my Gripes w/ you 91 Comments

king-queen

I have been reading bernos since the beginning, and while I love it, some of the content seems like it’s too much bellyaching about Ethiopian women and men. I have some advice for both sexes, or at the very least bellyaching of my own.

For the men; it seems to me many Ethiopians aren’t as confident and or as manly as other races. Manly men are confident men; women are attracted to men who project confidence.

Sadly, many men these days lack any confidence at all. Some walk around with their head down, wallowing in self pity. Others confuse manly confidence with cockiness. These men have confused confidence with being a douche bag.

Confidence is quiet; it’s unpretentious! When a man walks into a room who has acquired this confidence, people can feel it.

Take pride in your appearance, it doesn’t mean you have to be Ryan Seacrest or metro-sexual. Shave, shower and comb your hair everyday! Dress nicely, don’t wear old slacks or old jeans with an old button down that looks like your grandpa’s wardrobe.

Set goals and meet them, one goal at a time! Exercise, learn new skills, and Do something, anything! Remember your past successes, and don’t be borcham.

For the women; I feel Ethiopian women are being more and more Americanized. What happened to the nurturing Ethiopian woman in the traditional sense? Why are you so stuck up now?

What happened to the natural hair, now it is weaves, perms and extensions? Have you had sex with a woman with a weave?…there are rules involved, no pulling or touching, its seems unnatural.

Ethiopian women need to go back to your roots, act more sensibly, have natural hair and stop trying to be a gold digging American girl. Respect our strong Ethiopian men for who they are and not what they have.

91 Responses to “my Gripes w/ you”


  1. 1 Dinich

    A lot of truth to this article…

    For the first time ever u r sounding like…..Yetefatu balna mist yemiyastariq shimagle

  2. 2 Nolawi

    dude i didn’t write this …

  3. 3 Leo

    Stop trying to be a gold digger american girl? are u serious? Most ethi women are gold digger especially the one in Ethiopia.

  4. 4 Mekdaddy

    Im the 24 year old SHimagale…lol

  5. 5 Mekdaddy

    Leo, i wouldn’t know how they are in Ethiopia…seeing as i left when i was about 5. Can you elaborate though?

  6. 6 Dinich

    Nol…lol…I knew it didnt sound like u….:)

  7. 7 Leo

    I don’t think you have to be there to know that. A young beautifull abesha girl will go with someone who looks like her grandfather and all he need is CASH and i think that’s sad.
    unrelated question, is prostitution legal in Ethiopia?

  8. 8 munit

    crap.. you lost me on Ryan Seacrest

  9. 9 Mekdaddy

    i wouldn’t think they have VICE COPS in Ethiopia, but i know its damn near legal in Atlantic city, advertising, ho’s and azn massage parlors everywhere,

  10. 10 helen

    lol @ Munit… that was what I was thinking.

  11. 11 Mekdaddy

    that is because you don’t want to hear criticism about women…helen and munit.

  12. 12 Colin

    Great comment by mekdaddy this is so ture

  13. 13 helen

    Oh please, has nothing to do with your criticism of women. When you equated Seacrest with style you lost a little credibility. :-)
    I do agree with what you said about confidence tho.

  14. 14 Mekdaddy

    i said you don’t have to look do metrosexual stuff ryan seacrest but take pride in your appearance…

  15. 15 tpeaces

    the communication lines between the sexes are crazy static-ky, eh? seems that the same arguments, questions and thoughts are replayed over and over…

  16. 16 mitmita

    I second the comment about Ethiopian men not being confident. Most of them can’t even ask a girl out. They are too shy or so damn scared of rejection. I can go on and on about men but I will stop. Mekdaddy, I like the advise you gave the men. It was very contrastive however, you are wrong about women. For one thing, we are not all the same.I am willing to bet most are more traditional than Americanized. Second, Men need to respect there women as well.

    I will just leave the whole weave thing alone.

  17. 17 SKgirl

    Beqa, Besaq motkugn over this! But seriously dude, right on! Ene emeleh, esti clarify on the “Americanized”, and what you mean by “….. nurturing Ethiopian woman in the traditional sense?”

  18. 18 Mekdaddy

    To absorb or assimilate into American culture vs remaining a traditionalist.

  19. 19 Mekdaddy

    mitmita you are right about, respect being a two a street!

  20. 20 toothpick

    this is disturbing. you basically just told the dudes to be confident alpha male types who are clean cut and dress sharp. conversely, you instructed the ladies to “go back to the their roots” and be nurturing homemakers.

    this is all types of fucked up, honestly. and if you can’t see why, then that’s even more unsettling.

    ps: weaves are another matter, but last i checked, habesha women have been getting their hair straightened for ages. let’s not forget we come from a place where “luCHa tsegur” is considered exotic good news.

