he's not my BF! 45 Comments

Well, I wanted to say something about this for a while now, I sense I might have hinted the way I feel about the topic here and there but I wanted to tell guys what I see. But as easily as I express myself I didn’t know how to flow the words to say this without sounding like victim myself.

I for one, am prone not to be a victim per say, not because I am smarter than most but because I lack the patience of the norm.

Based on real experiences with ‘lets call them acquaintances’’ but in reality they are less than that, they are people I have seen or had very few conversations with.

There is Carrie, who is a friend, a platonic one at that. She asked me to hang out with her and her friends who I will call Deidra.  Deidra gets dropped off by Jimmy in a nice BMW in front of the ‘outside table of the restaurant,’ I was sitting with Carrie.

I have known both these girls casually for a while and I could talk to them freely. I mentioned the car, and she became defensive and said

he’s not my Boy Friend!”

So we discussed it the rest of the evening. Jimmy started hanging out with Deidra casually. Then it became more consistent, she knew he was interested in her but he didn’t make a move. She was not feeling the same way, but she enjoyed his attention and company as friends.

He didn’t make it clear he wanted more than friendship thus she continued to see him. When he finally had the courage to make his motives clear, she told him honestly that she was not interested in more than friendship at this time.

Thus it was left at that but they continued to hang out, since she was single. I told her it’s wrong for her to mislead him to which she reiterated her honesty.  It was left at that.

Half a year or so later, I ran into Carrie, Deidra and Jimmy among others at a gathering of sorts. I was introduced to Jimmy, and we all hanged out. It was not clear if at first that Deidra had a change of heart and gave him a chance but as the night went on things became clearer. Jimmy is still looking for more while Deidra is looking elsewhere.

I wanted to slap him, scream or something! Dude WTF are you doing? Get a back bone, run, say something just don’t sit here and watch her flirt with anyone but yourself. It was unbearable to watch.

I didn’t say anything; it was neither my place nor my business.

A few months pass and my friendship with Carrie although not strong, persevered. I heard about Deidra and her new real boy friend, one she could publicly acknowledge.

I once was asked to help both of them out because they encountered an emergency while driving to the airport near my place. I arrived to find Carrie and Deidra outside Deidra’s car with luggage rushing to catch their flight. Jimmy and his bimmer arrived shortly thereafter. It had already been decided; I would drive them to the airport while Jimmy would figure out a way to get her car towed to her apartment or a mechanic.

While we were driving I asked why Jimmy was called instead of the boyfriend, I couldn’t help but not say anything in this situation. Deidra said that the BF said he couldn’t.

I thought if it was me, and realized that it would never happen to me. It had happened to me once when I was younger and naïve but it was much shorter period of time, like 2 weeks! My experiences has thought me if a female is interested she is interested otherwise there is nothing you or anyone can do to make her change her mind.

It’s rare that waiting for a female to make up her mind or change her mind becomes really worth it, I thought at least in this case patience is not a virtue.

I guess I have to say it more plainly, although jimmy was and remains to be an idiot, the girl is a bitch that she is intentionally misleading him to keep her options open.

The names and plot of this story although not a fictious have been changed to protect the identity of the characters or should I say victims.

45 Responses to “he's not my BF!”


  1. 1 justme

    you know sometime i think about some ppl should go to school for some common sense class. i can’t stand ppl who can’t make up their mind as well as a guy like jimmy.

  2. 2 biskut

    “He is just my friend and not my boyfriend “here simply means” I will take advantage of your goodnatured stupidity but our relationship will never amount to anything more unless noone else is willing to go out with me “ .There is an excellent word for this in amharic “BATAKOY”.I am sorry to say that it is jimmy’s fault and not hers .He should get the hint . She keeps him around for getting rid of spiders and dealing with squeaky brakes but all the good stuff she saves for james bond ??This might be a self-esteem issue on his side as well .
    Women want a MAN boyfriend not a clingy wuss like Jimmy .He needs to manup and stop acting like a STANDBY boyfriend and persue a woman that can say “he is my boyfriend “with pride.

