What they say?
They are in my age range; they are from 26 to 31ish. They are educated, meaning atleast four years of college if not more. They are single, they make decent amount of cash!
They are in most cases emotionally independent!
They live in a large city, work in a large corporation! They have a lot of acquaintances, both males and females, and Africans and non-Africans.
They have been in a few serious relationships although it’s been a while. They have been hurt at least once and they are careful with their feelings. They are not prude sexually, nor are they close to being promiscuous.
They are good looking, but they are not models. They work out to stay in shape or are in shape. They are not superficial physically, both in their own appearance and in the guys they are interested in.
They are social, when it’s convenient although their lives are not filled with a lot of social events. They like being alone and they are content most of the time.
They have a few female friends, they are very close to. They have good relationship with their family, but not very close. They have good relationship with their male friends, in some cases they are very close to them. Some of the relationships are ambiguous; they have though about exploring but it’s hasn’t been explored with an open mind.
They are confident, independent and liberally open-minded!
They can be caring, affectionate and romantic, but it’s been a while. They empathize with men but do not understand the simplicity of his mind.
They are not bitter, they are not angry, but sometimes they feel lonely!
They don’t date because it’s complicated and can be hard! Or at least that is the excuse they believe or give to themselves.
They do want a family of their own. They don’t want to date; they just want to get married!
This post is not about a single person, nor is it based on a personal experience!
Published by May 14th, 2008 in Dating and Social.
Abesha women are hypocrite. I am ashamed to be one.
They want to marry for wrong reasons. I know so many guys in
Addis who were dumped for richer men those women did not know.
But somehow married them.
OH MA GOD………………….seriously do i know Nolawi
interesting observations nolawi.
can’t wait for the one on wondochu.
here’s a few thoughts
~ cost benefit of dating for setochu
~ 6 degrees of separation in abesha bubble. ylugnta, semota, tayta…yadi yada…
~ the biological clock
Hey, Nolawi. F U man, who the hell do you think you are to try to simplify us woman like this.
There is indeed some truth to this post but I don’t think youy have the right to judge us like this.
Go to hell! I wish i never meet a guy like you!
make that 3 degrees
abo, esti someone be a judge and let me know why my post is considered negative!
rebkah you are in denial
my sentiments exactly
. Interesting perspective btw.
Well Nolaw,
It is a good observation. A lot of us women(incuding Me) can relate to what you are saying. I just wait to hear what the male side is…..
You Said “They empathize with men but do not understand the simplicity of his mind.”
Can’t get the COMPLICATED mind of a man…..not so simple as you say…
I guess it has to do with the age range. That’s about the time the biological clock is about to start or will start ticking.
Selezih wine and dine be sesu in the hope of something to materialize out of it…. If no FinCH, mamleT new… no time to waste.
exactly my point…! i think nolawi or…a woman should do one about wondochu.
i dont think its negative, it may be a generalization but its still a good observation for that age range…
Thank you great post. If these setoch knew dating they would be happy.
But they just want to marry for superficial reasons. I want to see them 20 yrs after they marry so I can laugh.
What the hell…there’re just so many things wrong with the read Mr. publisher…
Oh, we don’t date because u men can’t get ur act together…instead ur intimidated by our success and independence….
Interesting indeed Nolawi .
word of advise to unmarried women
If you want to get married stay out of a long term relationship.Men know very early on in a relationship if they are going to marry that woman or not.Beware of men who want to keep a relationship going without commitment for more than a year.
petite
Your independence and success is not intimidating men .Your independence and success makes you think you can be over a man who is under equal terms the head of the house hold.gena legena successful negne bilesh erasishin semai tiseqina then when you wake up one day you are a saggy old bag o bones ,lonely ,miserable and bitter .You are bitter because deep in your heart you know that your success is not universally applicable.
yene konjo,who said anything about being bitter? I’m just speaking from experience. I don’t think I’m better than anybody else because I’m successful and educated and I certainly do not need to apologize for my success. I’ve earned it.
Maybe u and I didn’t run into the same circle of habesha men, but to my knowledge, most of them can’t handle women like myself…and it’s not my problem. Like I said, I’ve worked hard for my success.
And we don’t end up lonely my dear, we just venture out to greener pastures…tata
success is subjective ” yene konjo “.
Tick Tock tick tock while you venture out to greener pastures .too bad you think that all habesha men can’t handle women like you …whatever you mean by handling.
Lets just pray that what handling means to me (and a lot of habesha women ) and what you call handling are one and the same .
Ha ha ha hooooo I haven’t laughed this much since……..
Rebkah: is this post about you? You sound pissed
NOlawi how long did take it you to write this..? very interesting very…
do you obeserve yourself(Wondoch..) like that..? if you did..i can’t wait to read it..
