I am going to start a new tradition here on bernos. Today’s we “Sound Off!” Sound off something enlighting, complain about your 401k going doing the hill or the lack off no sound investment.
Things you want to do in your life; last time you got laid, what you eat for breakfast; where you buy your socks. If you prefer boxers to breifs. Et Bla Blah.
I will start, I went to happy hour with coworkers, yesterday. I generally keep it professional, never hang out with the bosses or share anything in my personal life. I am quite, i just want to be left alone. I don’t talk much. I just go to my computer and sit and do my job and leave.
But dude, ya that is what he said.
Dude, you drink Chivas?
I have a freind in NYC, she says “Dude” a lot. I think she says it with everyone. But “dude” from a boss is kinda wierd.
Published by December 12th, 2008 in Bernos, Personal and Social.
There’s a lady at my job that has the most annoying voice-right now i want to walk over and put a paper clip in her mouth so she could open it up when she talks instead of squicking and whispering annoyingly……there are people at my job that don’t pick up their feet when they walk- they just drag it on the carpet…WTF why can’t people walk with a little bit of dignity, pick up your damn feet…..okay there’s another lady that takes lunch at 12:00 no matter what kind of meeting or work we’re having-she actually gets up and goes into her office, closes her door and eats until 1pm-sometimes she takes a nap…..then there are the habesha people that come by my job acting helpless but still asking me ‘ergetena nesh’ (are you sure) fucker- i just told you what you should do and you’re looking at me like I just asked for your first born….okay thanks for letting us vent nolisha
ok … i was in a sad, sad mood yesterday because i couldn’t figure out what i was doing here, now. plan was, go to college, maybe even grad school then ship back home. but then senior year, i decided to postpone grad school for a couple of years cuz i still had no idea what i wanted to do with my life and i am now working. but i can’t figure out what i’m supposed to do with my life. i don’t wanna get used to THIS cuz THIS is not home, but i feel miserable alwlays missing HOME so I know i have to let go … sorry, this is wayyyyyyyy to deep for the light hearted banter you were lookin for …
I have not had sex in four months. I am good looking smart and funny but girls are not interested in me.
Casual encounter never happen to me. I have to wine and dine them for months before i get some. sometime I never get some.
so I have to pay for it. NO prostitutes but I have to basically hang around for months just for sex.
it sucks i tell you
not at all lulli – its actually perfect.
we need more comments like yours to make my friday bearable…
i am heading to Addis soon for frist time after too many years in state. My stomach is hurting me so bad. People said to me “it is the excitement” which i couldn’t believe. anyways i love life but life is hard. I love school but i hate exam. I love the process of learning but i dont do good on exam. Well…well well… actually i love sound off idea b/c i do have sound of time most of the night with myself. I just write what i feel and think….dream..etc..
great idea Nolawi..
They’re both talking to me at the same time…one won’t stop to listen to the other…they throw around words like Frisbees and I’m the playing field. They both have solid arguments too! So which is it when faced with a major decision? The heart or the head?
^the heart!
the heart ofcource
demo i thought this would be an easy decision for you masinko
assuming ofcource you are trying to choice between guys a here
heart job is only to transport blood. Head..ohhh..head..i am sick of it. you forgot soul..
melody: gutt
oh, and “christmas time” ANNOYS the heyl outta me!
lol Nol, no it’s not a choice b/n men – that’s never a ‘major’ decision demo…:)
Masinko, use both!!
Masinko: go with head, definately head!!!
how do i tell a friend she’s making a big mistake without being the “jelous friend”? We are close but she’s quite fragile and a bit of a drama queen. She’s falling for this guy really really really fast…did i say really? and she doesn’t know anything about this guy other than what he tells her (long distance, opposite coasts) but what he says is opposite to what he does. I don’t want her to be crushed but then again i don’t want our friendship to be affected by this either. I feel like i’m being selfish but her sister is also my friend and she feels the same way about the guy as I do but she’s not saying anything either. If her own sister is doing nothing then I’m asking myself if it’s my place to say something….so what’s a friend to do?
A friend tells the truth geen it doesn’t mean that she will/has to listen to you. After you tell her what you know, make sure you include that you love her and that if that’s her choice you’re behind her 100% (to pick her up if needed)…..it’s like you know he’s SEKARAM and SEKARAM baet ayseram geen if you want the SEKARAM and I see him outside sleeping, I will pick him up because he’s your SEKARAM BAL type of thing…..get the point chuni??
