Quintessential Q 41 Comments

There is a saying:

You can’t live with them or you can’t live without them”

And it’s so true; I mean I really wish I didn’t need them for physical and sometimes emotional satisfaction.

Women are the better of the two genders, for apparent reasons I discern this.

I meet lots of them seeing as though I live in Washington DC, the capital of Ethiopians outside of Ethiopia.

I ef up all the time and ruin possible relationships with women, mostly because I am too lazy to pursue her in the way she wants to be pursued.

They would say that I need to prove how much I care. They would test me and test me.

The quintessential question; is he marriage material?

She would ask me questions relating to the level of commitment I am capable of before I she would agree to a date.

And I say, I am not marriage material, I plan not to have kids. I have about ten years before I think about those things, or so I think. I really don’t plan long-term in my life, there is no point because life is dynamic, and variables are thrown in all the time.

So I try to be honest in my answer to those questions and continue to survive. I take steps at attacking problems that currently reside in my life and attempt to deal with those that arise daily.

And they eventually say you are a guy I can have fun with and they have their fun and leave and in some cases I leave before things get started and in even more cases she leaves before she makes the mistake of starting things with me.

41 Responses to “Quintessential Q”


  1. 1 Dinich

    Agba bakih, Nol….u live only once…atifra….U dont plan long term? That is fine. U dont really have to. Just marry and take life one day at a time after that…

    Kagebah, I ll come to DC for your wedding…

  2. 2 spacefog

    Endet aynet neger naw , do women really ask you saying “I will only date you if you marry me?”
    Im scared of commitment too. I think life might get too routine after marriage. MY friends say the day I get married will be the end of me. Plus, I like the way I live now.

  3. 3 justme

    the problem is Nol, you are in between. Pick one.!! you want to love without commitment aydel? that doesn’t work in our world..

  4. 4 metad bet

    simagn ema…who recently broke your heart? or is the other way around?

  5. 5 Nolawi

    no i mean they test to see if i am interested in marriage… lol

  6. 6 Alazhar

    Nolawi, first take a vacation and go to Addis. When you get there I say don’t rush into the ladies right away just give it a time to observe. Then look for a girl that interests you around decent places. Addis is the pool of blessed ladies. Most of the DC girls overrate themselves for no reason! But until then I recommend that you listen to Teddy Afro’s music entitled – bel setegn/ sew belike!

    Peace

  7. 7 spacefog

    I see no need to do it now or move to addis to get a girl. Just chill , when the right girl comes along you will want to settle down. You shouldn’t get into committment just for the hell of it or to make your gf happy. Just imagine how life would be with the wrong person. Its like a 30 years sentence. U will buy things, she cooks and have babies, you buy more things , she cooks more, you put on weight and start putting on Cherk Suri minamin, she cooks even more , you start getting bold …and that’s it, you won’t be any diffrent than the next guy.

  8. 8 datdude

    ^^^how depressing

  9. 9 Dinich

    Spacefog,

    Trust me. The downhill portion of life feels better with a spouse and children….If u r not there yet, enjoy while it lasts. But once you are there, the cooking, the cherk suri and the weight gain will make more sense than the loneliness….

  10. 10 spacefog

    Dinich,
    I understand wht you are saying.I think there are three things about marriage.
    Love:- important but 95% of the couples I know are not married to the person they love.
    Understanding:- I need someone who understands the person I am and gives me a breathing space. I know its good to be together and everythin but I think its pretence to make it look like that you enjoy the company of your spouse everyday. I think at some point people keep going on just because they have to. I hate tht in marriage but its bound to happen so why marry early. The later you marry the later you get bored.
    Compromise:-In marriage I think women compromise a lot. This doesn’t even need a debate just look at your own Mom no matter which culture you are coming from. I am willing to even do that but It better be with someone who is worth it.Otherwise , the way I am, I will appear on front page news headlined “Wife killed Husband out of anger and boredome” :)

  11. 11 Anonx

    Seek therapy Nol… they’ll help you find the child in you and make him a man :)

  12. 12 Nolawi

    make me a man? lol!

  13. 13 Chelema

    Nols, quit playing arround and try to find a girl you CAN’T live without. Most people make the mistake of trying to find a girl they can live with, when in fact its supposed to be the other way around. I’ve done my shares of too much playing, but I am now happy to say that I am engaged to one of the most wonderful women I know. I tell you, its all worth it.

    But if you’re not ready, means “YOU ARE NOT READY”! but this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be trying to get ready. I am sure there is that special girl in your life whom you’re not dating right now but wish you had or have now. GO AFTER THAT GIRL!

    oh and one more thing … I used to think it was all cool to say …”I only live for today” but I realized recently that that was probably the dumnest thing I’ve ever done. Not properly planning for the future when in fact you’re capable of doing it, is inexcussable. You’re not getting younger. take your time, but be smart and think about the future.

  14. 14 Mamitu

    I am with you and spacefrog on this one, no need to hurry, just wait until the right girl walks in your life. Marriage is a big commitment it is better to err on the side of caution.

  15. 15 Anonx

    Nol… yea brah make you a man. Manhood comes with responsibility and duty first to people arround you starting with yourself. If you r still living with the I just wanna hit it physical and emotional fantacy of a teenager, then yea you still growing up. The quentessential question is ‘is he a man or still a boy?’
    They wouldn’t be ‘testing you’ if the two of you weren’t entangled in an emotional toxic… its so teenish bro. In the age of Obama there is not room for ‘abzi nere, abti nere’… its a waste of time. man-up! You do yourself a service more than her or them if you join the men club.

