Dating, Mating, Texting, Sexing, Sexting, Meat marketing…It’s Wednesday night, you’re waiting for the Qonjit you met at that swanky jazz spot on Friday Night to call you back – she seemed into the music but way more into you.. I mean, you were exchanging smoldering looks over that candle while you argued about the origin of jazz and the African roots that seeped in from beats in Blues and Gospel and the Latin beats that also happen to have some African flavor and on and on with the rumble & thump of that jazz bass, low and deep…
On the flip side – in a parallel plane, 2 Saturday nights ago she got stuck with the friend of a friend who seemed to drop interesting insights about the business scene in Addis, ideas that had sunk into her mind as they caused her to pause and reflect, even squint a little bit. But then her friend’s birthday party turned upbeat & as the music came on it wasn’t just his ideas that were sinking into different parts of her; causing her to pause and repel; this time in unpleasant ways. And so it goes — daram paramp pam... the parade of days in Modern day dating. Last month you were fawning over “never gonna call you” and over-analyzing your “Ms/Mr Unavailable,” and in a few weeks you’re the one narrowing your eyes as someone asks you for a dinner as you wonder “will I be leading her/him on if…” .
At best it feels haphazard, at the most comedic it feels like a pre-set skit complete with stage design, costumes, sound effects and bloopers. Modern-day dating and it kinks and tentacles wrapping up your limbs guiding you to act one way or another be it by “The Rules” or according to “The Game” you learned as pearls of wisdom from that “Pick-Up Artist” book…  waiting 3 days to call? Do you have to ‘put out’ on the 5th date? Does he just want to get into your pants? Is she just here to enjoy a free meal? why is it so hard to shrug off that ‘on again/off again’ ex? Is sex gonna complicate your friendship? Did she just downgrade you to the “friend zone”? Is he interested, or collecting ego notches? Why do all the nice girls like the bad boys? Why are all the hot good guys taken or gay? An on and on and on…

Eventually, even this mass of messes is crumbling and it seems less people than ever are actually “dating” in college campuses but still “hook up” a lot (you might wonder – does the real world reflect college?). And there is countless periodic “the state of marriage” media commentary coming out lately. Lamenting:  Is it obsolete? What’s the point anyway? Well let the gays have it since they seem to want it more than straights with those 50% (?) divorce rates… And then the fairytale and romantic comedy myths enter; on cue – princesses, villains, hyper-sexed culture & porn: sex sells, how long has it been since you got laid, booty calls, f**k buddies, friends with benefits, benefits with exes…is your head whirling yet? I present to you some of the slush that swirls around the mind of a young-something modern-day dater.

Swimming in the depth of this, I realized something that hit me amidst my “is there a spark” vs. “he’s such a great guy” battle: in all this hoopla I am totally missing out on getting to know an awesome human being! And that was a big light bulb moment! In the long run, as a dater, the current dating dynamic does not serve my purposes at all! *blinks* *wtf* I absolutely love friendships — I mean the real kind that nourish your spirit and help you as you build your moments and place in the world. A relationship – in my mind – would be an extension of that because all I really want is someone that I’m supremely attracted to & can be intimate with but then can spend a lot of time with & connect with on many other realms; usually the realms for friends. I mean I really gotta like you to wanna date you is what it comes down to. The ironic part is – for the most part – there’s no safe space or way to explore a low key “multifaceted” connection with someone based on who they are as a human because both of us seem to get yanked into some Act 4 Scene 2 of a dating skit and we jump on that carousel of “am I being needy to be texting him 6 times today?” dilemma. I mean seriously?? No really that’s a real question… I have much better things to do than wasting time contemplating the lines in this play especially when I won’t even get to access the human being for who he is vs. the “alpha male” “nice guy” “successful guy” “funny guy” “mr. mysterious” or whatever persona he’s playing to impress! And all this simply cos we got or will get “physical”? While on the flip side I’m wondering if he’s scheming how to get into my pants. *FOH* Excuse me while my jaw drops….  *sigh* I realize some might enjoy all of this fanfare but honestly — life’s ripe for living and I ain’t particularly interested minus in “building a genuine connection” to let it mess up my hair or waste my time! I could completely do without all the fan fare and simply build the connection if I had the choice.

A few conversations with friends got me thinking… I like the unassuming, casual way that friendships form and build without people having to be ‘on guard’ or ‘on point’ or anything else except fully themselves. And that is the reason the authentic friend connections can build in a natural progression. How awesome would it be if you can get to know a person for who they are without the bells and whistles, without the expectations and constraints and “skits” “soundtracks” etc. In the “get to know you” phase, all of these could be fully suspended with 100% focus on getting to know a person with an understanding that you could become friends, acquaintances, lovers, dating etc. This way we’re not in the “put on” business obsessing about “putting out” while tip toeing around what could “put off” the other person …. phew!

I wanna call it prototype FriendshipPlus — a step to be inserted at the beginning of the process when meeting someone. It’s essentially an understanding the connection could go on to be a friendship, acquaintance but even more awesomely — a dating situation. That is, as long as both people are cognizant, honest and open with no expectations. In the best case scenario, the suspension of expectations and constraints would lower guards, create a safe space and allow a human-to-human connection minus all the crazy fanfare flying around in the dating world. Am I crazy to think this would be awesome??