  21. 21 Anonx

    Guilty as charged! I don’t comb my hair; sometimes, I brush it, but on average, I just wash and go and let my fingers do the the combing. And I think for as long as I have hair, I can’t imagine doing anything more:)- I like a disheveled hair look

    so you would recommend Americanizing the men, and deamericanizing the women?

  22. 22 SKgirl

    Hey Mek, you do know that a lot of “Ethiopian” girls have left Ethiopia young, just like you may have, right? Their definition of a traditionalist may not quite be the same as yours..non? Plus, pls define traditionalist for me…what character is considered traditionalist and while you’re at it, pls define what you consider stuck up…cos I’ve really met too few stuck up ones out here…so educate a sista esti

  23. 23 tpeaces

    the disheveled look is sescy

  24. 24 mitmita

    toothpick, getting your hair straightened and getting a weave are two completely different things.

  25. 25 Totit

    toothpick….U never fail to crack me up…:)

  26. 26 Wudnesh

    I agree with everything you said about Ethio men ;)

  27. 27 toothpick

    mitmita, i do understand the difference. you may have read my statement a little too hastily, though ;)

    Totit: i’m not quite sure where I said something that warrants cracking up, but hey … by all means … laugh! jubilate! galivant and make merry in the streams of vivacity and rivers of elan!

    having said that, i’m of the opinion that amnesia, coupled with breast implants, could result in arbitrary statements such as: “my mammary’s not what it used to be.” in the same vein, consider what joseph was thinking when he caught mary making whoopee with the holy ghost.

    exactly!

    at ease, soldier.

  28. 28 mitmita

    toothpick, I will say it again without being hasty :)

  29. 29 Mekdaddy

    helen is stuck up…lol

  30. 30 Mekdaddy

    j/k helen, i mean overly conceited or arrogant, egotism.

  31. 31 helen

    @ Mekdaddy:
    As the philosopher (Popeye) once said “I Yam what I yam and that is all that I Yam)! :-D

  32. 32 Tobian

    “I feel Ethiopian women are being more and more Americanized. What happened to the nurturing Ethiopian woman in the traditional sense?”

    This is vaguely offensive to the mentioned host country. By vaguely, I mean very.

    I also wondering what kind of Ethiopian women you’ve been hanging out w/ to reach the point of complaining about weaves. I don’t know a single habesha chick who’s got weave.

    Having said that there are other things in your writing which I liked. I’m not a big fan of the ke doro manequa qoshasha gurguad wust senbito yeweTa ‘disheveled’ look thing … but I understand it’s a personal preference.

  33. 33 SKgirl

    Dayuuum Tobian…that’s some description
    Tobian wrote:

    I’m not a big fan of the ke doro manequa qoshasha gurguad wust senbito yeweTa ‘disheveled’ look thing

    LOL! loved it! On that not Mek, Wulohin meqeyer alebih meselegn if we all don’t relate to your description of the Ethiopian Women…

  34. 34 SelamT

    “ke doro manequa qoshasha gurguad wust senbito yeweTa ‘disheveled’ look thing … but I understand it’s a personal preference.”

    Very funny!

    Disheveled look ended in the 90s. freeze has been outdated

    “I don’t know a single habesha chick who’s got weave.”

    Really?
    I see so much of that “weave” and even in Addis. the hairdressers will tell you.

  35. 35 SKgirl

    Hey Selam,

    is it the Weaves you see or the extensions? I’ve never seen or heard of an Abesha girl with a weave.

  36. 36 Nolawi

    @ SKgirl:

    what are you talking about.. the weave is in… but i dont see a problem with it… i like weave…

    hair is never been important to me.. if she is cute she could be bald…. or weaved up!

  37. 37 SELAMt

    Isn’t weave the (fake or natural) hair they attach, glue or brade in to your hair to make it long and thick?

    “… but i dont see a problem with it… i like weave…….”

    You must be kidding, Really????????

  38. 38 Mekdaddy

    Extensions are the same as weaves, and perms are also not natural. This process is commonly used by girls with naturally curly or kinky hair. I think almost every black or ethiopian girl has had a perm. Perms contain sodium thioglycolate or ammonium thioglycolate, at a pH of 8 to 10. It might as well be acid.

  39. 39 SKgirl

    Nolawi, I’ll clarify, extensions can be braided with the natural hair or sewn in, I was saying I have never seen an Abesha girl with one that was sewn in…it ain’t no inspection of the weave work.