# 14 biskut that is a great great advice i agree. Most women have hard time to believe this and they just stick around one day “he will change his mind and i will marry him…” If a Man can’t make commitment then just kick his a** and leave beqqa and no reason/time to explian.
“Tick tock thick tock..” should not be the reason to marry a man! it is better to be alone than to be partner with the wrong man..dont let your tick tock control over you…
Biskut,
I keep on shaking my head to come out of your comments. DO you really believe in those things you said?
Well,If so I need an autograph. For real, I didn´t know ppl from the 16 th centruy still lived.
Anyhow since the 16th century people have questioned the following points so you might want to think about them,
1- Men are the head of households …lol..Say whhhhhhht?
2- Who says all single women are miserable ?
3- Why was her sucess not universally applicable again?..please spare me the lecture on cultural relativism.
You know I often think there should be a prision for ppl like you. They should give you 5000 books and shouldn´t let you out until you finish reading them.
I am totally not interested to hear what you have to say.
Petite,
Mon cherie ,You totally don´t have to apologize for your sucess. There are great men out there who àppreciate that.
Nolawi ,
Once again, We salud you in the name of creativity. Cool post!
Tsegure ,
What´s up with you and psycho-analyzing ppl?..any relations to Frued,Just checking.
Winta, yene konjo I am just amazed at your contradictory statements above.
it took me about 20 minutes… i don’t spend more than that in most of the article.. there have been a few that took up to 2 hours..
- i just know woman much more than i know men – I think
because i have a vested interest!
Nolawi,
Generally speaking, I think u r on the dote with ur description. But again, there r always exceptions to the general rule.
Ladies, I don’t think this article paints a bad picture of u….the picture I get from this article is a successful, beautiful, family oriented, smart girl who is careful about relationships and who wants to get married. I think that is very positive….and I agree that most of u r somewhat like that….
I’m not big on sweeping generalizations, but this post really does have some truth to it.
Andande wendoche
Not so far from the 30th hurdle …in the range of +/- 3. They have Colorful CV with list of experience in life and living …already proud to flash a pay check or climbing a ladder of popular profession….but no luck in the dating arena yet
They are picky when it comes to women…they say they are immune to physical appearance even though their eyes accompany every behind …but brain is ‘the’ wow factor to have in their opinion
They feel like they know how the female mind functions and they believe they can manipulate it to their advantage
They think women are unfair towards them …but if they are given a chance they believe they can show they are the second best thing next to ‘Obama wining the general election in November’
They try to prove their organizational skills and love for cleanness with their neat flat and the fresh scent of their car. They can also cook ‘finger licking’ good when ever they want to impress.
Their wardrobes and their appearance declare their sense of style.
They can engage in captivating conversation and share interesting opinions
Most of their friends are either married or on the way to be….so….they feel like ….kind of left out… or missing big part of life
They want to fall head over hill in love but they are to smart to fall for a love. Their defense mechanism, which can not be hacked even by professional hacker, can not let them.
Poor Andande wendoche!
Interesting post. A little oversimplified maybe but with some truth. I like the disclaimer on the bottom best.
Interesting indeed. I don’t think there’s anything negative in his observations. though I agree with Helen that it is perhaps a bit oversimplified.
Yes, as one of those girls, I don’t want to date just for the sake of dating. I meet many interesting people during the regular course of my day/life. Actually scratch that. I know enough interesting people, got room for no more. I have a full enough social calendar, unless I view you having a more permanent place in my life, I don’t want to pencil you in. Because honestly, though I want a family, I have a full life and that’s just going to have to make do.
I don’t want to get married the day I meet you, not even a year or two after I meet you, but unless you are also looking to building a relationship that is headed there, what’s the point of wasting both our time?
I know what I want, if you don’t, well, good luck and I really do wish you the best but move on to the next girl.
I enjoyed reading most of my sentiments in the post but while I’m not as p’d off as some, I don’t think its true that (with such confidence and finality too!) “they just want to get married..”
And whoever called me a hypocrite- speak for urself only, please..
A female non-Habesha who seems in the know tells me most habeshas date the same man/woman for 10-15 years before they get married.
Nolawi
I am one of those…Would U marry me?
besak you ladies – i love everything about the abesha ladies betam betam… I love the misery some of you have put me through…
des tilalachu!
No- but i will be happy to machawet u!
Well,Who said single people are not happy?
I see so many married women and men who are so unhappy and complain about their life.
To cover their unhappy life by asking you “are you still single??
When I look back to the guys I dated in the past and who are married now. I say “thanks God I did not end up with them”. At the time of breaking up with them my heart was so broken I thought life was over for me. What was I thinking?
Now they are mostly unhappy, unfaithful etc.
It all has to do with the choices we make in life if we waste our time with Mr. Wrong we need to blame ourseves for being with him. So I am to blame for the choices I made.
Biological Clock, ya I heard mine too! but the point is there are so many orphans in the world that we can give love to. Single girls have started adopting now and why not. For me I rather adopt a child than have one from a man that will not love me or my child. They will stay out late with his friends than be responsible for his family.
