beck n call 19 Comments

It always makes me wonder why some women have their choices of guys while others don’t, regardless of their physical appearance. I know women who could pass for models that have problems getting and keeping a significant other, while an average Jane will have a man of her choice at her beck and call to do with as she pleases.

Although there are number of variables at play here but underneath the surface it’s really simple. While being physically above average is a vital factor, it’s not so important enough to change the statistical advantage of the right personality.

Well, first I thought I would for a  female perspective? Their lack of a concrete answers surprised me. It’s like the online dating advice columns; the top 10 mistakes women make if you Google it  the answers are completely different.

I personally don’t think its fair that the “good” have harder time than the “not so good” but c’est la vie!

Women that are approachable get the most approaches, com’ons and dates. I am not saying be a slut, men like a challenge and respect women that respect themselves thus if this ‘approachable woman’ is going to be in his life for the long haul then she has to “not too easy.”

That basically the beginning part, keeping a guy is a little more complex but talking is hard for most men, if they do talk its likely just to be talk. I think a girl who is living her life and not obsessing about the future tends to keep a guy around long enough for him to be interested in thinking about the long-term part.

Last but not least and I think the most important part; some just make better choices at the beginning. Alpha males are more options and tend to play the hand they are dealt thus its better to be give the regular Joe (a nice guy) a chance.

Disclaimer: this has nothing to do with me. Just my advice to women with questions. I am of the opinion that 80% of males are way to nice.

19 Responses to “beck n call”


  1. 1 Totit

    So Nolawi…I must be physically above average then…cause I have no man…:)Any taker?
    I like the disclaimer though…

  2. 2 Yared

    Women are ridiculously confused about what they want. The key to getting “any/good looking” woman to break her neck in order to be with you is too easy. Groom and Smell good and don’t flirt with them the first day you meet them, only give one nice compliment like “you have really white teeth” and/or talk about any and everything… make sure you talk a lot and ask a lot so that she feels like there is some kind of conversation/interest goin on. Again “Do Not Flirt” yet. keep talkin and talkin.., curse a “little” bit maybe like “once” and say “excuse my french but you know its true” make sure u say “you know its true” because women love being told how to feel. at the end tell her to look you up on facebook and remind her that she can find you thru a friend.. They love the hunt…The next day all she’s going to remember is that you guys had a lot to talk about…lol.. and that you weren’t slutty cause u didn’t not once attempt a flirt and u cursed a lil bit and kept it real when necessary… You are in thier subconcious mind a A REAL solid brotha they want to see again… trust me. When you see her again ask questions again and say nice bracelet or watch and lift her hand up for a sec and let go… some can’t resit the hunt anymore and might even go for trying to hold ur hand while you are looking at thier braclet… keep talkin because at this momne tthey are in fantasy land and they are not processing what u are saying… thats how you get a woman wrapped around your legs.

  3. 3 Yared

    And women can do the nice watch /bracelet move too and but they need to hold the hand a little longer to get his attention…, he/she will never forget that moment..lolol..

  4. 4 Corp Alumni

    great topic.

    I am with the opinion that any given good looking woman that is single (or even not single) has some sort of personality defect. Somtn..in how ever manner it may manifest itself, she more than likely will have it…so am usually leery when I see a really hot chick (i.e Hally Berry)… Sorry to all those hot girls who think they’re perfect… the old abesha saying comes to mind ; somthn like “its better that a man loves his wife more than she loves him..”

    On a different note, girls have had the experience of dealing with guys ever since the boobs start showing (14+) and for the most part, guys still are playing video games even throughout college and usually lack the protocols…by the time a girl is in her early 20′s, she is the ultimate mind machine, able to handle guys anyway they come..and most fellas are just getting started then…

    you can deduce that I am in 100% support of the authors’ disclaimer comments…

  5. 5 Nolawi

    Kool!

  6. 6 spacefog

    “I am with the opinion that any given good looking woman that is single (or even not single) has some sort of personality defect.”

