Is she confused? Is she not sure?
Ethiopian Males have complained and shown their frustrations with Ethiopian ladies. God knows I have! Why doesn’t she tell me if she is interested or not? Ideally what you want to hear are;
stay the hell away from me, I hate you! Or I want you, I really like you!
Of course I have never heard either of those two in the beginning stages of the pursuit. There are many variables that come into play when deconstructing the reason behind this. No man will ever comprehend everything about women for mostly two reasons. Women come in different packages, no two women are identical. The second is women are complicated as men are.
But there is one lesson I have learned in my experience that I wanted to share with my wondumoch.
Women are never really sure about anything, if she says she is confused; she probably is. Here is where the Alpha-males succeed, and the rest fail in mostly two ways. The male will give up at this point and leave or become her friend; which is failure! Some males will just wait till she changes her mind but she never really does, if you keep hanging around her she might end up dating you or falling on top of your penis. Either way this is a failure.
The Alpha-male usually takes charge and is aggressively pursue her. He is so confident that he doesn’t care what she says or thinks. She likes him for it, why? Aren’t you listening? Because she is confused and he makes up her mind for her! This is why woman say they like confident men.
The Alpha male doesn’t give too many compliments; he doesn’t tell her how perfect she is, even if he thinks she is! He tells her what he wants and she will believe him. The fact is being a woman is a lot harder than being a man, the physical and psychological expectations set for a woman in our society are higher than a men’s. It is understandable for woman to be unsure about almost everything when it comes to relationships.
So if she says she is confused and wants to be friends, the clever path is to go the Alpha male route or run, run like the wind! Tell her you are not interested in being friends; otherwise she will use the ambiguity of your relationship to moonlight and or decide what she wants. i.e. the friendship zone. Chances are if you decide to wait that she will use that as a weakness.
You might actually get her but at what costs? If she makes you wait too long, chances are the road is frustrating as hell. When you finally get her you might be angry at her for making you wait or maybe you will realize you don’t like her that much or that you wanted her only because you couldn’t have her. What you can’t have is always better what is easily acquired. You will realize that you only liked the challenge!
And then there is always that distinct possibility you might not get her at all.
If you ever encounter an ethiofused, I suggest you run, run like the wind!
I am sure there are many reasons women say that they want you to be friends. But I think most of the time the reason is she likes you; she wants you and what you are providing but is not ready to make any type of emotional and or physical commitment towards you.
Tell her that you are not interested in friendship. Saying things like, “I like you and if I can’t have as my girl I rather have as your friend” is a showing your weakness or lack of confidence towards pursuing her, and will be used against to sustain you in the friendship zone. Don’t ever say it and if you do, you better not mean it. If a woman has way too many guy friends, it’s a clear sign that a few are leftovers stuck from past friendship zones. A healthy woman has more girlfriends that guy friends.
I have always said, don’t play games, be honest blah blah blah blah. Well I sure I say it and continue to follow it! But if a woman is being unfair towards you and you really want her or think she is the one, cut the bullshit, get some pride and be an alpha-male.
There is no reason to think she could have as her friend when you can’t have her as your girlfriend. Believing that is an Achilles' heel that will haunt you while stuck in the friendship zone.
The truth it is woman have the upper hand in the beginning stages. If she is ethiofused you don’t have stick around and be trapped in the lower hand. Sometimes you just have to get the confidence to say “fuck you, you fuken bitch!” and run, run like the wind!
Published by March 25th, 2007 in Advice and Dating.
Noliye, menew did some girl just do something to you and you are taking it out on all woman.
eshi eshi, this was funny and enjoyable reading, always love you thoughts and insights ena thanks for writing all this funny stuff.
But clearly it seems there is a girl behind this post. It feels like you are a nice guy, funny, interesting and most of all handsome. If she gives you any trouble feyirate! I wouldn’t suggest the use of those wonderful words at the end of the post but ignore her. If she doesn’t come back to you, she will regret forever because you are one of a kind.
Maramawit….u already said some of the things I wanted to say TNX….semah, Nol?! Yea, and def. no need for those words….mebtua neww….u can either take it or leave it, no one forces u to stick around.
And I beg to differ with a lot of what u said.
If a woman has way too many guy friends, it’s a clear sign that a few are leftovers stuck from past friendship zones. A healthy woman has more girlfriends that guy friends.
I’m glad ur major wasn’t psychology….but u yourself def. need to see a shrink….u tend to come to futile conclusion based on a few incidents minamin. So, what do u suggest for the ‘unhealthy’ ones Dr. Nol? Sorry to disappoint you, but some of us don’t think about gender when we befriend others. If we have more guy friends, it’s because we didn’t filter the friendship application based on gender….not because they are leftovers from ‘friendship zones’….ayyyii, don’t tell me that’s how you became friends with your female friends..?? huh?
Wow there are many women like me i guess.
I am trying friendship route coz i still like the person on more than frendship level for having many qualities but i am not completely comfortable for more than that coz the person lacks something very huge. I am keeping him as friend waiting to see if he develops that huge quality he lacks. He compains a lot saying he is confused unsure of where our relation is going coz i have also moved beyond the friends zone which confuses him more. So now i am very confused. I don’t even know why i am waiting until he becomes someone i dream of. I’m sure he will never change so it’s just wishing that’s keeping me in friendship zone. I am not perfect he doesn’t try to fix me but something always says he needs to be fixed so stay in friendship zone even though it’s not really friendship coz we always struggle about the past.
what’s wrong with a guy being friends with a girl, without her being his girlfriend? Why is being a friend considered as “BEING STUCK IN THE FRIENDSHIP ZONE”?
If the girl is not attracted to you sexually but likes you as a person, she’d say ‘let’s be friends’. What you need to take it as is AS STATED! Be it (friends, that is) or beat it… do not be expecting that
you iz a fool, the *drumroll* ethiofused, if you are expecting the above two when she has already said “let’s be friends”.