I still hope for that kind guy who some day will come to my life and if not I can make other choices.
Chanel the love I have in a different direction.
Thanks winta!!
Sosina: wow impressed with comment #27. You are one confident woman.
Nolawi, good post. Betam right on!!!!!!! and this does not paint a bad picture of women (for those that got pissed at this post)
I think, the idea of dating when you are at that age bracket is betaaaam Adkami…therefore beka you want to skip that and get to the marriage and family part (if it was possible) gin obvioulsy it’s not….well wishful thinking…
Senay not bad for the “wondochu” side
Nolawi said:
< but i will be happy to machawet u!
That is the problem. When the guys in their 30s and 40s want to still mechewate,(more than one girl) the women want marriage, family etc.
The question for Nolawi is when does the chewata end?
I know guys who still want the chewata at 40, 50 + you can find some of them at the Ethio restaurants, Starbacks etc.
Hi Selam, i was being sarcastic, I too have my own issues… I am single not playing just like you!
On the other hand, Guys will marry eko, if they like the person I don’t think its as hard for guys to make a decision to marry.
IMHO the problem is that the males have hard time handling emotionally independent woman.
Love is not independence, its trust and dependence.
The guy has to feel like he is needed, and not just physically.
That is why the stronger the female the harder it is for her to let go and fall in love.. ie a lot of successful AA females.
I undrestand you are joking.
I see your point.
I like it. Women are the same way they truly want to be needed in many ways physically as well.
But it is more hard for guys to decide. That is why a lot of men decide faster when it is an agresive women. Then past a few years they say “my wife is so hilegna”
etc.
one miserable old ” successful” woman standing for another lol.
Stop lashing out on me and go find yourself a man.
biskuit #41: lol they’re gonna hate on you.
Tsegure,
Okey I took the trouble of going through your responses for the last ten posts of Bernos..Yeah, nothing much to do we are on a break…
This is not confrontation in any way ,its just for your refrences. Read them and tell me whether you have an issue or not
I came up with the top 5
1-they’re gonna hate on you
2-Rebkah: is this post about you?
3-Are you a virgin or do you find sex to be dirty?
4-?!?!?!?!?!?!( I think here you had the analyst block or sth ..lol)
5-but it sounds like his rasist African ass is in the “God bless America” by the way of Europe.
Biskut,
You should read even if they don´t arrest you ,come onnnnnnnnnnnnn ???
Where can I find these independent strong women? I m tired of the weak chicks that are looking for paydirt. I will even stay home and raise the kids. I ll learn to cook I promise.
Nolawi, there is a finders fee in it for you. Since you seem to know where they hang.
Winta darling never knew you cared so much
ye enatu lij, yo umust be hagging around the wrong women. Just step out of your confort zone and be ready to be challenged. It is the girl you work hard on that are worth your time
First of all, Nolawi, very nice, being a guy, my mind appreciates the simplicity.
Second, i’m really feeling biskut. She’s a realist, and I think a more emotionally stable person than the ‘independent’ woman.
Third, I think its time to lay to rest the celebration of the ‘independent’ woman, since woman have been working and equally carrying the burdens of survival since forever. It was nice when y’all were fighting for voting, feminist movement, education, etchetera. I mean we are celebrating something that you are supposed to do, your supposed to take care of yourself, be informed, strong, hardworking, just like a guy is supposed to. Its a natural drive found in homo sapiens.
Fourth, Biskut’s whole non-universal applicability of success thing, man I’m totally feeling that. Its like the guy who’s a terrific CEO but a horrible father. I’m a great chef but a horrible tennis player. If you start a family the rules of the game change, your status may be role player, starter, or bench, maybe even MVP. And your degree of success will vary, most likely not matching your educational/career exploits.
datdude, point # three….OooFFoy! miN lAaargeH–thank u!
This is inaccurate article. these many qualities in one abesha girl?????, that’s really rare. where are this girls? where do you meet them? If they exist it is very few. This is over-polished article to appease to abesha women and over-inflate their ego
Abesha girls in general,
if they are pretty they are dumb and immature,
if they are smart they boring,
if they are smart and pretty, they are stuck-up as f*ck and stay single till the clock start ticking and they fall down for some meaningless dude with money or some superfial quality …
they are confused and confusing bunch!
why assume that most habesha woman want to get married.. maybe some women are scared of commitment and I know few and few of us idealize marriage. The last line should read.. they don’t want to date.. they just want to have kids.. Personally, I know for sure that I want to have children but I don’t know about marriage.. thinking about marriage makes my heart heavy.
habesha girls are not any different than any other girl outside the habesha communitiy. you have all kinds… smart ones, dummies, independent, etc. overall, those who are financially & professionally independent tend to be the ones who want serious relationship, like marriage. they hint and bring marriage to their discussions before you even begin to know them well. so, it is apparent that they meet you with marriage in mind. others want to just have fun dating. you can have fun dating and end up in serious relationship or marriage too. it depends on what you really want. it makes sense to me to just have fun dating and come to the relationship with an open mind, than to assume anything.