Come Christmas, I feel my adrenaline rush when I see flaring poinsettias lining the window sills, boughs of holly adorning office desks, the lights brightening dreary winter, the red gloves and scarves, the snow splattered cars crowding area malls, the foggy sky or rather the smoggy sky, the colorful sugar cookies, candy canes loosely clinging on Christmas trees, frosty, Rudolf, Santa and Ginger bread man, the carols blasting everywhere you go, evident  bad hair days, the snow stricken pale faces, the salvation army bell, the red and green everywhere, the beeping of snow cleaning  trucks, tacky inflatables cluttering front lawns, the traffic, the long lines in store register, the countless credit cards being swiped, worrisome scrooges loosening up their pockets, the kids excitement about what they will get………..

On that silent night and holy night I calmly wish to hear that distant heavenly chant of the holy liturgy .Instead of pine and cinnamon, I long to smell ketema, semhal and ariti. On that blessed morning, I want to see the blended smoke of inscence and roasting bunna rising in unison. I crave to eat my mothers dorowat with ayib and hmbasha. I, more than anything want to hear the endless chattering of my mom and sisters. And before they partake, I want to serve my father and uncles a wash basin for their hand. I hope to ponder the divine story behind it all instead of contemplating where to hide my kids’ gifts. I yearn to accept the Godly gifts I have instead of contemplating the earthly things I will get .Where do I even start…..

My kids excitement and the knowledge that this is indeed THEIR Christmas and ‘all the glitter’ rehabilitate me from my nostalgia that forever begs not to be disturbed .American Christmas is like walking into the garden of Eden serenely anticipating to see the prophecy fulfilled .It is decorated delightfully, it is neutral and all inclusive .In spite of my internal conflict, I think I am learning to like this white Christmas.

Yes, we are developing our new site and I have been working on it on and off for about 3 months. It’s one of those things I have started working on a few times but somehow things fall apart as with any large web development project with a very small budget and time (mostly the bernos team’s). The new bernos™ site  is near a real e-commerce application on par with the large retailers and not just an open source content management system that is hastily installed.

Yesterday, as I was working on the product page and with all the things that we are going to leverage with the launch of the new site, including new bernos™ tees, bernos™ kids and as well as the many features of our application, I was thinking we should definitely educate people on the quality of the American Apparel tees.  I was thinking maybe some kind of logo badge….proudly printed on American Apparel t-shirts.

Everything about American Apparel has inspired me in many ways. The way they market their products unapologetically or their political stances on immigration like in the Legalize LA campaign (wiki), as well as their socially conscious position on manufacturing. They have the highest earning workers in the apparel industry, all the while the competition way is paying 50 cents an hour they were paying 24 times that at 12$ an hour.

All these and by the time bernos™ launched in 2006 they were the largest clothing manufacturer in the United States; and one of the only companies that exported a Made in USA apparel. As well as the largest wholesale for graphic tee designers large and small even though the wholesale cost of the t-shirt almost 4 times more than the average price of their competitors.

We get emails from customers that don’t know about American Apparel, asking as why we don’t use certain brands of tees or why we don’t do production in Ethiopia or somewhere in Africa. I casually shrug them off because I didn’t want to explain all the things I’ve mentioned above.

But yesterday, the company I invested in, yes I have some stock (not much) but nonetheless the shares fell and fell hard.   AA recently changed accounting firm and they got a federal subpoena, some kind of accounting scandal may or not may come and AA, like a lot of clothing manufacturing companies, is not turning profit these days.

AA owes a lot of money; they might also be delisted from the NYSE Amex stock exchange for not filing quarterly reports on time. But not to worry, they will survive because their market share in the industry is huge and everyone needs to get paid, even if they might end up in Bankruptcy protection. And bernos™ will continue to serve on the American Apparel brand.

I’m standing at the bar sipping my drink and chatting up with a couple of people.  My peripheral vision is disturbed and my curiosity takes over as I turn my head to focus on the disturbance.

Flashing light!

My first thought is ‘what da #$@$!’.  As I realize what just had happened, my confusion changes to irritation and then anger.

I threw my drink down my throat and started to follow.  He moves elegantly and professionally through the crowd.  He is completely inconspicuous and acts like part of the façade, the reprinted art hanging on the wall, the cheesy wall paper…  He is part of the ambiance and this is the reason of his success- un-noticeable but effective, in his natural realm and hard at work.  A fregging predator!

He pauses to shoot once more.  I reach him as he aims.  I wait until he has made the shot.

Flashing light!

I gently grab his elbows.  Firmly!  He turns smiling and expecting a familiar face.  His smile is still, although he realizes that the face is unfamiliar.  He is a professional.

“Selam”, he nods at me.  “Tadias nefese”, I respond as continue to be pushed to-and-fro by the gyrating crowd in the constant move.

I say, “Nefse, foto’yen iko satey teyekengn anesah”.  He switches to English.  “Yeah man, we are documenting our parties so that we can post the pictures on-line.  You wanna see your picture…I can take it again” he says, eying the missing button from my shirt and fidgeting with his Cannon to pull the picture of me he has just ‘documented’.  I am mad now.  I am trying hard to keep myself stoic and rational but still, I want to strangle his scrawny neck.

I inform him “dude, I don’t want my picture taken without being told that my picture is being taken.  Please delete my picture.  I don’t want my face plastered all over the internet….”—you know how the rest goes…

This is one of the few things that really get under my skin- rouge paparazzi wannabe’s (HEREAFTER known as PZ) snapping pictures of sober and not so-sober patrons trying to have a good time.  Next thing you know, your mom is calling asking when you started smoking having heard of your now public profile from Mimi’s mother, who used to be in the same equb.   (Side note: Mimi and I had a one night stand and one of us had decided to keep it at just that while the other may have had other ambitions- or at least, that’s the only reason I could think of for the change in attitude—but that’s another story.)