    Mek, you’re def giving Nolawi a run for his generalizing skills
    Mekdaddy wrote:

    I think almost every black or ethiopian girl has had a perm.

  40. 40 Mekdaddy

    have you sk?

  41. 41 SelamT

    Mekdaddy said:
    “sodium thioglycolate or ammonium thioglycolate, at a pH of 8 to 10. It might as well be acid.”

    Correction:

    a pH less than 7 are acidic
    pH greater than 7 are basic or alkaline

  42. 42 Mekdaddy

    might as well be as corrosive as acid thats what i said, did you know drano has a ph of 14? anything from 5-8 is safe, lower or higher is a harmful substance, 4 coke, 3 vineagar, 2 stomach acid, 1 HCL, household ammonia is at a base of 11. but thanks for trying to give me the chemistry lesson Selam, you lost the point of my statement by trying to be smart.

  43. 43 Newai

    Anyways all bernos’s blog is intended to attack the women, and giving an upper hand to the men indicating that any change they bring upon themselves is taken as part of the norm, but if we bring a change to ourselves names are thrown at us from different corner such us gold diggers, fake sistas with fake hairs, come on is that all you got.

    This are all intended to put us inside the box and be under your control. This shouldn’t be more about tradition and sex issues rather its human behavior.Most human beings don’t like a lot of attention, the more you are in that person cases, the more that person detest you. The more we are ignored the more we like to chase and be curious.

    So stop HATING On the WOMEN And THIS ARTICLE IS A total CRAP and a failure…suggestion try to write something that has depth and not rubbish ( as Simon would say)

  44. 44 Newai

    I wanna add as well the bernos blog is going down the hills for some time now…please write something fruitful and again NOT RUBBISH

  45. 45 Newai

    @ Newai:
    meant to say the articles really need to be beefed up and something that has a depth

  46. 46 Nolawi

    @ Newai:

    well atleast we have a hater so we are doing very well… :) Simon Cowell!

  47. 47 Mekdaddy
  48. 48 Mekdaddy

    hi hater. @newai bye hater. if you don’t got people hating, you are not doing or saying anything that’s worthwile

  49. 49 Balbo

    Bernos please ….. really, maintain your standard you have set on blogs, yes they are going down…… or those that are written by contributors (if thats what they are) are going down.

    Hint: Half of the discussion on this article are about …. weave, hair extension…. acidity level.

    Nolawi write more …. Yantwu drkna yshalngal

  50. 50 Toothpick

    Mekdaddy wrote:

    hi hater. @newai bye hater. if you don’t got people hating, you are not doing or saying anything that’s worthwile

    you realize that Hitler and O’Reilly also have haters, right?

    Just my 2 cents

  51. 51 endalc.

    i love al my friends.. for this .program. but at this time jest i have not get to a few gub .because .i went to do .something .bigen to litil job .some .friend he need support. .me estarte . to hem . beauty mans saloon .i was imformed you .i have aidea . heair deresear . by this cause .until im not write . toooo you i love you tooooooooo much

  52. 52 Mekdaddy

    so does olberman toothpick

  53. 53 hewe

    Having an opinion about the articles doesn’t make one a hater….if they were hatin’ on the new bernos interns or Nols then that’s one thing, but not liking the content of the articles doesn’t make one a hater.

  54. 54 Nolawi

    i think if the comments are geared towards most of the article then its hating….

    also if the commenter cares enough to read everything but only comments on the negativity … then its hating… Newai has never made a comment in the history of bernos now makes this neg comments …

    if that is not hating then what is…

    personally i am used to it but disparaging the new contributors is not really good.. for the platform… if you don’t like specific details about certain articles then fine but don’t say its down hill…

    same to balboa…

  55. 55 SKgirl

    Mek, for the record, No I haven’t

  56. 56 SKgirl

    @ Newai:
    Newai, maybe Nolawi has a point, not about the hating but that if you’re to make a negative comment, let it be constructive…if bernos articles need to be beefed up, pls point out what topics you’d consider as ones with depth…y’know constructive criticism…

  57. 57 SelamT

    Mekdaddy,
    I did not want to respond to you but can’t help it.

    I think I am smarter than you.

    1. When you said “Ethiopian women need to go back to your roots”
    what roots? to the stone ages? I lost you!
    2. Ryan Seacrest? did not know who he was until I googled. Did not get it!
    3. you said: “helen is stuck up… overly conceited or arrogant, egotism.”
    I think you have a problem. You are a hater!
    Smart people won’t do that. Hmmmm

  58. 58 Newai

    @ Nolawi:

    Nolawi, I do not hate Bernos Blog or all the articles. It’s just lately similar topics have been flashing without having a depth, whether you disguise yourself as someone else trying to write an article, still you write the same article over and over it is the same concept, story and lack of depth especially when it comes to the relationship articles.

