The key principle of morality is that doing something for yourself is bad or at least not worth anything morally speaking, while doing something for others is noble and praiseworthy.
People are called “selfish” when an observer perceives that the person could have taken one of numerous courses of action which might benefit other people more so than to take actions which benefited themselves.
Years ago, I found myself browsing the shelf of a bookstore; I was in the philosophy section, and stumbled upon some literature on Moral Theory.
Moral Theorists will go so far as to say that favoring one’s children over other people’s children is reprehensibly selfish. That is one side of the argument but the question is… is it such a bad thing? Is it the smart thing?
I am speaking about the act of being selfish. Are the selfish ones on a lesser moral ground?
I like to think that I am the snob around town who stands on the higher moral ground and performs selfless acts for those around me. On the contrary, I know that I am not even close to Mother Teresa, and I never expect anyone to be.
As I have mentioned in the past I believe a person character becomes formulated the environment.
I know that there are those of us that run around doing things for others people and that are selfless.
Only referring to those requests that we all do not have to say yes to; in the process of saying yes to all these things you forget your own well being. Instead, you go for the short term gain to make other people happy.
I used to not focus on myself and it tended to make me under-perform, be overworked, exhausted and most importantly stressed out in all other aspects of my life.
On the other hand, and the point I wanted to make, without you bernos readers jumping on my thoughts is that most people are way too selfish.
I am an excellent judge of character, very observant and aware of personal traits of those around me. And I have been lucky enough that I surround my self with decent people.
My problem is and has always been with those of you that are inconsiderate of others. Selfish is OK, but at others people expense is by no means close to being acceptable.
There is an acquaintance of mine, who is married now with few kids but used to ask me to be his wing man whenever he wanted to go out. Once he got married and moved to the suburbs he stopped calling, and I understood. But whenever he is in town on business or pleasure he would call and ask for us to hang out. I am like dude, you haven’t called nine months but when it’s convenient for you, you call me.
No thanks, I am busy!”
In the same manner I have noticed as friendship of convenience, there are relationships of convenience. It’s kind of like the “I’m confused” response from a females and the “I don’t want a real relationship, just booty call,” from the males.
These types of people are selfish at the expense of others & thus should be avoided at all cost. It’s easy; just avoid them when you start seeing the signs.
My point, selfishness I can live with; selfishness at the expense of other people, especially me, I run like the wind.
Published by November 24th, 2009 in Dating, Social and Thoughts.
I think most married people are like that, they think their life is more important than yours(because you are single). I understand that they are busy with babies and stuff but if you can’t even make a phone call or responsed to mine, don’t expect me to jump up when you call me once in a blue. They are selfish and users.
Those people became my Holiday friend, I only called them five to six times a year.
Selfish is selfish .. no different category ..!!
It could be at the expense of other people OR exclusion of the interests of others.
Anyway, about your friend, did you call him in nine months, have you visited him … or did he become boring with his “diaper , diaper..” YeMiL talk…???
I dont think I have ever met anybody that is purely selfless. We all do things out of self interest. Even Mother Teresa got something out of all her “selfless” work. That being said I agree with you there are degrees of selfishness. Mother Teresa being at the one spectrum and for example those friends who only seem to call you when they need a favor, are on the other spectrum. I am selfish sometimes but like you said noli it doesn’t come at the expense of others. But I look out for my self interest nonetheless.
Nice post.
I know I am selfish but not at the expense of others…i hate asking favors. i hate those shameless people who always ask…i know i am not a man who do favor for others..that is why i never ask! i have my own random selfless offerings. i know that keeps me moving. that is all. yihe min kifat alewu???
Men are not against you; they are merely for themselves.
Gene Fowler
Somebody called me selfish before because i don’t want to have a baby… if that’s true then i guess i am
Leo,
Don’t take it personally but that is how I feel about most ppl who don’t want to have kids.