While I understand that there are no laws protecting unsuspecting patrons from their picture being taken by the  PZ’s, I am with the opinion that it is only common courtesy to let drunks be drunks and let  people enjoy themselves without being harassed by random flashing lights.   I would hate to see my picture on Flicker or the habesha related websites, which I will not mention here.

Especially today in the era of cloud computing where you have no idea where Google or Bank of America is storing your personal info, who’s  to say who can get to this info or how it may be used?  I admit it does sound paranoid, but I rather be safe and have no pictures of my smoking and drunk self posed on line.  That way, there is nothing to be worried about, or no skeletons in the closet to ‘admit to’ when I run for a Senate seat in 2050 – you know what I mean.

Basic etiquette, some argue is relative.  I argue the total opposite.   I will further argue that taking people’s pictures in places of entertainment without advising them beforehand does not adhere to idea of basic etiquette.  It, however, goes perfectly with the idea of Capitalism, where the goal is to make as much money as possible.  Why else would someone hire a PZ to ‘document’ his/her patrons?

Would it not to show off on some website what kind of crowd his/her party’s attract, the number of people, the length of the skirts and the depth of the cleavages?  So that when Asheber in Iowa looks at the website, he will immediately reroute his ticket to D.C for his Christmas break.  For many, this may be OK, but I, for one will b$%#@ slap the next PZ that tries to ‘document’ my charming smile!

MR/MS PZ, You have been warned!

I recently went into Sachs Fifth Avenue after work because I needed these very specific shoes, and lo and behold, I found a pair  that was reasonably priced. In Sachs Fifth Ave, I generally expect everything to be $500+, and my pair was, after a ‘sale’, around $100. So I bought it.

Keza, tedesasetkuna … I went purse shopping. I saw this beautiful purse for $300,. At first I passed it because … seriously, I wasn’t about to spend that much on a purse. Keza I happened to pass by that area again and I thought, ‘What the hell! I work hard. I can afford it. Why not?’ So picked it up, walked over to the counter and surrendered my to-be purse and card.

As the woman was processing the payment I kept thinking to myself, ‘ok , min aynet qebeT honeshal. balegae lij. Spending 300 bucks  is ok, even for enjoyment, but 300 bucks for a purse? One that’ll be used 3 times a year? balegae, molqaqa, balegae, molqaqa …‘ iyalku irasen siqoTa, the lady leaned over the counter and whispered, ‘your card has been declined’.

I was looking at her like she’s crazy, because technically that was my debit card, which also has a credit line, and even the cash balance on it was many folds the price of that overpriced purse. I asked, if she was sure. She gently and quietly whispered back, ‘i tried it multiple times’. She looked so sympathetic and embarrassed for me.

Saqe meTa. I figured there must be a God, and he must be intervening. I grabbed my card back with a broad smile and bolted.

So then I called my bank to ask WTF. The customer rep said, ‘yeah, we put a hold on your card because we noticed a purchasing trend that was very different from your regular shopping habits’. LOL.

Apparently my shopping trend says shopping at Sachs Fifth Ave and/or $100 dress shoe is a lil’ too much for my qonTari style.

Temesgen, consumer-tendes-analizing-algorithm hoy. Temesgen!

Sama aka nettle was used as a weapon of choice for disciplining kids in some areas back home.  It grew everywhere back home and I would think it is for the most part considered a useless weed until a child misbehaves and the parent goes out looking for it.

Sometimes the mischievous child who got Sama beating at home would try to share the experience with a classmate that s/he bullies at school.  The leaves are covered with tiny stinging hairs that produce stinging pain which causes itching and skin irritation that is more memorable than a simple spanking, but probably less abusive than any beating you got as a child.  I also had heard some people back home used Sama to make a gomen kind of wot with it.

Nettle use has been reinvented in the US of A.  I go to some of the restaurants here in Cali that gets written about on the local newspaper to try their food and also glance at the menus of the ones I don’t get to eat at.  The popular and sometimes main ingredient in some of these newer restaurants has become nettle. It is being made into soup, salad, entrée dishes, pizza topping and tea and has become the spinach of top chefs. Apparently nettle has medicinal values too.

It has been used in dishes at French restaurants and I am sure in a whole lot of other countries as traditional food before making its way to California tables.  I was just not able to find information why it is becoming popular here.  While I was looking up for information why it became so trendy,

I run into information that was very interesting like the annual World Nettle Eating Championship in England that started in the 80s to resolve a dispute between local farmers over who had the longest nettles.  I would like to know why nettle is hip now and how else it was used back home. If you happen to know how Sama was cooked, please share the recipe.

Well, I wanted to say something about this for a while now, I sense I might have hinted the way I feel about the topic here and there but I wanted to tell guys what I see. But as easily as I express myself I didn’t know how to flow the words to say this without sounding like victim myself.

I for one, am prone not to be a victim per say, not because I am smarter than most but because I lack the patience of the norm.

Based on real experiences with ‘lets call them acquaintances’’ but in reality they are less than that, they are people I have seen or had very few conversations with.

There is Carrie, who is a friend, a platonic one at that. She asked me to hang out with her and her friends who I will call Deidra.  Deidra gets dropped off by Jimmy in a nice BMW in front of the ‘outside table of the restaurant,’ I was sitting with Carrie.

I have known both these girls casually for a while and I could talk to them freely. I mentioned the car, and she became defensive and said

he’s not my Boy Friend!”