    Question- have you been treated by women especially Ethiopian women so badly, because the way you write makes women especially Ethiopian women as gold-digger than someone who is actually looking for a really nice guy who knows her worth.

    All I am saying is write an article that has more depth and try to bring different subject/topics than just merely saying “oh! Ethiopian women ignored me, they have issues, and they are fake e.t.c.”

    Anyways I love all Bernos T-shirts if that helps.

  59. 59 Dawitk

    Newai & Balbo
    Rather than complaining that the content of the articles are down…why don’t you contribute an article or two if it’s that simple.

    You say you want fruitful articles…well maybe you need to learn to leave fruitful feedback/comments before making such request.

  60. 60 Newai

    @ Dawitk:

    Nice Idea! maybe I will. Don’t take it to the heart, you know sometimes negative comments will make your company grow strong (future advice) * wink wink*

  61. 61 Nolawi

    @ Newai:

    lol
    send me an email we can discuss it… nolawi AT nolawi. com

    otherwise get a life and go to washingtonpost.com and leave bernos and its guys alone

  62. 62 h

    “These men have confused confidence with being a douche bag.”
    LOL.. i just spit the water in my mouth.. haven’t even read the whole thing yet.. HAD to raise my glass to this one. so TRUE.

  63. 63 h

    and then i have to add.. why, oh WHY! is the word americanized a “word”?

  64. 64 Winta

    Nolawi sometimes you are mean.

  65. 65 Nolawi

    @ Winta:
    Wintaye what ever do u mean? I didn’t write the article

    second if you are referring to Newai’s comments … listen I put up with a lot of shit from a lot of people… it comes with the territory

    but its not fair that none of the loyal readers of bernos are not here to defend me when she is questioning my manhood among other things…. where is the loyalty…

    I am tired of negativity especially personal attacks on my personal life… how dare she make a question “how woman have treated me badly or not”

    I think i deserve some respect… and maybe some appreciation
    some 900 people read the bernos blog everyday… so maybe lets give some credit to the people that have been running it for years with all the efen hateration…

  66. 66 toothpick

    Here I come to save the daaaay! And … err … defend Nolawi’s manhood? lol.

    People, pop a chill pill.

  67. 67 munit

    Nolawi, where ever you found this: “Mekdaddy”

  68. 68 cece

    As a neutral observer, this is what I have to say…

    Newai : If you think that bernos is going down, you can make a point by giving a constructive criticism rather than a comment what seems like an attack on Nolawi. Secondly, I happen to know that Nolawi did not write the blog so don’t assume things or don’t be sure about things you don’t know.

    Nolawi : When you have a big form such as this and have controversial articles like this one on your blog, you should expect all kinds of reactions…both +ve and -ve, so why the hell do you take it personal. Like you have said, having this comes with a territory.
    PPl are different so we all perceive things differently and communicate differently….

    Newai made a comment that was a little negative and not constructive, but don’t take it personal….maybe she’s having a bad day :) just tell her to be more +ve next time and come up with a solution….We all love bernos and comments like Newai’s shouldn’t be taken seriously or personally…

  69. 69 Dinich

    @Neway

    U have to know that it is not just what is said in the articlr that makes a blog interesting and deep. What we say here in the comments is as important, in fact sometimes more important, than the article itself. So beef up ur comments.

    Weekend is officilly here. Have a good weekend.

  70. 70 helen

    @ cece:

    Why the “ve” after “+” & “-”? Just curious!

  71. 71 leo

    @helen
    short for negeti(ve) and posti(ve)……

  72. 72 leo

    was she joking, i can’t tell

  73. 73 Dinich

    Funny giTim I heard about HIV positivie and negative test results….straight from addis

    Positive negative le battery nebere
    Zemenu kefana besew tejemere

    This is the kind of stuff I really miss about back home.

  74. 74 Wudnesh

    hahah….LOL @ Diniye #73….now, that’s funny!

    #58, Neway, if u think the articles have been mostly similar, take a break..and come back when new ones come up. But to me, it sounds like u r trying to get to know Nol more….leziawum online ;)

  75. 75 datdude

    I looked up hating in urban dictionary online:

    1. When one puts down the success or fortune of others due to jealousy.

    2.To engage in ridicule and mockery for amusement, synonym: “to Phil”
    Phil has a PhD in hating; he studied under Dr. James Hatesmith, a pioneer in the field of haterology.

