The BIG 3.0. 68 Comments

On October 12, 2008 I will ‘turn the page’ on my life — from the twenties to the thirties.

I have never thought of myself as a man, I always think of myself as a boy, although I probably have been a man by socially acceptable standards from the last ten years — and possibly more.

Really accomplished people have done so much by the age thirty both personally and professionally; there are senators, CEO’s and professors. Most men my age, throughout the world have families of their own.

My life should not technically be compared by societal standards ideally, but you can never escape the measurement of a person’s success.

We are all prone to measure how we are doing, financially and socially because apparently that is where happiness comes from.

I don’t have to be a millionaire to be happy, but I would like to be able to take care of my needs, and for the most part I can.

I don’t have to be a relationship or married to be happy, and I am not unhappy, but I would like to have some of my relationships with woman last more than a couple of months.

I at thirty, technically at twenty nine still do not have the slightest urge to have children — I suspect I will never really want to. I assume there might be a girl one day, who will say if you are really not planning to have kids or get married I don’t want to waste my time.

It’s happened, and I tell her right away, because there is not point in waiting six months of her valuable time before she knows the truth.

I was unhappy, about my work, I am a ‘creative’ and a creative is managed differently from a regular Joe— you have to give me some space to think and get my juices flow to my brain — sometimes it doesn’t flow and that is the 101.

I was sitting in front of human resources recruiter, who said to me that she was really tired of hiring creative’s because you never know what you are going to get. Yes we are special we need freedom and space.

But I am finally at a point in my life where I can choose to work where I want to per se, and that is one huge accomplishment for me — although I would like to be self employed one day.

I have good friends, they are not perfect but they are mine.

On woman, I love Ethiopian women and will always do — most of the time I am disappointed because of the lack of integrity I see in the many women I meet.

Every once in a while I meet women that are normal with no major hangups, and I like most of my male friends of the same age group generally do not give the benefit of the doubt prior to getting to know their female counterparts.

I noticed that, i was like that in the past few months and it’s somewhat safe, but sad not to be able to trust women easily. I suppose all of us, including those that can be trusted have to pay for the crimes of the few that can not be trusted.

68 Responses to “The BIG 3.0.”


  1. 1 LostHere

    Shoot the big 30 is the new 20 Nolawi. That is why you don’t feel that urge to have kids, get married and settle down and so forth.

    Personally i feel the same way.

    As for relationships, it is a hard one. Two great people ‘discover’ each other and not ‘look’ for each other. If that happens when you are 50, then that’s what it is gonna be, and until then true happiness will be a long wait.

    But hey feeling young is priceless in and of itself. Most people that you mentioned like the CEO’s, political leaders, and so on are most probably feeling awfully depressed and burnt out at that very young age.

    Accomplishments should be measured by how happy you feel in whatever minute things you find yourself in or doing.

    Life is too short, thus what would matter the most is how happy you have tried to be in your awfully short existence on this planet.

    Listen, be careful now, all the questions that arise around this time of your age is referred to as ‘mid-life crisis’, and it is perfectly normal.

    Other than that you can manage to keep a smile on your face by looking at the glass as half-full.

    Good luck in your search for your true identity.

  2. 2 Dinich

    Nol,

    Agba agba…eskemeche tinzelazelaleh…setochu hulu saywesedu ahun agba….behuala yiqoCHihal

    Happy 30th !!!

  3. 3 LostHere

    Atagba, atagba, because if you do you will be eating the same boring meal everyday. So maybe at 60 Agba. Then you will have a little energy left to cook different meals, and would settle for eating once a month, even if it is the same meal.

    HAHAHHAHA >> >>

    Sounds like a plan, take it boy.

  4. 4 Spacefog

    Funny enough ,on the same date my big brother will turn 30.
    I really don’t see why you need to rush to get married and spend the next 30 years of your life with one person.
    Can you imagine how boring that can be ? Eeeeeewwwww
    Anyhow …your life. May you have a great surprise party and Happy Birth day!