So we discussed it the rest of the evening. Jimmy started hanging out with Deidra casually. Then it became more consistent, she knew he was interested in her but he didn’t make a move. She was not feeling the same way, but she enjoyed his attention and company as friends.

He didn’t make it clear he wanted more than friendship thus she continued to see him. When he finally had the courage to make his motives clear, she told him honestly that she was not interested in more than friendship at this time.

Thus it was left at that but they continued to hang out, since she was single. I told her it’s wrong for her to mislead him to which she reiterated her honesty.  It was left at that.

Half a year or so later, I ran into Carrie, Deidra and Jimmy among others at a gathering of sorts. I was introduced to Jimmy, and we all hanged out. It was not clear if at first that Deidra had a change of heart and gave him a chance but as the night went on things became clearer. Jimmy is still looking for more while Deidra is looking elsewhere.

I wanted to slap him, scream or something! Dude WTF are you doing? Get a back bone, run, say something just don’t sit here and watch her flirt with anyone but yourself. It was unbearable to watch.

I didn’t say anything; it was neither my place nor my business.

A few months pass and my friendship with Carrie although not strong, persevered. I heard about Deidra and her new real boy friend, one she could publicly acknowledge.

I once was asked to help both of them out because they encountered an emergency while driving to the airport near my place. I arrived to find Carrie and Deidra outside Deidra’s car with luggage rushing to catch their flight. Jimmy and his bimmer arrived shortly thereafter. It had already been decided; I would drive them to the airport while Jimmy would figure out a way to get her car towed to her apartment or a mechanic.

While we were driving I asked why Jimmy was called instead of the boyfriend, I couldn’t help but not say anything in this situation. Deidra said that the BF said he couldn’t.

I thought if it was me, and realized that it would never happen to me. It had happened to me once when I was younger and naïve but it was much shorter period of time, like 2 weeks! My experiences has thought me if a female is interested she is interested otherwise there is nothing you or anyone can do to make her change her mind.

It’s rare that waiting for a female to make up her mind or change her mind becomes really worth it, I thought at least in this case patience is not a virtue.

I guess I have to say it more plainly, although jimmy was and remains to be an idiot, the girl is a bitch that she is intentionally misleading him to keep her options open.

The names and plot of this story although not a fictious have been changed to protect the identity of the characters or should I say victims.

The key principle of morality is that doing something for yourself is bad or at least not worth anything morally speaking, while doing something for others is noble and praiseworthy.

People are called “selfish” when an observer perceives that the person could have taken one of numerous courses of action which might benefit other people more so than to take actions which benefited themselves.

Years ago, I found myself browsing the shelf of a bookstore; I was in the philosophy section, and stumbled upon some literature on Moral Theory.

Moral Theorists will go so far as to say that favoring one’s children over other people’s children is reprehensibly selfish. That is one side of the argument but the question is… is it such a bad thing? Is it the smart thing?

I am speaking about the act of being selfish. Are the selfish ones on a lesser moral ground?

I like to think that I am the snob around town who stands on the higher moral ground and performs selfless acts for those around me. On the contrary, I know that I am not even close to Mother Teresa, and I never expect anyone to be.

As I have mentioned in the past I believe a person character becomes formulated the environment.

I know that there are those of us that run around doing things for others people and that are selfless.

Only referring to those requests that we all do not have to say yes to; in the process of saying yes to all these things you forget your own well being. Instead, you go for the short term gain to make other people happy.

I used to not focus on myself and it tended to make me under-perform, be overworked, exhausted and most importantly stressed out in all other aspects of my life.

On the other hand, and the point I wanted to make, without you bernos readers jumping on my thoughts is that most people are way too selfish.

I am an excellent judge of character, very observant and aware of personal traits of those around me. And I have been lucky enough that I surround my self with decent people.

My problem is and has always been with those of you that are inconsiderate of others. Selfish is OK, but at others people expense is by no means close to being acceptable.

There is an acquaintance of mine, who is married now with few kids but used to ask me to be his wing man whenever he wanted to go out. Once he got married and moved to the suburbs he stopped calling, and I understood. But whenever he is in town on business or pleasure he would call and ask for us to hang out. I am like dude, you haven’t called nine months but when it’s convenient for you, you call me.

No thanks, I am busy!”

In the same manner I have noticed as friendship of convenience, there are relationships of convenience. It’s kind of like the “I’m confused” response from a females and the “I don’t want a real relationship, just booty call,” from the males.

These types of people are selfish at the expense of others & thus should be avoided at all cost. It’s easy; just avoid them when you start seeing the signs.

My point, selfishness I can live with; selfishness at the expense of other people, especially me, I run like the wind.

She called; I was in a building where reception was terrible. I picked up, as she had tried to contact me in other means regarding the juicy happenings of the weekend.

I could barely hear her; I told her I would call her in 2 minutes from downstairs. Two minutes later, she is not picking up. I went down the elevator, searched for a private location with better reception, all in 2 minutes and called her.

Annoyed! I let it go, as she is my friend but she really need to get some training in consideration.

There are those people that pick up the phone all the time, I love those guys! But it should also be understood that every phone call is not suppose to be picked up. Hence, the thing called voice mail.

And give me time to check the voice mail, and if necessary I will return the phone call. My mom calls me and leaves a message, and calls again and again till I pick up. I always tell her that I was peeing; and she jokes with me, ‘that’s a long pee!’

I had a girl friend once, who was always annoyed that I didn’t pick up the phone, I was always surprised that she would complain the few times I didn’t pick up the phone, because she never picked up her phone calls from others in front off me.