MM, If my heart doesnt agree with my head, it is me trying to cheat I…My heart should be able to spell it out and convince my head….
I dunno if u go by the Bible….but this makes sense anyways….:
The heart is deceitful above all things.
I am with Hewe on the this one… Chuni a friend always should tell the truth. Even if she is mad at you for now she will see that it was for her own good when she comes to her senses.
chuni-
I have two questions…
is he in the west or east coast?
and how come her sister is quite about this?
What do you think of this i just mate a guy, long distance…. he dosn’t call unless i tx or call him…….and then he says he is feeln me but he is the abesha type who don’t show his feeln is there such thing?
Dini, i get this:
“My heart should be able to spell it out and convince my head”
but then you confused me with this one “The heart is deceitful above all things”
Or am i wrongly assuming you said follow the heart?
I am sleeping with two girls at the same time I feel guilty about it but I want my cake and eat it too
Muna
“… he dosn’t call unless i tx or call him…….and then he says he is feeln me but he is the abesha type who don’t show his feeln is there such thing?”
He’s Just Not That Into You, let it go
I was complaining about not being able to find a good hair salon in a new city, how much you compromise in a relationship, how lonely it feels to be away from the family minamin….
then I hear of this person who is a cancer survivor (of one type), and who was told she now has another type of cancer. If that wasn’t enough, when I heard about her, they were waiting for her to come back from Addis to tell her that her husband just died of a stroke or something. Now, don’t you think we have it good? hoho, yenem chiger hono complain adergalehu….
hawe,
I do feel like i should tell her the truth but if her own sister isn’t saying anything then is it really my place?
Nol,
the guy is in the westcoast. And her sister is younger than her and for some reason they give eachother a lot of space even though they live together.
wudnesh,
what a story! It puts things in prespective. May Allah be with her…
. realy i love my homland . also i love my a few
tradetion . i heat our people there are grew with
toooo much .eivl. sprite i like jenniun.person .novil .man.
open junnin . broud .kind . arogant .kiler .dainamic .pren .esped .action. maker
some time .i went live daone . by deeply love .
with out infeulnce .
thank you miss kedest .israeil
please im not feel good teroadelm .abedalehu
.espacl gift .for every .friends . make to cilp
ejigayhu. she bbbaw . one part
MM,
That is because I believe wrong motives have the ability to hide even from myself…in my heart…kinda….and keep pushing me in the wrong direction….
I think as humans, wrong motives like lebnet, machberber, matalel, mewashet, hamet, etc…are always in all of us trying to lead us in the wrong direction but since our conscious knows these things r wrong, they bury themseleves deep within what we call the heart …:)
I dont know if I am clear enough but I tried…..
Time for Bernos Press
I wanna go so far away, away from everything that I know, and yet I wanna go somewhere everyone knows my name.
There’s so much I wanna do too, so much that it frustrates me because there’s so little time. Why??
And why am I ever born to die?
BeQa Gin lemin…?
I only had sex three times in the last 4 or 5 years since my break up with my ex-girl! It is unbelivble, but I have learned to love with it. I feel as if I am evolving into a monk in a world everything is highly sexualized – and the temptation is overwhelming. I just do’t trust women at all and I find one night stands to be disgusting and un-natural.
oh its that time of the year, finals. it’s like a big battle inside of me and I am the punching bag. you don’t look good enough, not conservative enough, you do everything wrong. consistent heart ache! on top of this, he likes me, he likes me not. I feel like a 13 yr old. and the truth, I really don’t give a fuck. As twisted as that sounds, I just want to know if he likes me or not for my stupid ego. twisted thoughts, crazy ideas. Is there anyway we can rent other ppls heads just for a day or would it be worse????
LOL at all the egotistical love and sex starved bunch
MM go with the one telling you to take risk
Chuni,
I would want a FRIEND to tell me everything no matter how hurtful. I have gone through a similar situation with a cheating BF. Had they told me earlier it would have saved me few years rather than find out myself!
I was more hurt by my so called friends not telling me. What are friends for…. sister or not!
Time for BP indeed!!
Anonx,
“go with the one telling you to take risk”
That sounds like a good rule of thumb….
Anonx, that made me smile…great perspective!