  5. 5 Nolawi

    I am not in a rush to get married, but almost all the girls I dated over the past 1.5 year have mentioned they want to get married in the near future – and this usually happens within three dates..

    And then i will say I am not the one for you- which is kinda good of me because – she would waste her time with me – if that is her only goal of dating. you know

  6. 6 yebolelij

    A very candid article and good reflections ,
    Happy Birthday !!!

  7. 7 nyalasmoke

    This is perfect time to be thirty. Back in the days it would all have been down hill from here. Now that the world is ending and if u were Jesus u would have 3 more years to do all your miracles.

  8. 8 Tsedey

    “On woman, I love Ethiopian women and will always do — most of the time I am disappointed because of the lack of integrity I see in the many women I meet.

    could it be the other way round??

  9. 9 flornueva

    Happy early b-day Nolawi. Forget about societal pressures and enjoy your life.

    Nyala: LOL….besak gedelkegn :-)

  10. 10 hewe

    eleleleleeleee, enkwaan adereseh Nolshaa!!! in the words of Jay-Z 30 is the new 20;) you have a big/good life ahead of you!!

  11. 11 Guadegna

    hapy birthday Nolawi:- I too will say don’t worry about the others. You will know if/when you want to get married or have kids. Do your thang brother and keep on keeping on.

    Dinich-you cracked me up :)

  12. 12 curious

    Happy Birthday Nolawi.. quarter life crisis is part of growing up… Not all women are looking forward to being married.. I cite myself as an example.

  13. 13 biskut

    Nolawi
    I think you are a pro-honesty.Even though i am a woman myself I agree that a lot of habesha women lack integrity They want to be a man in certain areas but want to be treated like a lady when the circumstance requires it .

    If you are not looking for a lifetime companionship or to have children …What do you want from a woman?
    Happy Birthday anyway!

  14. 14 tpeace

    LOL nyala! LOL!!! plain hilariousness!

    i echo yebole’s thoughts.

    though nolisha…i think u’re ethiofused. cos dude, sounds like u don’t know what u want from womAn whoever she is. :P

  15. 15 Wurgatu

    Things to do while you’re alive(mind you not while you are 30)

    1.WOMEN:- take a lesson from tebibu solomon. the one and the only reason for him to be called tebib is because he tested more than 800 women in his life time(what a lucky bastard!!).nol, by how many numbers are you behind him? always strive to be better than him

    2.CHILDREN:- i don’t believe in a mindless God who said bizu tebazu….but from a very selfish point of view, i really need to have a child to finish my unfinished battles in life…..

    3.WEALTH:- i once read a poem which somehow says like this…”i don’t need psycologist sociologists and marriage councilors because what keeps me from my honney is MONEY”….sewoch genzeb kemiyatren ayer biyatren yishalal…
    this advices may not take you to heaven but iwunet iwunet ilachuhalehu….

  16. 16 Dinich

    lool @ sewoch genzeb kemiyatren ayer biyatren yishalal…

    I dont agree with the message because in fact money (not the lack of it) is the # cause of divorce….but that line is so funny….you almost converted me….

  17. 17 Dinich

    # 1

  18. 18 Nolawi

    though nolisha…i think u’re ethiofused. cos dude, sounds like u don’t know what u want from womAn whoever she is
    _____________

    tpeace?

    what is your proof! that I am confused.

  19. 19 Sleam

    Great post Nolawi…appreciate your openness…a lot of us Habeshoch are not so honest for fear of being judged by our own supper judgmental society…you seem like a thoughtful, smart, creative guy…you will find (discovery) the one your are looking for someda…be happy, and enjoy your youth…

    Happy 30th!!