I love the gusto in this post! I like the way you put it. It’s true some women are clearly confused out of their mind but it’s not always because she’s not interested but because she’s not totally confident that she deserves YOU. I do have to disagree with
because it doesn’t hold true for every woman. I have more guy friends then female friends because I relate better with men. Most, not all, women are whiners and love cat fights and I don’t have time to be esheroorooing grown ass folks.
Yes, yes, yes pursue her aggressively and don’t give a damn about the outcome. But for those of us who like confident/aggressive men it’s not because we is, was, will be confused but it’s because we like the approach straight forward. We don’t like the ‘sneak a peak to see if she’s really interested before I approach her’ attitude. She’s only human hell what harm can she do to you if she says no? Confident men/women know what they want and they get it. If you say too many “I love you, I want you, I’m dying for you” she’ll get Stuck On Stupid.
But you know it holds true with men as well, If you tell/show some men too much affection they’ll get all SOS on you. Hey I once told a guy, many moons ago, I really liked him before he told me and he got all stupid thinking I was dying for him. He said he really liked me as well but then his attitude changed so I told him, “don’t let it go to your head” and popped his bubble. I don’t regret telling him because I really did like him.
But Nolawi I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You are way too much man for most women so don’t let their mind games get to you. Always know your worth and you’re priceless cause you are the full package and then some – a dream boat actully more like a dream yacht.
“stay the hell away from me, I hate you! Or I want you, I really like you!”
do you ethio-men really like to hear what a women feels? I don’t think so.
I don’t have many male friends rather work colleges and ethio-association or church members (male). I have girl friends and if I want to have a male friend then it is for reasons beyond “friendship”.
i had a boy friend with whom I was madly in love and when I told hime how much I love him my eyes clearly showing it all…. do you know what his response was … it is not I love you too or thank you but “don’t say this things to a man” …. I wonder what this is suppose to mean.
I really find it very hard to understand ethio-men when it comes to relationships… I have a close friend now and I find it very hard to express my feelings, when he pours his heart out saying how much he loves me woow… I really find it hard to respond “don’t say these things to man” always comes to my mind..
Mtttssss. Disagree maregun ke yet lijemir?
First i’ve to agree with Mariamawit/Wudnesh … she pissin’ u off? What’s wrong with the girl?! :-/
“Alpha male”? WTF?!?!
Brave New World is so 1984. Literally.
The world is not black and white. It’s mostly gray. Men need to get on with the program.
The ‘all or none’ attitude, to me, seems …almost indicative of some sort of insecurity. it’s the rules of nature – not all attractions will be two way. sometimes the timing is bad. at some point or another, one person will be a lot more interested than the other, and that’s that. but any person wort of dating is worthy of possibly becoming a friend. if you don’t appreciate the other person enough to pursue some level of friendship, then maybe you shouldn’t look to date them. coz, surely, you either don’t care or know enough.
Clearly, such a guy has issue. How did that end up being blamed on the woman, again? Wudnesh indalechiw, this calls for a shrink and a strict moratorium on dating. (Now if this was Brave New World, it’d even be illegal!)
Finally, I like the second set of silhouettes. Middle man has eyes, etc. Not sure what it means but caught my attention
p.s Wudnesh, I quit BP but I’ve been meaning to get your contact :-/ Can you please give me your e-addy, or drop me a line at ityopyawit@gmail.com
emm emmm,,,boy ..boy ..you may have bitten more than you could chew on this Wondeme Wegen. .. and i wouldn’t stand on your side, to safegaurd my own safety.
“But there is one lesson I have learned in my experience that I wanted to share with my wondumoch.
….. Here is where the Alpha-males succeed, and the rest fail in mostly two ways…. “
Questions:
.. am confused.
a)Have you put all the eggs in one basket on this, the good and the bad, the decent and the rot, the mellow and the nasty?
b),…Alpha-male! so, if, for the sake of argument, I, the “wondemoch” heed on the advice and execute what “Alpha-male” does, as explained, so what is my ultimate prise and goal?
-Number of females i hit? or romance? With this type of personality, i doubt if romance can flourish. there is no sensitivity, respect and after all Conscious. Likewise, with Alpha-woman or whatever type.
I guess, the topic is not covering across the spectrum, and is advising only those who still enjoys swinging like a pendulum.
Since it has no purpose except…Ke-embiert betach Yalewen..WeQeT ..weQeT ..ende MuQecha.. and that just won’t satisy the mind, the conscious.. sorry .. I pass on that.
Habesha setoch deserve Habesha Wondoch for both are too ridiculously judgmental towards each other. That’s why we all deserve each other.
[quote comment="28907"]Mtttssss. Disagree maregun ke yet lijemir?
The world is not black and white. It’s mostly gray. Men need to get on with the program. ”
……….
Tobian,
while i like your argument, i disagree with your “Men need to get on with the program.”
are you saying Ethiopian females have reached a higher standard, and we men have lagged behind?
Could this be a major mind-set & perception issue that now exists between Abesha setoch & Wondoch?
Could that be because women feels, as time exponentially goes to infinity, you have exaggeratingly inflated your standard and feel that we, wondoch have fallen behind to catch up to the playing ground. And that is causing a nightmare between you and us? Hmmm.
…..
The ‘all or none’ attitude, to me, seems …almost indicative of some sort of insecurity. it’s the rules of nature – not all attractions will be two way. sometimes the timing is bad. at some point or another, one person will be a lot more interested than the other, and that’s that. but any person wort of dating is worthy of possibly becoming a friend. if you don’t appreciate the other person enough to pursue some level of friendship, then maybe you shouldn’t look to date them. coz, surely, you either don’t care or know enough.
Agree. Good one. that applies to both sexes!