Chuni treat your friend as you would have liked her to treat if the shoe was on the other foot…what would you have liked your friend to do if the situation was reversed?…I would prefer mine risked our friendship to tell me the truth even though I wouldn’t be angry at them when they were the bearers of bad news, what would matter to me more would the honesty it took and the respect they show me and our friendship by telling me the truth, the truth hurts at times but not half as much as omission of truth in friendship does…
snow….rain….freezing rain….-23degrees below wind chill……………I hate winter having to warm car up 10min to go anywhere having to wear hat, scarf, gloves, heavy jacket, and long johns……..GGGGGGGRRRRRrr curse you winter………as you were
Ouch MM! I smiled too reading yours and just as you didn’t tell why, I won’t tell you why either. But here is how my best friend who happens to be my youngest brother at the ripe age of 19 is turning the table on me …. its a Mark Twain qoute.
Do something every day that you don’t want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain. -Mark Twain
I am worried about my sisters health .
I am worried about my other sisters future.
My brother might be deported and that is constantly on my mind.
I hate myself for not sending money to my mom .
I am worried about his job .
whenever i complain i feel bad because i am being ungrateful to god .
i am super tired all the time…i don’t understand why i work such long hours…i don’t even have time/energy to spend the money…what is the purpose of working this much? whats the purpose of life?
Dinich,
read dostoyevky’s underground man and/or brothers karamazov, he explores the human heart, motives, good and evil, IMO better than any writer i’ve ever read. After you read it, you’ll gain even more appreciation for the quote “the heart is deceitful above all things, and exceedingly corrupt. Who can know it?”
I’ve stopped trusting even the conscious, rational decisions at face value. Its takes serious soul searching, and soul searching is turning out to be a full time job.
Datdude….thx….I ll put that on my list of books to read (my guilt list)….
I agree, we are way more conceited than we realize….
an old romantic interest comes back into ur life – no longer donning the ‘playa’ bling used to flash…u find it funny that all the bling shines way differently now that u’re both in the real world away from school – u’re internally snickering at the way scripts flip. would u give it a try knowing he was the brotha all the white gurls chased and caught? once a player always a player?
tpeace,
I would. But, I would try not to get too involved emotionally. Like the guy am with right now. I like spending time with him and everything .He is almost everything I like in a guy. but he is like Charlie and the lies factory. Funny thing , he is not even a good liar. But , what the heck ?I am having fun so will keep him around.
I worry all the time,bout school. am confused and i dont know what i really want to do in my life, i think about changing majors all the time. my grades are not what they used to be,, and that is more stress. i need to talk to someone, my mom goesn’t get it, and other people are just u knoe. and guysss…i really want that companianship.. someone to talk to, love, share things with, but the guys that am talking to are sweet but i just dont feel like they are my type. and home…i really miss home, i been wanting to go for the past two years, but things just didnt work out and am reallly home sick. But lots of things are going good in my life, so i hate my self for complaining about little things..when there are people out their with real problems. ughhh…. when am i goin to be satsifed with my life?
Lately I have been feeling like I have been slipping or losing focus a great deal. I know one of the major source for this is the many unnecessary contacts in my life and the time I spend with these people(large of those in this category are women). So to get back on track, I just changed my number without telling any one and hopeing to start from scratch again only giving my new number to close friends/family and business contacts. My friend says I am wrong for cutting off these people like that? I brushed off the comments at first but now I cant help but to feel guilty and feel like giving them my new number. Am I wrong for doing what I did? Im just curious.
Whats funny is that my plan worked to some degree but somehow I am starting to get back to where I began all over again, wasting time with unnecessary contancts in my life. The only difference is they just new people.
P.S I like this thread, great idea
Sania…hope he stops those lies and gets real with you esp from what u said about he’s almost everything u like in a guy. wish we all didn’t have to be so flaky with each other…
so i watched ‘ghost town’ yesterday, it was kinda funny- along the same lines as ‘about a boy’ for anyone who’s seen it, and i couldn’t help but think what self-centered anti-social a-holes the urban lifestyle within the US is making ppl! it’s almost like society rewards the self-interested money-hungry individuals sitting in their cubicles for hours as they polish their skills of smoozzing and self-promotion to bring in the cash-cow and accumulate piles of stuff in their houses… damm it!!! they need to have required training with simulations and stuff on maintaining ‘BALANCE’ cos it sure seems like a mirage in this instant gratification driven society!!
one old guy said something like create your own culture and community within which u cater to yourself and your loved ones’ in ways that makes u all happy, screw the rest of society.
lol maybe it’s my time to shout ‘being mainstream is sooo passeee’ and move along apathetic
oki doki enough rambling
setoch eko you are so interesting and deep and so confused and unsure about everything. i love you guys because without you life would be too simple and easy.