  3. 3 Telisi

    what’s with “keep the option open” thing? This, IMO, is the problem with lots of people these days, mostly females, because they are so assuming with pretense of freindship and false pride.

  4. 4 Telisi

    biskut wrote:

    “He is just my friend and not my boyfriend “here simply means” I will take advantage of your goodnatured stupidity but our relationship will never amount to anything more unless noone else is willing to go out with me “ .There is an excellent word for this in amharic “BATAKOY”.boyfriend “with pride.

    where in the hell do you pull out a word like “BOTAKOY” from? Are you a wiki_chic for Amaharic? I am impressed.

  5. 5 Wurgatu

    biskut said it all for me…
    biskut wrote:

    He should get the hint . She keeps him around for getting rid of spiders and dealing with squeaky brakes but all the good stuff she saves for james bond ??

  6. 6 Mamitu

    Biscut,

    You’ve nailed it! Jimmy(ies), if you are reading this blog, take Biscut’s advise to heart and Man up!

  7. 7 Nolawi

    how much is the victim responsible … u also have to look at the victimizer….

  8. 8 Dinich

    Nol,

    What victimizer? The girl finally got a boyfriend but fools like Jimmy tend to stick around even when they know there is a boyfriend…..

    Jimmy is kerfafa wend asedabi. Enatu hod wuha hono biqer yishalew neber.

  9. 9 Corp Alumni

    If we’re judging, they’re both at fault. Jimmy seems like just a nice guy with some self confidence/insecurity issues. Donno how anyone cannot see what’s going on, but again, its different when you’re caught up in a whirlwind of emotions…only a good friend can pull him out of this quicksand.
    On the other hand, the chick has bigger personality problems it seems; some being, selfish, inconsiderate, too much into herself and just SHALLOW.
    Can’t help but think what Jimmy is thinking will happen if they ever hook up….what kind of relationship will they have…how her personality deficiencies will manifest themselves once they are couples….scary thoughts!

  10. 10 Nolawi

    Lol Dinich…

    I think there is a double standard going on though… if a guy does a similar thing

    like taking advantage of a female that is in love with him minamin.. its un outrage.. but its the female that lets it happen

  11. 11 justme

    Dinich is funny !!!…..

  12. 12 tsepeaces

    honestly, i’m done with worrying if a guy has ulterior motives for hanging out with me and if somehow in the unclear/unvoiced feelings of his i might hurt his feelings! As a friend to both of them this guy helped out these girls in an emergency situation — he’s a very good friend! & if he so happened to be a girl what a great friend she was!! sheeshhh…

    being honest and straight forward can be considered offensive as well!! (maybe THAT makes a girl a b*** to that person!?…it’s gonna be a rejection after all)

    these things can’t work simply and easily like these generalizations do. it just simply depends on the people involved beqa! yemin victimization neaw each individual has free choice and free will…this girl is not manipulating the guy into doing stuff he doesn’t want to do!

  13. 13 Tobian

    Insufficient information.

    What does she do for him? Is she his Teyaqi when he’s sick? Has she ever rescued him when his car’s gotten stuck on his way out to catch a flight? Does she take his mom girl-shopping when his mom visits? wezete, wezete …

    This isn’t and shouldn’t be a question of how the friendship started, but whether what they offer to each other at this point is balanced or not.

  14. 14 DawitK

    Completely agree with Tobian on this one…

    I think we should hold off from making fast judgment on another human being based on very little information.

  15. 15 beshou

    “Jimmy is kerfafa wend asedabi. Enatu hod wuha hono biqer yishalew neber.” hahahaahahahaha – by far, the most entertaining comment on this blog.

    as far as nolawi’s post, live and let live.

  16. 16 Leilt

    It seems to me they’re just friends now and the guy is obviously fine with her dating others. If they had a past, we could assume he’s waiting around for a change of heart, otherwise, they seem to be happy with what they got :) or else what fool would be waiting around forever?

  17. 17 anonx

    Definitely raises more questions….

    Like if the chick is unredeemable… a bitch, a user, then why did Nolawi do her a favor?
    Must have seen some good qualities in her, besides the physical, I hope.

