There’s romance then there’s romance Ethio style. How he addresses me and talks to me in both Amaregna and English in itself leaves me speechless. When he say’s yene konjo, nefse, or ewedeshaleu it melts the skin off of me but I’m not selfish I give as much as I receive if not more.
I hear a lot of complaints from both the Ethio men and women ‘that there’s not enough romance in their relationship.‘ I think people seem to overlook the day to day gestures of love as a given he/she is owed that. No you’re not! You don’t have to walk on the beach or sit in the car overlooking the Grand Canyon to be romantic. Also romance is not what men give and women receive it’s a two way street.
Everyone wants to be surprised with a nice dress/suit and a helicopter waiting to whisk you off to a 5 star beach resort. Wait there’s Cristal champagne and caviar waiting in the room. Then when you get there the bath is filled with milk and rose petals spread around the bed. Wow nice, now that’s what Brad gave to Judy on that TV show but then you forget Brad and Judy had a script to follow with a million dollar budget to create your fantasy.
I’m not saying it can’t or does not happen but it’s rare and it shouldn’t set the standard for what romance is supposed to be like. It could be a message written or left on a voice mail with a simple “I miss you” or “I’ve been thinking of you.” It could also be the look that you get or the touch that you feel. Romance has no limits.
If you’re not getting what you want then tell your partner but be realistic.
I personally like the simple things in romance. Making me smile when I need it. Making me feel good when I want it. Buying me something when I least expect it. I say this because I think Valentines Day is overrated. It’s a given a man is wired to buy you a dozen roses that cost $200 and those damn chocolates and a woman will buy you a cheesy looking boxer. So I say don’t wait to be told how and when to be romantic you decide that for yourself.
Romance it up! Be spontaneous and creative do it at the spur of the moment. Being romantic shouldn’t require writing up a business plan and it also shouldn’t be because you owe your partner for what he/she did last month. Be sincere and devote your undivided attention to them for that moment in time.
Now let’s turn off the lights and light some candles…..
Published by July 17th, 2007 in Advice, Dating and Social.
celeb ,love the article .it is about time we abesha setoch appreciate our abesha wondoch & v/v. I am tired of hearing ‘oh abesha wondoch don’t know how be romantic to women’,constantly compared to American men.just because absesha wondoch don’t conform to the commercially reinforced culture,Where you have to please a woman through expensive gifts ,i.e diamonds ,flowers …..doesn’t mean they are not romantic .I am not saying that ethiomen don’t do those things just saying ,it should not be the requirement for love .To me the most romantic thing my man can do for is very simple nice body message after a long day of work ,asking how my day went …making me my favorite hot tea ,you know your day to day things.and it takes two to tangle ,who says men don’t like attention or romance trust me they do ,but it has to be custom made and special in each need .all in all be consistent do not wait for valentine day to be caring and romantic , do it through the year , that is just me.
by the way celeb i am predicting this will be the highest commented article in the history of bernos.
This is so heart warming – I feel like crying – so I’m not alone? I grew up in a home where my parents touched each other to make sure they were not sick and I figured since they are still stick’n it out that must be love.
I love me some romance and if the only menu that I could order it from was a Habesha Romance Menu it would probably read like this:
Eggs with Beat Down – Tigray/Eritrea and Menze Special
Alcohol, Broke and Pasti – Addis Ababa Arada
Bald head with Fat Belly – Ethiopia is Overstocked.com
Birr with a dash of Kocho – Gurage special
Viagra Cock_Tail – Gojjam Tana Perch
Mango kick in your teeth – Gambella Macho
Romance – please try another restaurant eze ayawatenem
One love – for real
Relationships come with baggage. The man and woman should be aware of eachother baggage and are willing to help carry the baggage. For me, relationship should be all about that. Accepting the person as they are and loving them only for who they are not for what material they bring to the table..
celeb, wow girly….nice going with the article. I concur 100%. love you girl.
whomp whomp tell em tell em!
Nice article; after reading the first two sentence; I guessed who the author is; you know what I guessed it right.
I Abesha ladies please stop the nonsense that says we have to stick with our men. One of you mentioned how the simple things they do is romance. I disagree 100%. In fact they should do more. Those things they do is what they are suppose to. But sometimes they have to do more things than the usual obligations they have toward us.
If that is what you ladies consider romance then I understand completely why we ethio ladies have no romance. Those nonEthio ladies get all the 200 dollar flowers and beach vacation coz they demand that. If we continue to have low standards then that is all we get. Low standard Ethio-romance.
celebratelife I agree on all the things u said. What we want to ourselves should be what we offer for our partner (men/women). I think what we luck from our ethio man is they like to adapt the culture that fits their needs. u know what I mean. Some say why buy roses cus it is not our culture. I believe a romance should be alive in relationship through out. What I mean is our men will do anything until they get u and they start going backwards. I believe not to do things that you won’t keep doing the rest of the relationship while in the girlfriend and boyfriend manner or husband and wife thing. I don’t know why we don’t love each other till death due us apart doesn’t work? Why don’t we enjoy life with loving each other since life is short? What do u think my people? Hope there will be more honest responses for this interesting article. Thanks for bringing it up.
Mimi
[quote comment="61943"]I Abesha ladies please stop the nonsense that says we have to stick with our men. One of you mentioned how the simple things they do is romance. I disagree 100%. In fact they should do more. Those things they do is what they are suppose to. But sometimes they have to do more things than the usual obligations they have toward us.
Those nonEthio ladies get all the 200 dollar flowers and beach vacation coz they demand that. [/quote]
so what you are saying is that you are entitled to a lot more than you give just because you are a woman, the traditional things men do to be considerate for their significant other is an obligation….
my question is when did dating become a duty….
Celeb,
This is revolutionary positive article that forces all of us to do some soul searching.
Eyeru,
If you have to demand it to get it, it is not romantic at all no matter how expensive it is.
[quote comment="61943"]I Abesha ladies please stop the nonsense that says we have to stick with our men. One of you mentioned how the simple things they do is romance. I disagree 100%.[/quote]
Do I smell a hip-hop-club-celebrity-vip-wannaBE-yet-nothing-but-a-groupie?
[quote comment="62034"]Celeb,
This is revolutionary positive article that forces all of us to do some soul searching.
Eyeru,
If you have to demand it to get it, it is not romantic at all no matter how expensive it is.
[/quote]
thank you dinich. well said indeed.
Hey “Romance is having someone else stack the dishwasher.”
unloading the dishwasher is romantic too
Celb, another great article. You go girl…
tsedu, I thought “Baby, can we talk” is the highest commented article.
I agree with you celeb,
I love romance and everything about it(giving it and taking it) at times I feel like I like giving it more, just the look on his face is worth everything…..with that said, I don’t think there is a particular instruction on how to be romantic or on “things to do” to be romantic.
Whatever romantic thing your man does for you or you do for your man should come from the heart and not a sitcom.
Nice article indeed Celeb.
I agree with most of the people who said romance doesn’t have to be materialistic. Helping each other, caring for each other, a nice walk together in the park/by the beach, any thing that one person does for the other with out being told in a relationship or marriage is romantic. The thoughtfulness is what it should count not how much he/she spends on it.
tsedu, I say step by step we’ll change the ways of romance as it should be Ethio style.
Tsion,
I know romance will do that to you every time. I remember crying once because a guy drove about 30 minutes to buy me my favorite pastries and latte when I was totally and completely stressed out. All this just to put a smile on my face.
Tena, Amen! Ain’t that the truth. Too many times we try to change the other by requesting what’s superficial instead of accepting the actual.
An earring from Tiffany’s $1,500
Dinner at Spago’s $400.00
Hearing him say “ewedeshaleu” priceless
Chelema, You’re such a sweetheart love you too.
Yep and she be tryin to romance a dollar out of 15 cent
Nolawi,
That’s what I wanna know too. Cause if it’s a duty someone, besides the man, needs to start cutting me a check or two.
Bed_fordye, uh oh I’m becoming predictable
Eyeru, honey what happened? Talk to me sis. Who done you wrong?
Let me tell you I once heard a guy say, “ene yeselechegn bado ejuan meta ante min aleh yemetel set new” So you get it? The man who got it to give wants to know what you got to match his generosity. It’s the 21st century sweetie. If you argue it’s not then it will be on Sept 11th. Ethio men have finally opened their eyes to say hell no! About damn time too. So don’t turn romance into “two can play that game” cause every game must have an ending (good or bad). So why start something if you’re intention is to end it?
Mimi, I so agree with you. Don’t start stuff if you can’t keep up with it. Playing pretend is so dangerous and why mislead when you know you can’t even believe or buy what you’re trying to feed your partner. Romance is supposed to represent love and not a dead president.
Dinich, thank you, anything to bring more romance in this world I’ll sign up for.
Phophetic & aster, Are you two linked? If not you should be, just by your wonderful responses.
Abyssinia, Thank you I do it all for the love of love.
Alphie,
Me too although I love getting it equally. Seeing his eyes glow with love is worth any and everything.
Sky, I tell you sky is the limit in the romance department
I am completely lost. What the hell is Ethio-romance.
It indicates that the so called Ethio-romance is not as good as real romance. A romance only a real man can give. If the Ethio-romance was good it should be exciting. THe I love you talk is just what normal couples do. Let’s not confuse it with romance.