I like the pain you cause me
” setoch eko you are so interesting and deep and so confused and unsure about everything. i love you guys because without you life would be too simple and easy.
I like the pain you cause me ”
QUOTABLE!!!
“wendoch eko you are so simple and regular and so driven by your libido and ego about everything. i love you guys because without you life would be too boring.
I like the confusion you cause me”
jus some word-play
I say dude alot lol.
Anywho I dunno if this sound off tradition is reserved for fridays, but I just saw this post so here I go……..
This is a rant about the stank vibe Im getting from SOME other habesha girls in the D.C area, other areas and chics in general.
Im a little perplexed why some of these girls act like their back in highschool and their the cool clique in school and the new kids in town are not welcome.Nobody is trying to step on anyones imaginery “turf” it’s definetly TIME TO GROW UP and move on from the delusions. First off rolling in a posse of 20 girls (with one brain) who dress and look just like you everywhere you go when your not a rapper is not the business.It just shows that your incapable of doing, anything by yourself and have low self esteem.Furthermore how DOES LIVING AT THE CLUB, make you cooler than me last time i checked ANYBODY CAN GET IN THE CLUB AND DO ESKISKA UNTILL 3 a.m if they pay the fee. Furthermore viewing other women as “COMPETITION” is beyond pathetic. Some of us are just trying to live are life.
I’m tired of this economic meltdown and how long we have to wait for it to end. Hate the fact that your job is not secure for the foreseeable future. And I’m frustrated the easy days are over.
datdude, I always wondered about Dostoyevk’s popularity amongst Ethiopians, and university students in particular. What is it that attracts them? Is it the ever present doom and gloom or is it a general attraction to tragic and depressing narratives or is it because it provides incessant individual self exploration that our culture lacks. Hope u shade some light on that bro. I have tried reading him a coupla times but failed miserably. After a while turning a page become quite a task. Or take might take Twain’s advice in Anonx’s post… anyways beware Dinicho, but then again christian seem to like self flagellation.
and Tse what a quinkidink I saw that movie that other day as well. I wish I could get my 120 minutes back anyways I like the thing u said about creating “culture and community within which u cater to yourself and your loved ones’ in ways that makes u all happy, screw the rest of society.” It reminded me of this dude called Drrick Jensen. He once said, “I realized that it’s the culture that is crazy, not me.” You have to have that attitude to be able to change anything in this society.
Moki, I encourage you to stock up on canned goods, water and a good shot gun to feel better. Rule of thumb is, a gallon of water per person per day, food that would last u at least a month and the gun to protect you from Zombies and unprepared ppl.
yaaay! I can’t tell you how good it feels to ‘see’ more and more BPers…..miss you Smokey!
Nyala bro,
I understand self flagellation is another word for soul searching….(::)
whats up Wudaye… it is good to see you, hewe and others here too
Its been a while. Hope all iz well with u.
Dinicho, yeah bro, it is also another world for masochism.
I hate that I am feeling financially insecure.
i hate it when people bug me about being single … you don’t think i would change the situation if i could? and what’s wrong with waiting for the ‘right’ guy anyway? overated?
I hate the fact my heart got involved with a person out side my marriage…. When I got married I though it was impossible to love or care about some one else but now I come to find out it’s possible… life is all about choices and trying to stay in a pat where we started. I am truly torn between two wonderful human beings.
i hate the fact that Ezih can find 2 wonderful human beings to fall in love with and i can’t even find one.
lol Nifas, I know right? some of us have slightly different problems …
luli,
Can I give you Nol’s number? he’s available
to cause him pain:)
I love both luli and Ezhi… both of you ladies are interesting…
Ezih, I hate to be the wife. What are you doing about it? do the 2 human beings know about your position? How did it happen anyways if you were already in love your own significant other? Dont mean to be harsh? just wondering……
lol wudnesh now there’s an idea!!
nati – yemin pain new degmo!
nolawi – we love you too (aydel ende ezih?) … thanks for the post, feels good to vent
this thread screams something:
‘It’s BP Time!’
just sayin…
and wude – there are in-the-closet bpersss still postin if u’re wondering…some of us had to change up the nicks we got stuck with, u get?