Nol, if i were you i’d remove this post, or immediately post a retraction/apology, believe me this will not fly with the ladies. It’ll damage your reputation, make you the monster that you’re not. Do yourself a favor, act, act now.
It seems you’re grieving, and it’s ok to use your blog to grieve but the abusive language is uncalled for. For me, it makes me sad to see you in such pain, but what you said I find rude, vile, disgusting, foul and nasty.
i second every female reponses…in addition
Celeb–you need not encourage nolawi…he seriously needs to chill out!!!
Tobian–nice to hear from you, youve been missed! very well said response, specially regarding the freindship.
chelema–sbs! true we are judgmental…some more than others (NOLAWI!!!)
M-W-C–you had me…then you lost me…
NOLAWI–WTF??? seriously?
I read above article is giving a vary good information.he world is not black and white. It’s mostly gray. Men need to get on with the program. “You might actually get her but at what costs? If she makes you wait too long, chances are the road is frustrating as hell. When you finally get her you might be angry at her for making you wait or maybe you will realize you don’t like her that much or that you wanted her only because you couldn’t have her. What you can’t have is always better what is easily acquired. You will realize that you only liked the challenge!
I have similar site……..
inspiration
.just a few points…
1. wanna say meron… firma on ur whole post!
plus…this article is on such an offensive…honestly, it tints even the good points that it has. It comes off as venting… and disillusioned to justify something. First reaction for me was…do I even want to begin a response to this? Betam…Same deal as the ‘zeraf’ Empowerment article
2. Isn’t the something about some of the best relationships growing out of friendships?? [beyond the superficiality a deeper connection can develop] + attraction can build…it’s not just a crash-boom… deal….if a guy sticks around, the likelihood that a girl would actually grow to be attracted to him… especially beyond the first physical is significant as long as they’re getting individual time together. also…in my experience, guys are more visual than girls…
3. The truth of the matter, beyond just the dating scene is that…a woman has a lot banking on a relationship….especially the TIME part of the deal more so than a guy…And in the short limited amount of time that she’s supposed to work on her career, achieve financial security and juggle social life etc…the restrictions of time and biology do not allow a lot of lee-way for many mistakes or heartbreaks. To differing degrees for different women… focus and being selective are what can keep her with the options in a most realistic way… ina degmo…it’s all a matter of opportunity cost. It’s very Simple. Dating and Relationships are time consuming.
3. qooyy gin, just remembered something …according to psychologists, men benefit more from cross-sex friendship than women. aydel inde????
4. …keza degmo… POWER is a significant part of any relationship… and friendship is built on equality. If a guy can engage in such a real equal relationship with a woman (plus/minus the sex) he’s a man with a lot of confidence. (just experiencing an a-ha! moment here…)…he’s not up for any power playing…it’s just them as equals…for the sake of being with each other…it should go BOTH ways… an ability to compromise and empower each other in a romantic + a real friendship…. these together should successfully measure the confidence level of BOTH!!
…is it too twisted to think that a romantic relationship gives more of an upper hand to a man and a friendship to a woman? hmmm…
Nolawi
The Alpha male doesn?t give too many compliments; he doesn?t tell her how perfect she is, even if he thinks she is! He tells her what he wants and she will believe him. The fact is being a woman is a lot harder than being a man, the physical and psychological expectations set for a woman in our society are higher than a men?s. It is understandable for woman to be unsure about almost everything when it comes to relationships.
Did you really say this? I hope for your sake it is a joke and you dont really beleive it, anyway the man you are describing isnt Alpha male more like Neanderthal man and you know what happened to him. Confidence isnt being domineering by the way . Confidence is sexy in men being domineering will only make the girls run like the wind like you with your issues.
You never said why it is understandable for a woman to be unsure of almost everything in a relationship.why is it so? are you doing that or are we doing that?
Why get angry, didnt you choose to wait? if waiting for her makes you angry then you shouldnt and it isnt her fault, it is your choice.
Is it any wonder if you dont want to wait, you dont want her friendship first wherever it might lead to or not and you see her as a challenge to be won.
Are you serious nolawi?? I calculated the time- (as in when you wrote this). Can’t add anything more, its already been said (enaa thanks ladies and gents…) maan, if you’re writing this to get a discussion/reaction weyyy gudd…. geen if you believe some of the things kelebe asazenken… just want to know who you date/dated because they did an injustice to the whole female population.
Oh well, at least bemegerem kenen jemerku.
Finally he let it out… sorry LOL
weyene goodaa.. ha ha ha
I think some men should have thicker skin don’t you think ladies..?
I personally don’t think this post is Nolawi’s way of venting over any particular female but just in general of those specific females who take the men for a ride that leads to never-never land. Hey men have feelings too and most women seem to forget that. They love and want to be loved and nurtured just like women so what the hell is wrong with that? At least he has enough guts to state what he has observed and no I don’t find the post offensive why should I it’s his take on the situation.
Since when do we place gag orders on someone for stating his opinion. So what he used profanity in the end, I read it as him trying to drive the point home and not an example of a way to respond to the situation. Let’s not all try to act like we’ve been saints to our significant others all our lives.
Nolawi, I hope you don’t retract or change the post. It is in fact true women, unfortunately have the upper hand in the dating world and most abusive it to the max.
Meroneye, I don’t see my comment as encouraging him to do nothing else but be honest.
Story, I am proud of you. Really proud of you for saying it.
Same with you celeb.
the rest of the ladies here do agree with me eko… just not the manner the article was written in …the question to answer should be…
the point of this post is to say sometimes its just not wroth waiting for a decision when you don’t know what the outcome of the decision is…
alemitu hidiya, you seriously need agree or disagree with the post rather than me… reputation… again if you are lacking clarity then ask!
what I am saying is that if a woman is unfair to you then you need to dip. There is no reason to think just you are good enough as a friend but not as a significant other. This is not based on one girl. I am not angry nor upset about a situation.