Eyeru
U hit the nail on the head. I agree. Unless this Ethio romance includes surprises of vacations, dozens of roses, expensive gifts such as dimonds then it is not ROmance period. U r right Eyeru when u say the little things they do is obligation. Romance has to be a surprise and fun than usual boring stuff. U go girl.
ding ding ,we got another gold digger in da house ,yeah I am referring to both of you , story and Eyeru .Apparently you girls have never be in love and romanced by real ethiomen.i suggest you guys need to buy your own bling ,be lonely the rest of your lives ,because that is really what is going to happen .
I think you are right Celeb …
Hey Aster…I got plenty of Dirty Dishes
romance is nice but as soon as a guy gets romantic with me I feel sick that esp includes roses cant stand them if a guy gets all romantic it kills the romance for me call me weird but thats the case with me.
[quote comment="62097"]romance is nice but as soon as a guy gets romantic with me I feel sick that esp includes roses cant stand them if a guy gets all romantic it kills the romance for me call me weird but thats the case with me.[/quote]
romany,
It is not only weird, it is confusing.
Story sweetie pie, sugar plum, sour puss,
Let me tell you by starting out with…..we’re Ethio’s and we’re romantic and you’re missing part of the equation that’s why you’re confused.
Btw, just so you know pimpin yourself by posting an email as a nick ain’t gonna get you those diamonds. So learn a few trick from the pros and email me at fikir@urpathetic.net Hope to hear from you soon
I gotta give it to you though you are consistent. You’re always hating on Ethio men.
tsedu,
nah that’s like a promotion for them. hahah but gotta love the sista’s for speaking their mind and always in synch with hateration to the 10th power.
Romany, at least you’re honest…your romance is no romance. Some people are like that with emotional intimacy.
romance is more than just gifts, surprises, boat trips, vacation get aways…..etc etc…..
romance could be the way you just look at your partner, the way you touch, kiss, the way you talk to each other, basically anything and everything you do that reminds your partner to say ….WOW…..
Ethio-romance is simply called so because its either done in Amharic, or done by ethiopian period. there is no rule or formula for romance. Romance is spontaneous, its exciting, revealing of the true happy feelings, and many many more…..but its never about money.
So all you money-hungry-huchies, stop hating on ethio-romance. We know you’re kind (the Ethio version of barbie-blondie-doll dummies).
I don’t get the couple of girls who EXPECT guys to buy them things, especially for no reason other than they’re dating. Are you saying part of dating a guy is he has to continously buy you stuff and spend money on you. Ever heard of you’re a grown person so get your own money and $#!t?? I guess random gifts are nice sometimes but I don’t expect them and no need to go overbord. Expecting stuff you see in movies and videos is plain retarded. I mean gifts have to make sense. If a guy buys me stuff for my birth day, does something for aniversary and stuff then it makes sense but I’d do the same for him on his special days. It actually turns me off and gets on my nerves when a guy approches me and thinks that’s the way to impress me and talks about money and what he can buy and $#!t. It’s insulting. There are sooooooooo many other ways to impress me other than their wallet. I guess the two kinds would attract each other, guys who think they can buy your love/trust/friendship and the girls who go looking for that…..so superfical
“Don’t go sending me those three dozen roses
Don’t you know that just one rose will do
Don’t go trying to put diamonds on my fingers
Don’t you know that I’m making money too
Don’t go throwing those stones outside my window
You don’t gotta be calling three times a day
‘Cause if you do then when we get together
I’ll be biting my lip ’cause there’s nothing else left to say
I think habesha men are not trained how to express their love to their women .They have not seen their parents holding hands or kissing .This does not make them an unromantic lover.
Personally since I did not grow up watching couples touching and kissing I feel embarassed when habeshas do that in public now.I also involuntarily recoil to the affectionate touch of my sig.other.I guess it is a cultural thing.A year ago i wanted to surprise him with a candle light dinner and turned the light off and lighted some scented candles .As soon as he walked in he asked me if that day was “mikael”. Zare mikael new ende alegne elachuhalew .I love st micheal and our local church is mikael .That is a lame excuse .I know some of you will Call him fara or whatever .I have learned to accept him as he is.
Romance is an Art, way of expression and its canvas is love. Romance is an exaggerated manifestation of love. Romance is that extra mile.
Having already agreed that art is open to interpretation, it is no surprise that our relation and experience with the concept and act of romance is different from one individual to the other. Some express their fikir, adoration, admiration etc by lavishing you with gifts, by wining and dining you in the finest restaurants, by way of poetry, spontaneous kiss/touch/love making, song, a post it note, a card, a voice mail, by cooking your favorite food, by taking you special places etc. Some men are either inadequate in that expression or they believe they are doing it in their own way so they don’t get the rest. The other kind are the kind who are self-limited, i.e. they are capable and they know what to do but they don’t want to do it for fear of ‘spoiling’ Chkiratuwa lay endayweta
It is up to you to figure out which type of man you got and set your expectation in keeping with your circumstance to avoid the disappointment. Most importantly you lead by example.
I think the clincher is that, having realistic expectation. Yes you don’t have to be by the beach over looking the Grand Canyon to be romantic, however it would be imprudent to say that is not romantic. You shouldn’t expect to be dined and wined in the finest and the most expensive restaurants (candle lit, overlooking the ocean and all) to be shown adoration when you know well and good that his pocket is not as big as his heart. Btw, things that we think are so far out of our reach are the very simple things in life that are so inexpensive. It is all about the level of skill in the art that is all.
When your man offers to massages you because he knows your back is aching and he knows how that helps relief your pain, that is love and care…when he light the candle, do the etan (because he knows how much you love it), put leslasa music and tells you to lay down for the massage, then this adds the romantic element to what would otherwise have been a mundane task. This example takes it back to my opening statements.
To me romance/romancing is:
- When you exchange feelings/thoughts about how much the other means to you; i.e. delving deeper as opposed to the four syllable ‘I love you too’ which at times seems to be set in auto-pilot.
- You are home alone (apart by distance from your lover) pulling an all night study binge for an upcoming exam, you are hungry, there is nothing to eat in the house but you can’t afford the time to go out grab something. All this is mentioned in your phone conversation with your man. Less than an hour later, your door rings and there is a pizza delivery for which you have not placed an order for. You discover that it was from your fikregna who is across the other border, telling you I wish I was there to cook for you! And to find out that he had to jump through loops to place that order from one border to the other???
- You are the bride’s maid to your BFF’s wedding and on the wedding day you discover that your dress is a tad bit longer than what you initially was fitted for, you are unhappy because it is going to be a little uncomfortable but the show must go on. Your man pulls all the stops in a very tight time allotted, running around in a town he is not familiar with, paying way more than the usual, just to get your dress fixed so that your day is not ruined and you feel just as beautiful.
- It is your man’s birthday and you know he is not celebrating it in any special way. You fly out and knock his door holding little goodies and food you grubbed on your way, just to tell him ‘I am thankful for this day in which you were brought to this earth to be mine’.
- You buy him the latest gadget of his liking when he least expected it, even though you think it is a ridiclous amount of money to spend on something that is not vital to his existence and especially when there are other bills the money could be spent on. Just to see the twinkle in his eyes and his boyish grins (as if he is a 9yr old who just got his first bike or PS2).
- You get yourself involved in things he is interested in even though those things are not really your cup of tea. You share the sport he likes to watch, you bring him the beer, pour one for yourself if you are a drinker and settle yourself by his side and cheer his favorite team alongside of him. It doesn’t make you a fake; it makes you someone who likes to be part of the things that brings happiness to your lover.
mentel anxiety, mentel breakdowns, menstrualcramps, menopause… did u ever notice how all problems begin with men…and after all this we are still expected to be romantic??
prophetic ,don’t you think that is a bit excessive?
”mentel anxiety, mentel breakdowns, menstrualcramps, menopause… did u ever notice how all problems begin with men…and after all this we are still expected to be romantic??”
show some respect, for the majority women ,who are respecting ethiomen .lets not even start what men and women go through physiologically.i think if your lady is going through all those things ,specially the’ mental breakdown’…,may be you should get her psyc. help. I don’t think even ’200$ roses ” romancing won’t work .
my two cents–
celeb im a little confused. although i agree with what you talked about being romantic im confused as to what makes it an Ethio-romance? the language he uses?
[quote comment="62115"]prophetic ,don’t you think that is a bit excessive?”mentel anxiety, mentel breakdowns, menstrualcramps,menopause… did u ever notice how all problems begin with men…and after all this we are still expected to be romantic??”
show some respect, for the majority women ,who are respecting ethiomen .lets not even start with what men and women go through physiologically.i think if your lady is going through all those things ,specially the’ mental breakdown’…,may be you should get her psyc. help. I don’t think even ’200$ roses ” romancing won’t work .[/quote]
I WAS going to reply how this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard (Prophetics comment), but I assumed it was supposed to be a joke, right Prophetic?????
[quote comment="62112"]mentel anxiety, mentel breakdowns,
menstrualcramps,menopause… did u ever notice how all problems begin with men…and after all this we are still expected to be romantic??[/quote]
Yeah you are required just like we are. In defense of my brothers (including you). I would like to say man is also in everything positive. Romance, Chairman, Emancipator, Commander, Woman….so
enough with the men bashing and light a candle.
