My friend ‘wiki’ defines gratitude, appreciation, or thankfulness as a positive emotion or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive.
After having lived in the US for years being expected to say ‘thank you’ at every turn, experiencing the celebration of the commercialized Mother’s day, Father’s day, and Valentine’s day, being forced to use the institutionalized ‘employee appreciation’ programs at work to thank my coworkers and managers and celebrating a day designated for Thanksgiving to express a special gratitude to God for his blessings and appreciate loved ones for their support; it is no surprise then that my mind is corrupted to expect thanks in some way from my friends as well.
I have been thinking to write about ‘appreciation’ for over a year now. Last summer there were a number of friends that got married or graduated from colleges. We threw showers for the brides and helped at weddings and graduation parties and contributed towards gifts or gave individual gifts. I didn’t get but only one ‘thank you’ note from the several events.
Again this year with the similar events that we had for our friends where I spent time and money, there is not a single thank you received yet verbally or in writing. When I reviewed my recent bank statement, most of the checks I wrote went towards these good causes and some were for leqsos, but that is another topic of discussion. It has been bothering me, as it has some of my friends I was close enough to mention it to, that we didn’t get any acknowledgement from our friends for throwing parties for them, for the thoughtful gifts or helping out at their weddings.
In trying to find out if some friends didn’t get or just didn’t appreciate the gifts, I asked one of the 2007 graduates I gave a gift to, if she received the gift I gave her. I thought it probably got thrown out with the garbage after the elaborate party and that she didn’t end up getting the gift. She said she got it and said thank you. It was a weird feeling to hear that ‘thank you’ after so long and it didn’t have the same impact as a heartfelt, self initiated acknowledgment.
I know it is not our culture to send ‘thank you’ cards and ‘egzer yistelign’ and ‘ameseginalehu’ don’t seem appropriate. We have our own way of expressing our gratitude by helping out our helper when needed or with a gibja or gift when the occasion arises that would allow us to reciprocate. As abeshas, we show our appreciation in better ways, but my corrupted mind still yearns for some acknowledgement to let me know that my friends appreciated or received my gift.
Published by September 2nd, 2008 in Advice and Social.
Thank you for sharing.
Adey darling so nice to see you, me missed you mucho. Now with this Thank You bit oh man I have some stories….
A funny story….a friend sent a thank you card for a gift she received and in return she received a thank you card back for the thank you card she sent and it read “thank you for the thank you card.” So there is such a thing as overdoing the thank you bit. I told her to send another thank you card for thanking her for sending the first thank you card and see what happens
She never did so it ended at 2 thank yous.
It’s basic etiquette to acknowledge a gift and say thank you whether you liked it or not. Next time give them a book on etiquette’s and write in the cover “hint, hint” lol
I got a rather awkward email this morning from a newlywed asking if readers could identify a list gifts that weren’t accompanied with a name/s so that the happy couple can send proper Thanks..
My thoughts:
1. why not just send a note to everyone?
2. people really expect an official “Thank You” for something that’s so routine?
I guess..
Thank Yous and I’m Sorrys are so overdone these days, I’m at a point where I get a bit annoyed when I receive them. Plus, I’d hate to think that just because I didn’t hear/read the words that my friends don’t appreciate my intentions..
I have a feeling I’m alone on this boat..
lol celebrate. thanks for making me laugh.
Thanks Adey, but I am with yachilij on this one. I also think thank you’s are overdone. It doesn’t bother me if I don’t get a thank you because that is not the reason why I am doing the favor. To me with friends, thank you’s are always implied when not spoken.
Our good old moms and dads have always said egzeryistiligne and wileta melash yargegne .I think only the ungrateful bunch don’t acknowledge what is done.
another interesting fact about habeshas is NOT SAYING YAMRAL,SITAMIR,SIYAMRIBISH BLABLA IN YOUR FACE TO YOU UPCLOSE WHEN THEY SEE HOW GOOD YOU ARE LOOKING .beteley set ena set .it does not make you look less beautiful if you acknowledge KONJO NEGER .
Adey nice piece! THANK YOU EGZIABHER YISTISH!!!!!!!!!