@dat dude:
” think its time to lay to rest the celebration of the ‘independent’ woman, since woman have been working and equally carrying the burdens of survival since forever. It was nice when y’all were fighting for voting, feminist movement, education, etchetera. I mean we are celebrating something that you are supposed to do, your supposed to take care of yourself, be informed, strong, hardworking, just like a guy is supposed to. Its a natural drive found in homo sapiens.”
wow. seriously. wow.
If I didn’t have to put out so many fires today, you would have gotten a long rant but it isn’t to be.
In lieu of that, I invite you to re read that paragraph.
Thanks Winta for clarifying all those points . I was shocked by some of the comments I read above. Hey ladies come on …..its obvious that we are interdependent but the fact that we cannot live without men and unmarried women is misrable is a bit an extrim generalization ..lets not forget that those are the things we were thought in school or at home and we always have to question them ! I guess that is my contribution for this one …interesting discussion !
Biskut
Why are jealous of independant women? petite said men cannot handle successful women. I agree 100%. Maybe you have not been in the position of being more successful than your man. So what if our clock is ticking in our 20s to stop working when we reach 35? Your tic tock tic toc scare tactic doesn’t scare us independent women. If by 35 the clock stops and we have not met a man who can handle us being more or equally successful then we will have no regrets.
interesting…and not far from the truth! And Tnx Sosina (#27), that’s what I say too.
BTW, in case u men didn’t know, there are many abesha men who don’t want to date us…..but just marry us too.I must say, Men like that are a turn-off however good looking, successful and intelligent they are. Coz I personally hate being perceived as one whose goal in life is to get married and have a family. helloooo, (tnx Selam #33) there are thousands of orphans back home who need a mother eko! As much as I love to have children, I’d hate a husband who thinks of me as baby making machine ):
Independent women want partners to share/enjoy life with, …not just marry for the sake of marrying!
One more thing, don’t bet on ‘dating’ being always fun. You (some wondoch) think we r on the 2nd, 3rd etc dates coz we like you….hehehe, we r trying to find something that makes u likeable cos u still don’t measure up to the EX.oops!
Qn to the men: what are we supposed to make of men 28+ who act like 21?
Speaking of independence and being single – I remembered an article I wrote about the topic.
Independently single
Nolawi,
or, Mother’s Day was in mind? Surprisingly, there’s some truth and lots of positive views in it.
You must be in good mood writing this article
In my opinion, marriage in our community is more a culutral and family influence than individual choice. to some degree of level, I’m pretty sure you guys are not immune from this either. The pressure won’t stop with just getting married, it’ll follow with the question “when is the little one coming”. In most cases, family don’t take into consideration your career and your personal descisions whatsoever. Believe me, I’ve been through this until i had my darling baby. So, guys! don’t be suspicious when Setochu prefers marriage than dating.
Shifta #49: Bravo for the accurate description. Many independent setoch may whine over your comment.
lol…well imho i think the independently single article is based on a skewed assumption that independence = inability to compromise…i think below is a more feasible argument on the ‘independence’ issue…
for the sake of argument, doesnt marriage more times than not secure the “AM NEEDED” feeling guys have because of the full institutional bonding, the need to raise a child together etc?…if so, why again, would men have issues with marring independent woman if all they really want is to feel needed beyond physical?
Sosina/firefighter,
which paragraph are you referring to? algebagnim…
Is anyone else surprised that Mind without conscious has yet to post on this topic? Seriously man, you let me down, big time.
datdude,i really feel u man!
shall we start saying romio…romio…where are you…romio?!
they say the number one cause of divorce is marriage! so in the first place, megabatun min ametaw?
selamT kodaye tegefo yihunilish chama sigayem yidegem lanchi ketesmama yemtasegni lij nesh. i totally agree with you.
i once read from another beautiful post of nolawi…
age is a quality of mind over matter.if you don’t mind then it doesn’t matter.so….don’t hear it.it really doesn’t matter!
For those of you who think adoption is a replacement for having your own child, you got it totally wrong.
Let’s just say having your own child and adopting a child are two totally different things with each having its own merits.
If you don’t feel fulfilled because you don’t have a child, adopting one hunderd children will not bring that fulfilment.
Dinich, do you have children and/or adopted any? It seems you have accomplished both and your advise is based on experience. Can you elaborate more on the subject. Isn’t love for a child unconditional regardless of where/how you got it?
Tsegure..No I haven’t adopted…though I have kids…I am hoping to adopt when my kids turn into their teens so we raise the adopted child together.