@ Dinich:
(no offense Dinich)but what is more selfish than having children? It is the ultimate selfish act. People have children so they can see a little version of themselves or so they can perpetuate their genes. It is not necessarily a bad thing but in my opinion it is a selfish act. Leo, I have heard the same thing about not wanting children but there could be many reason , some selfish of course, why a person might not want to have any children. I don’t think I have the temperament for it so I chose not to have any. *continues mashing said potatoes*
I am writing this as I mash my potatoes for my thanksgiving dinner
I like to go on record agreeing with Helen including on the mashing part
Helen/Anonx,
lol @ the mash potatoes. I knew this was coming.
Happy thanksgiving to all u Americans. In Canada we do our thanksgiving in October.
I agree with helen and anox…have always thought having children as the ultimate form or narcissism. When there are so many kids out there that need parents, that you could adopt…you must have your own…so you can see your self in them???
Helen/Anonx/Zema…well said!! Having children is the “ultimate form of narcissism” …wish habesha people get a grasp of this concept…
@Helen
well said! I think selfless people are those who adopt children even when they can have their own.
Guys,
Esuma even mother Theresa’s acts can easily be rationalized as selfish. You can use some high level psychological theory to dismiss everything in life as selfish. And it holds truth.
But if we have to keep it simple, the reason why MOST (not saying all) ppl in the west don’t want to have kids is not because they are concerned about overpopulation or anything. I wish. But that is the pretext. It simply is because this is a generation where raw selfishness reigns supreme.
Habesha ppl dont grasp the concept because family, social life, zemed etc….really matters to us. We value family more than the theory of selfishness. Selfish? you can call it if u want but if you have good parents, look at them as a reminder how selfless you have to be to be a good parent.
I agree that just having kids doesnt make you selfless but raising them the right way takes a lot of selflesness.
I know I ll get a lot of heat for this but I ll only respond to gentle arguments.
“I agree that just having kids doesnt make you selfless but raising them the right way takes a lot of selflesness.”
very well said. i think we need to see the distinction between having a baby to see yourself in them Vs. sacrificing a lot of stuff for your children to provide and raise them the right way is what makes a parent selfless.
Dinich i think we have actually been a lot “gentler” than u deserve
so you can keep responding.
Tsedey of course once you have children it is only natural that you will be selfless…for the most part …but ppl don’t go on and have kids in order to practice selflessness..so I am questioning motives here…what makes people want to have children?
Zema,
My gentle comment is not for you guys. But in a blog like this u never know who would come along and get nasty. So far I give u guys 11 out of 10 for gentleness.
What makes People want to have children?
The love of kids is what people and and animals have done since day one. It is not about individual motives but it is about an underlying nature of humans and animals.
The way I see it, things like this are deeply wired in our nature. People might say this is why or that is why I want kids but the underlying reason is beyond what people think and feel. I’d say this is just the way God created us and has nothing to do with motives. The Bible says kids are a gift from God, and I truly believe they are.
For me that is the big picture answer regardless of what people say motivates them. I believe God has a purpose when he created man, woman, sex, love, marriage etc….
This is of course a purely Christian perspective.
I don’t think you can say that people have kids because they love kids, it’s true for some people but most kids are here by accident and some mothers keep their baby because they think they are a gift from God and others look for other alternatives such as abortion or adaption.
Some mothers don’t deserve to be a mother
Leo,
That brings us to my first point. People generally don’t hate kids. They are just too selfish to be responsible for raising them. That is why the abortion etc…
Again this is a generalized statement.
@Dinich
May be they are too young or don’t have the means to raise a baby or some other reason that we don’t know about.
People GENERALLY don’t know if they are going to be a good mother or father, they think that having a baby will make them happy or complet them.