  18. 18 Nolawi

    DawitK wrote:

    Completely agree with Tobian on this one…

    I think we should hold off from making fast judgment on another human being based on very little information.

    dawit you must lack the courage to make a public judgment… if i asked you privately you would say he was whipped..

    I am pretty sure about that

  19. 19 Nolawi

    anonx wrote:

    Definitely raises more questions….

    Like if the chick is unredeemable… a bitch, a user, then why did Nolawi do her a favor?
    Must have seen some good qualities in her, besides the physical, I hope.

    i do favors for my friends.. when they need it… but none of my friends ever mislead me or took advantage of the fact I was being nice… infact most are their for me when i need them…

  20. 20 liyou

    why does she have to be *B. correct me if i am wrong but intentionally misleading one isn’t a crime. Ain’t that all the marketing industry all about. BTW how do you do that to a grown up adult anyway? Reason was give to all equally, so let’s call jimmy – unreasonable guy and leave whatever her name out of it. Son, as bad as it sounds we’re here to promote our interest and collateral is part of this game we call life. Sorry to sounds so self-absorbed….XOXO

  21. 21 anonx

    You may be all right Nolawi. It just looks that all the angles are not covered.
    If you feel that strongly about the friend of the friend, why even care enough and come to rescue…
    People are wired to reciprocate, for instance, and I can’t say I know anyone who doesn’t follow the rule. Your role in this may be saying she is just like any of us–assume you, Nolawi, is like ‘one of us’; but either way one relation does not make a pattern to deserve some strong label. And the other thing is, I wonder who is misleading whom? Generally men can pray, hope that a chick likes us…if she is half-way nice, automatically our prayer becomes a belief, and start building some unrealistic expectation. Some places call this ‘confirmation bias’, its where you ignore/throw-out all things that goes against your expectation.

    (on a lighter note, though, I am surprised she is not digging the Bimmer. :) )

  22. 22 Dinich

    Anonx,

    lol…..she is digging the bimmer…..she is just not digging Jimmy the fool…..

  23. 23 Nolawi

    liyou wrote:

    why does she have to be *B. correct me if i am wrong but intentionally misleading one isn’t a crime. Ain’t that all the marketing industry all about. BTW how do you do that to a grown up adult anyway? Reason was give to all equally, so let’s call jimmy – unreasonable guy and leave whatever her name out of it. Son, as bad as it sounds we’re here to promote our interest and collateral is part of this game we call life. Sorry to sounds so self-absorbed….XOXO

    you are selfish… dude make it sound like misleading someone is that same as putting on a fake wig.. :)

  24. 24 kiki

    “…. the girl is a bitch that she is intentionally misleading him to keep her options open.”

    If you are calling her a bitch because she is intentionally misleading him, you are wrong. You said “she told him honestly that she was not interested in more than friendship.” I dont think you can get more clear than that, but using him to do things for her when she knows how he feels about her, if in fact that is what she is doing, is wrong. And it makes her a user. A bitch, hmmm, I dont know.

  25. 25 me

    granted Jimmy is a bit slow and we all pray he gets delivered soon! but your friend Diedra has big, no, huge problems. It seems every few days all I hear from my girl friends complaining about their “it’s always implied but never declared” relationships with their guy friends. I’m a bit disgusted women can turn the table as easily as the men.
    In conclusion, it’s never a fun thing to hear whether a guy/girl is doing the bait and switch.

  26. 26 Nolawi

    me wrote:
    ok so its call bait and switch?

    sharrup kiki

  27. 27 Corp Alumni

    ..what if Jimmy the fool enjoyes this torture, living out some sick fetish?