  16. 16 yachilej

    The only person one can’t live without should be oneself… I used to think it’s cute when someone says “i can’t live without..” to/about their partner, but seriously? I’m not hatin, it gives me the freakin heebijeebies as a grown woman. In my opinion partnership should be about complementing one’s [ideally] already satisfied life in areas that one never thought needed complementing.. so relax and enjoy this “frustrating” time Nol, timing is everything–doubt your choice of God a lil less ;-)

  17. 17 medhanit

    Nolawi, i have seen you in dc, you are hot. Everyone is wondering why you are single.

  18. 18 Spacefog

    “Nolawi, i have seen you in dc, you are hot. Everyone is wondering why you are single.”

    Nols, Here you go!… hottest habesha in town …lol:)

  19. 19 story

    The guys my age are ok but i have not met anyone serious about marriage. In the mean time i thought of going with much older guy. We hit it off emotionally, at first the physical issue bothered me but lied to myself and said only emotional connection is all i need. The emotional connection with the old man couldn’t keep up with my physical desire. He tried so many times to have sex but i just couldn’t bring myself to even start taking my cloth off. the few times we slept together i had to pretend i was having a ball. so long story short the only option is to be a player in my case a slut. When the guys my age are ready for marriege in their 40s, my eggs by then will all die out. and the old men i can no longer be with. So i will just keep playing games without looking for anything serious.

  20. 20 Hidaya

    “And I say, I am not marriage material, I plan not to have kids.”

    Ok I am a bit confused by this, if you’re neither marriage material nor planning to have children, nor want to plan long term in life wouldn’t it be a solution to seek relationships with like minded women?..just a suggestion…

  21. 21 yachilej

    “story”– if I may..
    please embrace your choice and enjoy it for what it means to you – no need for labels, sister.

  22. 22 Nolawi

    story I love it… i love it… please email me and we should setup up an account for you to write about your sexual escapadde…or lack of it…

  23. 23 bernos fan

    Chelemema, I loved your line about finding someone you can’t live without. I have dated men that i definetly can have decent relationships with but I haven’t found anyone “I can’t live without”. I had that once and I would rather be single than hang out with a mediocre guy that I can learn to be polite to. Nolawi, take your sweet time. The thought of marriage makes me shiver(yes I am not a man)by itself without adding entrapment to it. DC women get a hobby or adopt instead of waiting for prince charming. He obviously took the wrong turn…

  24. 24 abo ...

    OK.

    “And I say, I am not marriage material, I plan not to have kids. I have about ten years before I think about those things, or so I think.”

    So you basically think/live like a 17 year old girl.

    So suck it up and “date” a 17 year old girl, and stop being surprised when women your age can’t wait to get away.

  25. 25 wudnesh

    not until about ten yrs? jee! If u want to get married in 10 yrs and have no kids, fine! BUT, if u think of having kids in your forties (or start thinking of it then….and actually have them even later), I’ll just feel sorry for the kids who’d have to play football with their fifty something father (and prob. often face the Qn ‘is that ur grandpa?’ from their friends) :P

  26. 26 selam

    @wudnesh
    what is wrong with playing with fifty something years old father? i don’t think that’s too old.

  27. 27 maebel

    uuffffaaa…Nolawi!

  28. 28 WUDNESH

    Selam,let’s just say, he’d be able to jump up in the air on his kid’s college graduation if he starts earlier than 50 ;)

  29. 29 konjo

    simagn ema…..people always say DC habesha girls overate themselves menamin menamin. We have every reason to overate ourselves i mean LOOK AT US..and then LOOK AT U. It looks like there is epidemic of shortness and fatness ravaging through the male Ethiopian population. Almost every Ethiopian guy out there is under 5’6 and once in a blue moon there might be a 6′+ guy in the crowd. It’s a damn shame we (Ethiopian women) are one the most beautiful people in the world and the guys are the complete opposite. Who can blame us for playing hard to get, you should be thankful that we are even looking in your direction.

  30. 30 Abraha

    Marriage and life in the U.S. don’t mix together.
    Unless i move to Etiopiya i ma stay single till i am 69.

  31. 31 justme

    Konjo.let me say you are not that serious for real. threating height like disease. if you dont like 5’6 guys dont date them degmow lets be real most of us are skinny because of nature not because we go to gym every morning. (lets not be too prideful for the things we didnt even work for it..)

    btw your comment(#29) were joke aydel??

  32. 32 story

    konjo
    I hear the same thing from my friend but i am confused as to why u gals don’t date out and forget abeshas. All i hear is complaints over and over about how they look and i am like ok then move on and stop complaining and date the guys u are into? But no they would rather just sit and complain. It makes me sick coz one time i finally hooked her up with this nonAbesha fitting her physical aspirations yet she dumped him in a week saying their lifestyle didn’t match like it did with abesha guys so now she is back to complaining. Either accept the abeshas with the way they look or move on and find nonAbesha becasue u will never find abesha with the physical aspiration u r seeking or with the nonAbesha accept his lifestyle being different than Abeshas. U can’t have it both ways.

  33. 33 wudnesh

    konjo, pulheease! u must be kidding! My guess is u ain’t all that! Most konjo abesha women are humble….the guregnawochu are the ones who THINK they are good looking. The universe has nothing on abesha men! You remind me of the ugly chick with a beautiful friend…the following is for u :P
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0S7rLtiqjyM

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