I am sick of people at work starting every sentence with “this is a priority, this is urgent, this needs to be done today”
Mestika, BTW I am not a man… secondly of course my hubby doesn’t know. But,the other person knows that I am married. when it comes to the heart some times we don’t plan to feel what we feel … it does not mean I will cheat or any thing but my heart got involved.
Ezih, sorry to be callin it out like this but i think we are dissecting ‘cheating’ here a la “it depends on what your definition of ‘is’ is”
your heart feeling for someone else is as damaging as being physically involved. how would you feel if your dude was digging someone else.
LOL at the newbees
Ezih, I strongly urge you discuss with your husband the possibility of an open marriage. Sharing is happiness
Delala, Yes you are right.. I would not like it if my husband was interested on some one else… that’s why i wrote i hate the way i am feeling… any how like i said some times in life we don’t have control over the things we feel… but we most defiantly have control of what we do about it.
Anonx, Thank you for your advice but i don’t believe in sharing it’s either i am with one person or i am not. all about choices again.
nyalasmokes,
w/c back bro, your dramatic entrance into this thread is worthy of a dostoyevskian scene.
Im not sure what attracts ethiopian uni students, I left before I could mature in the culture. The first part of his appeal, reading his works is that Ethiopian society is more closely mirrored by Russian society than anywhere else. (IMO) What russia went through in the 1840s-1890s (roughly the time he was writing in) I think resembles to a smaller degree the societal changes that happened in ethiopia b/n 1940s-1970s.
Both countries are traditionally christian orthodox, had a church state, a monarchy, feudal system, and prior to those pivotal periods I mentioned had experienced an ‘opening up’ to the western world. These periods of national dialog where followed by revolutions, both totalitarian, marxist, and largely led by the second generation of those educated and exposed to western ‘ideas’. (Be lenient, i’m drawing rough parallels of the top of my head, spur of the moment
. So I think the world he is exploring is very familiar in relationships, values, and make up.
The second part of his appeal is that incessant self exploration that maybe is lacking in ethio culture. However, I hesitate to say that because it diminish how unique dostoyevsky is across all cultures in the way he approaches and dissects the inner life. Some even thought of it as an unhealthy obsession with the tormented soul.
A third, and to me his most important appeal, is his ability to explore morality, to go beyond the abstract and to examine the real world manifestations of various ‘beliefs’. It is here that he appeals to me most, in a world where competing ideas make compelling cases, he manages to find ‘the hidden lie’, or as the say the devil in that detail. Phew, okay my mind is exhausted i’ve tried to give a worthy account, but an author of this stature deserves better so I refer you to Joseph Frank, who I think writes the best criticisms of the man and his works.
Finally, if I could recommend a work of his to start with, underground man is a good one. Its short, packed with really interesting observations about humanism, rational egoism, and of course self exploration. Joseph Frank also writes a nice essay on it. I hope annox post doesn’t apply to this, reading dostoyevsky is an adventure because he operates in a world of uncertainties, both moral and circumstantial. So look at this more like going bungee jumping for the soul, instead of self flagellation.
I am not convinced dadude. I have a healthy fear of Russian writers ever since my reading of Tolstoy’s W+P mid way made me experience mental breakdown, literally… Never had a book do that to me. Ya Nyala nice to see you r alive and kicking…I wish I can say just do it
Ezih, I agree with you some times you can’t control what you feel.
These days it feels like I’m trying to fly a plane while building it at the same time. It’s asynchronous and exhausting.
Ezih, remember that feelings, like most other things, do not grow unless fed. So, you could ,in a way,control your feelings by starving it[somebody shout 'Murder!'].All you have to do is replace thoughts about this other person by thoughts about your hubby, friends, hobby etc. You may say ‘hehe, easier said than done’…but believe me, with practice, you can do it!
Toothpick, ‘ayynch..’.whaat? benatih teach me how to build my vocabulary….kemirr.
annox,
tolstoy and W& P are very different form the works of Dostoyevsky. They are two very different authors. I also gave up on W & P, when after reading 100 pages you realize theres 700 more you tend to give up. So the only rusian writer i’ve read is dostoyevsky who is atypical of russian writers anyway.
Datdude, u have put forward a very convincing case bro. Big old Desto sounds like he is worth reconsidering. You know, I have tried “notes from the underground.” It is the second book I failed to finish. The other is of course “Crime and Punishment’ but at least I saw a movie based on it.