,hi i anderstand you for this our . teachng . expletion. weekly .make desces . about .for persenal .life .jest how you noes .the feutuerty .
by frequently opjecet . frequently time .but .at this time . after .4 5 years ago .we livt . this our commenting programm. he ll go to family we founder .family merrey . chenge .resedent .for exabile , we make .jitu. she is be come .bosted . you doent know will hem jest like they are . .but some how until we ll came to gather .one day see .our jenetic, pake graound hestry . look .our netive and netion .we ll backe looking our back ground
Cryptic message…
So Marie Claire isn’t the top expert on child rearing but the info in this article of why NOT to have kids is definitely supported by research I’ve seen. Check it out:
http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/relationship-issues/articles/childfree-by-choice
Great post Dinich! “the reason why MOST (not saying all) ppl in the west don’t want to have kids is not because they are concerned about overpopulation or anything. I wish. But that is the pretext. It simply is because this is a generation where raw selfishness reigns supreme. “
@Kok,
That Marie Claire article sounds like purposely made to make older women feel good about a decision they are already regretting….:)
@ Dinich:
Really? I didn’t see it that way? I saw it as “here are reasons why people choose to have kids when in reallity they are not good enough reasons to have kids.” I know I want kids but if you ask me what are good enough reasons to do so I’m not sure I have an answer…
What are others’ thoughts?
having kids is hereditary … if your parents didn’t have kids, you won’t have either …
kok, thanks for sharing the article but it’s too narrow and to draw any conclusion.
@ ep:
That is an interesting logic ep.
@ Dinich:
and I dont think I will regret my decision but if I do “regret” it, as you suggest, when it is too late for me, there are many kids out there that need loving homes. So it shouldn’t matter whether they are physically mine or not, right?
Some women, me, really don’t want to have any children. Maybe it is nature’s way of controlling over-population
Helen,
I believe you. My arguments are general and apply to most ppl but definitely not everybody.
Dinich,
I think it is a matter of perspective. A lot the comments here look like they are written by 20 somethings. I think people tend to have different ideas about getting married and/or having children through different periods of their lives.
You are right about the need of selflessness after being a parent. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent and I admire those who abstain from it because they know that they can’t give a 100 percent.
@ Dinich:
they were delicous tho…
You agree with me? Now I regret mashing some of your name’ssake
@EP
well if ur parents didnt have kids…u wont simply exist…hummm so I dont see the gentics here…
Mamitu,
Yup. My wife in her 20s thought she is not cut out to be a mother. Now she is married with 3 kids doing a good job of motherhood.
Helen,
I luv mash potatoe….whenever I am given the choice between fries, roast potatoe, and mash potatoe, it doesn’t take me a second to decide. I hate fries. I want my potatoe mashed or roasted.
I understand what you meant by selfishness at the expense of others but i don’t see how your married friend fit that category. he didn’t call you for nine months, but have you? and if you have and he said he was busy, may be he was. I don’t think it’s selfish of him (at your expense) to call you and ask you to hang out because as friends, i assume you would get pleasure out of the meeting. you’re not really doing him any favors. The fact that you would turn down a good time because you haven’t talked in a while makes you seem bitter. I don’t think ppl loose touch intentionally. It just happens. when the opportunity to catch up arises, it wouldn’t hurt to go with the flow and enjoy yourself.
Chuni,
If you actually practice what you preach you’d almost be as enlightened as my wife. Kudos by the way on picking up on the bitterness.
Asking for reasons why people have kids, is that not similar to why people have a need for sex? May be its all biological beyond control.
Survival?..
Off Topic: Any System Accountants on Bernos? Great position for you. Reach me through Nolawi, if he does not mind.
lol..
What’s funny brother? I am serious. I need a good resume,
.i was hear . informetion . to so meny peoples make time desecues. by this 3 mein opject . that menis .jest we ll comform .one tareget . that meins .how is move .fewtuer .conform .our.life chenge to something . i ve are esbend .throuth.and.by frequently problems .so we nver .for get that past time .
of i love to al they are .wrtere. firends . bot we chenge to our dairection .we ll meint by one opject.
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