  20. 20 yachilej

    my friend (ehh, now i can’t genuinely say this thanks to freakin mcclown!), may i point out that this is the second “personal” post you’ve written in a relatively short time… just an observation. Your openness is much appreciated. I just wanted to add a lil somn I saw somewhere.. Age is one of those things that’s “mind over matter” – if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter :)
    ..so don’t mind it.
    Happy return, brother – enjoy!

  21. 21 Shinkurte

    Happy Brithday Nolawi!

  22. 22 datdude

    happy birthday nolawi,

    i hope you will kick start your 30th with an obama at the helm, mcsame in the dustbins of history and a someone to call wifey
    about measuring oneself, its human nature….somewhere in the good book of ecclesiastes it says “all of man’s labors(endeavors?) stem from the envy of his neighbor” :) take that to the bank huh? So wurgatu is probably peeping his rich neighbors a lil too hard lol and speaking of tebibu solomon he admonishes
    “And rejoice in the wife of your youth.
    19 As a loving hind and a graceful doe,
    Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
    Be exhilarated always with her love.”

  23. 23 Dinich

    Datdude,

    I like that verse…who said the bible is against sex….Now, need a new version that says….

    Make luv to ur wife and let her boobs satisfy you….and be orgasmic with her luv….

    amen!!!

    If some of u think I am making fun of the Bible, I am not….

  24. 24 dawitm

    lol Dinich. is that really what bible says or your making it up :) …?

  25. 25 hewe

    Dinich…you shock me every time.

  26. 26 Dinich

    Hewe…long time…

    Why should that shock u…this is in the Bible eko…It is infact an advice in a form of a parent talking to a son. Here is how it reads:

    “May you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife?” Prov 5:18-20

    I used the words boobs, orgasm etc to sort of bernosize the terminology but it is a clear advice to have fun with ur wife in bed….

    Hewe, coincidentally Pastor Asayehegn is preaching at my church this whole week about the whole gamet of family and part of it is sex. I have never heard any preacher get so graphic and so real about sex. Am luving it. Can’t wait to read his new book on family…get the book if u can…I know it is selling at the DC church bookstore.

  27. 27 helen

    Happy birthday, Noles. 30 …. you are just ripe for plucking. Mind the pluckers now.

  28. 28 Hidaya

    Happy birthday Nolawi, and happy coming of age ,from now on nothing you do will ever be refered to as “youthful indiscretion”…Wish you well…

  29. 29 tpeace

    no proof…simply oblique in-the-line reading of ur article. they tell me i’m intuitive, what can i say? lol …

    i kid i kid…

  30. 30 justme

    Dinch (#23)…you are not making fun of the bible..(i know that the bible that but..i want to know which translation you are using lol (for future reference)

    and..just found out we have bernosize bible..too (funny funny)
    Happy B. day for nolawi

  31. 31 Dinich

    Justme,

    That version is DVHB (Dinich Version of the Holy Bible) translated with ppl like Nol in mind.

    U should listen to pastor Asayehegn preachin if u ever get a chance….

    His tips to abesha wives: Gabi lebsachihu atiqrebu…. Balochachihu erqanachihun liyayu yifelgalu.

    His tips to abesha husbands: Zeleh gub atbel….take ur time….Ebetih bedenb kalbelah demo tqelawTaleh lela bota hedeh….

    everybody was listening with dropped jaws….

  32. 32 shifta

    Happy Birthday Bro… I’m right behind you.

  33. 33 datdude

    “everybody was listening with dropped jaws….”

    dinich, besmam,OMG, lol

    how many old people survived this sermon ? lol when i used to attend church, we didn’t even chew gum inside the building, let alone discuss the finer points of foreplay lol

  34. 34 Wurgatu

    Dinich
    is pastor Asayehegn yewesib astemari or what??????
    i am sure his next lesson will be on Sodom and Gomorrah… i suggest the title to be
    “Sodom is a summer festival
    Gomorrah is the merrier”
    and his next book title…
    “Up with dresses
    Down with pants”
    truthfully speaking, for me he is a very true pastor ever!!