Meronye, yes the language among other things. I mean as Ethiopians we are not brought up to think of relationships in terms of romancing each other (correct me if I’m wrong). So any gesture of romance from an
Ethio man speaks a thousand bilingual words
whoever said chivalry was dead was not looking at ethiopian men. they open doors, pull your chair out for you, even offer to pay for you meal together. we as women in the western world have expectations of what romance is, but the beauty of romance is that it cannot be defined. it could be the littlest things like a hug or kiss. or the cheapest things like memories. there are no money values placed on the most special things between a man and woman in love. i cannot see myself without my ethiopian men. all who disagree have had some bad experiences. maybe your next will turn you around. if you expectations are unatainable, you will never be happy. small is beautiful.
Biskut That is funny
and no, that doesn’t make him fara. His reaction is to what he knows and I admire you for accepting him the way he is. I must say though you will be surprised how much a man can be eager, provided the love is there, to please his women because that in turn pleases him… so show him few tricks of your liking and he will pick up on it… not because you “demanded” it but because he loves you and want to love you the way you want to be loved. What you get because you “demand” it loses all its meaning and value because he does it to ‘shut you up’. Not because there is love and thought put behind it.
I agree with your analysis regarding habesha men/women cultural experience with love, affection, romance and its display. It is at best ‘modest’ and restrained. Particularly true in the older generation. Gin we never looked at it that way enji, it is their own way of romancing when balageru washintun bedg argo siyangoragurelat esuwa beterawa degmo segurwan tekeshina kodawan bekebe ena beAriti ashta agelglun anegeta wede masa enka belaligne letelew sitesemara.
[quote comment="62065"]I agree with you celeb,
I love romance and everything about it(giving it and taking it) at times I feel like I like giving it more, just the look on his face is worth everything…..with that said, I don’t think there is a particular instruction on how to be romantic or on “things to do” to be romantic.
Whatever romantic thing your man does for you or you do for your man should come from the heart and not a sitcom.[/quote]
yes ma’am…i agree too much
Engeda,
Ahhhhh love it! Preach it sista!
Biskut, I once dated an Abesha guy who was very traditional and very conservative. I used to love doing silly things to put a smile on his face. So one day I bought a small mylar balloon that reads, “you are so special to me” and took it to his house on our way to dinner. Anyway when he saw it, his first words were, “ayyy America abelashtoshal” and I was so hurt cause at the least I wanted a hug. Anyway so he placed the balloon on the table and we went out. Never saw the balloon again. Then we broke up and 6 months later we made up.
Do you know when I went to his place he had the balloon, although deflated, so well reserved and displayed in a frame on top of his dresser. He told me that the day I gave him the balloon he realized that he was in love with me and that he has never felt that special. I cried, and cried, and cried almost the whole night because god knows I loved that man and hearing those words was so much more than anything he could ever buy me. You can’t place a dollar value on that moment. I felt so special that he valued something I thought he tossed out a long time ago.
So some Abesha men sometimes have a hard time expressing their feelings when they receive affection and attention because they are so used to having to woo women all the damn time. Anyway I love our Ethio men. Just love em!
YD, I likes your definition of romance. My favorite…
Celeb, First the article and then your comments on the comments given made my day. Thanks for putting our abesha mens best face forward and most of all for loving us. Let me say “CELEB YOU ARE ONE SPECIAL WOMAN”.
Dont be surprised if you see a flying baloon with the above words in quote hovers over the west coast sky. I dunno how you frame that.
Indeed romantic moments have no dollar/euro value at all. It was succintly put by Chelema, Dinich, Sky, Alpha and others. As my Ethio compatriots, I will always remain romantic.
celeb you sound to me a very desperate girl .you probably are one those people will say anything to get a date and turn into a complete different person.
romance is nothing: attitude.It can help you have a woman.That is all.You just put :buy flower at 12 am for .. on your agenda, and it is done.
Love is something else.the way you express it depends on the way you are made.For some, it could even be a nightmare.Specialy ethios.Menew etna kessa…feQer yezot..Some kind of illness.
do you think forgetting to open the car door for your girl as being not romantic
…?
I don’t think most men will shy away from being romantic if they find the right person. You [woman] just have to prove it to him that you are the type of person who deserves that. I mean no matter how you define romance, if you are expecting to receive it from your man, at least you have to make sure that you can also give it back as well. Imho, “romance” is a two way street. A lasting romance is the one that comes in the form of emotional support, carrying and loving from both sides.
If your man is showering you with diamonds, it means that either he has ascertained that you are a loving and carrying person and he is happy to do that for you, but it could also mean that you are falling short from giving it back to him, and he is just paying you for your service and enjoying the ride while it lasts. So, if you feel that you have been so romanticized by your man, I tell you that you better not take it for granted.
My 2 cents
lollllllll at Zare mikael new indie?
Biskut, You sound like a true partner. Thanks for sharing.
Romance for me is when my husband tells me I look beautiful when I am 9 months pregnant and feel like a whale, it is when I find a note in my lunch bag that my hubby packed for me saying “I love you” or when he takes out the kids to play so that I can have me time or when he arranges for a baby sitter and surprises me with a night out just for the two of us. IMHO these little acts of being thoughtful go a long way once the honey moon has long gone. I think this is Universal and does not have to be owned by one group or another.
[quote comment="62124"]A year ago i wanted to surprise him with a candle light dinner and turned the light off and lighted some scented candles .As soon as he walked in he asked me if that day was “mikael”. Zare mikael new ende alegne elachuhalew .I love st micheal and our local church is mikael .That is a lame excuse .I know some of you will Call him fara or whatever .I have learned to accept him as he is.[/quote]
Biskut that’s the cutest thing ever. He’s romantic just for being like that. I love those clueless men !!
I have deleted one comment because this person is using multiple nicks
pick one and stick to it…
secondly please use non-offensive nicks….
i my opinion to get your man to be romantic to you is simple being hot and having personality but definetly you have to have the body and beauty .call me superficial but men worship my body and my looks and do anything for me ,and i am not talking about diamonds and flowers ,but emotional availability and most of all i get attention isn’t what every woman wants and i can buy all those things for myself .of course do the same for your man .but if you are an average looking girl you have to work harder .
I have yet deleted another comment because of the multiple nick thing….
also please use a name of sorts…. no offense is not a nick… thanks
Tigist,
All a woman needs is the attention of one loving caring man. For that you don’t have to be a super model.
I know beauty draws attention including the wrong attention from all sorts of jerks. Don’t forget there are a lot of beautiful and yet miserable women….
Thank you all for sharing and discussing romance as it should be discussed.
Z man, I’m tempted to frame those words
I accept it just the same. that was so sweet.
Teddy #39 good for you and I know for a fact that you’re the same person as tigist #47. So keep doing what you do to keep the worship flowing your way. Til then light a candle. lol
dawitm,
…?[/quote]
[quote comment="62217"]do you think forgetting to open the car door for your girl as being not romantic
You are too cute for words. No forgetting shouldn’t be a problem. I don’t know if there are many women who expect the door to be held open all the time.
Ted, I very much agree to not taking the kind gestures of romance for granted.
Mamitu, you and your husband represent true romance in marriage. How sweet it was reading your comment.
dinich i agree with you.beauty by itself won’t do you any good if you do not have a good heart .those beautiful women who are misrable are may be that they solely use their beauty with no personality,what i am saying beauty helps but not by itself .i have met beautiful ugly women and it’s not pretty.
Biskut
Never light a candle for a man again. In my view it is the man who has to do everything. THat is it. I never do those things. I expect it to be done for me when i come at night or somehting. My guy does those things when i go to take shower at night. I come back form the shower and our room is dark with candles. But sweetie I don’t consider it romance. I think that is his job. It is his obligation for me. But if he one day works hard and buys me diamond ring then i would know he worked hard for the romance. Next time have the man do everything. Never do anything for a man romantically. Thanks.
celebratelife , i do not know why you connecting me with teddy ,he sounds harsh talk to him not me .peace
[quote comment="62255"]celebratelife , i do not know why you connecting me with teddy ,he sounds harsh talk to not me .peace[/quote]
Give it up Tigist/Teddy I knew you’d deny it but next time don’t make the same comment from the same location and that may avoid this multiple personality disorder.
Yeah and “whatever” to your follow up comment about being unprofessional. Get over yourself and be honest. You don’t have to use different nicks to come at me.
I honestly do not know what talking about ,I actually found out about this blog from friends last night ,wow I find it very hostile with your comments you accusing me ,this is very unprofesional.
I hope you ladies know if your man is doing this and that for you only because you have a cute face and nice body… don’t get to used to it, cause the end-game is approaching. You turn 30 and inch towards 40, your cute face and firm ass vanishes… and dont bother the next guy with your depression. He aint trying to hear that.
Your man, however, will age like a good wine, he gets better ladies…
but isnt this settling for anything he offers because he doesnt know better? now i see ethio men are very caring…yes they open doors and never let you pay for a meal(except for nolawi who definately will make you pay)…
Mamitu – Amen to your husband and men like him!
Having SUBSTANCE wrapped in the beautiful body you speak of is all but mucho importante 
tigist – I would love to hear your take on the matter few years from now when your boobs travel down south, your mekemecha is sagging and you need an iron to unwrinkle those lines of aging
EYERu – Something tells me you are trying to get a rise out of pple. But no doubt there are those who shares your view and trust me it is that self entitlement that turns many men off from treating their woman in any special way.