I would ask her why she didn’t pick it up, and she would reply with ‘bakeh I will get to them another time.’ Eventually I found out that a lot of people get annoyed with her because she only gets to them at her convenience. The hypocrisy was that she expected different from those she wanted to her from regardless of their convenience.

I have a few people on my must talk list, they are on my favorites and even if I am running to a meeting, I pick it up and tell them that I would call them at a certain time. There was a time where I would end up talking on the phone for about 2 hours a day, replying to people that only call me when they need something.

Now I moved to an hour between 6 & 7 on weekdays, I use that time to reply to all those voice mails that I get daily; including those that need something from me.  Of course there are exceptions to the rule.

By far the most annoying thing is people that always have to check their phones at all times. Please keep that cell phone in the purse when you are at a dinner. If you want to text and talk on the phone while at dinner please do it at the next table.

I don’t watch day-time TV, although I flip through channels. A while back I saw a Nicole Kidman interview on one of those shows with a bunch of ladies.

She walked in a size 2 dress and no cheeks on her face, just cheek bones. I suppose super skinny is sexy, but it just doesn’t fit on a 40 plus year old woman. The collar bones were sticking out and she looked like a mannequin from Saks Fifth Avenue.

And that is the first thing the interviewer asked her; what is your secret?

‘She said she doesn’t eat!’

A friend who I just met recently told me, that she lives on Mangos, & that is her secret of looking good in her early 30’s; living on fruits.

Beshou doesn’t eat dinner; no dinner at all because if she eats at night, she won’t be able to sleep. This is just one way she keeps a figure slim, I guess.

I went to a friend’s house in the evening and he offered me cereal. He said he eats cereal for dinner in order to keep from gaining weight.  I was like no thanks, I rather not eat.

Beqa, the many secrets, barely eat anything and you will get used to it and then you can slim down.

A baby born in the west before the 1900’s was expected to live to about age 45. In 2009 life expectancy at birth is about 80 and climbing each year.

What is different is not the fact people in the west eat healthy, in fact there is evidence that suggest people eat more unhealthy stuff than compared to 100 years prior; rather it is medicine.

Medicine saves lives! The most important factor was medical innovation according to the scientific research which I don’t care to quote right now. But you can’t possibly begin to refute the common knowledge.

For my own medical needs I was researching the effects of Vitamin A on the body. As I was researching I read a little paragraph that said the ‘Vitamin A deficiency’ causes blindness.

Approximately 250,000 to 500,000 malnourished children in the developing world go blind each year from a deficiency of vitamin A, approximately half of which die within a year of becoming blind.

Basically an over the counter drug that sells for about 10$ here in the US, can save half a million people from losing their eye sight and possibly save their lives every year.

I write this not because I want to shed light on this specific issue rather because I think medicine save lives.

I know a lot of people around me, friends and family members who rather not take a pill because according to them, ‘pills are dangerous.’

My dear, if it wasn’t for Advil saving me my once a week or so headache, I would be a terrible friend and family member.

Pills are good for you; pills can fix not only headaches but depression. And if you are not familiar with Magic Johnson, well he has been living with HIV for almost 20 years, and most likely will live a full life.

Get with the program & support affordable healthcare for all the poor people in the US that can’t afford health care.

This is a question I have frequently encountered growing up as an Ethiopian kid in the middle of nowhere, Texas. Actually, the question was more of “what are you?”

I would rightly claim my Ethiopian identity each time it was asked but as I got older and moved to a part of the country where there were more of us, part of me questioned whether I had a right to that title.

Our community is excellent at exclusion and marginalization. In many instances if you do not eat the right food, wear your hair the right way, or speak a perfect accent less Amarigna then you are “not one of us.” I have a friend whose family endearingly calls each other “yene ferenj” each time one of them does something considered not “normally” Ethiopian. Even as a term of endearment it still at times works to distance.

My story begins in Ethiopia. At age 4 my family was forced to flee and we ended up in the Netherlands. There I was able to hold on to my Amarigna but I also quickly picked up Dutch – the first language I learned to read and write. At age 9 my family relocated again, this time to Texas. This was an easier transition as my family already was proficient in English. The Dutch was quickly forgotten and I immersed myself into 1990s American culture with its scrunched socks, brightly colored clothes, and side ponytails.

Still, a part of me felt unsettled and unattended to. For the first 7 years we lived in areas with no other Ethiopians so I did not have that connection. Fast forward another 3 years to my sophomore year in college and my first Ethiopian friend. The connection was undeniable. We just “got” each other and she remains my oldest friend to this day.

She allowed me to include my Ethiopian identity into my day to day life. We would sneak out of our small college town to the nearest large city for some Injera and Ethiopian fellowship — even if it was from afar as we both were a bit intimidated to jump into the community with both feet.

The fear for me was being judged and rejected. Being rejected by Americans stung but felt less powerful since I didn’t want to be one of them anyway. However, to be rejected by my own people, the community I claimed even with my broken Amarigna, would have been devastating. At this time I thought you had to do things exactly as they did it to truly be Ethiopian and to truly be accepted.

Fast forward another 11 years and here I am older and wiser yet with the same deep love for my community. After finishing graduate school and having the validation and security of a grown up professional life I thought I had the courage, intelligence, and wisdom to invest more fully into the community.

The hope was that they would have room for me and my mixed up self. I am at a point where I am ready to settle down and marry and though I had loved an American and another Immigrant in the past I wanted to build a home with an Ethiopian.