Shalom nothing, as long as there is not as long as there are no other expectation. Its only fair for the woman to let him know not to expect anything from her.
oh nice Tobian, the bold part is exactly my point isn’t it, gin on the all so the fact you would tell lets be friends with some ambiguity, is it a test of his appreciation of his interest on the friendship level. betam nice seriously!
At the end I would like to say that the point of this post is just to say that if a woman is unfair unclear
with her intentions with you. It is ok for a man to dip. and I think most of you agree. If its not worth it, don’t stay.
If the jury is out for more than a little while, you do’t have to wait to hear the verdict. Especially when you are not certain the verdict is not in the mans favor.
Mindoverc, and the rest of you who are not familiar with the alpha male, its not my theory, its something dating experts have been talking about for years
Attraction Secrets Of The True “Alpha Male”
The alpha male and masculine power
How To Become An Alpha Male
The art of seduction books, seminars, blogs, videos, trainings etc, is a 100 million dollar industry… and they all have one thing in common, they explain and teach how become an alpha male… and most of these people do not teach you how to sleep with many woman, they just teach you how to understand woman better, they teach men confidence, how not to be a mat on her door step. And how the woman will respect you for that.
one interesting theory is the “cocky and funny“
Nolawi, wow I read this blog and never make a comment. But I have to now, it seems you are getting a negative reaction from woman on this post because you touched a nerve.
to the point of the article in which you said, if the woman is being indecisive you have to option of saying bye, see you later.
and there is no crime with that, and I am sure the ladies will agree here.
BTW, I am so impressed with you and with this blog. Don’t take this down just because some of the ladies are disagreeing with you.
I also suggest the females argue with the point of the post rather than with you.
Thank you from a big Bernos fan!
..totally unrelated but..a man and a woman, as in the setting described above, can never be just friends….there is always something more in their mind(however shortlived it may be)…unless we’re discussing gays..
Nolawi, I just find it hard to believe that you wrote this are believe this. I think you wrote this post to get a reaction out of us.
I will try to ignore the expletive and disagree with what your point is. The point is do we try to make the guy our friend when we are not sure, yes.
is that wrong? no, because the guy is willing to wait. If he is not willing to wait then maybe he was just interested in the sex.
Anyways I am in agreement with soj, none of my relationships with guys is purely platonic. Men and woman can’t be purely platonic friends except in rare occasions.
Nolawi,
Maybe I lack clarity but I think I understood your post. I didnt suggest that you were angry and upset and didnt assume that it was an autobiographical.
That said I agree with some of your points and not others. The latest one I disagree is that not all friends are suited to be significant other to each other even though in a romantic relationship a strong friendship is a good basis. Some people are meant to be lovers and others friends, if you are very lucky might get the same thing in one person.
I agree that women and men come to it should be clear with no room for ambiguity if they want someone to be a friend or a lover. i dont beleive in stringing people along but it isnt just women who do it.
Most women on this post, we need to learn how to agree to disagree. No need to retract or remove the post just becasue you don’t agree with Nolawi’s opinion Alemitu. Why does he have to apologise for his(Nol) opinion or how feels about the situation?
Nol, as always good job!!
Celeb., I like you, you are nutral/fair as we all should be.
HAHHAHAHAAH…indie,Nol, r u ok? Indiwum, more than ever now, I think you need more female friends to understand females. It seems to me you only hear what you want to hear.
And I beg to differ with a lot of what u said.
ShalomShalom
do you ethio-men really like to hear what a women feels? I don’t think so.
Tobian:
Do yourself a favor, act, act now.
Meron: NOLAWI–WTF??? seriously?
And am sure u can guess why I quoted Meruye’s last.
“MindOverC” funny bro! not sure what your trying to say by the enclosed. but, let me go back to the topic and my comment.
My comment wasn’t on not knowing How, “Alpha-male” is defined by so-called experts. I was asking you how you have it defined to touch your article, not its meaning.
just simply against any form or shape of manipulation. be it Alpha-male way or Kilo-mamo way. Plain simple.
Everyone of us have our individual way of accepting or rejecting a view/lesson. It depends on how it fits to our individual life.
But, does really aggressiveness is the scale to gauge a man’s confidence? well, everyone is different in perceiving things.
thanks abebe and hidiya for talking about the point of the article…
wudenesh, because you are not seeing the point of what all the ladies are saying. Nobody said that it is right to string along a guy when they clearly are not sure about him… even you didn’t say that… selezhi
if you feel like that is right and just to do so… then say so… no need to try to belittle me by saying things like see a shirk, are you ok? and bullshit like that eshi…
there is such a thing as a civil discussion based on points… not on my personal life… Please and thank you!
Mind, I think your nick is just too confusing… yiqerta….I wanted to say MW but that is short for marena wotete… so how about MOC?
I am not aggressive nor am I saying that being an alpha male is a chavinist masculine asswhole. I am saying that sometimes men just need to stand up to women that are being unfair to the man.
so MOC, i feel like there is a very thin line between confidence and arrogance… and I am sure there is a gray line when we look at a man confidence…
maybe aggressive is not the right word here .. maybe I should have said assertive… Don’t be timorous if the woman is unfair!
[quote comment="29037"]Mind, I think your nick is just too confusing… yiqerta….I wanted to say MW but that is short for marena wotete… so how about MOC? ”
Got it, bro! no..YiQerta needed at all.
“…maybe aggressive is not the right word here .. maybe I should have said assertive… Don’t be timorous if the woman is unfair![/quote]”
much better: assertive, sophisticated, responsible, HOT in both the body + mind, etc… With these, I sync in wholeheartedly!