Celeb – Girl I love candles and Etan minamin (I don’t know if the memory attached to it is due to the bekteksiyan sinasel etan minamin or just the memory of the amet beAls but i love it). But don’t hate it when you light a candle and people be turning on the light anyways? It pisses the baby Buddha outta me, i mean for God sake where is the logic in that? Why do I have the freaking candle lit if you are going to turn the damn switch on anyways??? Mts
Nice article. I especially love being creative and of course it fulfilling when the other person likes it.
sbs biskut….sbs!!!
celeb–
youre contridicting yourself no?
ok im just really trying to understand here. isnt the issue that some males are romantic and others are not rather than this being a special case of unfamiliar territory for ethipian men?
so should i hold my ethio guy to the same standards as other guys or am i supposed to make an exception because he didnt see his parents being romantic growing up?!??!!!??
Where exactly am I contradicting myself? It is a fact if they give, give and one day they receive they will be shocked and may not know how to express their feelings.
No two men are alike just like no two women will ever be alike so it’s true some men will be more romantic whereas others won’t. Also I’m not setting in stone Ethio men don’t know about romance but most have this misconception that if he’s not buying her diamonds and pearls then it’s not romance. While all along the simple gesture he makes is romance.
You see your men on an individual basis but for me and my relationships with Ethio men have been a little more deeper then with non Ethio men.
Let me ask you a question Meronye, I’ve noticed you’re really focusing on what the men should be doing for the women. Don’t you think you can show him the ways of romancing you? I say this because you ask if you should be holding him to the same standard as other guys. So lead by example show him the way and be realistic in the process.
[quote comment="62252"]Biskut
Never light a candle for a man again. In my view it is the man who has to do everything. THat is it. I never do those things. I expect it to be done for me when i come at night or somehting. My guy does those things when i go to take shower at night. I come back form the shower and our room is dark with candles. But sweetie I don’t consider it romance. I think that is his job. It is his obligation for me. But if he one day works hard and buys me diamond ring then i would know he worked hard for the romance. Next time have the man do everything. Never do anything for a man romantically. Thanks.[/quote]
EYERu,
? let her light up the candle for her man if she wants to. just cuz your man is p-whipped (kiddin 
)and does it for you, does not mean all have to do it. seriously, i am not saying men should not do it. i think either one can.
why are you trying to ‘brainwash’ biskut….
Money he spent for dinner at my favorite thai restaurant
=$135 dollars
Money he spent on a bottle of wine at the new Lebanese place (which, BTW, seems to over charge for everything just because they have private parking) =85 dollars
Money I spent on dessert at ChikaLicious=12 dollars
Money I spent preparing for the above expensive night (which happened to be my B. day)=85 dollars
Money we will both spend working off the calories gained
= 45dollars/month
The way he rushed to my side and lovingly and patiently picked me up when life beat me down =priceless
For every day courting expenses there is MasterCard- Romance comes for FREE!!!
(corny? maybe. but true)
[quote comment="62124"] i wanted to surprise him with a candle light dinner and turned the light off and lighted some scented candles .As soon as he walked in he asked me if that day was “mikael”. Zare mikael new ende alegne elachuhalew .I love st micheal and our local church is mikael .That is a lame excuse .I know some of you will Call him fara or whatever .I have learned to accept him as he is.[/quote]
LOL this is the funniets comment. Have you considered comedy?
ditto chala..thats the funniest shit i ever hear..mikael new alegn..hahaha
Well, it’s good that you have the audacity to call yourself HOT! I’ll give you a standing ovation for that. But, let me tell you something “Mrs. HOT”, I don’t know where you’re coming from, but in my experience the only guys the “hot curvy girls” get attention from are the guys just looking for an easy lay.
In this day and age, “real men” look more than just your “ass-ets”. Of course, looks and a nice body are very flattering…don’t get me wrong. If I just saw you walking down the street I might take a double-glance and think you’re hot. But guess what, it’s not about looks as much as it is about personality. If you are aspiring for a modeling gig, your body will definitely get you to the audition stage. And if you’ve got it like JeLo, it can even get you $250k just for a bikini pose on Stuff magazine. But if you are looking for a real man, someone who is caring, loving and who will treat you like a princess, you need to bring more than that to the table girl! Your look can only get you through the door, but your mind keeps you inside…
an oh the romance thing..get with the age people..poetry, flowers, slow-dance, wine..out the window. its all about lyrics, tatoos, grinding and shots. update yourselves. speaking of updates..eyeru slavery was abolished a while ago…
Eyeru
That is your take on what romance is about .Good for you!
tigist
I think you underestimate yourself.Search deeper ! I am sure you have a lot to offer than just good looks and “Hot” body.Your little grey cells between your ears are great assets too you know.
In my experience, people who talk about their “hotness” on a regular basis is because they don’t hear it from anywhere else. Let Tigist be. As the great Conficius says “Modesty is the citadel of beauty”.
Tigist
You are right on the hottnes issue. Of course Hotness is what the men look at to see what kind of romantic stuff they do for you. Not only that but being hot gets all door in life to open for you. You work hard but be you get more chances. That is a fact of life.
…to me, the whole concept of “romance” is nothing but a capitalist theme imposed by the western world to try and keep us feeling like humans, while our actions and lives suggest other wise…the minute we start to define romance through the eyes of the western world, we lose total sight of the big picture, LOVE…
Good point Celeb. Romance is nothing a product of an effort two people make to further strengthen their relationship that has already been established. Attraction comes in first, relationship follows and romance comes in later.
“an oh the romance thing..get with the age people..poetry, flowers, slow-dance, wine..out the window. its all about lyrics, tatoos, grinding and shots. update yourselves…” im down wiz alibaba’s thought lol
Oh it is refreshing to see the liberals trying to make peace with themselves. The fact the matter is we Ethiopian guys(most) are cruel and arrogant. I say this because that is what we are. When it comes to romance, we are in my opinion the most unromantic people in the world. We beat our women to death, we disrespect them every single day of their life, we are jealous all the time because of our insecurity. we love our HOD too much. We don’t like to go down town but we expect them to do it without even telling them…meaning our expectation is not realistic. The list could go on. The bottom line is we are not romantic what so ever.However, I believe our parents, regardless of their backwardness, were much better romantic people than we are today. I bet at your age your parents were much happier than you are now. So Celib have a grip of reality beside attempting to be unrealistically positive.( Yene Emmebet I still love you ishie…hode, yene feker deweylegine….
Gudu, gudegna neh so you say,
Then you go on with
What do you think caused the romance switch to be turned off in our generation…when we saw the romance for our parents wasn’t working? lol
But according to your definition of having “a grip on reality” will get my ass beat to death by a man and disrespected for life for my existence. So no thank you I like my “unrealistically positive” (as you say it) world cause in my reality I get a lot of respect and no I’ve never been physically harmed.
Btw where are your type of folk residing at I wanna make sure I avoid it at any cost because life is too short to live without romance
The only part of what you said I totally love is
Cause arrogance is good and it’s actually attractive. Also, it never killed anyone.
celebratelife
Yene Feker, Yene Gela, Yene Hode, yene Emebet, Yene Estenfase, Yene Alem….
I am sure you probably be one of the very few lucky, educated woman who often run into people who got some brains, people who are courteous, kind and caring. I could say people like myself. So for that simple reason you might not have encountered those horrible horrors that our women go through on a daily basis.
Her name is Kidst, A girl I was dating few month ago, her older sister is married and she simply lives in hell. When you hear all the physical, mental and psychological abuses that poor women goes through, you wanna shoot the mf and let her free. I know for an outsider, it is easy to say why don’t she just pack and move out. I even myself said that so many times. But there are kids involved, being finically dependent etc that pulls her back….I mean there are so many reasons. You might argue that is common as well in other communities. Which I can’t disagree but the number of women who are abused in our community is not just comparable. We are simply not passionate. We are not romantic. Kidest’s cousin and her friends also go through the same types of treatment. Their bf don’t even call them by their first name. They call them Anchi!! Semi!!!…with that ‘i am in power’ kind of tone.
Our parents were happier because most of them sort of lived a simple life. That doesn’t necessarily mean women weren’t abused then. In their time, there was love. A strong love that sort of bonded them well. Mostly the man was the the house hold figure and women accepted that. Without them realizing it often, they were romantic to each other. Today on the other hand, Thanks to TV and the internet, there are lot of things that you put your eyes on. Beside having different reason for our lack of commitments and true love, we are not just romantic what so ever…there might be so many reasons for that too…I am not interested in knowing them either…the point is we are not romantic… by the way that doesn’t mean every single habesha guy is like kidist sis husband…which I am sure you know that…I for example tend to be a kind of guy that every woman dreams of…and that is a world class big fat lie… but seriously if its gonna take for me to come out and tell you how unromantic man I am, so be it!…then I a telling you that…the question now should be what can we do to be romantic to each other… beside going down town that is of course…men I hate don that…that is not an abesha thing…but tell me anythn else I can try…or willn to try…
esti neye Tega beye…anchiene eko newe…Tegebaye…Mene telaleche yeche…
Gudu, you left out yene konjo but you can add that on the next comment. lol
I beg to differ other communities out number us, like the Nigerian community but this is not a contest for the Olympics. First of all I don’t walk around sporting rose colored glasses. I have seen my share of the cruelty this world dishes out everyday. Some abused women are affected beyond the physical abuse. They start thinking that it is happening for their best interest. They become dependent on that abuse. I’m not a psychologist but that’s what I’ve learned after one incident.
A woman who believed her husband couldn’t survive without her after enduring years of abuse. He kicked her out of the house. Her sister took her in and about two weeks later she begged him to take her back. He took her and beat her beyond recognition and she didn’t wanna go to the hospital out of fear he’ll get in trouble. I’m not saying this is how every abused woman feels but the abuse is beyond the small discussion we can have on Bernos. Why they stick around is not always about the finance and the kids.