    3.: a crime punishable with no less than death in the houston texas area.
    no hating please!
    your going to get your self killed!
    me: too late bitch!…………

    4. The act of hating the world and the vast majority of its occupants for a significant period of time.
    “What are you up to today?”
    “Oh, I’m just hating.”

    LOL, i was about to comment but I realized i’d be hatin :)

  76. 76 helen

    @ leo:
    was a joke… I thought + & – were short for positive and negative. :-D

  77. 77 Doro Mata

    We really need to encourage homosexuality in our Ethiopian communities.

  78. 78 E.T

    :) love this article. Seems almost true when you touched on the male subject. However, habesha woment don’t dont wear too many weaves. For the most part they do keep it natural aside from all the chemicals they put in it which can be annoying. There are a lot of gold digging habesha women also. Instead of using the little energy to go out and be seen so someone can take of yall, you need to redirect that energy into bettering your selves and taking the step of being independent and knowing. You already got the physical looks so be a triple threat instead of settling for your good looks.

  79. 79 story

    what about the man’s personality?? Confidence is not what matters personality is more important. If he is confident yet very draining man one you get to know him what is the use???? pl

  80. 80 Mekdaddy

    Personality is the most important thing when it comes to men and women, for me at least, but you can’t obtain personality, you are born with it. BUt the other things we can work on…i think that a lot of ethiopian women get perms, because we are all brainwashed, into to thinking straighter is better, lighter is better than darker, etc.. good comment ET, who are you munit? why do the women find offense to this article? its not that serious, did you not see it mostly talks about our men, and then digresses to women, don’t miss the point you guys (and its not about our women have perms and such either) have a beautiful day people!

  81. 81 hewe

    Mekdaddy wrote:

    but you can’t obtain personality, you are born with it. BUt the other things we can work on…

    Huh??
    Personality really comes from the greek word ‘Persona’ which means ‘mask’ (i feel like i’m the father from my big fat greek wedding, lol) ….ne-ways you’re talking about the temperament which is really the biological and genetic template that is set which is only one aspect of personality (but even recent studies show that the brain is far more elastic and changable). And our character is largely the outcome of ‘learning’ or the process of socialization. That’s the part that’s really judged in the context you are writing about in the piece above so I don’t think you can say personality can’t be obtained… you are generalizing since personality is complex and includes a lot of traits. You are talking about one aspct of personality which is the temperment that could be said unchangable, although i think you could learn any of the behaviors you’re talking about above….. anything that you mentioned in your article is just a persona people wear aka project and display which could be learned, so i think anything is changable and learnable…..of course my opinion….

  82. 82 tpeace

    hewe wrote:
    (i feel like i’m the father from my big fat greek wedding, lol)

    LOL!! :) man that movie was funny!

    but ya, i’m in total agreement with hewe here…

    just sitting here wondering if i’m the only person tired of these abesha men/women back-and-forth…it’s ironic to me that they sound exactly the same each time around!
    or maybe its just me *shrug*

  83. 83 E.T

    You can never get too tired of these habesha men/women topics. Does America in its entirety get tired of Maury constantly telling someone whether they are the father or not? I personally think it is interesting hearing all aspects of experiences us habeshas face in this world.

  84. 84 datdude

    hewe and tpeace:

    You’ve been CERTIFIED “HATERS”, please put down your hatorade drink and proceed to the De-HATERIZING zone, you may return once a hater proof topic is in the works.

    THE HATER FREE COMMITTEE

  85. 85 hewe

    Echem kit hona pant amarat alu….alkerebehem……demo anten belo bale committee, seltan temtohal mesel masayet amareh online….@ datdude:

  86. 86 SKgirl

    I actually agree with hewe and tpeace…we need to move on to a different topic or different angle anyway… Just so that this is constructive…I even have an idea: why don’t we discuss about why communication gaps that didn’t exist before miraculously show up when two good friends start dating…now who has an answer to that.

  87. 87 hewe

    sak be sak SKgirl- 4 the record, ene eko i wasn’t even sayin ‘lets move to a different topic’ or ‘lets say in the topic’ , all i did was correct some misinformation that was put out enaa put in my opinion and all of a sudden i’m being told to leave or i’m not defending the blog….I didn’t know ppl were sooooo sensitive on blogs and read b/n the lines.

  88. 88 SKgirl

    Hewisha, bakesh, I think this is the only place where they can be sensitive without anyone pointing fingers…literally…mts, ppl are hiding behind computer screens…

  89. 89 datdude

    @ hewe:
    lol at online mesel masayet, sew balew eko new …..

  90. 90 Rosaria Woodridge

    My word

  91. 91 Mariam Gegenheimer

    . + .

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