-Have a Nice day!
lol!
kemir… sak be sak…
Wudisha you have helped me fully understand why nolawi never responds to my arguments! Afe Quirt yibelilign abo!….”SELECTIVE READING” lalshiw
Let me see…
Dude, if u wanna say what u wanna say… say it bedenbu!…
Where does it come off that the whole POINT of this discussion is that ETHIOFUSED describes a characteristic trait of Ethiopian women? I do feel very confused about the point of the article!!! :s……NOT!
You’re profiling an ethioFUSED (presumably an ethiopian confused) in this article… same way u were profiling the “independently single” a little while back….but here specifically, in ur kindness to share “one lesson I have learned in my experience that I wanted to share with my wondumoch”.
…ahem…
… let’s seee…..*le tinish deqiqa hasab mabselsel masmesel…*
soooo….
1. u name the article “ETHIOFUSED”
2. THE opening idea:
Women are never really sure about anything, if she says she is confused; she probably is. Here is where the Alpha-males succeed
3. Trait #1
She likes him for it…because she is confused and he makes up her mind for her! This is why woman say they like confident men.
4. Reasoning for Confusion:
The fact is being a woman is a lot harder than being a man, the physical and psychological expectations set for a woman in our society are higher than a men’s. It is understandable for woman to be unsure about almost everything when it comes to relationships.
5. Trait #2:
Tell her you are not interested in being friends; otherwise she will use the ambiguity of your relationship to moonlight and or decide what she wants. …she will use that as a weakness.
6.
there are many reasons women say that they want you to be friends. But I think most of the time the reason is she likes you; she wants you
7. Trait #3: If a woman has way too many guy friends, it’s a clear sign that a few are leftovers stuck from past friendship zones. A healthy woman has more girlfriends that guy friends.
All in all, a majority of the post talks about women!! and their traits minamin… to better understand them…kibitirse…
if u wanna talk about the choice of spending time on a woman or not… how about presenting the points for how to make such decisions, you as a man… so this should equally talk about YOU as a man, as it would talk about the women and how you think they ‘tick’….
p.s.
fikir indalechew….
that’s it!!…that’s the whole point…!!!
Felasfa, all that just to say
i don’t even know if that makes sense!
Fantastic job responding to the argument!
Cookie for Nolawi!
but you didn’t make a point felesfa… seriously
I try to make the discussion productive gin you tend to overcomplicate simple arguments…
if you make one point I will respond… the number of words used to argue are not co dependent on the value of the position!
geeezzz!
point is…u said…
ur post doesn’t highlight that point…actually….
it is profiling some confusedness about ethio women…you’re talking about the ethiofused women AND NOT about how guys should make decisions blah blah…
So u should not go an say that ppl are not responding to the point of ur post.
is that clear like crystal weyis inde birchiqo?
i feel compelled to protect my boy when he’s getting such heat, however nolawi, you brought this up on yourself…
now in his defense…yes some things he mentioned are true and nolawi yes youre right i am outraged by the manner in which you presented this new found epiphany of yours.
so what? that’s life nolawi…you never know what the outcome will be and being a jerk doesnt increases your chances of scoring with her. im so tired of the BS belief that women are into asshole guys. just because i dont want a guy suffocating me doesnt mean i want him to treat me like shit.
I agree with you if not a 100% with most of what you’re saying. But realize that, like celeb said, this holds true for men too. I was in a relationship like the one you are talking about and it felt like I was constantly trying to win him over while he was pushing me (and I have my own personal reasons why i pushed back) but after I won him over I didn’t know if I should be happy or sad because I knew what it took for me to get him. But later on we had an terbulance and we both said”let’s just be friends” (i ment it and he did not) and i did just that I started dating. And guess what?? He came back even with more amo, and now we’re back together.
But keep in mind we are all different men and women, it is not just women who “come in individual packages” we all do, humans do. So everybody have their own reason why they say “let’s be friends” minamin.
Also, I do agree with you though, trying to win somebody over and finally achiveing that goal might not be as sweet as most people think it is…..
Wow, Lifey thank you for admiting this….!
So you’re pissed off, that’s fine! gin…what’s all this bullshit regarding women as though they’re doing some injustice to men…Just because she’s trying to decided whether she wants to make up her mind about whether she wants to go with Mr. X or not and taking time to do that is no injustice…you make it sound like it’s deliberate…and What the heck is Alpha Male…puhllllllleese!..Look, it’s simple, you ask the girl out, she’s either interested or not…if she isn’t, you move along…don’t make her indecisiveness an excuse for your weekness to hung around…what the heck is
why the heck would you stoop to profanity…this is some victimized, self-pitying attitude. Why is she a bitch…cos she ain’t interested…the male’s incapability to move on is not her problem!
Temelkach I think what nolawi is saying is she is a bitch only if she strings him along. Not when if she is not interested. I think you ladies are missing the point, which is don’t play with the guys emotions with indecisiveness.
in the words of chris rock. I am not saying she is a bitch, but if I understand the urge to call her a bitch, if she is stringing me along.
Ethioman…Wechegud…You don’t see us going up in the air making noise cos guys play girls left n’right do we…we don’t go calling them SOBs do we…why is she stringing him along…wechegud…she is minding her own business trying to decide whether she wants to go into the relationship…it has nothing to do with him, she’s trying to decided for herself…if he feels strung along…then that’s his interpretation and his problem.It’s making woman the excuse for men’s weakness of holdin’ on…How’s that for a generalization!
Nolawi I see you are loved by the ladies
anyway here is my two cent,
love is truly a game…What’s new!
And please please please women don’t give me that “IT’S NOT A GAME…YOU JUST HAVE TO BE YOURSELF” bullshit. Because as we speak there are plenty of great nice guys at home alone right now because they don’t know how to play the game of love…What’s new?