“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.” No abused person is gonna make a change to their life until they have accepted their situation, for what it is, and is ready to change it.
Believe you me one of the things in this world that upsets me is to see or hear about abuse in any form. Btw men also get abused by their girlfriends/wives but because he’s “a man” he’s ashamed to admit it.
So No Mr Gudu, I don’t live in lala land, I live in the same reality that you do but I’d rather spread peace and love and work on fixing all that’s wrong in the process. There is enough hate being plastered and preached all up in this world and that’s draining after a while. So I smile and put a click in my heel and face this battle we call life and hope to lend a hand to someone in need. In the process I will light a candle or two.
Check out the UN Statistics on Ethiopia. It said we are #1 abused women in Africa. Where did you get your stats from about Nigeria? On Ethiopia issue it said over 90% are abused. Abuse meaning beatings for not cooking meals on time when the husband comes home, for talking to other men, for speaking up your opinion. The list goes on and on. If over 90% are abused then I don’t know the minorty 20% who are enjoying Ethio-romance. Seems they have neglected the majority of Abused women. Peace.
10%
Eyeru, Nope my stat is not from the UN I had read it else where and the numbers were higher for Nigeria. I’ll try to find the source but of course the UN has the last word.
I will continue to be romantic and spread the word of romance. No one has to be or can be forced to do the same, you can just be. Whatever is your comfort zone.
[quote comment="62839"]Eyeru, Nope my stat is not from the UN I had read it else where and the numbers were higher for Nigeria. I’ll try to find the source but of course the UN has the last word.
I will continue to be romantic and spread the word of romance. No one has to be or can be forced to do the same, you can just be. Whatever is your comfort zone.[/quote]
First of all thank you Eyru for correcting my sunshine.
Secondly, Celebratelife, No need of shifting your self into a defensive mode. If you are not willing to entertain us with your eloquent ideas, I probably won’t be responding. So we need you on the table. You can correct me if I am wrong but you are claiming how Ethiopian men are romantic as opposed to what is believed to be. The numbers however says otherwise. We abuse our women and that is a shame. As an educated, peace loving, beautiful woman, I expect you to stand up against abusers. More specifically Ethiopian men who selfishly abuse their women whether it is deliberately or not. “Abuse is not romance”
When you start doing that then I know as you don’t live in lala land. I have said this before. It is always good to be positive. As you pointed out, specially these days we have so much negative energy flowing through us.Today there aren’t much good things that you can talk about Ethiopia and/or Ethiopians. We obviously can’t change everything automatically but as citizens of Ethiopia, we somehow have responsibility to try to change the situation. Whether we will be successful or not is another thing. Nevertheless, realistically putting the facts together and trying to show the positive aspect of our life is a humble thing to do to say the least. In my opinion I believe that is what you are trying to do which is a good thing but I still want you to be realistic on the ‘positive aspect of our life’ when you decided to bring one.
Yene Feker I gor get some sleep ene MAKE SURE YOU wake me Up tomorrow and I want BULLa for Breafast..easy on the kebe in my coffee ishie…Don’t forget to pack my lunch and after work I want you to cook me Ye BEG Wet so make sure you grap some YE Beg Sega before you come home and oh yea I almost forgot, monday night football,,,I need you to get me a pack of Stella too…
love you baby…am learning to be romantic
Cheers
Forgive me if I sound so sheltered or ‘out of touch with reality’ but I was never under the impression we got the #1 abusive men in the whole entire nation. I was never in the know of this fact be it when I lived back home or here. Gudu’s blatant assertion of…
is quite fascinating to me. Gudu are you basing the statistics on two or more of Kidist’s circle, or is there a factual number out there that states that Ethiopia harbors many men who abuses and beat their women to death? Please understand that I am not getting patriotic or sensitive, it sincerely is news to me, i.e. Abesha men being the cruelest, abusive and arrogant. You have to admit that is quite a generalization of a large portion of the population.
Gudu, ok so, in other words, according to the stats you say 90% are abused and 10% are not. I cannot find a solution for abolishing abuse, at this time, but I can celebrate the 10% who choose to live a different way of life.
You want me to acknowledge there is abuse but I never denied it.
What is it that you want from me an apology because that is not gonna happen in my life time. I will not apologize for being positive. If you’re looking for me to change, retract, or add a disclaimer it’s also not gonna happen so you tell me otherwise what it is that you’re looking to accomplish other than abolishing any form of positive action among Ethiopians.
Also if you think I’m being defensive then good for you. You still owe me “yene konjo” and this is my non romantic side talking.
Oh, my, that sounds horrible, Gudu. When we witness an abused women, we have a responsibility to get them some help. So many institutions around the nation that are very open to help and re-construct the abused women’s life with or with out kids. Lots of funding available because it is the world’s problem. Finance won’t be an issue. Actually, she will be much better off, financially, with out him. Especially, when children are involved, it is sad to stay.
Celebrate
U shocked me this time with ur admition of only focusing on the fortunate few Ethiopian women. But they are less than 10%. This is dangerous to our future as people. It is not okay to not condem the abuse of over 90% of Ethiopian women. It is overwhelming to change this male dominated culture but you can start by condeming it.
YeKeyeDameyeyeyye, yene konjo Next time just for a change, read through the comments before you ask questions…for now given that I am a nice guy, let me do the dirty work for you…
[quote comment="62884"]
is quite fascinating to me. Gudu are you basing the statistics on two or more of Kidist’s circle, or is there a factual number out there that states that Ethiopia harbors many men who abuses and beat their women to death? Please understand that I am not getting patriotic or sensitive, it sincerely is news to me, i.e. Abesha men being the cruelest, abusive and arrogant. You have to admit that is quite a generalization of a large portion of the population.[/quote]
Eyeru [quote]Check out the UN Statistics on Ethiopia. It said we are #1 abused women in Africa. Where did you get your stats from about Nigeria? On Ethiopia issue it said over 90% are abused. Abuse meaning beatings for not cooking meals on time when the husband comes home, for talking to other men, for speaking up your opinion. The list goes on and on. If over 90% are abused then I don’t know the minorty 20% who are enjoying Ethio-romance. Seems they have neglected the majority of Abused women. Peace.[/quote]
[quote comment="62891"]Gudu, ok so, in other words, according to the stats you say 90% are abused and 10% are not. I cannot find a solution for abolishing abuse, at this time, but I can celebrate the 10% who choose to live a different way of life.
You want me to acknowledge there is abuse but I never denied it.
What is it that you want from me an apology because that is not gonna happen in my life time. I will not apologize for being positive. If you’re looking for me to change, retract, or add a disclaimer it’s also not gonna happen so you tell me otherwise what it is that you’re looking to accomplish other than abolishing any form of positive action among Ethiopians.
Also if you think I’m being defensive then good for you. You still owe me “yene konjo” and this is my non romantic side talking.
[/quote]
YENE KONJO,
I hate to repeat myself so often. I never said it is a bad idea to celebrate even that 10% of happiness. By the way those 10% of men are not quite innocent either. I don’t want to go into that now. I just want you to know that your ideas are noble but the facts don’t support your arguments. To me in general most Ethiopian guys are not romantic. It is a simple fact. Our women are being treated like they are not humans. Sometimes what makes me so angry is that when we date other races, we try to be romantic and I don’t understand why we can’t attempt to do the the same with our own. If I continue talking about this, we gonna go off topic. I feel like a hypocrite now. Because you see, I am claiming to be upset by the treatments I see and yet I am not romantic either…don’t ask me why? Though this might tells you the problem is not just that we are arrogant,stubborn and cruel…it is more than that… that is another topic by itself…
So to sort of summarize what I have been saying so far is that I, as an Ethiopia man, I know for a fact that I am not a romantic man you claiming me to be. Therefore, Next time include some facts in your writing so that we know you are cheering for the minorities without claiming to have the majority at your disposal. That means you might not get these many comments over nights…
Last but not least, admitting our problems, confronting the parties and trying to find a solution together is the best way to go forward if we really care to bring about a positive change.
Meanwhile,I want you to keep writing. It is quite easy to understand what you write and I like the simplicity. I want to follow your footstep and be a good writer myself…I am still working on my sentence structures.
Take Care
Gudu I must say I don’t appreciate the condescending tone that seems to drench your replies (unless you are trying to support your own claim of arrogance
) … having said that I have read the paragraph you quoted and used my search engine to find the stats mentioned here to see it for my own eyes and were unable to come up with one. That is why I asked you to support your own claim if you have a stat available not just with what Eyeru said. I would appreciate it if you have a link to the info you gave so that I can check it out, merely because I am really shocked by the numbers.
Now it would be reckless of any one of us to deny the presence of abuse in our society so I am not being in denial about that. What is hard to swallow for me is that 90% of us (Ethio Women) are abused, particularly physically. Don’t get me wrong often time psychological abuse is just as damaging if not far more…but I just was never under the notion that such abuse was as rampant as quoted here.
Any type of abuse of the human psyche should be denounced and every effort should be made towards eliminating such human misery. Having said that, it doesn’t help just to recognize the problem and say “we are cruel, we are arrogant, we are unromantic, that is our DNA, that is a fact” minamin…in my mind that just enforces some sort of acceptance of what we deem to be ‘our reality’ and that doesn’t inspire a change when you accept something to be your ‘fate’. As I have said before revolution is not something only massive groups of people can achieve, it starts from the self so yene alem Gudu…
I co-sign with you and add…march on to the drum of fairness and justice in your life and encourage those in your surroundings to do the same… small steps to a man, giant steps to man-kind. Otherwise we will all be hypocrites who contribute to the vicious cycle of injustice.