But, my point is that adoption is good in its own right. But I doubt very much that adoption will feel the void left by not having kids….
I know this is a blog…words can easily be twisted. I am not suggesting if one doesn’t have kids he/she is not fulfilled. But for ppl who feel that way, I doubt very much if adopting is going to cut it…
If you want my theory on why a lot of hollywood ppl adopt, my theory is they are trying to fill the void left by their empty lifestyle. But, the emptiness, I think, will still be there after the adoption.
So, to answer ur qn, this is more of my theory than real experience….
wow you ppl are really going at it huh, interesting topic. is it unusual for me to go after women that are more successful than me or does that make me a gold digger? your thoughts ladies
Why dinich? i know that there are many reasons for adopting a child other than the replacement thing,but the replacement factor also exists. don’t deny that?!
if i am not mistakenly twisted your words,i feel like you are insinuating yedrowun yalweledkut lij ababa bilegn afen….thing
Dinich, hmmmmmm ok I accept your reasoning but I have a couple of questions for you…please by no means don’t take this to be negative.
Do you have a daughter?
If yes, would you rather she has a baby out of wedlock or adopt? This is of course if she chooses not to marry but want a child.
Wurgatu Lij,
lol @ insinuate. I don’t insinuate nothing. But, I know the repalcement factor also exists but again I only said I doubt if it will satisfy the person who feels unfulfilled. For that I gave the hollywood example.
But u brought up a good point too. abatochachin didn’t have laptops, mp3 players minamin but had a lot pf practical wisdom. So, I wouldn’t discount the teret as old and useless. It makes sense to me.
Tsegure,
No, I don’t have a daughter. I tried three times looking for a girl…tough luck…I have three boys.
Having a child out of a wedlock is tough but I have seen a lot of ppl make it work.
Why bring Holywood into this? Adoption was always there before the stars started doing it.
It is the love you are willing to give to a child. I feel people who adopt are good people at the start, they care enought to give and share the love they have. They don’t try to fill the emptiness as you say.
Someone once told me “There are people who have kids because they love babies but when the baby starts to grow up they don’t like them any more”
Some are in a toxic relationship and it all reflects on their kids.
As long as you are a person who can give love to a child you can make it work.
You know one can end up alone, be unable to have a child etc why not go to the next best thing.
If you have ever visited an orphanege in Ethiopia you will understand what I mean. You will fall in love with each child. It is so easy to fall in love with them.
It reminds me of the movie “A Walk To Beautiful” I saw this year. At the end of the movie the girl Wubet 17 ended up working in an orphanage and became “a mother” to the orpahans.
It was so wonderful and uplifting to see the joy in her!
Peace
Well Nolawi,
One thing that i disagree with you…Setochu are angrey and bitter.
You see most of these habesha setoch, and like a lot of setoch in the world, their dream to get the best man ever has not been happening since they started dating. Other women have been married and the number of available men has been decreasing. And they fell through the “good guy”, the “bad guy” and the “worst guy”, and they said for themselves that somehow the best guy is on the way. So it’s not surprising then that they get bitter, they cling to their dildos or their female friends or antipathy to women who aren’t like them or to men who they think are not “the best” as a way to explain their frustrations.
Mamo, you are one angry man.
^did u mean angrey?
??????72 angry as mad
wow mamo
if you are going to say something say it no need to quote obama’s bitter comment and cange it to woman
thanks…
Mamo
It appears that many proud single single abesha have refused your pitiful advances that’s why you think we cling to dildos and to eachother. Oh please yene wondim we are strong single setoch happy living our life. We do not dream of any man and we are not clinging to anything.
I think its wise for women to hold out for mr. right, without compatibility the joys and benefits of couple-hood and parenting go out the window. And who wants to be stuck making the best out of a bad decision? If you must, stay single. Some of the happiest women i’ve met and seen are nuns. Find what you love and let that put color in your life. However, there is something special about being a couple, it teaches you patience, humility and how to be unselfish. Add to that children, and the right person can reap a lifetime of growth and satisfaction from that situation.
@nolawi,
lol… I think you deserve a spot in the obama cabinet. Shows you really are following this race closely.
That’s exactly where i feel my life is right now…i’m not enjoying hitting the clubs here in Addis these days cause i’m not looking for anyone new, not even for casual sex…and i’m a single, healthy, straight, late 20′s (good looking
) guy. Dating has become a chore for me…i’m not enjoying it anymore. So this post could partly address some of the guys’ part too. maybe we’re too comfortable with our family and friends, specially the latter. Most times i don’t even want to meet up with
casual aquientances for coffee. i’m enjoying hangin out with my close friends too much that lately i’m starting to get this nagging feeling that i’m being too …not anti-social ..but boring. not to someone else but to myself. so maybe what independent and confident habesha girls and us guys should do is, open up… don’t give up cause the last 4-5 people we met were boring, close-minded, bad kissers..etc. Cause Sosina if u don’t “pencil in” sometimes u won’t get anyone to engrave (on the ring that is)…and i do ‘eventually’ want that. from what i see on this post there r a few gems worth going through a lot of ‘kushasha’ for. summer is coming up … whether in D.C. or in Addis there’s going to be a lot of new people to meet..(without someone ‘mastewaweking’ us!) .i’m hoping my ‘dibirt’ with hookin up will pass soon…good luck to u all.
and i’m loving the fact that nobody is even bothering to acknowledge stupid comments like # 49 by Shifta.