So the way I see it is that you have;
Nice guy…………Middle ground…………Jerk
the ends are the extreme. On one end as you can see you have the nice guy. He is Sweet, Charming, lovable, Respectful, and always Nice…but highly dependent, lacks self confident, all and all highly insecure I think you get the point (basically WHIPPED).
On the other end of the extreme you have someone who is a Jerk, Rude, Selfish, Outspoken, don’t care about shit…but also Confident, Secure, and very Independent. Well the last three qualities that I just mentioned (confident, secure, independent) is what women most likely are attracted to.
I believe that women are emotionally attracted to the nice guys…these are the guys who they’ll come to for emotional support, be honest and open with and even expose their secrets. But at the same time women are physically attracted to the other end…the jerk end.
Bernos women don’t get me wrong, its not that you like jerks specifically, it’s just you like the qualities they possess by nature…confident, secure, independent which is a sign of strength.
Ultimately this is when guys get all confused, asking what the fuck do women want? Well the answer is that they want a guy who falls in the middle ground…is nice, sweet, caring enough but also confident, independent…etc. When women say nice guys are hard to find, they are talking about the middle ground guys who in general are harder to find more so than the nice guy/jerk. So what happens when they can find that middle ground guy…well they will work on average, get their physical need from the extreme jerk (hopping they can change him to fall towards the middle one day), and their emotional from the extreme nice guy (friend, friend Who they think they can maybe train to be more toward the middle one day)
[quote comment="29223"]Ethioman…Wechegud…You don’t see us going up in the air making noise cos guys play girls left n’right do we…we don’t go calling them SOBs do we…why is she stringing him along…wechegud…she is minding her own business trying to decide whether she wants to go into the relationship…it has nothing to do with him, she’s trying to decided for herself…if he feels strung along…then that’s his interpretation and his problem.It’s making woman the excuse for men’s weakness of holdin’ on…How’s that for a generalization![/quote]
I’ll say it for you then girlfriend….yes we do complain all the time cause men play women. I mean ALL the time just not in public and we don’t wanna admit it. The moment a guy complains about what women do then we wanna blow the whistle and condem him for doing so. When women do it, in private, then she’s justified. This is all bs in my opinion.
I’ve dealt the friendship hand before and I’ve been dealt the same but gotta love it all for what it’s worth. When I was played I called him a bastard and everything else in the book and my friends cheered me on. When I did it then it was he’s too weak for you anyway. I was young and stupid and didn’t realize men could love and have feelings like us, so what! I wish he had the balls to tell me then to f off cause I regret it til this day.
DawitK, I’ll personally take the confident, secure, independent over the whipped any day!
DK…I agree with what you said except the part below.[did u mean until they can find the middle ground guy?] cos if u really mean When they find that middle ground guy, I’m confused…doesn’t hold…..contradicts what u said in the previous paragraphs.
In my mind, this post can mean one of three things:
1. Self Affirmation
The author believes he is the Alpha male. He thinks he is doing the right things as far as relationships go and wants some reaffirmation. If true, he doesn’t realize his actions described above are why he is single (leaving his partners confused).
2. Self Pity?
The author thinks he gets emotionally abused by women because he is not the Alpha male, and wants to become one. But perhaps his own confused state (should I treat her this way or that? what would the A-male do?) is what is leaving the partners confused.
Or 3. The author is right and women are a confused lot who need to be mistreated by the so called alpha male.
Take your pick!
Temari why stop…not enough options for me to pick from, let me add in a few….
4. The author is not basing this post on personal relationship experience but wants to shed light on the ethiofused population that have caused many heartaches.
5. none of the above because you, yourself are confused and you don’t wanna admit it.
Aye Nolawi, it seems you hit close to home that the girls are really taking it personally. I in the past have been in the same boat but felt that I was impatient and selfish for living when she told me she needed time.
But now I understand that its ok for the guy to move on. Betam thanks. Love the blog and keep it up. Don’t let these ladies who are so hard headed to admit that they are not perfect push you around.
also awaiting the millenium tshirt.
Thanks
Temari, clearly you are the one with issues, no need to insult Nolawi personally. And you are completely off because even though I disagree with some of the things he said I don’t think the guy is one to self pity and or is single because he can’t get any woman.
Can’t you see he is very smart and very sexy. He doesn’t even need to ask me out I will ask him out.
weyyy gud…DawitK, i agree w/ some of your points geen ‘tatbo cheka’ honeee at the end….
WTF??? where do i start enaa are you saying that when women find the guy that possess the qualities, they get their physical needs met from the extreme jerk, and emotional needs met from a nice friend??? hmmmm where do i start??? that doesn’t even make sense cuz my understanding of geting physical needs met from someone else is cheating. Maybe i’m reading this wrong (I HOPE i’m reading this wrong)….Like men, women want to find someone who has all those qualities. ho hoo
Ha!! mariamawit dess seteye!! so we’re about to see love connection on bernos maleet neew.
Different girls mean different things when they say let’s be friend’s. The man should be able to read b/n the lines. The better he is at reading between the lines and the more he knows what type of person she is, the better equipped he is to react: either run away or strategically keep pursuing her.
If you pop the question too soon and she says let’s be friends, it most likely means…. my impression about you is good but I barely know you. let’s be friends and see what happens. That is fair. What to do: Enjoy the friendship/courtship and make sure you are not stuck in trying.
If she is one of those conservative, too-serious-about-relationships type of girl, let’s be friends means….you have to beg me for another year before you hear a yes. If you decide to wait, you will be madly in love in the process. If you decide to run, she is most likely too proud/shy to call you.
If she is one of those naive, innocent type of girls, mostly teenagers with no experience, let’s be friends means let’s just be friends . If you are manipulative, you can easily change this friendship to a relationship.
If she is one of those flirtatious, experienced type of girls, it means she wants to keep you as one of her flirt-friends/potential boyfriend or may be never a boyfriend. Run run run. When you run, she will be serious about you. She will either call you to say yes or never call you. Both ways you cut out the game.
etc….etc…..etc…..