Through exposure to the many different Ethiopians I realized to my delight that we do not have to be the same to stay connected to the essence that makes us a community. This heart from East Africa will continue to beat through us and we get to choose how we portray it to the rest of the world. With this realization I fell in love with the wide expressions of life by the young Ethiopian community. Over time people have managed to meld their world experiences and create a lifestyle that fits each of them.

Based on this concept of united despite our differences my sister and I have started a project to capture the diversity of the expressions of lifestyles by the young Habesha Diaspora. I use the term Habesha, for lack of a better term, to include both Ethiopian and Eritrean young people who have spent most if not all their life outside their parents’ country of origin. We are working on finding a more inclusive term to replace “Habesha” so please be patient with us on that piece. As I was saying, with help, we sisters are working on a book whose goal is to capture the diversity of Habesha identity in this group of young people through a collection of photography, artwork and written works.

If you are a young Ethiopia and/or Eritrean writer, poet, artist, or photographer and have work that illustrates this identity, we want to publish your work. Go to http://habeshadiaspora.wordpress.com for information on how to submit your work. The best of these submissions will be compiled in a book and published.

The website says there is a September 30th 2009 deadline but if you have a viable peace email us (habeshadiaspora@ gmail.com) and we might be able to work with you. It’s time to show the world who we are and we hope to include your voice!

I have been reading bernos since the beginning, and while I love it, some of the content seems like it’s too much bellyaching about Ethiopian women and men. I have some advice for both sexes, or at the very least bellyaching of my own.

For the men; it seems to me many Ethiopians aren’t as confident and or as manly as other races. Manly men are confident men; women are attracted to men who project confidence.

Sadly, many men these days lack any confidence at all. Some walk around with their head down, wallowing in self pity. Others confuse manly confidence with cockiness. These men have confused confidence with being a douche bag.

Confidence is quiet; it’s unpretentious! When a man walks into a room who has acquired this confidence, people can feel it.

Take pride in your appearance, it doesn’t mean you have to be Ryan Seacrest or metro-sexual. Shave, shower and comb your hair everyday! Dress nicely, don’t wear old slacks or old jeans with an old button down that looks like your grandpa’s wardrobe.

Set goals and meet them, one goal at a time! Exercise, learn new skills, and Do something, anything! Remember your past successes, and don’t be borcham.

For the women; I feel Ethiopian women are being more and more Americanized. What happened to the nurturing Ethiopian woman in the traditional sense? Why are you so stuck up now?

What happened to the natural hair, now it is weaves, perms and extensions? Have you had sex with a woman with a weave?…there are rules involved, no pulling or touching, its seems unnatural.

Ethiopian women need to go back to your roots, act more sensibly, have natural hair and stop trying to be a gold digging American girl. Respect our strong Ethiopian men for who they are and not what they have.

My little brother and I were entering grocery store after a stop at the local Thai restaurant.

We were straddling along by the door as two hick-like white boys were passing by when we heard one say ‘they spit a lot!’ after seeing bro spit on the ground outside.

‘Who is they?’ he asked loudly while seemly appearing shell-shocked.

‘This is 2009!’ An older woman was shaking her head as she heard all parts of the conversation.

They walked away with fear and heads hung low, as if he would beat them up!

I was watching the news conference when Obama made the now infamous comment:

Cambridge police acted stupidly!”

Indeed, the hoopla delighted me. Police brutality & racial profiling was the topic at hand for two weeks. And then he backpedaled!

He should have stood his ground and fought the black men of America who have been profiled again and again for years.

One of the reasons I live in DC metro is because these kinds of things do not happen as often as it happens in the rest of US, including NYC and California.

Right now, I worry more about cops profiling me more so that being victimized by a civilian. Things have happened to me in the past and I hate the fact that I fear those who are supposedly hired to protect and serve us.

This is a big issue and one I think Obama should have stood ground on. Like my brother said, ‘this is 2009.’ The president is black or at least half, there should be no ‘they.’

If Obama can’t stand his ground who then can!

The traditional “idea” as described in the dictionary is just ‘any conception existing in the mind as a result of mental understanding, awareness, or activity.’

So an idea is nothing but ‘a thought’ that comes to your head while you are peeing; & speaking it doesn’t necessarily make it a great one. Anyone can come up with an obvious and a not so obvious thought.

But does that make you a genius? No, you just observed with your common sense pee sized of a brain and then shouted it out loud.

Most people know that a simple idea if implemented know works. Most people know that if they work out they can loose those extra pounds, but executing the idea of working out for a prolonged period of time consistently is the hard part.

I for one think I am someone with common sense, and have a brain larger than the average Joe. Yet, people I know keep coming to me with ideas that are so simple and possibly effective as if I haven’t thought about it.

They think they are smarter, or think they are helpful. The reality is though their idea of doing something is so simple that they came up with it while they were sitting on the toilet. I also thought about it, months before in a similar toilet.

The fact remains that if you don’t the hard part of persistently pushing towards your objectives in life or project; your ideas mean nothing to anyone. An idea is only good as an implementation of it.

Yesterday, I was having a conversation with a restaurant owner, who happens to be a friend. I had some thoughts which I contemplated would improve his business but I kept it to myself because the thoughts I had were too simple that the restaurateur probably knows and is possibly contemplating improving his business by it. Perhaps he even knows he could improve his business but doesn’t have the resources of time and or money to make the change at this time.

Thus I kept my opinion to myself. I think would better suit him if I could put some work behind the idea and bring it up to his attention by offering quick and cheap ways to apply the changes.

Otherwise, it’s just a suggestion that is most likely overwhelming for him to put into action.