Dear Nolawi,
I said what I wanted to say, Sir. By the way, I don’t see any reason why there is no need to quote Obama’s comment. Do you think it was not good enough to quote or…?
Syzana,
I am just tired of BS-ing from ppl that is why I haven’t responded to Shifta. If you like, there are also ppl like Mamo.
Really, don’t want to get in to the BS-ing. After all Everybody have their Universal human rights. In this case ,the Right to ignorance and stupidity.
“Some of the happiest women i’ve met and seen are nuns.”
Dadude, I’ll stay away from what its to be happy, or even if they(nuns) are even looking for happiness, but I will say this: they are NOT single. Their own word, not mine. They will tell you they are married to God–they have a wedding ring right where it should be to prove their matrimony to God. In the old days, they all use to wear ‘habit’, most no longer do now. A nun could be seating right next to you, and you wont know it…
(my best friends are nuns)
I think we are a confused generation lost in a twilight. Some are angry, some are indifferent, some are looking for a direction and others are wandering around trying to make sense out of non sense. I dont know. Im confused too…
Mamo:
come on man, there is a world of difference between quoting and wholesale plagiarism…
datdude:
I have met some sadistic nuns in my life (the benefits catholic education)I dont know if they should be held up as paragons of contentment… they dont even have dildos to cling to for gods sake
Setoch,
I remember Meles Zenawi’s answer for a question from a journalist regarding Rain Water Harvesting projects, mostly known as “weha makor project”. The guy asked Meles why the so called “weha makor projects” were unsuccessful. Meles replied “ the propose of the project was to make life easier for those low income people who merely depend on rain to harvest but the government officials in the regions changed the purpose to just digging ponds everywhere and store rain water without considering the main point, helping the poor”
Ena Setoch, the point I want to make is…don’t get married because you just want to get married, marriage is something that should be done for some good reason. I know some of you will come up here and cry out loud saying, I know what I am doing, bla bla bla…I know one thing for sure, the girls that I know think like that, almost all of them, regardless of their background.We don’t need to out go and check if all the cats in the world love to drink milk, it is a universal truth…the same thing with Setochu, sorry.
Mamo- if you believe that MZ BS, I have a bridge to sell you.
Helen- sorry you had bad experience with the nuns, mine was/is pleasant.
Mamo you don’t make any sense at all. The Meles story, I don’t get it at all,
Nolawi, thanks bro for figuring out Obama’s quote.
You confuse me aye Mamo Kilo!
Nolawi,
Thanks for this post. This was the type of discussion I was looking for when I vented long long ago on one of the posts. I was crackin’ up at some of the comments here. I wish I could spend more time reading and commenting on Bernos but my hectic schedule doesn’t let me. In any case, I just wanted to say that I enjoyed reading some the comments here.
Lemangnawem to all ze independent ladies out there, you make me proud eyalkugn, Ye Destiny’s ChildEn “Independent Women” Yetebalewn muziqa gabishachuhalehu…..:-)
All you women…independent…throw your hands up at me….
Seni,
Sorry, i can’t help you with that. If it doesn’t make sense at all to you, then u are the Kilo. The other thing, Obama’s comment, it doesn’t take to “figure out”…it was more than obvious that i took most part of his comment and i did it on purpose.
Nice read. I agree with lots on it…wouldn’t really say it’s a generalization…maybe just an observation of most women in Nolawi’s area…Rebkah, anchi degmo, weta belesh, write about your Observation about Wondochu…let’s improvise our own…ersom yimokeru
hey ppl,
I read your opinions. Most of the opinions are redundant. I almost hear it everyday from different people. In my view, I think the problem is not either with the women or the men. It is on both. Be open.
For the male
Be a Man. Know what you want. Don’t be surprised if she wants to marry you. Be happy to be considered like that, however you can explain that you are not ready-earnestly. Just because she wants to hang out with you does not mean she want to live with you her whole life. Sometimes the girls will initiate conversationa and more— just for the heck of it. Know all those hints. Just because you want to play romantically,, don’t jump on it,, kinda of play with her,, take her to that feeling,, make her she makes her own choice (even thou you are dying for it),, just play,, and play with her,, kind of you know cheating a kid,, just as simple as that,, then she is yours. Respect her choices,, As much as you need it she needs it too.. but your move would turn her off,, and make you Balege, Fara, Leza neger bitchayemirot,,or somethin’.. but if you just play it for a while,, she will say,,, understanding, respectful,,lovely, just a real Man. So BE It.