Yekey dama.
Why can’t u find the stats. It was world news many months ago probably a year ago. I suggest you go to BBC.com then on the search in Africa section type in Ethiopian women,and it is right there for you. In fact the title of the article is called ” Ethiopian women are the most abused”. On other articles they also mention our abduction marriages of little girls. That is why many little girls are not in school. But married off to old men through abduction in rape. Go to BBC and they mentioned the UN stat there.
Having issues posting…:)
EYERu,
the BBC article you talkled about does not say 90%. it is 60% (may be you flipped the 6 to 9
seriously, if you want to argue on facts provide exact quote. it actually says “nearly 60%”. this number is still high, but it aint 90%.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/6040180.stm
YekeyDama, I hope you are single so that I can take you out on a date and have this lovely conversation with you or even better romance you, may be then… we all can get along fine…meaning you will start appreciating my tone…:)
First of all, I am glad you joined us with your ‘Ene Awekale Ene Awekalew’ attitude. The more people discuss issues like this one in depth may be we can get somewhere.
Having said that,the very first thing which is the most important thing is to acknowledge the existence of the problem as it is. I am a typical habesha man who is stepping up and saying you know what I am not ‘as romantic as’ you claiming me to be. However, you on the other hand trying to convince me otherwise. Which I find it be ridiculously ironic. I mean for God sake, I am talking about most Ethiopian women sufferings here. If you as an Ethiopian woman fails to recognize your own problems, I don’t know how far the arrogant Ethiopian man could come through by himself and bring the changes that millions women dream to see…
Secondly, I don’t know how well you work with google or any other search engine for that matter but yes there are lot of direct and indirect links that would have answered your questions. Besides, the point should never be numbers. It is our problem and it is our reality and you need to admit that as it exists Period. Anyway, Please check this link…
In addition, I just want you to know that I care about these women. I don’t abuse women. I have the most beautiful, kind and loving sisters and just like most people I have a gorgeous mother too who is exceptionally caring, loving and generous. I don’t know what I would do to any man who would in any way try to harm them. I don’t wanna even imagine the possibility for a sec. I just pray that God protect and keep them safe. I pray for other women as well including yourself.
Finally, I know that our problem is not something that can be solved over night. We have major political, economical and social problems. One impact another. I believe right now our society is not moving in a right direction in any avenue. You right and we need to do something about that and I believe that starts from acknowledging the problem and once we have done that we will move on to the solution…You see that is when people like celebratelife even yourself could come in and suggest some solutions with your eloquent and brilliant minds how we can work together to over come our problems. Heck I even will be willing to jump in and suggest something even if I know very little…you dig?
Yea I don’t want to make our future that dark. I know Ethiopian men are not romantic and for me and for everyone else to change that first I want to see woman like you to accept the reality and let us know the problem then we can work together to better the situation…
Sorry about for the missing link… The link is everywhere by the way please go lifestyle.iafrica.com/herlife/features
you will find it there…
Hi Gudu,
Thanks for bringing this suject. One thing I heard a lot is A way to a man’s heart is through food. That doesn’t work for me. I can cook for my man but not to win him over. Please ethiopian men tell me what u honestly feel about this.
Well we all need reality check. abuse is not only hitting or calling names, it includes disrespect, not being caring towards your partner, demanding, not being a there when needed…. goes on and on. I don’t know why our man don’t get that Life is too short so just live life to the fullest by loving eachther, working to our goals, being caring, sharing the loads, understanding, open communications.. etc Let us be open and discuss about the solution. Romance is not only with dozen roses or candle light dinner, just nice words do mean a lot, how is ur day, is there anything I can do for u, do what your heart tells u to do. All in all u get what u pay for so do things as what u want people to do it for u.
Nice blog please people let us all write what we feel about romance.
Mimi
Looking forward to read more on this subject.
Eyeru: It was mentioned as UN stat so I searched for that, not BBC. I was unable to find the info because I kept running into some .pdf files of some stats regarding life expectancy, how many men, women minamin (from the UN site that is). Thank you for the link.
Dawitm: I co-sign with you. U know somebody was right you are adorable
Gudu: I am happily married and have one wushema pending and another one in consideration (wink wink dawitm
) here @ Bernos…so no my plate is full at the moment but something tells me a date b/n you and I would be filled with the Heineken termus flying over your head 
Unless of course you curb your ‘excitability’ 
Awekalehu bilma noro I would not have said asawkugne eski this is news to me alelem neber. So perhaps you need to take your own advice and abetereh manbebing the comments before sharpening the blades of your milas
(do you still want that date? Lol )
Shegaw, me saying I did not know 90% of us were abused is trying to convince you otherwise and being in denial??? I guess alemawek is a sin ha?:) Perhaps I should re-direct your attention to my own quote:
I absolutely agree with you, you are right the numbers are not as important as the problem it self that is why I said
But I still wanted to verify the validity of the claims made here. In any case I have read the content of the link, it is a damn shame that the getere remains getere with out any education and change in sight while more fancy buildings are being erected in the capital city. Meaningless if half of who we are is still burried in ruts of yester year. I do believe the stat is mainly based on what’s going on in the rural areas; the tradition of female genital mutilation, metelf and magbating of leAkeme adam yalderesu young women(who are not even mature enough to know their private parts let alone host a man!), the inequality of men vs. women that is more glaring in that part of the community as opposed to the capital city. These people needs education (of course dabo comes before that but…) the tradition needs serious revision…of course the political, social and economical aspect of these societies lends their hand directly to the stagnant state of the growth of both men and women (in both the rular & the capital city) so the country as a whole is at the mercy of the revolution in each of these aspects. Having said that, it is a challenge to swing the pendulum, from where it is now, and expect it to stick right in the middle that is why I said hulachinim balenbet, in the things that is within our control, we should make an effort to change our way and see that bleed into the rest of the society and witness that being paid forward in the now and generation ahead. It starts from me being educated about the pervasiveness of the problem and this discussion has helped me in that aspect. My solution is that, start from you and I. I wish I could do more but to me that it a small step in one giant undertaking.
The nearly 60% are the number of young girls abudcted into marriage. On the other hand on the domestic violence UN survey 90% are beaten. I stand with the 90% stat of UN I don’t know any Abesha lady that did not go though a violence.
YD
you are saying:
“I do believe the stat is mainly based on what’s going on in the rural areas; the tradition of female genital mutilation, metelf and magbating of leAkeme adam yalderesu young women(who are not even mature enough to know their private parts let alone host a man!), the inequality of men vs. women that is more glaring in that part of the community as opposed to the capital city.”
Overall Ethiopian population is 65 million. Ppl living in Addis Ababa 2 million. So dont you think that the stat should be mainly of ppl from the gueter? and how many Ethiopian live aboard for us to claim that Ethiopian man are Romantic.. .that is the population mostly represented on this blog (maybe about 10% or less ot the ethiopian population is in the diaspora). Those are the ones Celeb so positivily and naively want to claim as being “Ethio Romanitic” which by the way I think is complete nonesense. Celeb you need to come out of your Fairy tale life!!! and face reality… I think that goes for YD as well. Wake up and smell the coffee…
Gudu I am 100 % with you.
Ewenet,
I’m sorry you feel that way. Now all this pointing fingers and accusations is not the same as finding a solution for female abuse now is it?
This is an argument of the pessimist vs the optimist. You think I’m in fairy land wow thank you! Now you don’t like my attitude that’s your problem. At least I don’t live in denial that good as well as evil exists in this world.
According to Ethiopian the Civil Code Articles of Ethiopia, 635, 641, 644 and 646:
The husband is the head of the family and owes him obedience in all lawfull things which he orders (art. 635) The common residence is chosen by the husband who also wathces over her relations(mTs) and guides her conduct (art 641,644). Where the husband can not afford servants the wife is bound to take care of house hold duties 9rt. 646)
And since the husband is supposed to guide her in her relations, domestic abuse is not one of the grounds acceptable for divorce.
CL
“At least I don’t live in denial that good as well as evil exists in this world.”
of course the two exist in this world that is what makes life so amazing but you are in denial of reality and trying to generalize the few man or few experiences you had with some men to the overall Ethiopian Male figure. Ethiopian male are not Romantic by any definition in fact they abuse their women in general and that is what reality is. Again you can choose to dream and live in the lala land you are in and write articles as above. That is your perogative.
I would also like to point out that your optmisim doesn’t solve the problem of women being abused either. At list protraying reality might wake ppl up and look into themself and talk about it instead of keeping this issue as a shamefull deed and a taboo that no on talks about and keep that abusement alive. don’t sugar coat the reality that’s what’s being said here Honey…
Mamitu, thank you for that information. The culprit is the law. Now that’s something we should be discussing here.
Ewenet, Mts to you. Now you’re trying to make me out to be the evil one because I chose to point out there are romantic Ethio men? I’ll light a candle for you.
Since you don’t know me let’s leave out the personal attacks and have a civil discussion. Are you capable of that?