I see Nol’s article as being about the flirtatious, experienced girl.
Celebrate,
Number 5 is perhaps the most likely (I think number 4 is out, see paragraph 3 of the post).
Mariamawit demo,
There are three alternatives up there eko, one completely agrees with the post.
Sorry Nolawi if this came out as an insult, but that was not the intent. You say yourself to be honest. I just said what came to mind; in retrospect I should perhaps have been careful.
This is very interesting……we can go on this issue for days, and still not reach a consensus as to who is right and wrong, just for the simple fact that women are from Venus and men are from Mars. The women are expressing their feelings from their own perspective and that is what they at least think things should be. The same goes for the men, and I endorse Nolawi’s statement, and DawitK is right on the money, too. You all might not want to admit it, but that is what it is.
One thing that Nolawi failed to clarify is that there are different phases where the issue of “let’s be friends” comes up and how one should react to that depending on the situation. I think you kinda made it so universal. If a woman tells you that she wants to “stay as friends first” early on in a relationship, I think that’s okay. You haven’t given her enough time to get to know you better, so if she is worth it I’d stick around for a reasonable amount of time until she makes up her mind. And then you make the call.
The other most common scenario, and I think this is what your article is referring to, is say, you have known this woman for sometime and you have been talking to her and stuff, and you have been waiting for the right time to tell her that you like her and you want to take this to the next level. If she says, “you are a NICE GUY and she wants to remain as friends”, then that’s when you need to call it quits, dude. That’s a BS!!! If you ever hear a woman say the words “He’s nice” you can pull out all the money you have on you and bet that she’s not ATTRACTED to you. Women don’t use the word “Nice” to describe men that they’re FEELING it for. She never feels anything other than friendship for you. Here is where a lot of people fail and get confused as to what to do next….I’d say, MOVE ON!!! Call the next girl on your waiting list ?
The last and rare situation is, there are some guys who just have too many girl friends, and just remain friends forever. WTF is that? I don’t get that and I don’t want to either…?
I say take Dinich’s explanations which i think it makes more sense…for the rest…be yourself, creative and unique of the methods you use when you pursue the girl that you want…because you stand out of the rest and it show your confidence and individuality…and another note…neva neva use frequented and cliche kind of mackin language when flirting bichal create or use your own word..because she might hear that many times from another guys and psychologically she labels a typical guy…lol…tinish lemalet new..
Dinichye…
yeGna bathon yiqochegn neber abo! uff… so true… the issue is much more intricate and complicated than whatever the ethiofused stereotype is about…there may be more categories even…
DK’s talking some sense too…gotta say….
Finally the guys get to speak…! reasonable men, please stand up!
tho, how sad that some ppl have piled all the women on this thread as emotional rhetorics…
Bottom line if you want her stick around for a little while, it may pay you back. That’s not me by the way. I just don’t have any patient, shyt. You know give her a moment until she realizes her position being a friend to you. Go out and date other females or just another female. She may start questioning your dating situation.
lol nolawi
Ha ha this is so interesting!
Dude Nolawi, it is a LOOOONG WAY to scroll down to the bottom. I think you might want to set your width to 950px, hell you can even make it 1050px.
Ephrem
Temari: Ok so paragraph 3 reads…”But there is one lesson I have learned in my experience that I wanted to share with my wondumoch.” exactly my point on #4 he wants to shed light on the whole ethiofused tennis match right? He didn’t say it was a particular or personal experience but it could also mean experience of witnessing his friends being dealt the friendship card right? Where exactly did you assume this was a personal story? I’m just curious.
This is not personal to you but everyone who’s making it all personal seems to be blowing off steam maybe from being played or regretting their past/present. I wish we could just discuss the issue instead of making it a venting central station.
Dinich, I love your comment and agree with you one million%.
Celebrate,
Well maybe it is just me but when someone tells me something saying “in my experience” I tend to assume they are talking about what they have gone through.
In anycase, the issues discussed on Bernos are almost always personal, often driven by experience. I can understand saying lets focus on the issue when talking about anything that has some objective meter. But here one can’t overlook the fact that our very perspective of events is very biased by experience. What I did is question the experience (or the biased view that may have come from it). Like I said some thought it was a personal attack; which it was not meant to be.
Celebratua:
a) I agree on the concept of -shoot the message not the messenger-. No one deserves insult.
b) the rule of respect must apply across the the spectrum though. we shouldn’t categorize it and create special-interest groups as politicians do.
We dont need to interface with a person to exibit respect, even if it is a cyber world.
Respecting others reflect that we respect oneself.
c)Observing from your writings, you are pro-independent, and so possessing that token, don’t you think Nolawi should defend himself.? otherwise, all these talk of independent mindedness, etc.. becomes hypocrazzzy.
I agree with Temlkach .. the profanity was uncalled for, in the article ..it has added a tasteless X-factor on the message and plummetted it to its lowest standard, In my view.
Dinch: Good insight!
Nolawi, you sound like you are a bitter individual. Has it occured to you that maybe she does not want you for anything else but friendship. The Alpha male s**t does not make any sense. I would suggest that you take your own advice and f off or run like the wind.
MindWithoutC, I don’t know if this was a back handed insult but I’ll take it as “everyone has an opinion”. First off I wasn’t speaking on behalf of Nolawi so let’s get that part straight. Second of all this is a public forum so you post a comment and anyone can reply. If you don’t agree then say so but don’t accuse me of contradicting myself in trying to state I don’t practice what I preach (on C).
I would love it if you could give me a little bit of clarification on this here part B. Cause if you’re saying I’m favoring Nolawi and disrespecting others then sorry to disappoint you but I replied as I see fit to specific comments. People tend to wanna place a gag order when I say what I have to say. So sorry to disappoint you again but I work alone and don’t need a posse to reply to a comment. No I’m not mad at you cause I don’t need further misunderstanding.