I think we are all better served, if you kept your ideas to yourselves. Because everyone knows, that if they work out they will be in better shape; that if you improve your website your business will do better; and etc.

You are no genius with your obvious ideas. And don’t get mad because I brush off your obvious ideas because I don’t have the time or money to employ it.

I got a tweet, via my TwitterFox and its said praying for MJ. I was thinking Michael Jordan for some reason. I left it go and searched the web.  Later I heard he went to the hospital and then he died. I got a lot of text messages.

Eventually it was confirmed. I am so sad! Recently I found out someone I knew that was really young had died and I was and have been thinking that I should make the best out of my life because you never know what could happen tomorrow.

Rest in Peace MJ

In my business, that is the web world words like SEO, analytics and great content are thrown around. For most of you they might not mean much but they break or make a business or a website.

At the end ‘Content is King,’ brings in the people. Magazine editors and web publishers knew this long time ago, and successful bloggers are making living. Of course, it’s a different world trying to compete in a niche market.

Here at bernos, I analyze the traffic. Where is it coming from? What are they looking for? It’s interesting in two aspects, for me. I am in the business and the topics interest me.

One of the most read bernos post is the “How to Ask Ethiopian Girls Out?” almost 400 comments and counting. The top searched key words that direct traffic to bernos are “bernos, bernos blog, and then Ethiopian girls.” People are coming to bernos looking for Ethiopian girls; and I find it fascinating that there are more people looking for Ethiopian girls as opposed to African Tees.

Google tracks top searched keywords via Google trends and that information is public up to a certain extent. I wish, much like many SEO guru’s and web marketers I could have a good look in their data for demographic tendencies.

How to land an Ethiopian girl?

How To Pick Up An Ethiopian Girl? According to Roosh you need to create a connection with her. Of course if you are already Ethiopian you can skip this step.

Don’t get intimidated by beauty? According to the guy that asked the question, it seems like he has a fetish like need for an Ethiopian girl. Of course, this approach will definitely get you turned down fast. Most Ethiopian girls do not know the reason some non-Ethiopian males want them for not who they are as opposed to what they are. You would have to make them think you are interested in who she is as opposed to what she is.

This dude apparently is intimidated by her Ethiopianess. At the end she is just a girl, just like every other girl. This outlook will definitely get you turn down real fast.

What you really need to know?

• Be straight forward, telling her your intention right away is a sure way not to get in the Ethiofused — friendship zone.
• Play it cool; girls do not respect men that are all over them.
• Be persistent, if you really want her. Ethiopian girls are more likely to be more confused than other women. She will change her mind if you are persistent.
• If she wants to be friends, run away. A girl whose intent is keeping many platonic male friends around tends to be selfish and just need attention.

Good Luck!

Do I need to say more! She is the champ of folding.

I don’t know how to fold, so it always impressing to see some people organize their cloth so well. My sister probably has the most organized closet from the people I know.

And then their is Dawit, he is very annoying with his perfection when it comes to folding and organizing stuff.  I send mine out to the washers, it comes back  as seen here.

I like to organize my time to the point of oblivion; I have various projects in my hands at all times.

For bernos alone, I might have to write out an email to our e-newsletter subscribers, update some web advertisements among many other small menial tasks of running a really small business.

For the day job, it’s a whole list of tasks that you guys are probably familiar with — like reading your emails and responding to some.

I am always late to jump on new technology, especially those related to social aspects. I think email is the best thing since sliced bread; up to the point that I prefer not to date someone that is not apt to communicating via email.

One of the tools we love here at bernos is Facebook, although I have been somewhat critical of it. A friend was supposed to send me some details and she opted to send it via Facebook mail. Needless to say, I was very annoyed. Email it!

I use various task lists, Gmail calendar, work calendar, Gmail Tasklist, Tada list and for my work my beloved Moleskin Legendary Notepad (seen on the image above, that is my hand). I use it to draw mock-ups for my designs as well as organizing my thoughts on how I am going to approach my design projects and front end coding.

On my task list, for months (since Dec 08 actually) has been researching how bernos is going to utilize Twitter. I have a very simple understanding of how Twitter works. And I signed up as myself after getting a lot of invites from various sources.

Now I just completed signing up we are going tweeting. Already following Chachi Taddesse!

On my task list this week is to learn as much as I can about tweeting — mainly how to tweet via phone and then connect the tweet to be the same as our bernos fans page status.

Once this whole thing gets connected we will be connected in real-time from with bernosiawians, or should I say Twitterers?

Update: Twitter officially is having some major problems… the account i signed up for – actually two of them are not working. What a waste of 1.5 hours I spent trying to figure it out. I am pissed. Its things like this that discourage some of the things I try to do.

Up Finally Follow us on Twitter:http://twitter.com/bern0s

Source: Eric LAFFORGUE

Selam Sewoch, I haven’t been writing on bernos consistently because you know, I can’t really say why. You can take a guess, I don’t mind.

But now I am back and so don’t be mad at me! I love you guys, we have been through thick and thin, so don’t complain. I am 100% back with my undivided attention, I have gotten all your emails.

I appreciate the continued support of bernos. Don’t forget to get you a tee, and tell your friends about us.

Special note: to the BP’ers: BP is never coming back so don’t bug me about it.

Someone who I had a business meeting with told me that I shouldn’t sell myself short. It made me think about my sales pitch.

Recently there was news of a guy who was selling a Ponzi scheme which final accounting claims are said to be somewhere over in the 60 billion dollars. Bernard Madoff basically stole people money through his asset management company. I have been obsessing about the details because I was so impressed that he was able to get away with it for such a long time.