    Thought that applys to everyone – hot or cold , men or women.

    I agree with Yared “acting laid back works”

  7. 7 C

    “That basically the beginning part, keeping a guy is a little more complex but talking is hard for most men, if they do talk its likely just to be talk. I think a girl who is living her life and not obsessing about the future tends to keep a guy around long enough for him to be interested in thinking about the long-term part.”

    I find this to be THE most fascinating part of this entire post. Is keeping a guy (or a girl) really that complex? I think sometimes we like to lie to ourselves about compatibility. I find that my girlfriends always go for the guy who’s messed up and they REALLY believe that they’re going to be the one to fix him – not gonna happen. Ultimately, dating is process of elimination, right?

    Speaking only for myself, I find most men to be pretty damn predictable. Whether you’re good looking or not is SO subjective, and let’s be real – most beauty is fleeting and it takes a lot more than being attractive to stay in a relationship for the long haul.

    Interesting post.

  8. 8 Nolawi

    ?C wrote:

    “Ultimately, dating is process of elimination,

    Now that is funny as hell..

  9. 9 C

    Funny, BUT TRUE – right?

  10. 10 TJ

    beauty may be subjective and fleeting but is the first point of attaraction for most people. it takes maturity and depth to look past it continue the ‘process of elimination’ (love this btw!)

  11. 11 C

    “beauty may be subjective and fleeting but is the first point of attaraction for most people.”
    I’m not dismissing the importance of being attractive, simply pointing out that beauty doesn’t equal stability, sanity or longevity.

    “it takes maturity and depth to look past it continue the ‘process of elimination’ (love this btw!)”
    If you can’t learn to see people for more than their flaws, you probably shouldn’t be dating and you maybe have some work to do internally.

    I’m not saying it’s wrong to be initially attracted to someone physically, but relationshiops require far more than that to go the distance (also not dismissing that you need to be attracted to someone for the sake of intimacy, either). However, pretty folks have the same problems as the less (subjectively) good-looking folks. I know SO MANY beautiful girls with shitty self-esteem that it makes me a little bit sad. Confidence will get you a million miles, case in point? Jay-Z & Lil Wayne. Just sayin’.

    And thank you for loving process of elimination ;)

  12. 12 TJ-- Corp Alum

    OK. so we agree that attraction is an important ingredient in this game; and this is a pretty obvious thing…
    but seeing someone for more than their flows is driven by requires depth and maturity…it is a very deliberate act if you want a long lasting relationship

    still, pretty people have more issues than those that are less pretty(subjectively speaking of course)and this is probably because they have had attention ever since that prettiness came out and may have contributed so some serious character flows…

    seriously though. I saw an article recently about why Hally Berry cannot keep a man- why do you think that is? like someone said, it’s easy to get into a relationship, but difficult to sustain it…and most people get into one for the same reason, but cannot sustain it for multiple ones…

  13. 13 C

    “but seeing someone for more than their flows is driven by requires depth and maturity…it is a very deliberate act if you want a long lasting relationship”

    I don’t know – I don’t think it’s that deep. Maybe I’m giving too much credit, but to really believe that people don’t know that you gotta want/look for more seems so bizarre to me.

    “still, pretty people have more issues than those that are less pretty(subjectively speaking of course)and this is probably because they have had attention ever since that prettiness came out and may have contributed so some serious character flows…”

    I don’t know that the “beautiful people” are more inherently flawed than the (subjectively) less attractive, because I know people from both sets with some effed up flaws/personalities. I think there is definitely some validity though to your idea that attention heaped upon them buoys them and can mess them up.