I just remember being amazed by the detailed dissection of every minute feeling and emotion of the character in “notes”. After a while, the minutia of inward exploration became too mind numbing for me. Maybe I had a hard time deriving enjoyment out it because I may have a diminished appreciation of self exploration. But then again, u don’t always read for enjoyment alone, aydel? Ok bro, I will take your advice, put aside my apprehension and take that bungee jump with an open mind. Maybe I will continue with this Frank guy but will have you to thank for the initial push. It might also be worthy to look into the Ethio university students phenomena. Esti, I will take an informal survey and report back.
As for the exploration of morality, the one thing I have repeatedly heard, especially in atheist discussions, is the quote “if God doesn’t exist then everything is permitted,” I think it is from “the brother’s Karamzov.” I take this opportunity to send a jab in the general direction of brother Dinich and say that that assertion by Dostoevsky have been disproved again and again.
Morality is independent of God.
Anyways bro, always a pleasure reading your post. Maybe we should start an informal book club… what do u say… annox, tse, dinich ..any one else?
smokey, consider me IN!
I need a lil help here you guys special you man be honest and advice me, I’ve been dating this guy i mate thro family, we went on a date 6 times and been talking for one month, i’m feeling him, and he is saying he feeling me to but he is pressuring me to get Intimate with him and we had a fight the other night over that so what is you say on that????
BERNOS PRESS BERNOS PRESS BERNOS PRESS
There may be a chance that we have Bernos Press back IF we have enough people ‘for’ it…and volunteer moderators. Do I hear Dini??? So, if you want BP back, email me at nidia127@yahoo.com And who knows, we may have BP for the new year.
Sarah, don’t give in to pressures. If he can’t respect your wishes, let him go. Remember, if this doesn’t work, (and you said you met him through family)being intimate so soon is not what you’ll look back at fondly.
Nyala bro….sure I am all for the book club even though the stage of life am at(3 kids) leaves me with little time to read…being in the same book club as you will only make my guilt worse.(::)
Morality without God? I don’t have a problem with accpeting that to a certain extent….It doesn’t take God to understand that morality is in the best interest of society….that may drive some level of morality with a lot grey area…. but Biblical morality is more about heaven than earth…the bible is not just about how to live ur life here…In fact it says…. “If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.” .Biblical morality is about how to live your life with eternal perspective….In fact it is hard to make sense of some of the moral values of the bible unless you have an eternal perspective…
Even though I agree to some level of morality without God, its long term sustainability in a totally godless society is questionable. How was the assertion disproved? esti say a few things on this….
Wud, count me in for BP for sure….I miss BP…
Sarah….keep saying no…he will respect u for that…be firm…guys like girls who are firm at saying no to sex…He will think u r a wife material…:)
guys, what’s bp (bernos press)??
Sarah, you should definitely wait. No rush- a month is way too short time to get intimate with any guy..if he’s really in to you, he’ll stick around till you feel comfortable but if he’s rushing you into it, I wouldn’t take him seriously.
nyalasmokes,
i’m glad to have hopefully reintroduced “DESTO” into your literary life. The book club sounds like a great idea, but you forgot to invite Hidaya…who surely must join at least for the sake of having someone who speaks Queen’s english
(and of course amazing insight).
BTW i’m really interested to see how your informal survey goes. Which tittle they read also is important since dostoyevsky’s works are admired by many people for many reasons. I look forward to your results.
Did you attend school in addis? I’ve always wanted to attend Addis abeba university, (mainly because I used to know a guy who was a politics/philosophy major who came out of there crazy, and used to talk to himself
He was an incarnate of DESTO’s characters.