For the ladies
Please for the love of God,, don’t go to his house the first day and clean his s—t, and cook a bunch to fill the refrigegg—–. P L E A S S E. Give some values for your self. You have a brain that functions properly to be his best friend,, to be his support,, to be his life. Just focus on that. the rest is just any body can do that for him. But,, if you can be afriend to him,, that will be on his side NO Matter what.. then he will be your slave. Just don’t ask him,, if he goest to church every sunday—- that doesn’t make him Chewa. Don’t ask him if he is out every friday- that also doesn’t determine if he is Balege. A single man have all the right to do the same way single women. You did so many Balege neger,, but you are smart to lie,and hide. So be Honest,, tell him your love, how you are proud, be dependent on his companinonship, love and affection. this means you are healthy and lead a good r/s . don’t depend on him for your decisions, for his finance. That is LOW. when i say depend on his love, I am not saying when you broke up – just start taking your MAOis or SSRI—-;)
So,, Be a lady,, Know what you are taling,, update your self with everything,, news, school, sales,, or anything of your interest.. just don’t talk only about ppl,, and what they tell you… have some substance on you discussions… what ever you like,, even for waitressing there are books for your.. read, and read and read,, going to school doesn’t change any knowledge but reading does…… so do it. let knowledge be your power,,even if you cook.. cook something tasty,, if you clean,, clean througly,,, I hope this all make sense at least for one person..
I like Malefia. I don’t know if you are a fe/male but you seem smart
helen,
I am sorry you were a balege student, cos we all know nuns are pleasant to the good kids
like me and annox.
uhmmm ok i don’t know where to start, it’s right and wrong all at once… i think you should try giving identity to each and every individual, i know u’ve said it about a dozen times – you like to generalize, but hey admit it it’s wrong! so try seeing every girl as she is for who she is …
as to the setoch, well i happen to be one so here it goes, some date some don’t, it’s just a matter of finding the right person, and not all girls want to get married, honestly even the idea of it scares me most of the time, i believe in knowing the person u marry real well, which means u’ll have to date for a while … and everyone one has their own reason for marriage, just as everyone has their own reason as to why they live their lives, which bars they go to, what they do, what major they choose in college … some seek security, others love, others want to make their parents proud or just plain old are ready to settle down … whatever their reason is reason enough for them, that doesn’t make them fake or predictable, it’s just a result of their experiences thru life
so viva l’individuality and stop with the generalization
OMG, nols have we met before? scratch that. do u know me?
i must admit atleast 90% of this topic seems to be about me. i don’t think we know each other , but i cann’t go any further with out saying that u are really an absolute observer.
i read enough comments left by the ladies to conclude that most of them think of it as a sign of weakness. and i thought, how can they think of it so negative?
u said, “They do want a family of their own. They don’t want to date; they just want to get married!”
true i want a family of my own and i want to get married, but u are wrong saying that they don’t want to date. but ofcourse u are speaking in general.
for instance, i love dating, but with no physical contact. i have coffee, lunch, diner, and movies with some of the guys that i am interested in but i don’t go any further, and this is not just me i know a some of my friends who do that, men and women for that matter. there is nothing wrong doing all the above as friends. is there?
Hi Nolawi,
I am not a regular reader or blogger. However, when ever I got time to surf the internet I usually check your site. I enjoy some of your personal opinons/thoughts. This was one of the sincere thoughts you shared with us. Well, with age-I am way above the range you mentioned, I am 34. Came her 6yrs ago, will graduate this may. I had a degree from AAU, but worthless here(to me). Long story short, the reason i am replying this is because the way you expressed about “Setochu” was like a story of many people I know here. The only thing I disagree is, I think you’re wrong when you said “they want to get married”. Not really. It is just becasue they don’t want to play any more games on their live- with the exact word they say “Menekakat Alfeligim”. They just don’t want a r/s for only to get laid.
Me personally, I got married 8yrs ago and happy with my life. But I have friends who are not settled yet. As you said, independednt financially. One of my friens who is a pharmacist now said, ” you know when I was a tech at CVS guys used to come and try to flirt with me or ask me out. Now that I am a pharmacist, they don’t. I am not sure if they are intimidated or ?. They just try to have a serious conversation and show respectful approach. I do like the respect, she said but it creates a gap for both of us to change the track. “
I came late in the game but interesting conversation.
First I like to call attention to my ‘sista soljahs’ and shout ‘simmer down!’ I can understand that any kind of generalization can be claustrophobic & it offends ones sense to go into auto-pilot defensive mode but some of ya all are taking it as though he called you out on the stage by name:)If you look at it objectively & rationally
) I think most of us can identify a person or two (self or others, Habesha or non-Habesha) who fits the profile. I will also go out on a limb so far to say you will find that there are generous compliments in his ascription and ultimate conclusion. I feel like it was seen as an assualt to “Ms. Independent”.