YekeyDama, yene Dunbulo, I can’t tell you how sad I felt to know that you are married. The more I read, I felt like I was talking to a woman whom I am meant to be with for the rest of my life. I think you have that special flavor I desire. You know sometimes you have that feeling…a very strong one…to someone you don’t even know that much…but you just know there is something…I think I like you…I really do…I will wait as long as it takes… I still miss my celebrate life though…oh men…so much love in this place…hard to handle the heat…
On a serious note however,I liked how you curved your enthusiasm very well and showed your anger at the situation. I also enjoyed your thoughts on what we can do to better the situation.So yea, I won’t indulge to any conversation in the same manner that I started with you. Meaning, don’t expect me calling you ‘ Ye sefer Lecturer meneme’
Anyway if there was any hard feelings between us, I would like to take ownership and say I am sorry. I hope you and I will forget and forgive and move on with our life together, as one.
On a more serious note though, I think we have a mountain to climb but I absolutely agree with you on the fact that if we really wanna go somewhere it has to start from us. If I learn to treat other people, not just women, the way I want to be treated(which I rarely do), and believe that is one of the most important thing a man should learn to do, then my friend, my contribution could be significant. Imagine my influence on the people around me. If someone strongly believes in an idea or principle, you see him/her bringing others to their world more frequently and very easily. A strong passion has it won way. So I, a typical habesha man, who often tend to be not ‘so romantic’, has decided to do his best to learn and educate himself to be as romantic as he can be….(can I leave my phone number here?
)
A Million dollar question…So how can I be romantic? Ladies help me here…
“Love is not rude” (1Corinthians 13:5). If we truly love our women, I don’t think we will have the guts to hurt them, make them uncomfortable and miserable.( May be someone can write another piece on a type of love that is most people consider ‘true’) but I think to be romantic and enjoy the company of each other to the fullest, we need to learn to understand what true love is and how we can fully experience it(if that is possible)…(I am not an expert and I am not that religious but the bible has the answer…if you are Muslim I refer yo to Kuran…Atheist…I say… God help you!)
celebratelife
My beautiful, smart sister, you keep slipping to that defensive mode. I think it is time to acknowledge the bigger problem as it is just like your friend YeKeyDama and bless us with another great piece that is more realistc and educational.
For example, how can the cruel, arrogant, stupid, misguided, ignorant man can learn to be romantic and affectionate? How can you approach and teach people like myself who have very little knowledge but yet claims to know everything(I hear there are so many of me out there)…?(don’t stare at me…as if u are not me)(not you celeb)
…I am sure you have argued about Chinese culture once with your Chinese friend…no? )
So I say… Celeberatelife, there is two way to settle this…either you admit the facts and get your ass from the lala land and throw us another article as I suggested above or else, continue defending yourself till someone gets tired of you…May be then when you read what you wrote 5 or 10 years later, you know as you have been betame derek when you weren’t supposed to…now don’t comment on this…at least wait 5 years…(I doubt that will be your choice)…
I just hope that you will make me happy by acknowledging the problem and sharing your thoughts on the solution realistically
Adios
Gudu,
hahahah Mts. You’ve gone from having something to say to sounding like a drunk. So was that a threat or an ultimatum?
I tell you what why don’t you put a little bit of what you have to say and submit it for posting. As you do have a lot to say and show us how it’s done. Oh wait a minute though could you do that without the insults or is that only reserved for when you make comments? Hmmm.
Go ahead and preach on! Oh by the way if you learned a little romance you wouldn’t be this hostile, just a thought.
First and Foremost I want to say I have enjoyed reading the discussion about romance and found interesting the subject of abuse some of our women endure. 60% or 90% doesn’t make a difference it’s still a percentage.
I don’t seem to understand why most of you are upset and appear as wanting to be right while accusing others of being wrong. Isn’t that the reason abuse happens in the first place because someone thought they were right? Think people, think! How do I know because I volunteered, some years ago, at an abused woman’s shelter in the US. Abuse knows no race or culture it’s the same no matter where on this globe you turn.
Gudu,
Are you also MWC because you have the same style of writing and you both go on and on and on except he sometimes has something fruitful to say. You give a lot of lip but you don’t write anything worth reading. You brought up the subject of female abuse and then that’s it. I was actually noticing the only thing you are sharing is anger and name calling (further promoting abuse). How old are you? Are you afraid by this blog declaring Ethiopian men are romantic you may be held to treating your woman with romance and respect? Or are you really concerned about abuse?
You have the typical behavior of an abuser because of how you relate to others and specifically to women. First YekeyDama was your enemy and after she schmoozed you a little she became your dream. If I didn’t state this I would guarantee you she would’ve gone back to being your enemy again. You see that’s the way of identifying an abuser that unstable behavior of making women think all is well only to go back to base 1 then it’s a vicious circle.
Stop making so much noise and go back and reread how silly you sound. Celebrate wrote about romance and you don’t agree so whoopie doo Scooby doo! Why are you so angry?
(P.S. I do believe a lot of Abesha men and women are romantic.)
Gudu, who died and made you king….let me guess you appointed yourself huh? Did you say…..
Egotistical maniac! This is not about you man. Isn’t this about people like your friend Kidist, when did the focus turn to you?
You are here to tell us you want a woman, like Mimi, to cook for you. Hodom! SitasTela! You see a woman like me would whip someone like you into shape but I don’t do charity work plus I have an Ethiopian man who respects my every existence.
Feleqleq, can you talk a little about your experience in the voluntary work that may start this discussion going the right way.
Mamitu, you are the bomb thanks for the information on the Ethiopian Civil Code. Great blog!
Feleqleq, thanks … 100% agree with you
Celebrate thank you for bringing this subject up it kind of made me think a lot now that I read most of the comments.
What is Romance Ethiopian style:
If you are walking on the streets of Addis and you are a girl any of these can happen to you.
1. You may be aproached by a man/ boy who might proceed to give you a big kiss on your face/lips … passers by won’t intervene they could either laugh(mostly the men do that), look the other way or run if they are women who are by themselves.
2. If you are wearing a short dress, you can be called names, gropped or …. passers by won’t intervene again specially because you are asking for it by wearing a short skirt.
If you are a student in one of the Universities of Ethiopia and you are a girl you have to try your best not to call attention to yourself ’cause one of the professors might fancy you and ask you out in which case if you say no, you might get kicked out as the teacher and his friends will gang up on you and give you failing grade.
Rape became a felony punishable by prison time only a few years ago at the persistent hard work of Ethiopian women Lawyers association. And that doesn’t include marital rape.
If you are a girl in the Ethiopian country side you are just simply out of luck because you don’t even have a say on who you marry when you marry and so on and so forth. That is why there is a lot of fistula cases in Ethiopia. At that point when the woman is no longer of no use to her husband she will be divorced by her husband and he will remarry.
Celebrate, I definitly am not trying to put water on your enthusiasm about the presence of Ethiopian Romance but since you sound like a young woman with a lot of ideas and who likes to do positive things I thought I would let you know of the hardships Ethiopian women face in our beloved country.
[quote comment="63238"]First and Foremost I …
Gudu,
Are you also MWC because you have the same style of writing and you both go on and on and on except he sometimes has something fruitful to say….. .)[/quote]”
…wow …wo…Hold it Lady Feleqleq!
.men AmeTaw yhen hulu Zebazinke/… I wasn’t into your business. Don’t you think it is wise to stick with the one that you start debating with?
STICK with the Person you deal with! If you don’t like my writings, then DON’T! I keep telling those who complain, I am not twisting your sensors or conscious. So, blame yourself for reading me. could this be that there is something you are getting out of it, but you are one of those who just like to whine? otherwise why read me and vomit your your hatred into my face without even provoked.
What I don’t get it is when people complain about others writings’ but cannot provide an OPTION. Just give options and show your Flawless execution. some write short and some write long. it is their process, their style, individuality.
What I don’t get it is when people Justify and rationalize their weakness by blaming others for writing this way, or that way.
write whichever way you want, but leave others alone as well. Others adore their individuality as much as you do yours.
So, chocices are in your finger nails. when you see me, avoid me at all cost. Just leave me for those who like me, and those I like.
~enjoy yourself now.
Thank you Mamitu. Although I knew some of what you listed exists it was not my intention to try and pull a wool over our eyes. I honestly do thank you for always providing useful information.
A candle in the wind, bliche blo dergim, Mts!
Sima maneh ante yemnderu merfe wegi, yan koshasha needle teleh benesaw tewaga
Gudu you talk a good talk and show indignation towards those who mistreats women yet you are being condescending and sarcastic as you address your fellow sisters here. These are the characteristics of a chauvinistic male who thinks he is superior (in one for or another) than his counter part, don’t you think that lends a hand to the problem you pointed out here? As far as I am concerned, unless you learn to address us with respect and dignity, you are a perpetuator of abuse in women. Pardon moi if I misunderstood your style of writing (i.e. if you are being sarcastically humorous or something) but you don’t come across as a man who is willing to ‘communicate’ with women on a plain field. I am willing to be corrected (and more willing to be tickled
)
It is not about being right or wrong…it is about informing/educating and being informed/educated in this two way exchange. What I don’t get is what is so bad about what Celeb claimed and I concurred with? It may not be the truth of many but it is hers…people speak from their own experience and fortunately for her she has the good fortune to be around Ethiopian men (as I have and perhaps many) who treat their women with dignity and respect and are romantic in their own right and I believe that was what she was speaking about and hoping to spread. Her intention (as I understood it) was never to claim her truth to be the only truth, hence deny the existence of abuse in our society…nor was that mine when I asked for the stats to be verified. So why the accusation of ‘la la land’ minamin?