Sara,
My advice to you is to clearly investigate what you want out of this relationship with this guy. If intimacy is not what you are looking for, you have to clearly express your interest to your guy. You must spell it out for this guy because guys aren’t good understanding hints or body language. Sit down and talk to your guy. Tell him that you like him or state facts/personalities that you like about him however, it is so early for you to get physically intimate. Therefore, say I need sometime to get to know and if possible tell that amount of time whether you need three, four, five, six months or more as a matter of fact. You have the right to make him wait until you feel comfortable and if he is okay with your decision. There needs to be a clear communication and understanding between you two at early stage in the relationship start. After you tell him your decision, you must stick to it. Don’t change your mind next day and be all over him. Or guys aren’t like girls where they can start making out and stop at certain point. There is no going back once Mr. Johnson is ready to go. Don’t stay over too late at his house after a date. Do not accept late night invitations over to his house or plan a date to meet him at public place. You should take your own car so you can drive yourself home post a date. This is to give you sometime to get to know him however you must talk to him and make him understand what you are looking for or what you want to do with him. I don’t believe in just making him wait to show him that you are wife material. I just don’t believe in that kinda of BS. If he loves you and if you guys are compatible, then eventually he will marry you. You should use your instinct and pay attention to how this guy treats you and his goals in life or evaluate him on issue that matter to you. Is your long term goals compatible? If he doesn’t want to have kids like Nolawi, are you going to continue to date this guy? Just be open minded and clearly communicate with him about your needs. There is no need to make him wait for so long for sake of getting to know him. Be respectful of his feeling and needs. Just don’t put your sight on becoming his wifey and make him wait forever because there might be a chance that his guy might not want to stick around for so long. I wish you good luck with your relationship and I hope it will work out. There is nothing that makes me happy to see my fellow abesha brother and sister holding hands and walking down the street.
to all the school people (luli, ms etc),
“what am i doing here” — letimirt new lela minim iyaregin adelem yalenew. thats the one thing that people back home dream about and what i would be dreaming about if i were back there so don’t give up the school thing no matter how lousy you think ur choices, ur grades or anything else is. me too, i really love learning u know? i don’t care about my grades much and that makes life a whole lot harder for me but i don’t care as long as the learning opportunity is not completely closed on me. I just got a truck load of bad news just yesterday where that is concerned and I woke up this morning with such a heavy heart that i could hardly lift myself (and that was before i even remembered why i had the said heavy heart).. just got done talking myself out of the misery but i know i ain’t going to let it get in the way. There is always a way!!! ayzogn!
sara, say no kalmeselesh but don’t feel guilty about it kemeselesh. As somebody who would most definitely would have said no, lemme just say i don’t see anything wrong in giving in if you feel like it (for whatever reason) Just don’t do it iyakmamash (esp with him knowing that u r doing it against your instinct).
nyalasmoke, i am not into desto all that much and I am all about doom and gloom but i am so about doom and gloom that i don’t want desto adding to it. esun ante atnegregnim, i wanna say to him on most things. Need Twain to cheer me up.
jeez, the characterization of desto as doom and gloom is as erroneous as Powell’s characterization of Iraqi weapons aresenal…. NO smoke no fire, NO WMDs. i’m just saying y’all are wrong on this characterization, and the trail of blood trickles to the feet of nyalasmokes and annox. I hope you enjoyed sullying works that could redeem our youth and intelligentsia. Mark twain is not so happy go lucky, considering his treatment of the escaped negro slave is while sympathetic, unflattering to those of us with refined sensitivities. What is that? you say he is depicting life, he’s a realist? thank you for making my case….:)
What’s the freakin difference between love and infatuation?
Nothing, tpeace. Absolutely nothing.
Eriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! *Screaming*
Well sorry but it did say “sound off”… so…
oyy i just saw the book club idea!
i’m game- what u have in mind nyala? I’m reading “notes from the hyena’s belly” right now.
never been in a book club…could be cool.
BOOK CLUB! BOOK CLUB!!!!
Sarah – From the way you write, I say you have little to lose… you won’t lose any respect from me by sleeping w/ him. Think of it this way, if he never calls back afterwords then you will have plenty of free time to study. You feel me? ha ha ha…
Sometimes I think about leaving everything and all civilization behind and go live in remote wilderness in solitude. Ever since watching a PBS documentary about a man named Richard Proenneke, who lived alone in Alaskan wilderness for some 35 years.
May be on a six month extension basis until I crave Starbucks coffee and the internet again.
While reading ‘the brothers karamazov’, I was wavering between shelving the book or continue reading it because it just couldn’t live up to all the hype I heard about it. I saw streaks of genius here and there but the overall platitudes were not cutting it for me…until I reached the chapter ‘Rebellion’ followed by ‘The Grand Inquisitor’. The strongest and most formidable case brought against God. I was seriously taken aback by what I read and found myself setting the book aside in the middle of a passage and saying ‘wooooooooow…this guy is ILLLLLLLLL”. Some serious stuff mayn.
Found both chapters on the net, If anybody is interested in those topics.
REBELLION
http://literature.sdsu.edu/2004/summer/tattoo/dostoevsky.pdf
THE GRAND INQUISITOR
http://www.mtholyoke.edu/acad/intrel/pol116/grand.htm
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