    “seriously though. I saw an article recently about why Hally Berry cannot keep a man- why do you think that is? like someone said, it’s easy to get into a relationship, but difficult to sustain it…and most people get into one for the same reason, but cannot sustain it for multiple ones…”

    This, I have to take umbrage with. You make the assumption that as a woman who’s had failed relationships that it’s SHE who can’t keep a man. Maybe she’s mature enough to recognize that some of the relationships she entered into were past their prime. David Justice? Liked to hit. Eric Benet? Liked to stick. Now, I don’t know about the last one – but maybe she ended the relationship because she saw that it wasn’t something she wanted.

    I think, she can’t “keep” a man, because she’s smart. I have a girlfriend who stays in a disastrous (I am talking epic proportions) relationship with a loser (scientifically proven – by me) because she’s too scared to be alone. I respect people who can be alone. Who aren’t afraid of themselves and can say – no, I want/deserve more than this and you’re not it. There are worse things in life than being single. I mean, take that with a grain of salt since I am married.

    I guess I want to give people the benefit of the doubt because no one ever really teaches us how to be in relationships. We think we know what we’re looking for in a mate, but we all change so much – that we often don’t give our preferences time to catch up with the reality that is life.

    Great discussion ;)

  14. 14 TJ-- Corp Alum

    C said: “…This, I have to take umbrage with. You make the assumption that as a woman who’s had failed relationships that its SHE who can’t keep a man. Maybe she’s mature enough to recognize that some of the relationships she entered into were past their prime. David Justice liked to hit. Eric Benet, liked to stick. Now, I don’t know about the last one – but maybe she ended the relationship because she saw that it wasn’t something she wanted….”

    My question here is that did David hit because of his relationship with her and did Eric stick because of her…
    I understand that this is the chicken/egg type of conundrum, but is a valid question nonetheless. Am just saying..
    It is obvious that I am arguing from a man’s perspective and you are from a women’s. I mean, this is a philosophical and fundamental argument of the sexes. I am not defending those guys; it is perfectly possible that they both had a hitting and sticking issue and the latest one, whatever issue he had, but, it is also possible that SHE IS THE ISSUE. When one of the most beautiful women on earth breaks up with 3 men (HUSBANDS) in 10 year span, I would make my bet on her being f’ed up than those losers. It even makes sense statistically speaking.

  15. 15 mersha

    i think the most important factor for relationships not to work out is one of them wii start feeling it deserves a better one andcosiders himself a loser speciallyphysical apearance and smrtness are two crucial deal breakers. so that is why smart people try to avoid relationships i they think they would not deam of their mate to be with them in some project of time.they would rahter stay single and when they see thei perfect match they give 100% to ecurethem tho hard to achieve it at times.

  16. 16 Balageritu

    “I respect people who can be alone. Who aren’t afraid of themselves and can say – no, I want/deserve more than this and you’re not it. There are worse things in life than being single.”
    Well said ‘C’!!!! The way I think about it is that “it’s better to be zero (0)(single) than being negative (stay in a destructive/abusive relationship)”…. Being single is ok…infact its great!! Being single, gives time to figure things out, what we want and what we dont want (interms of a possible future spouse) and the kinds of relationships that we want to form. so its a time of great discovery about oneself. And sometimes being single can be a healing time from emotional roller coaster rides created by abusive boyfriends and girlfriends. Last but not least it’s that wonderful time that u Can flirt your a*s off!!! Yay…..so why not enjoy every moment of it while ofcourse looking for ‘the one’??

  17. 17 datdude

    I remember my uncle saying “show me a beautiful woman, and i’ll show you a guy tired of sleeping with her” lol

    I though he was crazy for saying that, now those words have never seemed truer. Gomen be tena yilal yagere sew.

  18. 18 bee

    When did things get so complicated? What happened to people just being together because they were into each other. All this psychoanalysis seems so detached from any form of true emotion. As someone believes that looks are subjective but personality deeply personal, i think both men and women have ruined it for each other. Both sexes being guilty of wanting quantity and not quality. Playing games etc. What happened to loving someone, no pressure, no over thinking, just being, just loving.. I guess @ the end of the day like everything else in life what is meant to be will be.

  19. 19 Birmingham

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