  35. 35 Dinich

    Datdude,

    lol….we still dont chew gums eko…

    Listen….if preachers are not willing to talk about sex, the devil in hollywood is more than happy to tell u how to do it….

  36. 36 Sewit

    Agree with Tseday:

    Would love to hear what the women you have dated have to say about ‘Ethiopian men’. A statement like this “On woman, I love Ethiopian women and will always do — most of the time I am disappointed because of the lack of integrity I see in the many women I meet.” presents one with ..hmm..let’s try the other shoe, how much ba-aag-aajeeh would a man have to have to only be attracted to a subset of 45 million ladies who are lacking ‘integrity’.

    Seriously dude. Them is fightin words. Generalize much?

  37. 37 selamT

    WHO iS Pastor Asayehegn? WHAT STATE? East or west coast? WHICH CHURCH OR RELIGION?
    Can you give us detail?

  38. 38 hewe

    selam, it’s a christian – pente to be more specific….
    Dinich thanks for the suggestion, will look it up and learn a thing or two..

  39. 39 Anonx

    Like people need the bib to tell them to enjoy IT.
    Even preachers do it with more than one person.
    If anything, that line service the evangs one purpose:
    see it clearly say IT has to be one part man, and a second part woman.

    Happy B-day N. I’ll be celebrating few days after you. May look like you got me beat by few days, but I am actually ahead by a few. But hey, you’re the CEO of Bernos, I’m still working at it….

  40. 40 Dinich

    SelamT

    Pastor Asayehegn lives in LA. He used to be a a pastor of the LA Church but he is now more into church leaders’ training touring around.

    There is an ad for his book on wongel.com and there is an e-mail and phone number on that ad….

  41. 41 Lilye

    Wey Dinich…. you learn everyday new yemibalew??
    Ye Biblewu neger geremegn. I never though that boobies were to be enjoyed by husbands at THAT time. Ye silTané hidet messlogn… sexual revolution kindda thing?!

    Happy B-day Nolawi! Enjoy that special year. It only gets better from here, on all levels.

  42. 42 selamT

    Tanks for the info Dinich.
    I don’t need his e-mail or phone number. I have no interest in his teaching. I was just wondering what church it was. I am surprised it is a pente church.
    Strange though he probably will tell them to pray after they do it. It’s all about feeling guilty. Aydel?
    A married pente friend told me once the only reason one will have sex is to have children.

  43. 43 Nolawi

    sewit-

    Those girls that I had issues with- where I spent time with and they were confused and not sure about what they want would say that I am a jerk

    Others it didn’t work out with would say he is a great guy

    and those girls i actually dated would say I am a great guy

    — sorry about generalization – lets say 50% of woman- all woman have 0 integrity!

  44. 44 helen

    Nolawi – sorry about generalization – lets say 50% of woman- all woman have 0 integrity!

    I doubt you can’t find one woman with integrity. I think you are atracted to women without any and those are the kinds of girls you go for. So, either you accept your “type” or try going with women that you wouldn’t normally go out with. If that doesn’t work, maybe you should look for something different. Hear me out, since women are not capable of having integrity and you are only looking for someone with integrity, it only stands to reason you should be going out with men (the only ones capable), right? If you are not attracted to men I am sorry but you are screwed (no pun intended.)
    Now I see why tpeace acused you of “ethiofusion.”

  45. 45 ep

    Happy belated Birthday, Nolawi!

    I had mixed feeling when i turned that page a year ago. I felt like some mystical thing to occur in my life but still it feels a bit different after that anyways.

    About “life is too short” comment…if i believe that, I would keep my butt so busy so that I build a legacy to be remembered. After all, after my death there is no “I” to see my life back, right? I can’t remember the joy or happiness that I had. No difference except my legacy. So, senator, CEO and professor…go for it…

    About “children” comments, unless you have it , you have no idea. I am having toooooo much fun with my two months old boy. His morning smile makes my world. It feels like falling in love everyday. I am not exaggerating. Every morning I am missing my 9AM meeting just watching my baby for 30 minutes. I can’t advice you to have but i can tell you my experience.

