Covert Pleasures 23 Comments

There are many crazes that keep me blissful or the better phrase ‘keep me content.’ Sometimes I go home on a Friday night after picking up a Thai dish or the perfect cheese steak sandwich from the place 2 miles south of where I live.

I fix up the coffee table with my soda, a cup of coffee and some cookies for desert. I tune the TV to stream a foreign film could be anything and enjoy the evening unwinding. If my phone doesn’t ring, I am happier. If I have some project to finish during the weekend, it’s on my mind. But then there are those weekends I could just sit back and relax.

I have never been able to explain this to my friends. Especially significant others, I need to be left alone every once in a while to reboot by short attention span.

I love spending time with my friends; I have about a dozen or so different people I hang out with on occasion. Different crews for different things. Sometime I organize outings.

I would send out an email and ask people to join me for a certain excursion. The people that meet on these occasions are ones that may have never met prior. We have fun; we keep it short and sweet

On the same token my friends also invite me to certain events or outings of sorts. I rarely join them but I do on occasion and it’s usually fun. I tend to leave earlier that everyone, unless I am the one that organized it.

I prefer the planned events compared to the casual meet-ups. Some people just text, I am over here having beer; if you want you can join us on Charles St.

I don’t just show up at a random gathering without knowing who is gathering. I thing being exclusive with your encounters socially doesn’t necessarily equate one as unsociable personality.

I believe I am social but not one of those people that go to a cocktail party and makes elevator talk with random people for no reason other than to seem like I am having fun.

Furthermore, I think it’s not proper etiquette to force someone to socialize with people that don’t necessarily have somewhat similar interests; much like forcing someone to go clubbing when they don’t like clubbing.

But people take it personally, when someone refusing to do certain things. I have never been able to understand that. Some people find me annoyingly blunt, and that’s ok for them to feel that way.

Basically, we should  only do what we want with people of our choosing.  Significant others or friends shouldn’t require people in their lives to be involved in with other people in their lives with different interests.

23 Responses to “Covert Pleasures”

  1. 1 chuni

    well, how would u know you don’t have shared interests if you haven’t talked to them?

  2. 2 airan

    This is my favorite line “I believe I am social but not one of those people that go to a cocktail party and makes elevator talk with random people for no reason other than to seem like I am having fun.”

    I find myself doing this all the time. Only to then go home and ask myself “Why do I do this to myself?” It’s so exhausting.

  3. 3 kiki

    I love my alone time as well. For me it has nothing to do with my attention span. I just like being by myself sometimes. I went to a movie and dinner alone yesterday and it was wonderful. Some people just dont understand why. I guess they dont have to. But I dont mind making “elevator talk” with strangers so I like cocktail parties, at least some of them. You meet some interesting people and have some interesting conversations that way. And I think it is because you probably wont see these people again. But if that is not your thing your friends shouldn’t get offended when you refuse their invitation.

  4. 4 corpalum

    I’m more like Kiki and used to find it odd when some people find it strange that i had gone to a movie on my own or spent the afternoon at the park with a book etc etc…those people incorrectly think that’s i’m lonley. On the other hand, my significant other thinks that i’m too social and too friendly. I think that i;m just someone who needs time alone, much like the writer of the article, but also enjoy making small, general and even mundane talk, maybe about common interests or may not…
    but i have a problem in getting away from convos that go nowhere or are inappropriate etc etc..don’t know how to break that connection without being rude

  5. 5 elsa

    You are so right,i don not know if it is an abesha thing or just my family ,they can be so pushy specially the older ones like uncle, aunt, mom, dad etc as if they own you .they would be like come over this weekend or visit so and so, take me to church ,it is all good if they ask if i am busy oh no neye enje menewe tefash ,just leave me alone let me have my space.

  6. 6 beshou

    nolawi, nolawi, nolawi.

    your concept of alone time is worrisome. sometimes i wonder whether you are a loner or not. socializing doesn’t mean going out. it means that last min txt “drinks with friends” at happy hour.

    i hope you are not alone this weekend, again.

  7. 7 Nolawi


  8. 8 Hiwi

    i’m all for spending time alone every now & then. but as you said some ppl find it weird beteley habesha guadenoche.. so thesedays i don’t give details no more, when i decide i need a me time i just say i got plans, period.

  9. 9 Yared

    Good for you Champ,
    All people do is drive you insane with their problems. It seems people you meet nowadays all have a plan on why they want to associate with you, either to use you or because they feel they can benefit somehow in someway. Always good to keep it brief and short when conversating with people and keep it pushin’. Its a jungle out there and 90% of the population has a sick/ignorant mind that assumes they somehow got you figured out. Forget the bars/beers/clubs/and everyone that goes there. Completly disconnect them from your life or they will lure you in to failure if you don’t cut em loose for good. There is no God, and you should have no fear about hell or heaven, get yours and say F each and every single one of them, you were born by yourslef and you’ll die by yourself, all that other stuff you’ve been brain washed with for centuries, you’ll have to cleanse on your own by not associating with the robotic masses.

  10. 10 Mahlet

    You, like me, are a classic introvert my friend. (Anyone familiar with their MBTI profile?)

    People tend to confuse “introvert” with “shy” when really it is more about how you recharge.

    In fact, when I teach on this topic I use an example that sounds very much like your writing above: You’re done with an especially busy week and it’s Friday night (or Saturday night – some say even extroverts are tired Friday night). Do you prefer to be around people or do you prefer to go home and do something alone? Extroverts need time with others to charge up and get rejuvenated. Introverts do this alone with comfort activities they enjoy.

    Introverts are some of the most sociable people, they just hide out in between social time to recharge.

    You know what you need, keep it up :)

  11. 11 Nolawi

    ha ha thanks- ha that is how i recharge .. but i didnt know I was an introvert….

  12. 12 Ayana

    @ nolawi
    I feel u yene konjo,its pure torture when i have to show up at some event just to make a friend happy…its exhausting n i want out..the older i get the more i crave my space….

    p.s. I like ur articles

  13. 13 Theodore

    That’s a great point

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