BGye, well, my ‘afe Kurit’goes to you hon.
[quote comment="29539"]Dinichye…
yeGna bathon yiqochegn neber abo! uff… so true… the issue is much more intricate and complicated than whatever the ethiofused stereotype is about…there may be more categories even…
DK’s talking some sense too…gotta say….
Finally the guys get to speak…! reasonable men, please stand up!
tho, how sad that some ppl have piled all the women on this thread as emotional rhetorics…[/quote]
Ethiofused!!!!!!!!!! I looooooooooooooooooooooooove it
By the way I am (bold, grayed, oversexed, and over educated single) single Ethiopian male
Bat…do you need the link to ethiolove.com
No more Ethiofused!!!!!!!!!!
Response to Post #64:
Celebratachen: Don’t take it hard lovely woman. In my mind, I was also pointing it out as a general message to each of us, thru u. so, i used u as my relay gizmo.
…Semina WerQ atawQimene!?
Therefore, don’t feel that i singled you out, pls.
.. Insulting you!? I’d never do that!
If it’d been my wish, i’d've set a rule to remove Profanity. In my view, it would derail the message & devalue the messenger. But again, that is me. I Hate profanity, even when I was 13.
Hope you have a mellow day.
Wudneshwua: Don’t intrigue me now. Plzzz.. You women have to give us a reason to stand up for you.
whether you and other women believe it or not, there are so many men out there who are captivated by the graceful, independent, high-achiever, an Eagle, and wise women.
There are many men who dont pay attention on a woman’s beauty or her femininity. They look something deeper. But, many women themselves don’t get it. Because, MANY women are captivated and carried away by their own imagination of “I am needed!”. In the process, as time goes to infinity, those men fade away like a cloud on a clear sky!
the rest becomes history, and you and I know it!
Let me repeat myself again. I grew up admiring, cheering our LegeHare, arat kilo girls for their stand up against the staus-quo of our cultue to use their God-given physical & mental potential to the max. I was captivated then and i am still day-dreaming them.
so, don’t ruleout ’bout those pro-women men. In one condition though: Only if you women don’t rely too much in the femininism power! We men want to see more than femininism in’em. Show us the money and we stand up!
Y’go get a chocolate mellow day now!
whats choc.mellow day
To # 23 ( Flikr)and Soj
What kind of thinking is this? men and women can very well be friends. I have guy friends who are married. my husband, who is a business man has women friends. My husband and are and have always been faithful to each other.
The problem is people are no longer self controlled these days. They see someone and wantto jump to bed with them. ( it’s so evil ) It’s so selfish and irresponsible, immoral to lead a reckless life.
ON POINT!
This is coming from a habesha guy who displayed all those faults: waited on a girl to change her mind for YEARS, got stuck in the friend zone several times with different girls, and more.
The day I faked the alpha male was the day women flocked to me like I was giving away guicci purses. But I didn’t like what I’d become and turned inward, focusing on developing myself and situation in life. Something happens with age and self development: for lack of better words you start not giving a fuck. Alpha male tendencies became natural suddenly. I’m not going to elaborate on my sexual exploits since that’s inappropriate BUT if I didn’t have some moral fiber, I could have a different girlfriend every weekend.
Now women shouldn’t take offense to this. And here’s why. It is not about manipulating women. If a woman doesn’t like you, then she doesn’t like. No posturing on your part is going to change that. This is simply a way to deal with the indecisiveness that so many women exhibit. What woman whats a man who puts up with their indecisiveness? In any setting, a man who knows what he wants and is in full charge of his surroundings is a man who stands out to women. That is a man who is capable.
We can look at this from another perspective. I do not see this as any different than the women who wear tons of makeup, fake hair, fake nails, whatever fashionable clothing to hide their tummy and rolls, etc all to entice (some might say fool) a man. How can we expect a man to act like himself when many women present themselves disingenuously? We commonly blame society’s high standards for women arranging themselves into gaudy, confections of artwork (complete with the blonde curly fro that makes them seem like a pack of lionesses). However, we consistently overlook the standards we expect of men most likely because those same standards calls for sucking things up “like a man”.
So before we start crucifying the blogger, lets take a step back and objectively look at the standards we’re enforcing on each others and what it’s going to take for an everday person to meet them.
I WAS AT WORK READING THIS AND I ENJOYED IT BECAUSE I TOO AS MOST MALES HAVE BEEN THROUGH THIS. IT WAS AS IF YOU WERE NARRORATING MY STORY. I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOUR BLOG. TO ADD AND AGREE, WOMEN ARE DEFINITELY COMPLEX, NOT ALL ARE SIMILAR AS YOU STATED, SO THERE ISN’T JUST ONE IMPLEMENTATION TO SOLVE THE COMPLEXITY OF WOMEN. SO I WOULD SUGGEST TRYING MULTIPLE TACTICS TO PURSUING A (HABESHA) FEMALE. AVOID OVER COMPLEMENTING TO KEEP HER INTEREST IF YOU LIKE HER, BUT, COMMUNICATION IS KEY SO TRY TO TALK TO HER AS MUCH AND MAKE IT ROUTINELY IF POSSIBLE. TRY TO GET A LOT OF ONE ON ONE TIME SO YOU GUYS CAN BOTH FEEL EACHOTHER OUT, THAT HELPS OFTEN TOO. SAD TO SAY BUT WOMEN ALWAYS DEPEND TO ON THE MALE TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE, SO DON’T THINK TOO MUCH ABOUT BEING REJECTED AND GO FOR IT WHEN YOU FEEL ITS RIGHT. IT’LL SPARK HER INTEREST FOR YOU LEAVING THE FRIENDSHIP/ RELATIONSHIP OPTIMISTIC
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