(yes fellas sometimes we women are capable of that, surprise!
My two cents? Any body, any body? Well too bad I will give it any way:)
I think Nolawi definitely have some interesting observations here. Though I like to remind that the assertions made here are not exclusive to ‘habesha’ women and are in fact universally applicable to all women of that age range and specified circumstances. But I get that we are in ze community blogosphere so perhaps that explains the prefix for the assertion. While I am at it, I also like to point out that being educated and or financially secured doesn’t automatically lend it self to one being “emotionally independent”. In fact I would argue that, though I can not statistically quantify, there are reasonable number of cases where the contrary is true… if nothing else at least for the simple fact that when you channel most/all your energy towards attaining success or optimal excellence in/of one particular area, it is inevitable that other aspects of your essence will disproportionately be affected. This of course is not to say there aren’t those who have found the mastery of striking a balance.
In any case, the part that piqued my interest the most and where I believe the analytical arguments (or perhaps agreements) started to formulate for his observation is here (not to mention it is where I agree with Noli the most)…
“Love is not independence, its trust and dependence. The guy has to feel like he is needed, and not just physically.”
Absolutely! ‘Independence’ by definition is freedom from control and Love by nature likes to grab a hold of one and effect change in control (note that it is the state and nature of love in itself that lends to this and not solely or necessarily the loved or the lover). Interestingly enough trust is dependent upon the loosening of control enough to allow it to seep in and find a place and prove worthy of such privilege.
So you ask yourself ‘how is it one can find harmony in what seems like two opposing forces?’ I am almost certain too that some of my sisters are squeamish at what I am saying and are ready to do the neck roll, snap them fingers:) and say “so you mean to tell me I have to be dependent and give up control to love and be loved???” To ease your sense the answer is a ‘no’ but it is not as simple as that, I wish it was, so bear with me please as I construct my argument and hopefully articulate my point with out boring you.
I have a Muslim friend who once told me the word ‘Islam’ (and of course the implication to the religion) means
“submission” or the total surrender of oneself to God.
For those of you who are religious or spiritual probably know that your relationship with your God (or however you reference it or relate to it) this to be true… that there is this relinquish of “power” and giving of the self in complete trust to him because the ego doesn’t feel threatened. Mainly because you already believe that he is the master of your creation and whatever power you have was bestowed on you by him and secondly because you’ve seen/experienced evidence of his love of you and also believe he has sacrificed on your behalf and for the love of you that he can’t possibly hurt you. In fact not only do you feel safe, you feel he is the gate keeper of harms at length; i.e. he is your protector. You trust him with your life, you trust him with your secrets, you trust him in your weakens as you trust him in your strength. You believe his love is unconditional for you believe he is all knowing hence you stand naked before him yet experience his love no less so you are inclined to give him yours unconditionally with out fear of judgment or rejection. You depend in him in complete trust because the ego doesn’t feel it needs to prove its worth or is embolden to stand in defense of perceived threat because none is sensed in this relationship.
Submission, total surrender of oneself to Love, depending in and trusting in its ability to self protect. I think that brings my point to full circle.
Now how many of us find the mere word ‘submission’ offensive or view it as a state of weakness by simple connotation when it comes to our relationship with other human being? How many of us can honestly claim that we have surrendered to love in such nudity that we feel empowered from it than dominated by it?
I know I can’t stake my name to that because my ego still struggles to find the balance in needing and being able to give just as much, in wanting to be needed and being able to be available no less, in feeling secured in my independence (emotionally or otherwise) without needing to prove it in every opportunity, in relishing in however little I know while recognizing my ignorance…etc
What of you???
Nolawi also said “That is why the stronger the female the harder it is for her to let go and fall in love… ie a lot of successful AA females.”
I think Nolawi either forgot to mention or subconsciously omitted that the male ego also plays a role here in that the “stronger” the female is in whatever sense the less secure his ego, ‘manhood’, feels either about being viewed as an equal or in regards to ones sense of being needed or even valued. Again it is cyclical.
-ego seeks to assert self worth and its power through independence
-power wants to exercise authority and showcase/influence control
-independence wants to be free of control of any kind
-while love requires total surrender of oneself free of these limiting factors in order of it to reach its highest optimal.
In the mean time we are F*ed as hell trying to find the balance in all of these while keeping not just our sanity but retain, nurture and maintain a well balanced relationship.
If I were to throw a catchy quote of my own I would say ‘Love is surrender of all things resistant and unyielding’.
WOW! You’re a very good observer. I kept on reading and my jaw dropped. The descreption fits me 90%..crap!
Slam dunkin like Shaquille O’Neal, if he wrote inftimaorve articles.
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That’s a great point
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