Comments on: my significant secret

By: endalc

endalc — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 15:19:19 +0000

.will stey . ..one day .we ll be site to gather . meit bay that affeir. you was sey menything .you wasent chaleng.to there ethiopian communitty . byt you never can imbuteit that meain .point ? so im not say.to you this that . speak to menything . because . i was say you tray agen clier.

By: anonx

anonx — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 02:49:45 +0000

eldalc:

Welcome back!

By: endalc

endalc — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 18:36:44 +0000

. where is live. they are ethiopian community .sorry i doent know what there im not anderstand .to this . your ,took .do you went chaleng .to them . you say .realy they are anther , animal. peoples . they are not cant creat to something . sorry . i doent dear my firend , what about speak to this .ethiopian . community .mein opject . please .tray agen . chaleng . write .say this this . it was they are to do made ronge .,so tray imbuteit. her your viows .cliear.
how ever .im not speak her present . to them
thank you

By: maebel

maebel — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 13:09:48 +0000

I like the article…a nice one! I found many “quotable quotes” for example..”Undoubtedly the Ethiopian community is another animal in itself!” SBS

By: anonx

anonx — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 04:09:21 +0000

Your filthy froth only reconfirms my suspicion.

The pedophile thing was in response to Biskut, but with apology my second rate mind didn’t make that clear. All the same, now you seem to be a pedophile in the making, if already not.

Biskut: never crossed my mind that a mother could loose sight and find satisfaction in the garbage above.

By: biskut

biskut — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 17:45:59 +0000

lol
annox
you got what you asked for and then some…

By: ETs

ETs — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 06:27:08 +0000

@ anonx:
Actually, Im asking you to take baby steps – just come out of the shadows into the light – post using your real identity. Instead of complaining about how secretive the habesha community is by hiding in the cyber forest. Im simply suggesting one should not contribute/add to the problem rather be part of the solution. Simple & clear concept – I thought…

Now as far as the rest of your diatribe, I mentioned nothing about a husband, Onewoman stated her bf was f’ing every1 under the sun including your mother (sorry Bernos for stooping this low) so I simply asked she get tested. The way you waved & planted the abuse flag out of nowhere, “I will suspect then you are” an abused child or your children are currently being torn apart at the seems. Perhaps you can tag along w/ your children to the clinic & get them all sown up… Hopefully, you are in the states where these kinda things can get resolved easily by therapy or skilled surgeons & if you are brave enough to step into the light, you can go on Oprah & claim victim-hood & make some $$. How does it feel to hijack a thread just for the sake of making some idiotic/egotistical mightier than thou argument? Again, sorry Bernos, for degrading the level of exchange like this. Bernos is usually a great forum where civility & common sense prevails.

PS My “secret” is, although never been abused, I relish the thought of abusing inferior 2nd-rate minds!

By: Corp Alumni

Corp Alumni — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 23:02:47 +0000

things are heating up again…lol

watch this video- a funny twist to the marriage topic

http://www.diretube.com/ethiopian-comedy/blind-date-wedding-comedy-video_b3bd0dbf0.html

By: biskut

biskut — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 22:23:43 +0000

mamitu
I understand pedophilia / inscest takes place in Ethiopia too .But not to a degree that you can’t let your kids 100 feet off your sight .I was talking about the magnitude of the problem.Any one with kids would know what goes through a parents’ mind in that excrutiating moment kids are not within eyesight in the mall or someplace else.

By: Mamitu

Mamitu — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 22:13:06 +0000

I hate to be a contrarian but I do think

Child marriage = Child abuse

We are not talking about late teens and twenty somethings that are being married off here, but little children some as young as 8 get married to 18 to 20 something year old men. And anyone that has sexual intercourse with prepubescent children is a pedophile.

And about molestations, they absoulutly do happen in Ethiopia it was just not talked about, things are changing now though. If you go to radio Fana’s website and listen to anonymous callers you will hear all kind of sad stories. I think I even once heard a girl who was pregnant call in and ask how she can get an abortion because the child she is carrying was a result of incest. She said she was molested by her father. The West didn’t create pedophilia, they just openly talk about their problems.

By: biskut

biskut — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 21:46:25 +0000

many a times older-bachelors marry young children in arranged marriages .They are not necessarily attracted .It is not the best aspect of our culture and i hope it dies over time.I don’t think any parent will give away thier young female kids to be abused and tortured .This are well meaning parents who are handcuffed with societal norms and in some cases religion as well .They prefer older husbands for their kids because being older makes them the protected and the provider ..like i said it is not a good culture and needs a lot of work.some of you here are arm chair civil rights activists and are too harsh to judge and use the very popular phrase namely “child abuse “.child abuse and child marriage cannot be used interchangeably .poverty and ignorance is the root of it .if i were you i would critisize the western culture full of education and bloated with money yet scary that my kids can’t play outside .it is more rampant and i dare say they are morally corrupt and the west is the birth place of all pedophiles.

By: anonx

anonx — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 20:41:22 +0000

@ET: you just asking a bit to much from us normal people: some are parents, others are brothers and sisters, and many more are friends, real or potential, in your ‘proverbial we’… is that no ‘contribution’ enough for you. What mountain do you want people to climb? If a ‘pun’ is your answer when you hear of sexual abuse of children, maids, and the helpless in your society… I will suspect then that you are defending yourself–you are being accused.

Pedophile: one who is sexually attracted to children. That is not a husband no matter what the arrangements.