Learning the existence of the problem is far greater than I ever imagined it to be does not betray my initial assertion, also the outrage towards the injustice is not newfound. That said, you keep asking what is the solution and say ‘teach me to be romantic’, how about starting from respecting the opinion of others (women in this case) as you construct yours? How about giving the benefit of the doubt? I say that is a start, what say you?
Cake lemin aybelum tadiya yalechew neger meta when they showed anduwan the pictures of the starved people in Ethiopia. Let us start out one step at a time, then we can talk about the candle and flower gradually but surly
[quote comment="63403"]…write whichever way you want, but leave others alone as well. Others adore their individuality as much as you do yours. [/quote]
Ah! the irony!
[quote comment="63497"][quote comment="63403"]…write whichever way you want, but leave others alone as well. Others adore their individuality as much as you do yours. [/quote]
Ah! the irony!
[/quote]
You! I can handle with grace.
I have a reserved special space for you in both my mind + heart. 
.
‘cuz, you debate, you argue, you curse…etc all in one with a lot of smile… and i like it. so you give-N-take.
I don’t recollect on your writings simply complaining on others writings’ because they are long or short. you just debate. but, I also noticed that you defend yourself when others out of a blue resort into non-constructive criticsm. and that is exactly what I have done. No irony there!
Of course, if you only take that phrase out of the entire context, that sounds irony to the bare mind seeing from one angle. I even agree there!
Of course, if you are making a dependent entity independent, without equippng it with the substances that make it independent, of course, it sounds irony! no argument there. That is how politicians govern our life!
If i had debated with her (or anyone for that matter), and was saying, that I was writing long and too long and she (they) lost track of the debate then, I’d have gone the extra mile to condense it to accomodate my debator so we exchange some lessons. That is what i am up!
But, simply, dragging someone into your dislikes, just cuz you don’t have a taste to that cyberperson… i don’t see any benefit for both sides. YDamaitu.
..
…now why are you dragging me in here?
I belong to the other one and got work to do there.
In fact, trust me, this is the very last type of person that I would respond to. It is just a waste of time reading & writing like this. It is a waste! This was not and is not my objective and expectation when popping up to Bernos. BTW, your Amharic wits met my expectation and that was one of my objective coming here.
I am afarid though as “tizibit” said, some may contaminate Bernos’s dynamism. too bad. I hope it isn’t gonna be as the others that i ran away. if no learning and good stuff why waste me. i just move on.
I will see you on the other end, that is where I want you to be. I need your Amharic more than anything.
-Have a mellow day SheGitu WeGenye.
Oh Thank you Yemenderu Dr. Phil and here I was wondering why things went array in my life, now that you pointed out my problmes for me, since you know me well and all, I know how to handle them better.
Yes I am a snob, yes I know it all and yes I am always right… feel any better? There is nothing I hate more than Bedingay lay wuha mafeses so Gudu gidangdu stick with making your point and leave the psychoanalysis for the gifted ones. There is nothing wrong with your grammer Homer it is your attitude that stinks high to heavens, Atishw! Damn them rodents
YekeyDama,
Don’t pay him no mind just let it be. You are much better than this sister friend. Don’t let him take you there. He is lost in the world of confusion. You know the saying, “it takes every kind of people to make this world go around”.
I will stand behind my article and continue writing as I always have based on personal experience. No one on this earth threatens me or tries to intimidate me especially not you Gudu. I know you’ll have a wonderful response to that. Yes I have been blessed to have had great Ethiopian men in my life who respect and honor women. I write based on what I know. If you have something to teach me then spill it but don’t run around like a chicken with it’s head cut off.
Yeah Gudu, I’m protecting my Ethiopian sister and if you got a problem I don’t give a rats ass. I stand up against abuse even though you try to paint a different picture of me. You don’t know me from Adam but then you wanna come up all in my face thru your keyboard talking crap. Yeah you definitely don’t know me. You don’t like my articles and the way I write then don’t read it. Simple! Where is that article piece you threatened me about? Why don’t you post it on this blog for us? I would love to read what you have to say.
Celeb don’t you worry sister he can’t take me anywhere where I am not willing to go or where I haven’t been before. The fact is we are all capable of talking nonsense and being useless, the challenge is in rising above that. I could have indulge him further in the enka selamta for pure entertainment value (for me at least) if he had some pizzazz as MWC
fortunately he is way to dry for my taste. So yene konjo trust me I have no desire to bedingay lay mafeses my energy so I will settle to be entertained by his monologue from here on out 
You just do what you do.
On behalf of the arogitoch union for which I’m the president we give you a send off. Come on sing with me ladies….
“Farewell, goodbye! If we see you again don’t sigh, don’t wave. If we meet you again don’t wink, don’t smile.”
We hate to see you go so soon. Will you come out to play again, ask your grammy to bring you. Since she’s a member you get in for flee.
If we knew you loved arogitoch we would’ve been easy on you, next time make your declaration early on.
Gudu,
I have been blogging for a couple of months here now.
My observation have been:
-The 1st group: agree to disagree in a mature and respectful way. For me, these are the most advanced people who understands what Give-N-Take means. They come with the objective to give-N-take. To achieve that, the 1st critrea is respecting fellow bloggers. The end-result? a win-win baton.
Age has nothing to do with wisdom. wisdom has nothing to do with age or number. If one has a tendency to steal/lie at the age of 10, s/he will definitely do it again-N-again at 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 and going to that grave as such.
-The 2nd group have no objective at all. They just roam around like a wanderer dog as time permits for lack of what to do with their time and life. If that is not the case, they could have put their time and bloggers time in good use.
They lack wisdom, they don’t write good grammar, they spit no substance, they complain, whine, and insult and talk with so much bravado.
They only get away with that because,
a)their throat is shileded by the Cathode tube that separate them from the bloggers.
b) BERNOS does have a policy of tolerance the way I see it.
so, what options do the Decent people have, just fume and let it GO and move on!
If It was my blog, I definetly filter these junk out. Because, what is needed is quality and substance. No one has time for idiocyncrazy which can Not be re-defined even if it sliced-in-half and wisdom BiseGeseG. it will eventually evaporate with time.
Your insult being the most intense I have ever witnessed and too personal, I suggest you tone down to learn from fellow bloggers.
One changes one’s mind for the benefit of one’s own good. When one fails to see that, one fails one, but nooneelse.
mind it is impossible to read every comment, its only fair that you email us when u see something negative and we delete it…
also we can’t block ip’s from commenting because people are going to from another ip and make theri comment…
there are a few people that are going to create headaches for a everyone… the way I see it we, all of us need to stand up to them together and they will go away…
second some comments can be deleted… if you tell me to delete all of gudus comments i will do so…
Nolawi,
Understood! we are talking about BLOG, kinda open-end medium. Even within a controlled users’ profile in a L/WAN infrastructure, there are users who defy a SLA (Service Level-Agreement) that they were oriented by during their employement.
But, my 2 cents, would be: BERNOS may add a reminder (you may already have, forgive if so. I have not finished cruising Bernos in its entirety yet) that:
“BERNOS expectation of bloggers:
”
-It is a friendly medium. Debate intensly, loss your mind, burst in emotions but be mindful of word choices so BERNOS doesn’t stink.
a sort of.
Gudu: bro, I may (i.e. may) come back to give you some free advices.
Great aricle on acarefully chosen topic.Keep up the good work,Celebe.
And my take on the topic? Well, I reviewed some of the responses and I disern a very subtle, but familiar pattern:the tendency to see relationships as zero-sum game.But relationships(of any kind) rarely works like that.Relationships, espcially romantic ones, involve dynamic give-and-take.Dynamic because relationships evolve in response to changing internal(emotional component of a relationship) and externa( our professinal life , for instance)environment.As such every relationship is uniqe since it is function of the respective values of the individuals and the compromise that result there of.To pretend otherwise is to set onself for frustration.I mean who wants to do anything with anybody who is arrogant and insenstive.
May be some of the responses reflect more our cultural shortcomings in the art of compromise than anything else.
Gudu
I’m actually deleting your comment…It seems like you don’t have anything positive to contribute and for that reason I will delete this comment and will continue to do so.
Well said MindWithoutC in post #125
When it comes down to unconstructive comments that are simply obvious disrespect to fellow blogers including personal attacks directed at us…by all means the comments will be deleted.
Obviously we should all be having a good time getting along, but difference of opinion leads to interesting discussion and it bring different ideas which is what bernos is about.
Gudu
The bottom line is that it is our blog/website and we get to decide what to filter out…especially if it’s comments that is intended to disrespect others opinion. So we reserve the right to delete posts made by people who are just here to cause trouble.
Be advised that bernos/contributors of this blog reserve the right to delete any comment that is deemed inappropriate.
DawitK, oof, yimechih!
Yeah, I couldnt agree more Dawit.I mean what better way is there than to keep this blog gudu-free to facilitate the free flow of ideas!You see People like Gudu cant be expected to act civil.They are too attention hungry to engage in any civilzed exchange of ideas.They would do anything to create controversy in order to draw attention to themselves.Look how many entries were made adressing gudu’s comments which could otherwise be directed on the topic at hand.What a waste!I am all for getting gudu in line.
Gudu…
If you want to make comments on this blog, make you comments on the topic at hand and drop the unnecessary name calling.
We are not going to put your comments back and that’s final beside trust me, we don’t have a problem with deleting all your comments if you cant comply with the rules.
AGAIN – be advised that the owners of this website (bernos) reserve the right to delete any comment that is deemed inappropriate.
No explanation for such action is required and that’s final!
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