    Melkam Lidet , again.

    Ethio-pioneer

  46. 46 yeseferlij

    I have to say funny but true!!!!!

  47. 47 Ethio Jazz

    Nolawi wendime–enkwan aderese…as the saying goes its all downhill from now on.:) seriously man, happy birthday!

  48. 48 Sewit

    Nolawi – (What a beautiful name btw) love how the apology for generalization was so sincere. Helen’s comment above is interesting. I issue you a challenge as you turn the big three-oh. Indulge your readers here and participate in a social experiment for us. Next time you are in a position to do so, go for the kind of woman you would never go for. Try the polar opposite of what you think you want and report back. Happy born day.

  49. 49 sammy

    Congratulation nolawi.Just passing 30 make you feel wiser aydel.I myself just passed it a couple years ago, still trying achieve the things that you mentioned above hoping will get it soon.I loves kids but I want to bring them at the right time and environment.Anyway for the woman thing though…you may change the crowd whom you are searching the right one.Kind of eating the same kind of m&ms…switch to skittles or something. :) Not necessary mean non-Ethiopian but the places- and one advice I agree. avoid- bar, night club. wrong places to look for one.

  50. 50 Doro Mata

    Dear Nolawi,

    You are getting old. You are doing it with grace too. Though just through the net, I’ve known you for a few years. I found you interesting from the beginning and ‘Simply Knowledgeable’

    You are one of my very few idols. You inspire me.
    You are a simple person, yet possess so much depth in your being. You are the only Nolawi I know. So that makes you special to me.

    I take pride in wearing the four berons T-shirts I have. I feel like I’m hugging you everytime I wear them. I touch my chest and say “ahhh Nolawiness” with erkata. Then I burp.

    So, Happy birth Day!

    Love, Doro

    …and now I’ll be ordering ‘Made in Africa’ :) I bet I’m the only customer you have in NZ, so that makes me think I’m special to you guys. dess yemil huneta, alech Doro Mata

    asir, kishin ende misir
    haya, qulit ende qaria
    selasa, kurit ende ambesa

    ahun kurat jemir, jininiu yeselasa amet agumasa.

  51. 51 Dinich

    Doro…sbs…

  52. 52 maebel

    Wurgatu Lig

    You really made me laugh loudly… and everybody at the office thought that I am crazy. How come that Dinich skiped ur question. You at least deserve an explanation.

  53. 53 Dinich

    Maebel,

    U wanna know why I didn’t respond? It is because I would be stooping too low if I have to respond…

  54. 54 Emama

    I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, and to be compassionate. It is, above all to matter, to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all.
    -Leo Rosten

  55. 55 maebel

    Emama…I very much wish to differ on this point. I believe the purpose of life is to be happy. It is really good to be useful and responsible as long as it makes you feel happy. However, You don’t have to deprive yourself of the joy and the happiness that life presents on the pretext of being “responsible” or whatever. Besides, what does being responsible and useful mean? i think it is very subjective and relative.

  56. 56 Hidaya

    That Leo Rosten must have been one miserable git:) what is wrong in happiness being the purpose of life?.

    Emama, the things that give one’s life meaning and purpose might also be the same things that bring happiness…I think the quotes describes the purpose of life as being dutiful only….

  57. 57 ep

    I just want to quote from Steve Jobs (i.e. Apple’s and Pixar’s CEO) interview…it makes sence…

    When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

    Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

    EP

  58. 58 Emama

    Maebel:

    Most things are subjective and relative, including happiness. I was NOT suggesting that we should not be happy; but seeking happiness should not be the purpose of one’s life. I think “the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, and to be compassionate…etc,” and in the process, if happiness drops in, even better.

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