By: ETs

ETs — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 18:39:41 +0000

“We are so secretive” this & we that… if all of you who are that quick to judge/label are that brave why are you using an alias to post on Bernos? Before you jump on that e’nga bashing bandwagon I suggest you ask what your contribution is to this proverbial “we” & come w/ clean brave hands to the keyboard you are hiding behind.

@Onewoman – Were you dating Tiger? Looks like he f’ed the whole ke’bele/kefite’gna. (Get your a$$ – pun intended – checked)

By: Corp Alumni

Corp Alumni — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 15:20:53 +0000

@biskut- OK

—
this was an interesting topic up until emotions got involved. i have a personal issue with emotions & dispassionate assesment of things since i belive that most abeshas(including myself) appear to possess high dosages of it. just because things are not the way that we think they should be don’t make them wrong…

By: biskut

biskut — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 14:57:46 +0000

corp alum
my bad i thought it was a writing contest lol …. when you write a comment i hope you are assuming that many people read it and how it is delivered makes all the difference .Remember raw data vs data shared among friends .Now i don’t want to turn this into a private chatroom so …so long for now my friend and when i say friend i mean it casually hoping you don’t take it personally and start sharing some of your secrets:))

By: Corp Alumni

Corp Alumni — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 14:53:52 +0000

…one way to find out.
Nolawi wrote:

Corp Alumni wrote:
Nolawi- have you considered that this friend maybe doesn’t trust you? Why put the burden of proof on him completely and I mean that without any pun. Talking everyday for the last few months may not necessarily build the level of trust required (and is different per person)to share secrets- again, no pun there.
then atleast I know where I stand… I want to know where I stand with someone….

By: Corp Alumni

Corp Alumni — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 14:47:43 +0000

@biskut, yene emebet
…this aint a writing contest. let’s keep things impersonal and argue/debate.
i would stick to the point not how its delivered.

By: Nolawi

Nolawi — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 13:57:42 +0000

Corp Alumni wrote:

Nolawi- have you considered that this friend maybe doesn’t trust you? Why put the burden of proof on him completely and I mean that without any pun. Talking everyday for the last few months may not necessarily build the level of trust required (and is different per person)to share secrets- again, no pun there.

then atleast I know where I stand… I want to know where I stand with someone….

By: Michelle

Michelle — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 13:47:00 +0000

You guys should start a post secret for habeshas

By: biskut

biskut — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 12:01:18 +0000

corp alum
on a last note i find you too wordy and flowless (not flawless mind you )

By: biskut

biskut — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 11:59:25 +0000

corp alum
i know you adressed nolawi gin i simply have this urge to say this.I think we all know what a definition of a friend is .like nolawi pointed out earlier there is a difference between aqaintance and a friend.trustworthiness is incorporated in friendship without having to actually spell it out.
I have a feeling that you have a lot of casual friends but not real friends .

By: Corp Alumni

Corp Alumni — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 11:56:21 +0000

@tsedey

if you have the time and energy to deal with damage control that may insue out of openness, then, by all means, you should be so. I am with the opinion that relationships develop over time, not unlike an oak barrel of wine maturing. Yes, relationships mature with time. No need to put the laundry (dirty or not) out there without first establishing some sort of solidity…

By: Corp Alumni

Corp Alumni — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 11:50:28 +0000

finally, we are driving at the heart of this discussion, which in my opinion, tesdey pointed out. Trust is a major factor when one decides to share a secret with another.

Is it maybe that we, as a society, lack trust? or is it that it takes a lot for us to trust eachother?

Nolawi- have you considered that this friend maybe doesn’t trust you? Why put the burden of proof on him completely and I mean that without any pun. Talking everyday for the last few months may not necessarily build the level of trust required (and is different per person)to share secrets- again, no pun there.

So, it is unfair to complain about a friend not sharing a secret without considering if the necessary trust and closeness has first been established.

What does it take to build this level of trust & closeness? That’s another conversation.

By: biskut

biskut — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 00:39:40 +0000

mamitu
one last thing .on your last sentence you said my friend might be mourning for a son that she did not have .Having kids is like taking a risk right .You don’t know what you will be having .They can be born with illnesses and disorders and they might also grow up and aquire illnesses ,badhabits and disorders .We should just concentrate on being unconditional parents ..They are just different that require a different kind of care .It might take her time to adjust her life according to his needs but i don’t see why she should mourn .you might say that yalderesebet giligil yawqal.ofcourse i don’t know first hand what it is like.i strongly believe that kids with illnesses are not damaged goods or as good as dead that we should mourn about them when they are alive .

By: biskut

biskut — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 00:27:44 +0000

mamitu
I am deeply touched .Please don’t be discouraged because you still have your daughter with you and you can make the best out of what you are faced with .
As far as my friend ,she avoided me and that is why i am hurt so much .I never coaxed her into telling me what was going on.She is the one who was uncomfortable with my presence in her life .Actually her son likes me and as you know he is not sociable at all .He hugs me of all the people and i secretly get watery eyed .I have insisted on play dates inside my house and at play places ,i have suggested that we put them in certain sports together and she keeps avoiding me .I think she thinks it is her fault .i understand that our society can be rude and heartless to this type of situations but i was and still am an honest to God good and loyal friend to her .I am not someone who rejoices in other people’s sorrow .Many people have come and asked me “is there something wrong with your friends son ?” and you have no idea how their tone and condescending aura infuriates me .Hope she comes around .

hang in there mamitu .It is only for the strong and for the faithful ………you might think i am being rediculous or sarcastic but you were chosen .