The sales pitch was his results, I assume. The results early investors saw and the fact that he was not willing to accept new investors unless they begged him or something to that extent.

And I was thinking, am I selling myself short or am I just making a sell on the business arrangement by encouraging him that I lack certain things that are not important to business at hand?

Or am I actually encouraging the business arrangement towards a certain different direction intentionally for my own benefit?

I was thinking the latter, but confidence sells. Just tell them you are capable because your mind is capable.

A while ago I was having a conversation about how to have a good conversation. Ironic, I know!

I once had a conversation about the act of saying ‘No.’ The dude was reading a book titled ‘How to say no,’ or a reiteration of it. Apparently, the dude was tired of people making demands of his time.

Seinfeld Ologist would say some of our conversations are about nothing. A conversation about nothing is appealing as long as it’s not elevator talk.

How are you? Fine; how is work? It’s Ok; how was your weekend? good!”

It’s expected that everything is fine, and the person asking the question is not really asking a question rather enhancing the casual ‘hello!’ by elongating it to casual questions. This way he can act as if he is interested in how well you are coping with life.

I would never say that is a conversation, it becomes a conversation if you decide to follow the question about the weekend with details about your weekend.

Sometimes, I would test these casual passerbies with details like being overcharged by the mechanic for my annual tire rotation or being tagged by a traffic camera on my way to work.

See how interested they are? I often see a surprised — why is he telling me all this? — look!

A Good Conversation

While I was in the conversation about ‘good conversational skills,‘ the friend suggested anyone interested in a good conversation with someone specific would need the details of their interests.

I did a quick Googling while I was in the topic and it reiterated my initial thoughts about good conversation.

The consensus, listening is important! Then ask questions, and then ask clarifying questions and then listen.

For those of you that have met me, you know I ask questions — to the point where in our culture is considered rude.

This is not about being blunt, or rude. It’s just expressing how you feel!

Sometime you just have to say it. You did this to me and it makes me feel this way. So I said it, and he said no need to be rude, I am busy.

I know for a fact he is busy, and I know after telling him what I felt that he most likely didn’t forget intentionally.

I feel better, because if I didn’t say it I would remember it for the rest of the year or so. I just want to make the issue disappear from my head and not be angry about it.

Venting

I call it venting, and it lets steam out of your ears, nose and other body orifices. That in turn keeps you cool and going along.

The term ‘going postal’ is popular for a reason. According to wiki:

Its verb meaning to suddenly become extremely and uncontrollably angry…”

Once in a while you need to tell your boss or who ever fu*ed you that you feel betrayed even it does not change the outcome.

I make it a point to throw a semi tantrum when my friends are late beyond the point of no return.

Some people will never change and will continue to be inconsiderate, but at least I am expressing my concern so that I keep sane.

I am one of those victims of the Web 2.0. The details are checked moment by moment. I would stop my movie to find who the cinematographer is; what other film(s) has he being involved in; why the colors in the background are dark; and etc.

Thus, I end up spending countless hours in the world wide web reading and searching every available data there is on everything. It’s an obsession; eyes glued to a monitor somehow has an effect on our sleep, or so I’ve heard.

Maybe that is it. I don’t get enough sleep, I think. I sleep an average of 5 hours a night. It used to be that on the weekends I would catch up on the lost sleep of the week. But nowadays I wake up right at 8:30 am just like the weekdays, no alarms no nothings, even though I get to shut my eyes at 3 or 4 am.

I plan on sleeping sometime during the day; I make the usual Saturday morning breakfast, Egg, Bacon and Provolone on wheat with raspberry jelly and a jug of coffee. I relax, I watch a movie talk on the phone.

Right about 4 pm, I want to take a nap, turn off the cell and lay on the Sofa. The TV on I stare at it and before I know its 9 pm. Depending on the weekend, I have plans to go out or no plans at all.

Just another Saturday wasted with no sleep, no groceries picked, no projects completed and no laundry dropped.

This past Saturday though, I changed it up. Instead of making the usual breakfast I got on the computer went over my project(s), made a grocery shopping list, and then went to Chipotle for lunch.

I picked up Tylenol PM, went home took two and then I went to sleep in the day time. My phone rang all day but I didn’t hear it. I woke up feeling refreshed around 10 pm.  I finally did my groceries at midnight and used Sunday to complete my project.

Right now I feel like I finally got the sleep I have been waiting to get for a few months.

En anglais; not really stuck up, more like conceded with something stuck up the whole. I will let you professionals translate what exactly GuregNya is.

She told me that I moved ‘slow;’ I didn’t know what she was talking about at the time. I really couldn’t figure her out though. She is paranoid and really didn’t say much.

Whatever, I didn’t really care much, I didn’t do shit. She annoyed me because she was so private. Maybe that is why I didn’t know she was so GuregNya.

We kinda transitioned into friendship, now she starts talking and I can’t believe some of the things that are coming out of her mouth.

I thought I was a good judge of character.

Sigmund Freud much like Snoop knows something I had failed to realize. The environment makes the person, insecurities garnered during childhood are not going to go just because you grew boobs, or you stumbled upon a lottery or something.

You can take him out of the ghetto, but …

Those superficial things are not important to me anymore. Ya, I am not going to lie — I like things easy to look at but we all have to draw the line somewhere.

A really fak’n cool person is cool no matter how successful they are financially or how perfectly their ass is shaped.

Confidence is great but GuregN’net; down with it.