, how you look, and not who you are and what you value…
-Unfortunately, we are live in a society where being fake and a back stabber is glorified than being honest and sincere……
Having said that, Nolawi, I suggest you talk to your friends about how you feel. U will be surprised how some ppl do things unintentionally……….But if the problem persists….U should bounce… Like FlorNueva said….DO NOT EXPECT FROM PPL ‘CAUSE YOU WILL BE DISAPPOINTED…
Um…Nolawi? I know this is not about me for the simple fact I don’t call you 10 time a day or nine or seven or six…you get the point. But I wonder who it is about? Oh, Noles why so blue? Is it really that bad? You know sometimes people care about you so much that they take you for granted. I know I love Meron with all my heart and in fact consider her my other half. So when I need to get stuff done I have no reservation asking her to do it if I think it’s quicker for her to it then for me. But I also will do the same in return for her. I think you should tell her how you feel and I bet she’ll understand. I bet she doesn’t even realize that she’s doing it. Besides you can just call me…j/k
THIS IS NOT ABOUT ANYONE IN PARTICULAR!
this is about ethiopians as friends in general…. I’ll get back to all the wonderful comments…. in time…
ps I am loving this marena wotete… guy/girls input!
wey nolawi, what do u expect after u do them all
Nolawi; That’s just my view, (Part 2) Yes, 2nd installment to the series!!!!
You will be cured with time and some degree of patience. Since there’s no other way to fix your current feeling, anyway. Just because…
Because you see, when someone like you loses grasp of the friendship, you don’t think you know where else to go? Except blame your friends for using you!
Well, as much as you do not want to be lost in the wilderness from the best of your friends, the one who’s more than a friend, and everyone else, at times, and at this current moment, I think you should take a time out!!!!! A day or two to be really alone, putting yourself together, for your own, and everyone else’s good. And then, maybe, hopefully, life will go on as it has always should.
Just because you don’t think you want to see any favors being asked, Just because your friends and family do not deserve to have their life just a little less easier because of you??
You know Nolawi, how do those people on television do it anyway? Their entire life circles around happy happy friends?? I think you have sudden happenings in your life, I sense super amounts of suicidal sadness and conflict the size of World War Two. You don’t ever, have a day’s rest from Habesha drama, Ha? It seems to me, As much as you like drama, (as it saves your life from mediocrity and nothingness) I really am thinking that we all are asking for trouble for measuring friends here.
I’m beat, even with this. The effort sucks!!!!!!!!!!!
I re-read previous posts on this series, notably the first part, and I came across a list of walls I had to climb at the time, with regards to my good relationships with all my Habesha friends.
It’s funny. I think back at how I used to be, and how I am now, and there has been much change. I persevered through that time and state, and hell I’ll be lying if it didn’t take a toll, and here I am, at a much better situation with regards to my thoughts in my second post.
Isn’t that all you need? A sign of, well, progress and improvement just to show that once again you (well, all) will get through this, and things would get better, because God only helps those who help themselves?
I think it is. And no, the heat-seeking missile theorem has been thrown away ever since. I don’t need to assess Bernos.org in that way anymore, so I guess I’m better off. Or am I?
Marena Wetete
lol nyalasmoke hahahahahah
Well Nolawi,
It is almost a mixed feeling that you are who you are by birth and you are who you are by choice. Now, keeping the balance at times seems to be very difficult. Especially with your ‘Ethiopic’ heritage, you inherited your ‘raw’ identity.
But, when it comes to the make of your ‘personhood’, you have made different choices and are making different choices. That also directs towards your choice of friends and how you would interact with them. And also whether you would respond or react to their way of treating you.
Lately, I have been in ‘query mode’ … regarding my attachment with my own habesha people. My query began from my own soul searching (my attachment to myself) and extended out to my own family then to my friends.
(I tell you we are the most complex kind of people)
Not trying to be philosophical here, but, you can’t point at ppl with out pointing back at yourself.
In my opinion, balancing what we inherited versus what we can shape requires a real wisdom.
Nolawi, since we don’t live in a vacuum, how can we create wholeness in our existence with out people?
Teyakiw,
Ethiomind.blogspot.com
Well said Teyakiw!!! Almost made me proud being a complex Habesha!
FloreNueva
You get the just of it…. I didn’t ask for a kidney hehe…I expect a few things.. a little consideration….If you are saying live you life without expecting anything from anybody… then i don’t know… I expect people around me to do the things they promise to do…. If they say yes I’ll do … then I expect they will…
Celebrate Amen back at you!
Freud I mean marena .. if I send requests … it is because I have & would do vice versa…
The real deal… the suggestion about talking to them… esti I’ll think about it… but I don’t thing it’s a good idea…I’m sure other will agree…I should avoid takers… and befriend others…
Meron – there is no one specific person… in mind…
i’ll get back to rest of you……
If you don’t want anything in return, then why are you complaining? The first four paragraphs contradict the last four. My advice — Achisibet … better yet kamibet – or see a shrink.
Maybe expecting some one to do something for us is a way of testing IF “our loved ones” are there and that they still love us….the more the demands/requests….the more reassurance we need…
I say, you can talk with them but that’s all you’ll do is talk. These people are well aware of their behavior and don’t want to acknowledge it because they’ll have to change (change, no way!) and I’m sure they’re not havin it. It’s their comfort zone and as long as you’re dishing it out they will continue visiting the soup kitchen. At some point you’ll have to say, “No soup for you” and mean it like the Russian soup guy on Seinfeld. If they detect you’re calling a bluff then it’s back to the marry-go-round, and around, and around. I’m sure getting dizzy is not on your list of things to accomplish, at least I hope not.
I say visit your local blood bank and donate, if you want to help out a one-way friend, this way you can justify getting dizzy.