I think misgana maninim ayigelim….but i am a man with no expectations….if you give anything seeking something out of it(this also include “thank you”)…you are not giving but investing…why should you care whether they say thank you or not???????…we humans need recognition…if i get one i will be happy if i don’t…who cares!!!
celebrate besak gedelshign…..
Adey, you remain the sweet person I love reading your articles always.
And you are right that we Ethiopians are so mean to generously express a heart felted appreciation and complement. I often wonder why it is so difficult for us to utter few kind and positive words to others. For some people I know, throwing some appreciation is like acknowledging their drawbacks. Some never say thank you because they know that how happy that would certainly make you feel. so they prefered to be stingy. We call them KINATEGNA OR COMPLEXAM. I mean, does it really make us any less? Others are grateful but they don’t know how to say thank you. It is sad though. God! We are so emotionally illiterate people eko.
Wurgatu….you sounded like some stupid spritual preacher. I really don’t believe a word you said. But if you really mean that, you would certainly be alone in heaven.
Celeb..it has been a while…so nice to see you again.
Maebel who is ‘emotionally illitrate’?
Seriously what a bunch of asswholes you have for your freinds…
I am surprised that they would not appreciate all the tings that you have done for them…
Thanks all for your comments.
Liberate – thanks for the fun comment.
Adey, thanks for the article…
“but my corrupted mind still yearns for some acknowledgement to let me know that my friends appreciated or received my gift.”
I think that if your mind is corrupted then it is good kind of corruption.
I dont think it is too much to ask to be appreciated by one’s friends for what we do for them and vice versa. A please and a thank you are not just words in the etiquette books, they are the embodiment of a concept that we extend basic kindness and decency to each other in a society…
I thank people for whatever kidnesses they bestow upon me, whether it is to invite me to an event or encourage me about something etc.
I thank them for having me in their consideration and for investing their time and energy to do something for me, I dont assume they know I am thankful becuase they cant read my mind and vice versa, so I tell me, both formally or informally as the occasion demands it and I mean it .I dont think it is expecting something out of doing something good either, a thank you and appreciating people is just being considerate I feel being appreciated and appreciating others builds up good self esteem I think…
An efficient power distribution ѕystem requiires that power quality (voltage,
harmonics, еtc. Αn іmportant consideration if ʏοu arre going tо buuld a solar
house οn үоur property іs ɦow it
faces. Ҭhе green initiatives οur
modern datacenter Һas ρut іn place aге ɑlready yielding excellent savings іn tɦе energy realm ɑոd ԝith the plans ѡе Һave fߋr 2009, tҺe Atlanta – NAP team іs excited tߋ see ʝust ɦow far աе caan take this efficiency challenge.
my site … home heating oil prices on long island
Why is it I always really feel like you do?
????????????????
????????????
??????????????????????????
?????????????:(???? ) (????) (?????)??.
???????????:???.??? .?? .?????. .?????.
????????,?????????,
???????,???????????????????????.
????????????????.
???????????????????.???????????????????.
??????????????????????????
??????????????
????????????????????????????????!??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? https://www.tentenok.com/product-10699.html
???? ? ? ? ??
?????????????????????
2024????????????!
??????????
??????? ?????
???? ?????
??????? ???
??????? ???
?????????!
?S/SS?? ???????????????!
?100%???? !????100%!
?????:????????????????????1!
?????????????!
?????(????)!(^0^)
?? ???? ?????? wego https://www.ginza78.com/copy-75-b0.html
????? ?? ????
????????????????????????????????????
?????????????????????????????????????????????? ?? ????? ????,????? ?? ????,????? ??????????????????????????????
????????????????????????????????????????????
?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????? ?? ???? ???? https://www.kusuridonya.com/product/detail-4906.html
???????????????,????????????????????,
??????????,???????????????????
????????????????
????? ??? ?? cd https://www.copysale.net/Copy-sale-5354-_25E3_2583_25AB_25E3_2582_25A4_25E3_2583_25B4_25E3_2582_25A3_25E3_2583_2588_25E3_25830E29704CE4.htm