  28. 28 liyou

    Nolawi,

    jimmy is fully aware that the girl isn’t serious about him. Come on now, plus some things don’t need to be said right. So knowing all this, if he falls for her… GUY you got to call him nothing but “Mamo kilo”

  29. 29 totiet

    OMG, I’m dealing with this issue with this guy at this movement. we became good friends all of sudden he said he is in love with me, I told him no way!! he is 7 years younger than me but he is a great guy I know he is fully aware that when I rejected him I am not that in to him.so we continued to be friends every where i go he is with me but when i start talking to this new guy he got mad actually turn in to a crazy bitch. he tried to hurt me he hucked my emails my fb account calling me a bitch an every thing. so I promise to my self not to be a friend with a guy any more he was my best friend I loved him with out my heart.i still love him as a friend but he is crazy. abesha wondotch andeandegeze beged eneweded malet yewedalo. gin lemin ende?

  30. 30 Jkhan

    totiet,

    start dating real “abesha wondotch” instead of the losers you are talking about

  31. 31 manman

    I feel sorry for Jimy. He is responsible for his own actions. He is letting all this things happen to him due to a possibility a luck of confidence. The girl already said when he asked her out so what other confirmation does he needs ?..that is why i am always up front with girls. They can only say two words “yes” or “no” . I will take yes with a smile and rejection with grace. At list it is off my shoulder ..i do no drag it with me for longer than necessary.

  32. 32 fikir

    totiet,
    “I am not that in to him” wtf is this? yeanchie aynetu confused setotch nachew yegnan wonodoch yemiasekayut. Arif wondochn embi iyalachuh, ke tikur weyem a kenech gar new yemtiwetut. Ketiky ina kenewch gar mewtat,seletenachu malet aydelem! stick wit ya own type and work out your differences,cuz the benefit outshines in the long-run. here is s little advise for abesha setotch
    if you’re educated somer/non smoker:
    1 look for an educated abesha
    2 a smoker educated abesha
    if you’re not educated abesha
    1 look for a non-smoker abesha
    2 look for a smoker abesha

    other wise, you wil be single foreva while iyandandu wond lai akakir sitawetu

  33. 33 Totiet

    Fikir,
    I am sorry I don’t speak spanish:) kend anchi ayento dedeb miker manew yemekebelew?

    wedeza bakesh

  34. 34 YekeyDama

    The last exchange between fikir and totiet…fucking hillarioussssssssssssss!!!

    Fikir ‘knock, knock…any body up there?’ apparenlty not :)

  35. 35 lilye

    Totiet,

    Smoking’en min ametaw ezih wusT!???? SBS

  36. 36 Mamitu

    YekeyDama,

    I too found the exchange quiet hilarious.

    But I think we may have completely missed fikir’s point. Now if endalc could decipher the code, that would be great. :)

  37. 37 Totiet

    Mamitu, you are just like me you don’t speak spanish malet neaw LOL

    ye Fikern pointendalc yemefeta aydelem.. kesse meterat alben lol

    Lilye, I wasn’t the one smoke minamin eyalko yemekebaterew :)

  38. 38 DnY

    Dinich is one funny brother….i completely agree with u on this 1…Jimmy makes us men look real bad. Even worst, alot of women expect us to sucka down like Jimmy. lmao”Enatu hod wuha hono biqer yishalew neber.” still crackin up with that 1.

  39. 39 Totiet

    why Enatu hod wiste wuha hono yiqer? ere telato. he’s just a nice guy who lives by hope. when you love somone you don’t know what u doing.

  40. 40 fikir

    @Lilye and Totiet
    It’s all good. i just misspelled what i wanted to say in Amharic. It’s bitches like you who needs a reality check. Fuck boff you motha fuckas!

  41. 41 Kebero

    She is not a B. She just knows how to use her resources. If she asked, Jimmy is an adult and should make his own decisions and be accountable for it. She asked and he said yes, he WASN’T forced too IMO.

  42. 42 endalc

    .love is a.selefsh .because it.is love hereself .so im safer to hem im stand .vever farway. fiker is not officaly.until .no nobedy nos where is.meing of her. so .it is a secrit .how you knows . will to hem can you .imformed me .waw i doent know . me because .im love to only one time until in not get agen .one beauty .meby sudden .one day

  43. 43 maria

    Its funny when a girl keeps her options open and is smart shes known as a B**** but when a guy keeps his options open by stringing 10 girls along hes known as a real man! I would rather be a b**** anyday over a fool pick one.

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