A bad friend is like metfo chama, it keeps on hurting you until you just get rid of it. You may walk with a limp for a while but in the end you’ll be dancing with the stars.
celebratelife
I like you mteaphor of ‘metfo chama’ … dancing with the stars was so funny lol…
Exactly my point, Nolawi, why complain if you don’t want somthing in return…? I don’t think you read my suggestion, which you should have taken a step back and answer us! I gave you 2 days to lock your self up! LOL
celebratelife, I celebrate you!!!
M&W
Seriously consider how simple life would be if you just did not expect anything back. Even a simple consideration. After all, isn’t that why pple are unhappy, not having their expectations met ? Just go do be….if you get something in return great if not thats fine too. You have paid your dues. As long as you do your part you will not be the cause for someone else’s disappointment.
haha ah aha I love the analogy.. Metfo Chama…
you have to get rid of the bad aura around u…
Marena
what kind of question is that… the whole freindship term denotes coperative & supportive behaviour between two human beings…. look it up! if the support is one-way its not healthy…
I do no expect anything from my freinds…. I might request something… and if they promise to do so.. help out… I expect it to be done…
here is a little quote from cs lewis…… what happened to true freinds!
“To the Ancients, Friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue. The modern world, in comparison, ignores it. We admit of course that besides a wife and family a man needs a few ‘friends’. But the very tone of the admission, and the sort of acquaintanceships which those who make it would describe as ‘friendships’, show clearly that what they are talking about has very little to do with that Philia which Aristotle classified among the virtues or that Amicitia on which Cicero wrote a book.”
Nolawi, lots of people are going around thinking that it was about them….fese ye yazewo..zelaye ayechillim
If a friend can’t be there in the time of need then what differentiates them from a stranger on the street? What, the fact that you know their name? “Give me a break” as John Stossel would say.
As my Uncle used to say! Tadia Endeza Atelem! Men Telefelefalh!
Well said…
thank you I did like the challenge… atitifa eshi… i’m asumming u are a guy!
Maybe I’ve shallow friendships. Maybe I’ve no expectations. Maybe I’m selfish. Maybe I’ve bad memory. I’m sorry but I don’t relate to this. Should I?
I have family members who’re routinely a pain in the butt. They’d say, ‘I mail that to you’ and a month will come and go. I will call again. ‘Wuy … I never had time to pick it a box to put it in’. Another month will pass. The last time this happened, I called the person and told them I wasn’t getting off the phone until the person waked into the post office and dropped off my stuff. Two days later I had my package. I imagine I’d treat a friend the same.
Maybe at some point I’ve communicated my displeasure, and my friends have done the same. Nolawi, if you mean it, maybe once in a while you should bark it.
Thank you tobian… i need to bark more… i suppose what i wrote is a start
I try my Habesha
I sand letl later b\n
Ilerng englise langehe
Itry not to let your habesha
Man canye acsplane tefer asfa
Becoise my ferande iseyou sow
nakst email
serkalem,
what was that? I tried to scramble the words … but don’t get…
but, once in a while barking might server better(?) – as tobian put it.
Scramble!
Here is my version of deciphering Serkalem:
aha hahaha ah ha hah aha hahahha ah haha hha ahahahhahah i fell off my chair and then hit my head..
Thanks shalom I owe you one…
After all said and done we will still have to live with the selfish friends if we are to have a fuller life don’t we?:)
shalom,
Man you are good!!!!!
ShalomShalom, I love it! You saved everyone a lot of headache. Friends don’t let friends type seqrew.
Good for you Nolawi stand for what you believe in!
Serkalem; I will help you inturpret what you wrote in Amaregna! LOL
“I try my Habesha” Aye Habesha!
I sand letl later b\n Mehal Gebeya Beqome,
Ende-Zebegna!
Ilerng englise langehe Be-Ferenji Quanqua,
Be-Englizegna!
Itry not to let your habesha Be-rote Be-rote,
Ke-Hulum habesha!
Man canye acsplane tefer asfa Yene Simm Yabalal,
Tifram Asefa!
Becoise my ferande iseyou sow Beleke Yihen e-mail
nakst email. Guadegna Satta!
Ha, Ha, Sorry.. It didn’t post corectly side by side… Let me try again!
“I try my Habesha” Aye Habesha!
“I sand letl later b\n” Mehal Gebeya Beqome,
Ende-Zebegna!
“Ilerng englise langehe” Be-Ferenji Quanqua,
Be-Englizegna!
“I try not to let your habesha” Be-rote Be-rote,
Ke-Hulum habesha!
“Man canye acsplane tefer asfa” Yene Simm Yabalal,
Tifram Asefa!
“Becoise my ferande iseyou sow nakst email” Beleke Yihen e-mail Manem Alayew, Guadegna Satta!
HI HI Shalom thnkyou hesand emedatle agarat answer
i layeket friendship becoise engelish
communicat and ilaycet tow mahe friend
thankew
Iseyou swe nakst email
Serkalem Mideksa
Serkalem Mideksa, been sipping on gin and juice?
Hey Serkalem,
I’m sending you a Spellcheck for X-mas!
Amen!!! That is the story of my life.
In this awesome scheme of things you’ll get an A+ just for hard work. Exactly where you actually confused us ended up being in your specifics. As it is said, the devil is in the details… And that couldn’t be more true in this article. Having said that, permit me inform you exactly what did work. Your article (parts of it) is certainly rather powerful and that is most likely the reason why I am taking an effort in order to opine. I do not really make it a regular habit of doing that. Secondly, while I can see the leaps in logic you make, I am not certain of how you appear to connect the details which inturn make the conclusion. For the moment I will subscribe to your issue however wish in the future you actually link the facts better.
Perfectly indited written content, Really enjoyed looking at.
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